Chapter 82: Our Company's All-Round Entertainer (1)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 82: Our Company's All-Round Entertainer (1)
At my demand for the phone, Choi Je-ho hesitantly handed it over.
No sooner had I brought the speaker to my ear than the fierce nagging of a middle-aged woman pierced my eardrums.
—Didn’t I tell you? I told you to get into the habit of cooking for yourself at the dorm! You never listened when I told you to learn how to make side dishes from me. I should’ve tied you up in the kitchen and taught you right then and there!
In an instant, I found myself listening like a man possessed to a detailed account of how well Choi Je-ho’s younger sister, Choi Mi-ho, could fry chicken nuggets by herself, contrasted against what on earth Choi Je-ho thought he was doing at the ripe old age of twenty-one.
Perhaps thanks to his mother’s excellent vocal projection, Choi Je-ho’s face turned beet red, having clearly heard every word through the receiver.
Beside him, Lee Cheong-hyeon was biting his lip hard, engaged in a desperate "try not to laugh" challenge.
I had to settle this situation before either Choi Je-ho’s or Lee Cheong-hyeon’s face actually exploded.
I spoke as brightly as possible, trying to sound like a cheerful, socially adept, and polite young man.
“Hello, Mother! This is Kim I-wol, I’m in the same group as Je-ho!”
To think the day would come in my life when I’d call Choi Je-ho by his first name without his surname. As Kim I-wol the human, I had officially cast aside all my pride.
Thankfully, his mother reacted enthusiastically before I even had time to feel any self-loathing.
—Oh my, oh my! I know our I-wol! Did this brat Je-ho dump the kimchi pancake on you and run away?
“Oh, no, not at all. I’m sorry for calling so suddenly when you must be busy.”
—What do you mean busy? This old lady isn't busy at all.
With that, she passed down the legendary kimchi pancake recipe that had been spoken of in hushed tones. At the same time, she didn't forget to pepper the conversation with rebukes for her thoughtless son.
—I imagine you must have a hard time looking after Je-ho, I-wol. The older ones are supposed to be reliable, but our boy has never been like that.
—Does Je-ho even talk at the dorm these days? I tell him to be affectionate with the younger members, but I don't know if he even listens to a word I say.
It was mostly talk like that. It came up so often that I began to suspect these were actually magic incantations required to make delicious kimchi pancakes.
Still, how could I badmouth the person standing right in front of me?
I willingly chimed in, “Je-ho is doing great, Mother!”
At that, Choi Je-ho shot me a look of pure disgust. Does he think I’m saying this because I actually like him?
After repeatedly insisting that pancakes must be eaten right after they’re fried, his mother said, “I wish I could go there and make them for you myself. I’ll do it for you in person next time.”
“No, Mother. We’re so grateful just for you teaching us like this!”
“Why would you come here when you’re working? Just rest when you’re done,” Choi Je-ho added bluntly. Look at his attitude.
The call ended with his mother telling him, “You should try to be even half as well-spoken as I-wol!”
The mother’s recipe, needless to say, was a resounding success.
Jeong Seong-bin’s family’s kimjang kimchi also played a huge role. In fact, Jeong Seong-bin had already taken a photo of the kimchi pancakes to send to his mother.
‘Everyone is so… harmonious.’
I polished off the kimchi pancake they had placed on my plate, telling me to eat before it got cold. It was a greasy, satisfying afternoon.
What do idols do during their off-season?
It’s none of my business. My dream for the future has never once been to become an idol.
However, I knew what Spark did during their off-season to an almost unnecessary degree.
≫ At this point, have the kids vanished into thin air?
There’s literally zero sightings.
└ It’s been ten days since the news that they went to their hometowns… no news since…
≫ [Sighting] I saw Choi Je-ho at a meat restaurant today.
Looked like he came to eat with his family.
I wanted to ask for an autograph, but he looked so pitiful getting scolded by both sides while grilling the meat that I just pretended not to notice…
└ Holy crap, you’re a true fan ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
These guys did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
At least when they went out with their families, sightings would pop up, but the general consensus among fans was that they were either at the practice room or holed up at home.
Not going out and getting into trouble? That’s good.
But I knew exactly how anxiously a fan, starved for content, waits for news of the members.
‘Assistant Manager Kim. Are those Spark kids doing anything lately?’
‘Yes, I heard they’ve been on vacation since their last promotions ended.’
It was incredibly sorrowful that I was reporting on Spark’s vacation when I hadn't even gotten my own.
But the heartbreaking conversation didn't end there.
‘What exactly is "bait"? My daughter is driving me crazy, whining every day at the dinner table about why our boys have no bait.’
‘Usually, it refers to new news or teasers about celebrities….’
‘Right, well, Assistant Manager Kim, gather a few of those and send them to my email. I don't need many, just about three for each kid.’
An order had fallen for me to find the whereabouts of those kids—whom even their fans couldn't find—simply because the boss's daughter seemed gloomy.
An idol fan feeling lonely because their favorite idol has gone radio silent?
That’s understandable. It’s because they care about the person they like, isn't it? It’s a perfectly natural phenomenon.
But a boss who orders a subordinate to compile idol news for his "daughter who feels lonely because her favorite idol has gone radio silent"?
Is that not a crime deserving of the highest penalty? Especially when the targets are Spark, who have hidden under a rock like hermit crabs?
Resenting the fact that South Korea’s legal system was so full of loopholes, I had to swim through the ocean of information with nothing but a mouse. Until three in the morning that day.
Still, having learned the virtue that an overflow of content is better than a drought, I had suggested to the company that we consistently release self-produced content even during the off-season.
“Ha….”
A hollow laugh escaped me as I read the content proposals the boys had submitted.
Name: Choi Je-ho
Content: Dance medley (4 songs)
Name: Park Ju-woo
Content: Cooking Vlog
Name: Kang Gi-yeon
Content: Learning the choreography for Hellas’s new song
This was the pathetic state of their proposals.
I had shown them the mercy of only asking for their names and the content. And they couldn't even do that right?
Where did you leave the song list? And Ju-woo, you only know how to make seasoned bracken.
I might not fully grasp the hearts of fans, but I’m pretty sure they want to watch you dance, not learn how to dance from you.
Lee Cheong-hyeon’s proposal was slightly better than those three.
Name: Lee Cheong-hyeon
Content: Making a mini Goldberg machine! (Fans showed a lot of interest!!!)
The problem was that it didn't seem like something that could be finished in a twenty-minute video.
A mini Goldberg… if you have the talent to make something like that, design a kit and give it to me. I’ll put it in the fan club membership goods.
Of course, there was one who wrote his diligently.
Our unreliable but kind-hearted leader, Jeong Seong-bin.
However, this guy had a fundamental problem.
Content: Reading today’s news (One from each field: Society / World / IT, etc.)
‘I bet 100% even Jeong Seong-bin’s fans would fall asleep watching this.’
I knew why Jeong Seong-bin was interested in this sort of thing.
It was because he’d seen many idols face controversy over their basic education, having focused on their careers rather than schooling during their youth.
Fearing he might end up in the same situation, Jeong Seong-bin never neglected his studies. In fact, he tended to look up all sorts of current events and general knowledge.
But even so, I had no intention of allowing this topic.
If he built an image of being "smart" from the start, he could lose that entire image with a single slip of the tongue later on.
There’s knowledge you naturally gain as you get older; it wouldn't be bad to give off an impression of being well-versed in various fields then.
So, what was I thinking after looking through all five proposals?
‘I’m thinking we’re screwed, that’s what.’
I’ll admit it. In an act of penance for pushing my own opinions on them all this time, I had intended to let things slide reasonably well this time.
My mental state had become quite rough after being backstabbed by the System, and burdened by an uneasy guilt, I hadn't been quick to force them into anything.
At most, I had planned to just bring a bottle of water and wait on them on the day they went to film their content.
But what? The five of them want to do dancing, picking bracken, and reading manuals?
“Guys.”
“Yes?”
“Everyone, grab a notebook from your rooms and be back here in one minute.”
I can’t stand by and watch you waste MeTube’s data center capacity with that kind of content.
Consider yourselves lucky if you get any sleep tonight.
“Hey, I’ve come up with fourteen already, and it’s still not enough?”
“Nope. Come back when you have twenty.”
At my words, Choi Je-ho walked away with a scowl. He seemed to be muttering something to himself, but it was probably a curse, so I wasn't curious.
While I was hounding all five members, sitting them down at the dining table to squeeze their brains dry, the dorm phone rang.
Regrettably, since those guys were under the punishment of not being able to leave their seats until they had twenty ideas, I answered the phone.
“Hello, this is Kim I-wol.”
The caller was the manager.
—Ah, I-wol? Your timing is impeccable.
It wasn't impeccable timing; I was just in the middle of roasting them.
‘The planning team said they’d start preparing for the next album, so is it the planning team? Or the video team?’
I waited silently for the next words, guessing which team was calling for me today.
However, the words that came back were unexpected.
—I-wol, you’ve received an offer to appear on a radio show!
What?
—They specifically asked for you. What do you think? You’ll do it, right?
No, who exactly is "they," and why did they pick me...?!