Chapter 183: Office Open: Part 1 (1)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 183: Office Open: Part 1 (1)
Soft music, bright pink effects.
And then...
Dorm 12 Commandments
...A set of strict regulations written neatly and densely on a small whiteboard.
Only after these "12 Commandments"—which made one wonder if this was an idol house or a training camp—did the title appear on the screen in a font reminiscent of old-school variety shows.
『Spark Dream House: The Grand Reveal』
Following a shot of a wall clock pointing to 5:00 AM, the camera panned to the kitchen.
Someone was standing there as still as a totem pole, cooking in front of the stove.
Beside them, an open bag of bread and cute plates were arranged with military precision.
It was Kim I-wol.
*『Kim I-wol (21 / Eldest)
Feature: Woke up at the sound of the cameras being installed. Failed to capture him waking up.』*
'This is way too real.'
Spark was known for being a group of idols who couldn't lie, but she hadn't expected them to be this sincere. Thanks to that, she got to see I-wol in a black T-shirt, showing off his forearms while toasting bread. What a wonderful world.
Kim I-wol flipped the bread with the practiced ease of a famous toast stall owner in Noryangjin. He placed a new frying pan on another burner and started making fried eggs.
『Staff: Does I-wol-ssi toast bread at this time every day?』
『I-wol: Whoever wakes up first does it. Seong-bin does it often, too. Director, would you like a slice?』
Kim I-wol, who had been glancing around the dorm to estimate the number of people, began tearing open bags of bread without hesitation.
Once he had prepared three slices with jam, three without, and topped them all with eggs, alarms began blaring from both bedrooms.
The first room the screen showed was the large one near the entrance.
Lee Cheong-hyeon, who had been sleeping with his face buried in his pillow, reached out and slammed the timer button to turn it off.
『Cheong-hyeon: ...Je-ho hyung.』
『Je-ho: Yeah.』
Having confirmed each other's wakefulness, the two sluggishly kicked off their blankets and sat up. Baek Hae-won couldn't move past this scene for about three minutes, replaying the sound of Lee Cheong-hyeon’s raspy morning voice.
As he climbed down the ladder from the bunk bed, Lee Cheong-hyeon checked Kim I-wol’s spot.
『Cheong-hyeon: When did hyung leave? He really is the master of the Miracle Morning. A total pro.』
While Lee Cheong-hyeon marveled, Choi Je-ho picked up his glasses. He always wore contact lenses during filming, but it seemed he had decided to wear his glasses today, just as he usually did at the dorm.
Meanwhile, the other room had a slightly harder time waking up. Kang Gi-yeon was vigorously rubbing his dry face.
『Seong-bin: Gi-yeon, are you really sleepy?』
『Gi-yeon: No, I'm fine.』
『Ju-woo: I'm really sleepy...』
『Seong-bin: Ahaha, I can tell.』
Despite being in the same dorm, this room felt much more "human" compared to the room of the fire-breathing early birds.
But that only lasted a moment.
『Seong-bin: Oh! I think I-wol hyung is already up!』
『(Seong-bin bolting out after catching the scent of bread)』
As Jeong Seong-bin rushed out like a man possessed, the kitchen gradually grew noisy.
Only after distributing toast to all the staff members did Spark finally gather at the dining table.
The members' bare faces, having only been washed with water...
『(100% Pure Morning Bare Faces)』
...were absolutely insane, even if one stripped away the bias of a fan.
How could people who just woke up not be bloated at all? Was it possible that not a single one of them had been relying on heavy makeup to make their eyes look bigger?
Aside from Park Ju-woo’s hair being a bit of a mess from his sleeping habits, Spark’s condition was beyond decent—they looked ready for press photos on the way to work.
『Seong-bin: Hyung, you don't have filming today, right?』
『I-wol: Yeah. You guys don't have anything urgent either, right?』
『Seong-bin: Right.』
It had already been announced in articles that Kim I-wol was filming a drama. Hae-won recalled how exhausted she had been over the past few days, fighting off trolls who claimed Kim Peps was already looking for an exit to go solo.
『Cheong-hyeon: I'll do the dishes!』
『Ju-woo: No.』
『Cheong-hyeon: Why?』
『Ju-woo: Because Cheong-hyeon... has to play the keyboard. We can't get those precious hands wet.』
『Cheong-hyeon: Hyung...!』
Moved by the sentiment, Lee Cheong-hyeon switched roles to wiping the table.
Even in Idol Dynasty Annals, Spark had been the only ones working their butts off. It seemed that was a result of how they divided chores at the dorm.
'Our boys are so precious. Give them 600 grape stickers for good behavior.'
While some pairings showed off such heartwarming brotherly love, others did not.
『Jeo-ho: I think the spin cycle on the washing machine is broken.』
『I-wol: Really? Then could you maybe take the laundry into the bathroom and spin it 200 times really fast? Like you're doing a fire-can spin.』
『Je-ho: Do you think I'm a manual centrifuge?』
While Kim I-wol went to the veranda to look for the service number for the washing machine, Choi Je-ho stared blankly at the dripping laundry.
Then, with a sigh, he and Kang Gi-yeon moved all the laundry in front of the bathroom.
'No way. Are they really going to do a laundry-spinning show?!'
Baek Hae-won secretly hoped for it, even while thinking Choi Je-ho couldn't be that much of an idiot. Hey, a person can dream, can't they?
Unfortunately, Choi Je-ho didn't perform the miracle of spinning the laundry like a windmill.
Instead... he showed off his insane veins.
To be precise, "forearms with veins popping out as if they were about to burst from wringing the water out of the laundry."
Baek Hae-won calmly pressed the pause button. Then she picked up her phone.
≫ Is "Guilty Je-ho" actually insane? He has no fear of the world, just baring his forearms and wringing laundry in front of guests like some hunky laborer. At this rate, all you'll be allowed to eat is white rice.
≫ When I-wol said it, he asked if he looked like a manual centrifuge???? But then why is he manually centrifuging????? Does I-wol's word carry that much weight?? Is I-wol's word that funny to you????????
└ I thought I misread that for a second lolololol
└ Lolololol for a moment I was like, "Is this the right expression?" lol
≫ Ah, I want to take a screenshot right now, fix the resolution, and make it my profile pic, but there are too many killing points that I can't stop... This is an ant-hell. We're getting 100 episodes of dorm life, right? I'm counting on you, UA.
≫ This is too much stimulation, I'm losing it;;;
No matter how much she thought about it, how could they release such wicked self-produced content? And for all ages?
The sight of Kim I-wol's back while he was toasting bread was so divine she wanted to ask him for his secret to passing college entrance exams. Is this normal??
He'd probably say he just focused on the textbooks, though. T_T
└ Lolololol why are entrance exam secrets coming up now lololol
└ Lololol your fangirling is even more insane.
Baek Hae-won's "sophisticated" commentary filled the timeline. Only after taking a deep breath could she return to exploring Spark's dorm life.
Spark’s chaotic dorm story continued after that.
『Seong-bin: Gi-yeon, a package arrived. What did you order?』
『Gi-yeon: Sandbags. The kind you wear on your ankles.』
『I-wol: Don't tell me you're going to wear them? What if you hurt your joints using those recklessly?』
『Gi-yeon: Don't worry, hyung. They're for you.』
『I-wol: Oh, really?』
『Ju-woo: You're relieved just because they're for you...?』
There was Kim I-wol, whose love for his younger members was so extreme that he couldn't even sense his own dark future...
『I-wol: Next, Choi Je-ho.』
『Je-ho: I praise you for diligently announcing the schedule again.』
『Cheong-hyeon: You know you gave him that same praise last time?』
『I-wol: It's because there's no sincerity. I sentence you to the 'Praise Every Member' punishment.』
『Je-ho: Sigh...』
And there was Choi Je-ho, who was being ganged up on from all sides just because he couldn't praise Seong-bin in a more colorful way. All sorts of moments were captured.
'More importantly, you guys used to praise each other while folding laundry. That's so domestic, tight-knit, and cute. The living room looks a bit cramped, but still.'
『Gi-yeon: We have to work out at the dorm today, right?』
『Seong-bin: Right. We invited guests, so we can't just go to the gym by ourselves.』
At Jeong Seong-bin’s words, Kang Gi-yeon brought several exercise mats into the living room. A room door that she had never seen open—perhaps used as a walk-in closet—was also opened.
There were definitely clothes hangers along the edges. But the center was just... Spark GYM Main Branch.
Despite having eaten nothing but toast, Spark worked out like their lives depended on it. When she saw Park Ju-woo, who looked the most innocent of the bunch, doing pull-ups while wearing gym gloves, Baek Hae-won felt like she could die right then and there.
『Cheong-hyeon: Gi-yeon-ssi, want to bet on who does the floor mopping with a plank challenge?』
『Gi-yeon: Go.』
'Don't do something as stimulating as a plank challenge so casually when you're the youngest! If you're going to do it, at least wear muscle-fit T-shirts!'
At this point, it was clear that even Baek Hae-won didn't fully understand her own heart. Her mind was flickering as if possessed.
However, Kim I-wol seemed to read Baek Hae-won’s mind like a hawk.
『I-wol: If you're going to do planks, go to the living room in your workout gear. So you get the good lighting.』
The younger members obediently changed into tight-fitting, light black workout clothes and came out to the living room. Furthermore, they entered a plank battle, showing off muscles that were hard to believe belonged to high schoolers, with absolutely zero body fat.
'Kim I-wol. Just what are you...?'
She could almost hear the screams of fans who loved Spark’s physiques. After all, Baek Hae-won herself was letting out all sorts of weird noises.
Still, the younger members still had a boyish feel to them. Still... just a little bit.
The workout intensity of the older members was on another level.
『I-wol: (No change in speed)』
『Je-ho: (No change in speed x2)』
The arm muscles of Kim I-wol doing one-handed push-ups and Choi Je-ho doing one-armed handstand push-ups were marvelous.
Because his back was to the camera, Choi Je-ho’s shirt rode up halfway, revealing his defined erector spinae muscles. Baek Hae-won clutched her forehead. She felt less like a guest and more like a phantom thief.
'No wonder they say the hyungs don't say a single word to each other when they go to the gym.'
If Baek Hae-won worked out like that, she wouldn't have the energy to talk to anyone either.
Besides, this was only because they were at the dorm; to build those muscles with that kind of stamina, how much must they prowl around the gym? It was a miracle if they even arrived and left together.
Spark continued to work out for a full two hours after that. Fortunately, the video used sensible editing, alternating between fast-forwarding and close-ups to satisfy Baek Hae-won’s dark desires.
『Ju-woo: Are we having a meeting this week...?』
『Seong-bin: Yeah, we have to. There was that thing about —Spoiler Prevention— that we stopped talking about last time. They asked us to consolidate our opinions.』
At the four words "Spoiler Prevention," sparks flew from Baek Hae-won’s eyes.
'Is something big coming? They just made everyone sob with a fan song not too long ago, and now something else? Should I just wait for the Chuseok allowance event?'
『Seong-bin: Hyung, if you're busy, you can just look at the minutes later and give us your opinion...』
『I-wol: I'm not busy. I've already memorized the whole script.』
『Cheong-hyeon: Cool, amazing, our hyung is a genius.』
『I-wol: ...Are you guys doing some kind of group hidden camera prank where you just praise me?』
Kim I-wol asked skeptically.
'But that's ridiculous. Kim I-wol, you are cool, amazing, and a genius. And you're freaking handsome. If you know that, just sit still and take the compliments.'
The screen was soon blurred out. The words "Spoiler Prevention" appeared in large letters in the center.
Based on the size of this, it was at least a comeback. Baek Hae-won’s years of accumulated big data were telling her so.
'The fan song was just a digital single, so there wasn't even a single stage for it. This time, I'm going to milk it for all it's worth.'
Her heart raced at the thought of applying for pre-recording attendance using her status as a 1st generation Sparkler. Her lower eyelid seemed to tremble along with it. 'It's all because of fatigue, dammit...'
Rubbing her eyelids, which seemed to be lacking magnesium, Baek Hae-won focused on the screen again.
『Seong-bin: Then, shall we take a look at each member's living space?』
'This is it.'
For the sake of those who have a bias, something like this had to come out!