Chapter 311: Variety Show Circuit (3)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 311: Variety Show Circuit (3)
How long had it been since Jeong Seong-bin and I returned from our rather undignified recording?
A few days later, Choi Je-ho and Kang Gi-yeon returned from the deserted island. Their hair was a tangled, bird-nest mess.
“Did you two seriously film like that?”
Over Kang Gi-yeon’s shoulder, I could see Manager Chan-yeong pressing a hand to his forehead.
“They said naturalness was important,” Choi Je-ho replied nonchalantly.
Naturalness is important, sure, but looking like a wild animal is a different story, don't you think?
I waited for the two troublemakers to finish their ritual cleansing. Once they were fresh and clean, I sat them down on the sofa and lit into them.
“If Choi Je-ho was walking around looking like that, you should have stopped him, Gi-yeon. How could you end up looking exactly the same?”
“Hyung.”
Kang Gi-yeon looked at me with hollow eyes.
“Our appearance isn't the problem.”
“What?”
“I’m… I’m really worried about how the broadcast is going to turn out.”
Gi-yeon was dead serious. I found myself at a loss for words.
From a distance, I could hear Lee Cheong-hyeon clutching his stomach, howling with laughter.
We were able to see Choi Je-ho and Kang Gi-yeon’s deserted island challenge exactly two weeks later. Since it was a prime-time variety show on a major network, the fans had high expectations.
Those expectations turned into ‘massive’ anticipation the moment the teaser featuring the two of them aired.
『A first in the history of Unmanned Rest Stop! Cast members sleeping without a house』
『Hyung, are we really not building a house?』
『Do we need one?』
『The young bloods who break the mold of common sense are here!』
『Next week! Please look forward to the Spark special of Unmanned Rest Stop!』
After the teaser for the variety show Unmanned Rest Stop was released, social media… literally exploded.
≫ No, but seriously, did they really not build a house?
≫ LOL I’ve watched Unmanned Rest Stop since episode 1, but this is the first time I’ve seen a cast member not build a house hahahahahahahaha
≫ They already dropped one of the three basics of life: food, clothing, and shelter hahaha
≫ The world is too cruel to Gi-yeon. How could he face such a trial?
└ Excuse me, is going to a deserted island with Je-ho that big of a trial?
└ Our baby doesn’t have a house right now.
└ My apologies.
≫ You should have taken either I-wol or Seong-bin. Oh boy.
How are you two going to survive in such a harsh place? Oh dear, oh dear.
└ What are two kids who only know how to dance going to do?
└ Je-ho is technically the oldest, but his reliability score is 0.
└ Well… that’s because he’s the Emperor who only knows dance.
└ If things get desperate, maybe he’ll perform a ritual dance for a big catch of fish?
└ My idol is a Master of the Big Catch Dance?
└ No…
└ hahahahahahahahahahaha
“…Are you going to watch the main broadcast?”
Having heard the news that the teaser was out, Choi Je-ho asked me, uncharacteristically gauging my reaction.
I guess he knows he’s guilty. Or is it the opposite? If he’s aware enough to know he did something wrong, does that mean the scale of the disaster is even bigger than I imagined?
Since the recording is already over, it doesn't matter. If he didn't cause trouble, fine; if he did, I’ll just lock him in the underground practice room and nag him while feeding him nothing but lettuce until he memorizes the 128 Commandments of an Idol.
“Of course I’m watching,” I replied flatly.
“All six of us are going to huddle in front of the TV and watch it from start to finish.”
Choi Je-ho responded with silence. He quietly retreated to his room.
A few weeks later, we all gathered in the living room just in time for the airing of Unmanned Rest Stop. Since everyone was getting taller and broader, even the living room of our new dorm was starting to feel cramped.
We waited, each holding a piece of the balloon flower root sweets the managers had given us for our first anniversary, until the show’s intro began.
『The visitors to this Rest Stop appear in the distance…』
Behind the blurred screen accompanied by the caption, the silhouettes of two people appeared.
How dare they stroll so casually in front of the camera? Points deducted right from the start.
As the two cocky punks reached the production crew, the camera focused on their faces.
『Hello, I’m Je-ho from Spark.』
『I’m Gi-yeon. Please take good care of us!』
Fortunately, they greeted the crew politely. Over their heads, clips of Spark’s flashy stage performances played. It was the typical cast introduction segment.
『The rising stars, Spark’s dance line』
『How will the oldest and the youngest fare in their conquest of the deserted island?』
Following the flashy stage makeup and costumes, the two appeared in simple attire. The camera panned over Choi Je-ho and Kang Gi-yeon’s entire bodies.
『PD: You two have very minimal luggage, don't you?』
『Gi-yeon: Well, you take everything away once filming starts anyway…』
『Je-ho: I only brought clothes.』
Then, Choi Je-ho suddenly opened his bag. The inside of the bag was hastily pixelated. I’m sure he just put his clothes on top, but because of the mosaic, the stray pieces of fabric looked like underwear.
『☆ Thorough preparation (in a different sense) ☆』
Lee Cheong-hyeon rolled on the floor laughing at the caption. I, on the other hand, couldn't find a single grain of humor in it.
After alternating shots of planes and boats, the background quickly changed to an exotic sea. While the high-performance cameras captured the refreshing sky and dazzling water…
『PD: What are you two doing?』
『Je-ho: Applying sunscreen.』
『Gi-yeon: We were told that with this much direct sunlight, we have to apply it at least three times.』
『PD: Is there a specific guideline for that?』
『Gi-yeon: Yes. One of our members, I-wol hyung, set the rule.』
…Choi Je-ho and Kang Gi-yeon were busy slathering sunscreen all over their faces and arms. I’ll praise them for this one thing. Even though Gi-yeon himself wasn't even looking at the TV right now.
The two even meticulously checked each other’s skin to make sure there were no gaps. Just as I was about to be moved by their true professionalism, the boat docked.
『PD: Normally, we confiscate personal belongings as soon as we arrive on the island… but I don’t think we need to today.』
『Je-ho: Should we show you just in case?』
『PD: No, I think we’re good.』
“Why did you even ask that when you only brought clothes and sunscreen?”
“Something might have snuck in.”
“Sigh…”
I gave up on trying to have a conversation with Choi Je-ho.
『PD: You just need to survive on this deserted island for 4 days and 3 nights.』
After the PD’s comment, a graphic summarizing the basic rules of the program appeared. It essentially said that everything from food to sleeping arrangements—excluding ‘clothing’—had to be solved using items found on the island.
It was a common theory among viewers that they only allowed clothes because if the cast started making outfits out of leaves, the show might become unairable.
『Gi-yeon: Should we start by building a house? I think we need to move fast if we want to find something to eat for dinner too.』
Gi-yeon said, looking at the sun. It seemed the sun was already setting, perhaps because the travel had taken so long.
Choi Je-ho, who looked like he was actually thinking for once, opened his mouth.
『Je-ho: Do we really need a house?』
『Gi-yeon: Pardon?』
What did you just say, you punk?
『Je-ho: The weather is nice. Can’t we just sleep under some big leaves?』
I doubted both my eyes and ears. Looking next to me, Jeong Seong-bin had a look of pure horror on his face.
『Gi-yeon: …Should we?』
“What do you mean, ‘Should we’!”
Lee Cheong-hyeon shouted, tears streaming from his eyes. My heart was weeping blood.
『Je-ho: Let’s use that time to find food instead. When it’s time to sleep, we can just dig a bit of a hole in the ground and lie down.』
Underneath Choi Je-ho’s extraordinary statement, the caption ‘The human embodiment of easygoing’ appeared.
I couldn't take it anymore and started badgering Je-ho.
“You took the kid with you and made him sleep on the ground? Are you even human?”
To be honest, I had a sliver of hope. That he was just talking like that, but actually built a proper house later. Or at least a shack.
However, Choi Je-ho was a new breed of human that my ordinary, law-abiding brain could not comprehend.
“The weather was nice, so it was fine.”
My eyes closed involuntarily. I knew I was going to get wrinkles between my brows, but I couldn't help it. I felt like going to a noraebang and screaming my lungs out.
Choi Je-ho and Kang Gi-yeon walked along the shore, picking up marine debris. Not useful things like buckets, but actual trash.
『Je-ho: Why is there so much trash? We should gather it all up and throw it away when we leave the island.』
『Gi-yeon: Should we pile it in one place?』
『Je-ho: We should. I heard… sea turtles shouldn't eat this stuff.』
『Gi-yeon: Do you think turtles come all the way here?』
As they spoke, the two piled the trash up like a mountain and found discarded buckets, which they slung over their shoulders.
『Je-ho: Let’s split up here. You go to the water. I’ll go to the mountain.』
『Gi-yeon: Okay. Let’s meet back here around sunset.』
The two parted ways coolly. There wasn't even a conversation like, ‘I’ll go pick this! You do that!’
『PD: Did you decide on your roles before coming?』
『Gi-yeon: No, Je-ho hyung probably hasn't given it much thought.』
Gi-yeon’s blunt remark was captured perfectly in the captions. Gi-yeon sheepishly avoided my gaze. But he was right.
『Writer: Je-ho, what are you looking for?』
『Je-ho: …Anything?』
Seeing Choi Je-ho standing aimlessly in the middle of the mountain made me want to cry. What kind of wealth and glory was I seeking when I sent him there? I should have gone myself, even if I got bitten by three hundred mosquitoes.
My heart ached so much I wanted to turn off the TV, but then Choi Je-ho started picking up fallen banana leaves. He then held one leaf against his body.
『Je-ho: I think two of these would make a good blanket, right?』
『Writer: hahahahahahahaha』
『Je-ho: I think Gi-yeon only needs one.』
『Writer: Ah hahahahahahahaha』
Despite his words, Je-ho diligently gathered six banana leaves. He claimed they were for one floor mat and two blankets. I’m sure the Sparklers never dreamed their idol would be living like a homeless person on a deserted island.
Choi Je-ho continued to roam the mountain paths. He picked bananas where he found the leaves, and when he spotted coconuts, he threw a stone at them—showing off the rare talent of having the stone get stuck directly in the coconut.
“Do you not know how to use tools?”
“ I did use one.”
“What? Don't tell me it was the stone.”
“Yeah.”
I’m certain that between Australopithecus and Homo Erectus, there was Zestralo Erectus. He probably walked on two legs and hunted beasts with stones in both hands. It’s as clear as day.
Utilizing his height to the fullest, Choi Je-ho picked coconuts from the lower branches and returned to the meeting point with a full bucket.