Chapter 103: 50-Minute Self-Introduction (2)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 103: 50-Minute Self-Introduction (2)
My past life existed solely to cater to others.
“Shall we have loach soup for lunch today? If anyone can’t eat it, take this chance to try it.”
“Assistant Manager Kim, wait a second. Let me hop in for a smoke break.”
“Assistant Manager Kim, please set up a meeting schedule for me with the Department Head.”
No matter where I was or what I was doing, there was no room for my own will.
For years, my duty was simply to handle the tasks I was given without drawing negative attention.
And now, practically overnight, I was being told to share personal stories and beg people to look at me.
“Assistant Manager Kim, do you have any idea how busy executives are? Why on earth should I spend my precious time listening to you talk?”
Whenever I tried to do something, Department Head Nam’s voice would ring clearly in my head. It felt suffocating.
And yet, I still had to do this "Self-PR," didn't I?
To make matters worse, my Self-PR score had dropped even further. I had reached a point where I couldn't just sit back and watch it plummet.
A sigh escaped me. With a heavy heart, I spent hours mindlessly strumming the bass I hadn't picked up in a while.
‘Should I play a song I learned in the band club? But what if they ask me how I got to know the song? …Should I play my high school song? No, that’s too boring.’
After thinking for a long time, I reached a realization: I had been playing the bass without a single thought all this time.
I wondered if it was possible for a person to have such a non-existent sense of self. A wave of self-loathing washed over me.
What exactly was the charm of "Kim I-wol" that would appeal to others?
Actually, did I even have "charm" to begin with? Me, a guy without a single friend?
The more I thought about it, the more I felt, deep in my bones, that I had lived my life all wrong.
Maybe that’s why that damn System sent me back to the past—to tell me to live properly this time.
If I didn't have any outstanding talents, I should at least have a defining characteristic. Unfortunately, the bass isn't exactly an instrument that stands out.
I could play fast, but I didn't think the fans would find that particularly impressive.
To everyone who likes Kim I-wol, I am truly sorry. This pathetic idol is weeping…
As I sat there clutching my throbbing head, Kang Gi-yeon knocked on the practice room door. The manager was calling for us.
“A solo variety appearance?”
As soon as Choi Je-ho and I entered the meeting room, the manager began pouring out words in an excited rush.
To summarize, our group had received an offer for a solo variety show. It seemed to be a ripple effect from the recent broadcast of Challenge! Life Experience.
“Since it’s a MeTube-based variety show, the filming time isn't as long as last time, and the intensity is much lower. But you know young people watch MeTube more than TV these days, right? This is a much better opportunity for us!”
He was right. Moreover, they hadn't specified which guests they wanted, which meant we had a high degree of freedom.
This was an offer we had to accept, no questions asked.
…If only it wasn't a "drinking show."
‘No wonder they only called me and Choi Je-ho.’
Since we were the only ones of legal age to drink, they probably didn't feel the need to specify guests.
Right now, when I desperately needed content to promote myself, a solo variety show was like rain during a drought.
However, the fact that the main theme was alcohol weighed on my mind.
Moderate drinking and a relaxed atmosphere? That sounds fine.
It sounds fine, but…
First of all, I had doubts about whether it was appropriate for a group where the majority of members were minors to have a drinking show as their first solo variety appearance.
It didn't seem like a great look for idols with many young fans to be seen knocking them back.
‘Though the reaction was good when Spark mentioned alcohol before.’
I still couldn't forget how the online communities went wild when Spark first mentioned a company dinner on the radio. That was the first time I realized just how many different ways there are to express affection in the Korean language.
Still, I couldn't turn it down when they were handing us an opportunity. I just had to make sure I didn't actively encourage drinking while I was there.
So now, the only question left was who would go.
I glanced sideways. Choi Je-ho was failing to hide his discomfort.
I had expected this the moment I heard it was a drinking show.
Despite looking like he could drink crates of the stuff, that guy doesn't touch alcohol. I could only guess it was due to the influence of his father, who was said to have been a heavy drinker.
‘Either way, there’s only one choice.’
I sighed inwardly at the thought of polluting my finally-purified liver again.
But it couldn't be helped.
Since I decided to support them, I might as well give it my all.
“Can you drink well?”
Choi Je-ho asked as we left the meeting room after my voluntary declaration to appear.
“I’m alright. Why?”
I asked back, but Choi Je-ho didn't answer.
This little brat. Maybe I should slather his whole body in soothing gel and leave him to sit there, nice and moist, for five minutes.
It might depend on the company atmosphere, but at Hanpyeong Industry, there was only one correct answer to questions about your alcohol tolerance.
Whether you could drink or not, you had to play it down and say, "I'm not a very strong drinker."
Hanpyeong Industry either openly forced people to drink or made snide, sarcastic remarks. It was all based on the mindset of 'Let's see how long you can hold out.'
“Assistant Manager Kim, you’re coming to the second round, right? For the second round, find us a place that sells, you know, the good stuff.”
“I’m not going home tonight! Our department is staying until the end! Got it?”
“Assistant Manager Kim, your glass is empty. Are you trying to bail already when your boss is right here? I didn't take you for someone so full of tricks.”
They say forced drinking is workplace harassment, but the people at Hanpyeong Industry always acted as if they were above the law.
And there were so many drinking sessions. Because the HR Team fell under the Management Support Headquarters, there were team dinners, department dinners, dinners with executives—the list was endless.
Just how many bottles did I consume back then? I don't know for sure, but if I were the type who couldn't handle alcohol, my liver would have been pulverized long ago.
‘It’s a relief my tolerance held up.’
The only things I gained from my years at Hanpyeong Industry were a deep-seated rage toward the world, the skill to let people's words go in one ear and out the other, and the "too much information" that I wasn't a bad drinker.
Since that was all I gained, what else could I do? I had to make good use of it.
“Don’t worry.”
At my words, Choi Je-ho, who was walking beside me, turned to look at me.
“I won’t make any mistakes while drinking.”
I even gave him a reassuring smile, but he just gave me a dubious look before heading back to the practice room.
The variety show People Who Drink Alcohol was filmed in a studio with a pojangmacha concept.
Before stepping foot in here, I received the collective concern of everyone at UA.
“I-wol, you can’t keep drinking just because you don’t feel drunk, okay?”
“You have to keep standing up and pretending to go to the bathroom. That’s the only way to tell if you’re getting dizzy or not.”
“It’s better to hear people ask why you even came if you can’t drink than to drink and make a mess of things. Got it?”
Usually, I felt they trusted me a bit too much, but at times like this, they treated me like a child. Though compared to my days at Hanpyeong Industry, these were complaints of the privileged.
Following the program's rules, I shouted outside the door, “Are you open today?” and a voice from inside replied, “Yes, come on in!”
As I entered the studio, the MC of People Who Drink Alcohol (hereafter Sool-sa) welcomed me.
“Ah, what’s this? Another handsome male guest? Didn't I say I wasn't taking any more good-looking guests? People are going to start comparing us from the thumbnail!”
“Oh, come on, sunbaenim. Just let me be the last one!”
“Oho? Look at this guy. Are you already checking the competition?”
Like a comedian specialized in talk shows, the MC instantly broke the awkwardness that usually exists between strangers. I slid right into that opening and acted naturally.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to be on Sool-sa. If you let it slide just this once, I’ll consider my wish fulfilled and give it my absolute best today.”
“Wait, just how much of your 'best' are you planning to give? Let’s sit down and talk first! Our camera directors are dying for you to sit!”
I laughed sheepishly and gave a slight bow to the camera directors as I went to sit down, but then I spotted a familiar face among them.
“Oh?”
“That’s right, I-wol. There’s someone here you’ve met before!”
At the MC’s words, the director who had locked eyes with me gave a slight nod.
It was the director I had met on the set of Jang Jun-hu’s music video.
“You’re Director Han, right? It’s been a long time!”
“Wow, I-wol has a great memory! Director, didn't you say it’s been about six months since you met him?”
“I met him before my debut. I didn't expect to see you again like this…!”
I’d heard stories about drama writers writing variety shows and movie directors filming documentaries, but I never expected to see it happen firsthand.
“Hey, don’t leave me out and go into your own little world. I’ll get sulky.”
The MC joked with a playful grin.
The world is small, but I didn't realize it was this small.
I laughed along with the MC, silently vowing to be even stricter about keeping the Spark members' mouths shut once I got back to the dorm.
The progression of Sool-sa generally followed a set routine.
First, the guest introduces themselves and gives a brief update on what they've been up to.
During this, the MC uses a few pieces of information they researched beforehand to drive the conversation while they have a "pre-meal drink."
Next, when the guest orders their favorite snack, the writers bring out the food they prepared in advance.
This is usually when they talk about drinking preferences, tolerance, drinking habits, and other alcohol-related topics.
Everything flowed very smoothly up until the life updates.
After all, what else is there for an idol to talk about other than their comeback?
“But I-wol, how did you end up becoming Spark’s 'Polite Ruffian'?”
“That is a false accusation. I’m planning to hold a hearing soon to uncover the truth.”
“I was so surprised because the nickname is such a contradiction. I thought maybe your real personality was wild, even though you don't look like it.”
“No way!”
There were some slightly flustering topics, though. I’m worried that my nickname might evolve into something like "Ultimate Ruffian Kim I-wol" at this rate. I won't let that brat Kang Gi-yeon off easy when I get back.
I almost spat out my drink, but I managed to handle it like a pro idol, and then the snacks arrived.
To be only slightly hyperbolic, I probably spent the most time choosing the snacks while preparing for this shoot.
The reason was simple. I had rarely ever chosen the snacks of my own volition before.
Every time, I either ate the pig skins Department Head Nam wanted, or I ate whatever the seniors in my major or club chose—like those ridiculously expensive rolled omelets.
Ah, when I drank with my older sister, we’d sometimes just buy a bag of gummies and eat those. She’s my sister, but she really has peculiar taste.
Since I wasn't a frequent solo drinker either, choosing the snack wasn't easy.
I felt too guilty toward the fans who listen to my every word to just make something up and lie on broadcast.
And so, the thing I chose after much struggle was this.