Chapter 40: Staying Healthy Is a Skill (1)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 40: Staying Healthy Is a Skill (1)
Just as Lee Cheong-hyeon said it finally felt real to be in the debut team, our debut was gradually becoming a reality.
The biggest factor, above all else, was that the group name had been finalized.
After circling through various options—at one point almost landing on 'Soaring Pillar of Fire'—the name finally settled on 'Spark.'
I didn't know if there was a better name out there.
However, since 'Spark' was the name the original members and fans in my previous life cherished, I didn't interfere with the decision at all.
Aside from that, there were various discussions about opening official social media accounts and other logistics.
Once the members heard concrete details about the group's future, the atmosphere in the practice room shifted in a positive direction.
It was as if their spirit had changed. It felt like everyone’s focus had doubled compared to before.
The intensity of our practice increased as well.
Within our total practice time, breaks grew shorter while movement time grew longer.
In the case of Park Ju-woo, who didn't have the best physical stamina, he would end up sitting on the floor for five minutes after a day's practice before he could even think about heading back to the dorm.
In the midst of this, I—who still hadn't managed to raise my dance proficiency—had to receive twice the usual amount of feedback.
"I-wol Hyung, your position!"
"Kim I-wol, your angle is off."
It went on like that.
Somehow, I couldn't seem to get through a single verse unscathed.
I thought I was focusing. Why is this happening?
It felt like my body wasn't following my lead. It had been a long time since I’d felt this kind of defeat—not since I first joined UA Corporation.
"Hyung. You’ve been getting the same part wrong since this morning. Wouldn't it be faster if you practiced that bit separately?"
My daily instructor today was Kang Gi-yeon.
He had been practicing with more fire than anyone else, but he’d ended up with a slight issue in his already unstable ankle and had been sidelined from dance practice for two days.
Gi-yeon himself said he’d try to move within reasonable limits, but everyone talked him out of it.
Since he was the type to master choreography in a flash anyway, we put him in charge of supervising our dance practice rather than making him practice more. His ability to catch someone making a mistake was like a hawk.
The problem was that I was the only one getting caught.
"Sorry. I'll try again."
I apologized to the members while wiping away my streaming sweat.
I had already stopped the music several times because of my mistakes.
Maybe it was nerves, but I felt short of breath. My body felt feverish even though it was a time of day when I’d usually still be full of energy.
Is it because it's summer?
I looked around to see if the practice room itself was hot, but the others seemed no different than usual.
It seemed the impatience of a laggard was manifesting as physical heat. It was heartbreaking.
Still, I pulled myself together and stood up, but Kang Gi-yeon, who was sitting in front of the large mirror watching us, asked, "Hyung, why are you sweating so much?"
"I think it's a physical manifestation of my fear that I'll get cut because I can't dance."
"Don't joke around."
"Does my worry sound like a joke to you?"
I was 100% serious.
Lately, I hadn't been able to sleep properly at night, terrified that the day before our debut, I’d hear someone say, 'We've thought about it a lot... but let's go ahead without I-wol.' I was a mountain of anxiety.
I had come this far; if I failed to debut right at the finish line, I wouldn't be able to face my older sister even in death. So, of course, I was serious.
Seeing my grim expression, Kang Gi-yeon didn't press further. I guess sincerity really does get through to people.
Instead, Jeong Seong-bin approached from the corner of the practice room with a towel and water.
"It might be because Hyung is nervous. If everyone's okay with it, should we take a short break?"
"Yeah... Let's rest for ten minutes."
"I agree...!"
As soon as Seong-bin gave the word, Park Ju-woo and Lee Cheong-hyeon collapsed onto the floor like dropped raw eggs.
"Sorry. You guys are suffering because of me."
"Thinking like that will only make you feel more pressured. Just relax, Hyung."
With that, Jeong Seong-bin handed me the towel and water he had brought.
I don't know why.
Looking at the incredibly kind Jeong Seong-bin, I found myself thinking of Department Head Nam, whom I never wanted to see again.
'Assistant Manager Kim, are you drinking tea right now?'
'Pardon? Ah, yes.'
'Employees these days have it so easy, having tea time while they work.'
'...'
'Is it because the people around you aren't giving you enough pressure? You're supposed to feel a bit uncomfortable at the office.'
The image of Department Head Nam, who had nagged me for thirty minutes just for taking a sip of Solomon's Seal tea while working, flickered faintly before my eyes.
I remembered how the people around me had barely managed to stop him from picking on me, even though he was the one who would disappear for an hour at a time saying he was going to get coffee.
And I had been quietly drinking mine at my desk, too.
Why are bad memories always so vivid? It’s a mystery.
"Hyung? Are you really okay?"
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just lost in thought for a second."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. Thanks for the towel. I'm going to go wash my face."
I took the towel and hurried out of the practice room. When discipline felt this lax, a cold water face wash was the best remedy.
Heading straight to the restroom, I turned the water on until it was freezing and scrubbed my face. It snapped me out of it.
I splashed cold water until my skin stung, and when I looked up, I saw a bright red face in the mirror. My focus was blurry, too.
I knew what idol fans called eyes like these.
"I've got total dead fish eyes."
Seeing myself looking so dazed when I should be pushing myself even harder made me let out an involuntary chuckle.
Even if I wasn't feeling well, I had to endure it to some extent.
A person can't always be in peak condition, and sometimes you have to work even when things are bad.
But what if, as Jeong Seong-bin said, I was just nervous because I was the only one falling behind?
Then I need to get my head in the game even more.
I'm the one clinging on like a parasite, practically begging them to let me debut with them; it would be a total nuisance to hold everyone else back just because I'm nervous.
I wiped the water off my face, returned to the practice room, and got the sitting members to their feet.
"You've rested enough, right? Get up. Hurry."
"Don't you need to rest, Hyung?"
"I just washed my face. We have to practice hard if we want to finish the first verse today."
"The first verse? Can we get that far?"
"Yeah. So don't match the difficulty to me—match it to yourselves."
I'll show you the tenacity and persistence of an office worker who has to rewrite a proposal eight times after it's been rejected seven times.
Perhaps my grim determination was conveyed, because practice resumed immediately. And it was intense.
We finished the day by dancing passionately until exactly 10 PM.
And the next day, I would deeply regret that moment of bravado.
It was a day back when I was in university.
Back when I was taking classes during the day, doing private tutoring in the evening, and working at a convenience store from night until dawn.
That night, the store owner, who worked the shift before mine, spoke to me as soon as he saw me arrive.
'I-wol, you don't look well.'
'Hello, Boss. I think it's because I didn't sleep well last night.'
'Didn't sleep? Why?'
'I'm not sure. But I'm not sleepy at all right now, so you don't have to worry.'
I remember being careful with my words so the owner wouldn't feel uneasy about leaving the shop to a part-timer who looked unwell.
To me, losing a bit of sleep was no big deal.
My sleeping hours were always the same, and my life pattern was always consistent.
After finishing my final task of the day at the convenience store and returning to my studio apartment, I fell into a deep sleep.
It was such a profound sleep that I didn't even remember having trouble sleeping the night before.
I slept so deeply that I didn't realize my pillow was damp with a nosebleed until the moment I woke up.
And today, several years later, I had a dream about that time for the first time in a long while.
In the dream, the image of myself waking up in the morning and being baffled by the dark, stained pillow was vivid.
What a strange dream to have after all this time.
Recalling that moment, my nose actually felt a bit sore. I wondered if that was why I’d dreamed about the nosebleed.
I instinctively reached my hand up to my nose.
At the same time, I realized that the pain in my nose wasn't an illusion, and that the area under my nose felt sticky.
I could also smell the distinct, metallic scent of blood.
No way.
I prayed fervently that it wasn't what I thought as I lifted my head.
Unfortunately, today's pillow was also stained dark red in places. As were my fingertips.
Had I pushed myself to the extreme lately?
No.
Then, had I been under extreme stress?
Not that either.
Then why on earth did I get a nosebleed?
No matter how much I racked my brain while heating up a frying pan, nothing seemed suspicious.
There couldn't be anything wrong with my health. I had always been perfectly fine in the health checkups I received every year.
As if my body knew its owner didn't have the money for hospital bills, I had never been seriously ill.
By morning, the nosebleed had already stopped. Thanks to that, I didn't need to plug my nose, but I was frantic trying to wash the pillowcase since the crack of dawn.
It was a relief that I woke up before the alarm went off.
If I’d been unlucky, I would have shown Lee Cheong-hyeon a gruesome sight when he woke up to get ready for school.
Since I was up early anyway, I was pre-toasting some bread when Jeong Seong-bin came out of the other room.
Seeing him in his pajamas, it seemed he hadn't washed up yet.
"Hyung? You're up early...?"
"Yeah. My eyes just popped open."
Seong-bin was barely awake but trying to follow the 6th Dorm Commandment by greeting me, so I quickly pushed him into the bathroom.
Then, Kang Gi-yeon popped out from somewhere. It was a busy morning, leaving me no time to worry about something like a nosebleed.
Well, it's not like a little nosebleed is a big deal.
I set the table with toast for the high schoolers heading to school and returned to my room.
Since I was up early, I planned to head to the practice room ahead of time.
And 30 minutes later, at the practice room.
Sigh...
It sounds incredibly stupid, but only then did I realize.
I had come down with a summer flu.
Since I rarely got sick, I just thought I was having an off day. That is, until the cold sweat started pouring down.
I had only just warmed up, but the moment my back became damp, I knew something was seriously wrong.
As I felt the fever rising even while standing still, I finally understood why I had sweated so much yesterday.
Is it obvious?
It would be troublesome if the illness showed on my face.
It was because of a bad memory etched into my mind from my time at Hanpyeong Industry, when I had once crawled out of the restroom on all fours because my stomach was so bad, only to be torn apart by Department Head Nam.
'Assistant Manager Kim, are you protesting by being sick right now? Didn't I tell you over and over that staying healthy is a skill?'
'Are you the only one who's hurting? I'm hurting too. Who isn't sick while working a job?'
I don't even remember what that man said after that. I had to pull a U-turn back into the restroom because I felt like vomiting.
I took a fever reducer from the first aid kit kept in the practice room.
Then, until Choi Je-ho and Park Ju-woo arrived, I did my best to cool down by fanning myself with my hands, making a vow.
I'll endure it, even if it kills me.
I will absolutely not get caught! ...I promised myself.