Chapter 105: 50-Minute Self-Introduction (4)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 105: 50-Minute Self-Introduction (4)
What does Kim I-wol hate the most?
If you asked that question, every single member of Spark would give the same answer.
Acting in a way that isn't "idol-like."
Kim I-wol seemed like someone who divided everything in the world into "things an idol can do" and "things an idol shouldn't do."
Actually, it wasn't just that he seemed that way—he really did.
"You punk, are you really making a blank face at a fan sign?"
"I was just drinking wa—"
"If you weren't an idol, do you think you'd ever meet someone in this world who’d take a midnight bus from Busan to Seoul just to see you, wait for three hours, talk to you for one, and then tell you to go get some rest? Do you?"
He was the type to hunt Choi Je-ho down like a hawk if even a single photo of him looking expressionless at a fan sign event was uploaded.
"What prop should Lee Cheong-hyeon hold for the shoot?"
"His face is already doing all the work."
"That’s his face working, not Lee Cheong-hyeon. Are you planning to let him coast on his face for the rest of his life?"
"Hey, why are you coming at me when I was just standing here!"
He never let his guard down for a second, fearing the members might become conceited.
And that wasn't all.
His love for the fans was on another level...
"Everyone, watch your tone when posting on the fan cafe or SNS. There are only two things we can ever demand from our fans: to have a Happy New Year and to please not push the person in front of them."
"Isn't the latter only for things like concerts?"
"Exactly. So make sure you behave yourselves the rest of the time."
...He poured an incredible amount of thought into every single word shown to the fans.
Kim I-wol never let his guard down. There were times when his attitude felt suffocating, but since I-wol himself lived twice as strictly as what he demanded of others, no one could say a word.
The reason the members didn't harbor resentment toward him was likely the same.
And yet, that very Kim I-wol had left the members in Je-ho's care, telling him to make sure they didn't pull any nonsense.
But now, the minor—the one who was supposed to be the leader, no less—had come to him asking to check adult-verified content on his behalf?
Choi Je-ho’s mind raced.
However, since his brain rarely functioned in that specific direction, his gears ground to a halt within seconds.
Instead, Je-ho felt a primal instinct.
If he didn't set this kid straight right now, he’d face a literal thunderbolt from Kim I-wol the moment he returned.
He thought about how Kim I-wol would act in this situation. I-wol usually handled everything perfectly.
‘First, he’d start with a conversation.’
Instead of dismissively saying, "Don't drag me into your weird business," Je-ho sat up on his bed.
Next, he chose his words carefully.
Nothing good ever happened when he just blurted out whatever came to mind. He had to be cautious.
Part of him wanted to snap, "Of all the things to ask, have you lost your mind?" but he held it back. He refined his speech, channeling the Kim I-wol he had observed until now.
After organizing his thoughts, Je-ho asked.
"What were you searching for?"
This was enough. He’d done his part.
Even if Jeong Seong-bin was caught trying to look up something weird, Je-ho could proudly say he had done his best.
Je-ho felt a mix of pride and complexity.
He felt uneasy wondering how Jeong Seong-bin would react next.
However, Seong-bin’s response was incredibly refreshing.
"Hangover cures!"
"What?"
"I-wol Hyung is coming back after drinking today. I wanted to see if there was anything we could do to help, and I heard that even minors can buy hangover cures. So I was following the related search terms, and then..."
He explained that while clicking through search results, he found a product that looked extremely useful, but when he clicked it, an adult verification page suddenly popped up. It was so anticlimactic that Je-ho’s previous tension felt foolish.
"What kind of... No, fine. That could happen."
Je-ho shook his head and quickly swallowed his words. He took the spare phone from Seong-bin and logged in with his own ID.
"So I just need to look at it and summarize it for you?"
"Yes...!"
Seong-bin then flipped open his diary, looking ready to take notes.
Unfortunately, Je-ho couldn't summarize anything. The related search terms had led Seong-bin down a path completely unrelated to hangover cures.
After explaining that this wasn't the information he was looking for, Je-ho thought he could finally escape his responsibilities as the elder.
Of course, responsibility isn't something that vanishes so easily. He ended up having to accompany Seong-bin, who insisted on buying the hangover cures anyway, all the way to the convenience store.
For the first time since they met, he actually missed Kim I-wol.
"Hyung! The video is up!"
At Lee Cheong-hyeon’s shout, everyone gathered around the spare phone he was holding.
On the screen was the thumbnail for the Kim I-wol episode of People Who Drink Alcohol.
It had been uploaded an hour ago, and the title was...
[Searching for the Soju Guzzler... Spark I-wol Edition]
...That was the title.
Excuse me, but isn't this title a bit of a human rights violation? I'm appalled.
"Hyung, how much did you drink there?"
"Ah, I only drank a little."
Despite my answer, Kang Gi-yeon’s eyes were full of suspicion.
"It's too small to watch on a phone. Should we go to the dorm and watch it on a laptop?"
"All together?"
Jeong Seong-bin’s suggestion was equally flustering. So, they were all going to sit down and watch my "drinking show" together?
Unaware of my inner turmoil, Seong-bin smiled brightly.
"It's the first solo variety appearance for one of our members! We have to monitor it together."
Looking at his innocent smile, I thought to myself:
Once you watch this, you'll realize how unnecessary it was for you guys to buy me five bottles of hangover cures that night.
The video was extraordinary starting from the thumbnail.
The layout, featuring a photo of me smiling and a photo of the MC looking absolutely horrified, looked like a scene from a comedy skit.
Thanks to that, I looked like some kind of clear-eyed lunatic. It was humiliating.
The suspicious editing started from the moment I entered.
『I-wol, you're really tall! Is our pojangmacha going to collapse?』
『He didn't look this big in the videos...』
『Ah, did you see the video of me with Je-ho? He’s so tall that we all look small when we stand next to him.』
『Alright, for today's shoot, let's agree you never stand up from your chair. And from now on, we aren't casting anyone over 180cm. Okay?』
My height already looked as massive as a door-slab due to camera distortion, but with the MC’s exaggerations for the show's energy and the production team's captions, I was edited to look like a "Giant Human Visiting a Pojangmacha."
When the scene showed potato chips being served as a snack, "Hmm?" sounds erupted from all around me.
"Hyung, do you really like potato chips?"
"Why? Does it sound like a lie?"
"I don't think I've ever seen you eat snacks."
Lee Cheong-hyeon pointed out.
"That’s because I was managing my weight. And I haven't had a reason to drink since we moved into the dorm."
"But you're barely eating them in the broadcast either?"
"True. Actually, I usually just eat dried seaweed when I drink."
"Wow, the reality is even worse."
Only after hearing my explanation—that I couldn't just make the MC eat seaweed—did Lee Cheong-hyeon nod in understanding.
『I heard you started late as a trainee. What did you originally want to do?』
『I didn't have a specific job in mind, but I was interested in business administration, so I thought about majoring in that.』
『That suits you. Then, are you good at calculating money?』
『I'm not bad at it, but we have a friend in our team who is like a Human Calculator, so I leave it all to him.』
See? Look at how much I talked about you guys.
Lee Cheong-hyeon, who had suddenly become the Human Calculator, slapped my thigh.
He started complaining about how I was being "extra," but in my eyes, he was the one being extra.
Up to this point, I still looked somewhat human.
The way I mixed soju and beer without spilling a drop and downed soju shots without a change in expression was edited to make me look like some master sommelier. It was a bit ridiculous, but better than being boring.
The problem started after the System dropped the short-term quest.
The screen went black, and short sentences appeared in white text.
[However,]
[We had no idea.]
[Just how much this man could drink...]
Following that, footage of my glass being refilled without pause and me draining it repeatedly without even taking a breath was shown at 2.5x speed.
The MC’s widening pupils, the whispering production crew, the increasing number of empty bottles, and me, drinking away without a care in the world...
To anyone watching, I looked like a freak. Even I found my own appearance unfamiliar.
There were exceptions, though. The expressions of the "students" sitting on the floor were just "Wow, that's cool."
Only Choi Je-ho, sitting on the edge of the sofa, had a look of pure disgust.
"Hyung, are you a strong drinker?"
Jeong Seong-bin asked. Since he’d never had alcohol, he didn't seem to have a frame of reference.
"I'm just average."
"What do you mean average? You drink like a fish."
I tried to sugarcoat it, but Choi Je-ho had to go and ruin it.
Funny. He doesn't even drink, so why is he picking a fight?
"It's a broadcast, so they edited it to look extreme."
"The frame rate doesn't look like it's skipping, though?"
"Hyung, I think you drink better than my uncle..."
Lee Cheong-hyeon kept nitpicking, and Park Ju-woo started bringing up his elders.
Is this a monitoring session? If you're all going to gang up on me like this, why call it monitoring? Just call it a hearing.
The climax came when the MC brought out a straw.
『I-wol, I can't do this. It's too hard for me to keep refilling your glass.』
『Ah, I'll pour it myself!』
『No, how can I let a guest do that? I'll just stick a straw in for you.』
And then he handed me a fresh bottle of soju with a straw in it. He probably thought it would make for a funny visual.
Do you know what I was thinking back then?
‘If I finish this, that’s one more bottle for the count!’
I was genuinely excited about the fact that I could add exactly one more bottle to my total. Looking back now, I just look like a crazy person.
And so, the screen captured me holding the soju bottle tightly with both hands so as not to drop it, sucking down the soju through the straw.
With the word "Happiness" plastered over my face and flower petal effects floating around, the whole thing was bizarre.
No wonder the title was "Soju Guzzler." I wanted to cry.
"There are just days when the alcohol goes down easy... That day was one of them. Drinking a lot isn't a good thing, so don't go talking about this on other shows."
When I spoke as if making an excuse, the boys nodded, saying they understood.
But my excuses turned out to be futile.
In a Korean society where drinking capacity can be a point of pride, the image of me chugging from the bottle had struck a chord.
"...A compilation of comments from I-wol’s episode?"
I had made comment compilations for others before, but this was the first time I was seeing one made for me.
The channel that uploaded the video wasn't even a Spark fan account.
It seemed to be an account that took popular clips from variety shows and made comment compilations. Seeing my face there made me uneasy. Was this the System’s way of raising my Self-PR Score?
‘Should I watch it, or not...’
After agonizing for a while, I chose not to watch.
But my resolve meant nothing. That night, Lee Cheong-hyeon squeezed onto my bed and shoved the video in my face, insisting we watch it together.
"Hyung, did you see the comment compilation that went up?! I was going to watch it during my break, but I waited so we could watch it together. Aren't you touched?"
I'm so touched I'm practically crying, you brat.
The comment compilation we watched was just... a total festival of embarrassment for Kim I-wol.