Chapter 39
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 39
What a pathetic life.
Oscar leaned back in the cold stone tub, roughly wiping the water from his face. He didn’t get out until the biting chill of the water felt like nothing at all. Only then did he rise, wash himself, and step into his bedroom.
Though it was his own room, he surveyed it out of habit.
Checking for anything out of the ordinary, for any unexpected presence.
As his cold eyes scanned the opulent, historic chamber, his gaze settled on something.
“…”
It was the door that led to the study.
Things you can’t afford to lose are best kept in plain sight. That had been Barbara’s habit, and now, unintentionally, it had become Oscar’s as well.
He stared at the door, shrouded in an inky silence, then began to saunter toward it, his hands tucked into the pockets of his loosely worn gown. He felt no presence from beyond it.
The woman who had turned Abel’s spectacular report into a worthless scrap of paper was probably holed up in her room.
First the Central Market, then Pal Pien. And then, of all places, a public cemetery.
Sitting on the edge of his bed for the first time in a long while, Oscar let out a sound that was half laugh, half scoff. The inexplicable rock salt grinder, the image of her tear-streaked face staring up at him—it all coalesced into a strange question, like a thorn lodged in his throat.
“…Are you coming?”
In one light, it sounded suspicious. In another, anxious. And in yet another…
For someone who had asked “Are you coming?” so many times with such desolate eyes, her reaction had been laughable. The memory of her face, impossibly pale as she looked away as if to flee, was so vivid he could almost touch it.
The smile faded from Oscar’s lips.
He was baffled to find himself unconsciously dwelling on it. He clicked his tongue sharply and pushed the useless thoughts away.
It was the end of a long assignment. He had no time for such trivialities. He pulled back the covers, ready to lie down.
Just then, his gaze drifted back to the door, shrouded in silence.
* * *
She didn’t know how she had made it back to her room.
It wasn’t just that.
As she went through the motions of washing up, changing into her nightclothes, drawing the curtains, and setting her notebook and fountain pen on the table, she felt utterly dazed, as if fumbling through a dream. Her mind was a complete blank.
“…”
Seo-ah sat there for a long moment before her eyes snapped open, trying to clear her head.
This was no time to be sitting around. She had to record the day’s events.
She opened her notebook and gripped the heavy fountain pen. She tried to rewind the day from the beginning, but her mind went blank again.
The strength drained from her upright posture, and a pained sound escaped her lips.
“Ah…”
It was just… a foolish day from start to finish.
A day without purpose, a day she had been nothing but a burden to everyone else.
If she could turn back time to that morning, she would never have gone to Pal Pien. Abel had been right. She shouldn’t have gone.
Her eyes were dry and raw.
Once her tears had started, they hadn’t stopped, and she had spent the entire day rubbing them.
A thick self-loathing crept over her, making her shoulders hunch and her head bow. As she buried her face in her hands, her breath hot against her palms, she thought she heard a sudden, low laugh.
A laugh with a cool resonance.
She found her thoughts drifting toward the sound, then quickly shook her head, pulling her consciousness back. Seo-ah straightened her hunched form and tightened her grip on the pen.
“Get a grip.”
But only a few seconds later, she collapsed onto the table with a sigh.
“Ah…”
She couldn’t even remember the day clearly.
Why did you buy the flowers? You knew it was a bad idea.
As she recalled the armful of flowers, time folded without warning. Before she knew it, her memory had once again arrived at the manor’s entrance as night fell.
Perhaps it was because, in a day that was otherwise a blur, that moment alone was sharp and clear.
The cold wind had wrapped around her as she shivered with self-disgust.
The moment a laugh that seemed to scrape the very depths of his being struck her ears, her heart gave a heavy thud. Dazed, she turned her head.
The manor entrance looked like a temple of death.
The man who always brought wolves to mind was leaning against the massive doorframe, laughing. He stood flanked by men as stoic as statues, laughing for what felt like a long time. She knew she should greet him, but her mind and body felt hollow. And amid it all, the thought that came to her was, ridiculously, one of relief.
Why? Was it because it was the first time she had seen him since arriving in Luxen? Or was it because his presence was so overwhelming it seemed to erase her utterly foolish day? She didn’t know. All she knew was that the moment their eyes met, her wildly racing heart seemed to stop.
Ah, so he really came back.
This really is his house.
The red-hot tip of a cigarette glowed in the dark. As he swept back his disheveled hair, his eyes, which looked blue even in the dim light, came into view.
“Been well?” he tossed at her.
Welcome back.
That’s what she should have said, but her throat closed up, and the words wouldn't come out. She could only move her lips, forming no sound. The man, who had been staring at her foolish display, murmured in a low voice.
“Well, you don’t look it.”
It seemed her day, bundled tight with disillusionment and self-reproach, was written all over her face.
He turned away indifferently and walked off, and the men guarding the entrance vanished as if melting back into their posts. Seo-ah was left standing there alone.
How pathetic must she have looked? Then, the memory of being caught staring at him on the train surfaced, and a cold sweat broke out on her skin.
Slumped over the table, Seo-ah hunched her shoulders even more and groaned.
If she hadn’t heard the sound of Lady Barbara’s cart outside the door, she would have stayed like that for much longer.
“Young Lady, I’m coming in for a moment.”
Startled, she shot to her feet just as the door opened without ceremony.
“Lady Barbara.”
Seo-ah quickly moved toward the door, holding it open for the woman and her cart. It was laden with food.
Why was there more each time?
The words slipped out on their own.
“It’s too much, Lady.”
At that, Barbara, who had been about to push the cart into the room, stopped at the threshold and looked back at her.
“I was told you hadn’t had dinner.”
“Yes, that’s true, but…”
Barbara stared at Seo-ah for a moment, then nodded. Pulling the cart back out of the room, she said, “Then I will take it back.”
There was a limit to how much one could refuse another’s kindness. Seo-ah quickly grabbed the cart and shook her head.
“No, Lady. I didn’t mean for you to take it away.”
“…Then I will put it back inside.”
The woman, who seemed to exist on a different plane from everyone else, knew no middle ground. Under her dispassionate gaze, Seo-ah quickly took a small plate from the cart. “I’m sorry. I think just this one plate will be enough for today.”
“…Will one plate be enough?”
“It’s really fine. Thank you.”
As Seo-ah placed the plate inside the room, she saw that Barbara was already pulling the cart away. She couldn’t just stand by while the person who had brought all that food was taking it all back.
She hurried to hold the door, which was about to clip the corner of the cart. Barbara flicked an eyebrow once, then expertly turned the cart around the frame. As if nothing had happened, she crossed the study and headed for the hallway. Seo-ah rushed ahead of her to open the next door.
For a moment, she thought she met those dispassionate, navy-blue eyes, and then Barbara pushed the cart out, speaking softly.
“I will clear the dish when I bring breakfast tomorrow. Please rest.”
And then she was gone, without giving Seo-ah a chance to thank her. Seo-ah stared for a moment at the empty space where she had been. She listened quietly as the steady sound of the cart wheels faded into the distance, then closed the door without a sound.
She was a kind person. I should eat everything she gave me before I sleep, Seo-ah thought as she turned around. But suddenly, a strange feeling washed over her—a sense of crisis, perhaps, or déjà vu, or maybe just a chilling gust of wind.
Before she could even identify the fleeting sensation, Seo-ah froze solid.
“!”
Someone was standing in the dim, book-scented study.
Was this what it felt like to encounter a great tiger on a dark mountainside? His massive shadow, like a sheer cliff, reached her feet, feeling as if it were pulling her down by the ankles.
Beneath the dim lamplight, Oscar, dressed in a loose, smooth gown, was watching her silently. The fact that this was his space struck her anew.
Did he come to read a book? I should get out of his way. If only I could open the door behind me and leave.
Though the study was not particularly small, his presence dominated it with ease. Fighting the urge to shrink into herself like a turtle, Seo-ah carefully broke the oppressive silence.
“Earlier, I was so flustered I couldn’t greet you properly.”
She glanced up at him briefly before bowing her head.
“Welcome back.”
A laugh like a wisp of wind and a murmur that sounded like a thought spoken aloud drifted down over her bowed head.
“Such impeccable manners.”
“…”
“Right. Have you been well?”
“While you were away, the people of the manor took good care of me. I’ve been well.”
“You didn’t look it.”
Faced with a difficult question, Seo-ah chose her words carefully.
“I made a bit of a mistake today.”
“What kind of mistake?”
“I bought some flowers, but I didn’t know what kind they were…”
“…”