Chapter 198: A Member's Absence (5)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 198: A Member's Absence (5)
Heavy drum beats and electric riffs blended with synth effects. The song's atmosphere brightened, as if showered in golden light.
[Je-ho, Cheong-hyeon]
My idol
The path you walk
Will soon become mine
So walk with a smile
Choi Je-ho and Lee Cheong-hyeon stood back-to-back, facing the front with soft smiles. Their expressions were composed and effortless.
This part was originally his and Choi Je-ho’s. It was a strange feeling.
They filled the empty spot seamlessly while excelling in their own roles.
That was how Spark had been during Awangsil. Back then, they had much more time, but the Spark of the present was no different. It felt as though they were driven by a sense of mission to be even more perfect because of the vacancy.
Having experienced the same thing, Kang Gyeon knew. He knew what a massive undertaking it was to suddenly change a stage formation—how much time and effort it consumed.
The instruments layered upon one another until they exploded brilliantly in the chorus.
[Ju-woo]
I want the highlight
To shine only on you
I want the whole world
To be placed in your hands
And then, Kim I-wol.
[I-wol]
This overwhelming feeling
Is more than enough
As a price to pay
He wore a sly, enigmatic smile, looking as if he were flushed with anticipation yet hiding some secret scheme.
Perhaps it was the lenses he wore, but a sharp blue glint flickered in his eyes. He looked like the very embodiment of that "overwhelming feeling."
As the song ended, the screen captured the five of them harmoniously catching their breath.
Guilt.
Pressure.
The nagging thought that perhaps the team didn't need him after all.
Whenever those thoughts surfaced, the voice that echoed in Kang Gyeon’s head was…
“You can’t be gone for a long time.”
…Kim I-wol’s voice.
‘What about you, Hyung?’
The dorm fell silent as he turned off the TV. In his state of extreme instability, Kang Gyeon did something he would never have even dreamed of doing under normal circumstances.
Something like entering someone else's room and opening their bag.
Even as he doubted, Kang Gyeon hoped his suspicions were wrong. He hoped that when Kim I-wol eventually found out, he would scold him, saying, "No matter the circumstances, you shouldn't touch other people's things."
Inside the suitcase were familiar clothes and papers.
Kang Gyeon reached for a pouch sealed in a polybag tucked to the side.
Maybe it really was just a stash of snacks. No one could be perfect all the time.
If he was just hiding food from the members to eat in secret, Kang Gyeon was more than willing to look the other way.
The metallic rasp of the zipper echoed in his ears. The interior of the tightly sealed cover revealed itself.
‘I can’t believe that actually worked.’
I let out a silent sigh of relief as I unbuckled the harness around my waist.
Ever since my proficiency rose, my body moved beyond just what I wanted; it moved in the ideal form I envisioned in my head. According to Lee Cheong-hyeon, it was like I had "awakened."
Thanks to that, I was able to go beyond just memorizing the choreography and actually improve the quality of the performance. The effort I put into acting had paid off.
While tidying up, I had some time left, so I helped Park Ju-woo, who was struggling with his harness. It was my fault for insisting on so many belts to enhance the "impact" of the main vocal's appearance. Sorry, Park Ju-woo. But the fans will love it.
The ride back was quiet.
It would have been strange for us to be high-spirited. Everyone just double-checked their belongings in their bags or toyed with empty water bottles.
When the car stopped at a red light, the manager cleared his throat with an "Ah," as if he had just remembered something, though it was obvious he had been waiting for the right moment.
"How was Gyeon yesterday?"
Silence fell over the car.
"He stayed in his room most of the time. He said he wanted to rest," Jeong Seong-bin, his roommate, answered.
The manager gripped and released the steering wheel repeatedly before speaking.
"When you get back to the dorm, I know you're tired, but could you try talking to Gyeon?"
"Talking to him…?"
Park Ju-woo, sitting in the passenger seat, chimed in.
"Ju-gyeong spoke with him yesterday, but… apparently, Gyeon just kept saying he was fine."
That sounded like him, considering his personality. This time, it seemed he hadn't even given a hint to Lee Cheong-hyeon, whom he had relied on quite a bit during their trainee days.
"Being a celebrity is really a battle of mentality. It's not rare at all to get stressed while working. The company can provide plenty of support for things like that."
People’s hearts often fall ill when they work. Whether it's from accumulating unresolvable stress or experiencing a major shock. As the manager said, it happened everywhere.
‘Assistant Manager, I don’t think I can stay at this company anymore.’
The person I had my last interview with told me they couldn't stop crying whenever Sunday night rolled around.
In a society where people cautiously suggest rest and treatment while walking on eggshells around their bosses, who wouldn't reach out a hand to Kang Gyeon?
However, if the person involved refuses help, there’s nothing the company can do. You can't exactly drag a kid along when his anxiety is already skyrocketing.
‘The company must be anxious, too.’
Kang Gyeon himself probably wouldn't appreciate us talking about him like this behind his back. But we couldn't just ignore it either, which made my heart heavy.
"What should we say? Should we ask if he wants to try… counseling or something?"
Despite the heavy atmosphere, Lee Cheong-hyeon stepped up proactively. Kang Gyeon really had a good friend.
"That would be great. Or you guys could just listen to what he has to say. Gyeon doesn't have anyone to lean on. He doesn't want his parents to know, either… but I think he might open up to his members."
We nodded in agreement.
However, despite our confident response, Kang Gyeon’s attitude was extremely defensive.
The start wasn't bad.
Perhaps he heard us coming in, because Kang Gyeon came out of his room first to greet us.
He was the first to say we worked hard and that he was sorry. Jeong Seong-bin comforted him, saying there was nothing to be sorry for, and smoothly changed the subject.
‘What were you doing?’
‘I just… watched the music show for a bit.’
Though he avoided eye contact, Kang Gyeon answered every question. He even exchanged a few brief jokes with Lee Cheong-hyeon.
‘If you’re not too tired, do you want to talk for a bit? All of us together.’
Jeong Seong-bin asked in a tone that was hard to refuse. When you hear words that are so considerate of the listener, it becomes difficult to reject them harshly. It’s definitely not because I’ve been getting scolded by Jeong Seong-bin lately that I know this.
Regardless, Kang Gyeon agreed to Seong-bin’s suggestion. He sat down at the dining table without a fuss.
After that, a serious, if somewhat disjointed, conversation followed. We asked if he was uncomfortable being alone or if he needed any help.
He answered politely, but every response was a denial. He said he didn't need any help, that he would get better if he just worked at it, and that it wasn't something the members needed to worry about.
Kang Gyeon massaged his own hands.
‘He wasn’t this bad before.’
The old Kang Gyeon did have a habit of getting nervous. But it was never to the point of halting activities.
Even if we assumed Kang Gyeon had pushed himself to the limit, it didn't seem likely that UA would have just left him to rot. Regardless of their competence, UA had always been supportive of their artists.
In fact, I thought he had improved a lot. There hadn't been a single incident like before, where a controversy erupted because he supposedly "ignored" a member because he couldn't hear them during a broadcast.
‘Is it because the spotlight hit him faster than before? Or was the survival program too stimulating for him after all?’
Watching Kang Gyeon stare only at the table made me feel uneasy.
"Still, Gyeon, wouldn't counseling be okay? It's not like you're going to a hospital."
"I told you, I'm fine. I feel much better after resting today. I'm sorry I couldn't do the music show with you, but…"
"No, we're not looking for an apology!"
Lee Cheong-hyeon barely managed to keep his voice from rising.
‘I was wondering if there was any advice you could get regarding the nerves.’
He was the one who had reached out first in the beginning.
I couldn't even guess what was cornering him like this. I felt like I had missed something important while focusing solely on our activities.
"Just try to think about it positively."
I felt a pang of guilt and had intended to keep my mouth shut if possible. But seeing Lee Cheong-hyeon struggle made me feel bad for him, so I added a word.
That was when it happened. Kang Gyeon looked me straight in the eye.
Come to think of it, it had been a while since I’d made eye contact with him.
Why? It wasn't like I had discriminated against him with lines or screen time.
Even if we weren't roommates, it would have been normal for him to talk to me as much as he did with Jeong Seong-bin or Park Ju-woo.
Why is he…
Looking at me like he resents me?
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, Kang Gyeon spoke.
"I don't want to hear that from you, Hyung."
His voice was sharp. The mild attitude he had shown the other members turned cold.
"Hey."
Choi Je-ho, who had heard this kind of talk from Kang Gyeon before, leaned forward. I silently grabbed his forearm. It was a signal not to interfere.
"Did I do something wrong to you?"
"…"
"Is it uncomfortable for you to talk about this with the guys because I'm here? If so, I'm sorry for not being more considerate. I'll leave right now."
If Kang Gyeon had finally felt like saying something to the members, I didn't want things to get ruined because of me.
I was about to pull my chair back and leave when Kang Gyeon snapped.
"Don't overinterpret. When did I ever say that?"
His agitated voice startled the others. They seemed at a loss—interfering might further provoke the unstable Kang Gyeon, but leaving it alone felt like letting him cross the line.
I didn't care about things like "crossing the line." On the surface, there wasn't even that much of an age gap.
But hostility was a different matter entirely.
"Counseling? Treatment? Are you really in any position to tell me to get that, Hyung?"
Kang Gyeon’s anger was clearly directed at me.
My mind went into a tangle.