Prologue
I actually preferred things that were strong and simple. In reality, I was the type who overthought everything, was indecisive as hell, and was worlds away from having any real resolve or bold guts. But maybe that's exactly why I was drawn to that kind of stuff.
Even my love life was all about older women who could just sweep me off my feet—anyway. The important thing is that I was self-aware enough to recognize this little complex of mine, and I'd even made some half-assed efforts to overcome it. Self-help books, YouTube lectures... and even Gigachad.
After devouring all those books and playlists, the one thing that actually had any effect was Gigachad, which felt kinda pathetic. But one day, that Gigachad hit me with this:
"Hey, Kim Satpi. Stop overthinking."
"Your heart ain't small—like a lionheart."
"Just wishing for miracles won't get you anywhere. Wanna take a walk?"
"How about experiencing the life you want for once? The games below will help you out."
Turns out, the AI model I'd built had gotten funding from some Nordic company, and that company was a game dev—some hipster outfit cranking out history games, no less. I was a bit disappointed in Gigachad for that... but hey, nothing to lose. (Cracking open my fourth large can of beer for the night.) Weekend hit, and before I knew it, I'd impulse-bought the game.
Alcohol piling up in my system made my head spin and my vision blur, so maybe that's why I thought I saw [DLC Special Sale! 76-Bundle Pack!!]. Had to be bullshit, right? I'd heard modern games were bloated with DLC, but 76? That screamed glitch.
76-BUNDLE PACK!!
"Alright... like this, and this."
The only similar game I'd ever touched was some Romance of the Three Kingdoms title back in my snot-nosed kid days. Was that why? Something about diving into something new (plus the booze creeping back up my throat) stirred up that hidden ambition deep in my chest—the manly drive, you know?
"That about does it?"
Keep it simple, make a brutally overpowered character, and dive right in—that was the plan. Even if it was viral marketing from some Nordic game studio's AI partners... the interface was surprisingly clean. Light historical primer, recommended characters popping up. But knowing myself, if I overthought it, I'd be there till sunrise without picking shit.
Era: random. Stats: whatever—sword icon's gotta be martial prowess, right? Command at 30... max is 127? That'd make me a warlord like the Peach Grove Tyrant or Lion-Heart King, yeah? No idea on the exact numbers. But what I wanted was the ultimate human weapon: simple, savage, burning with justice—a total Gigachad.
For moments like this, I'd grabbed a mod from the workshop per Gigachad's guide. Time to see the effect.
"Gahhh! Pierce it—!"
Slapped a zero onto that 127. Now my Gigachad was a living catastrophe with 1,270 martial power. Ever seen a walking biomechanical Gundam? Weak-ass humans. The rest of these piddly stats? Stewardship? Scheming? Learning? Hah. All lame. Randomize 'em. Oh, and this—biceps? Arm muscle sculpt? Proficiency—proficiency, probably. Related to strength anyway, so tack on a zero there too.
Behold: the walking apocalypse stands before you.
No matter how badass the Peach Grove Tyrant or Lion-Heart King were, they couldn't top the game's 127 cap. But I added a zero. I am the heavenly dragon now.
"Ready to start? What's this—starting point?"
History's not my strong suit, but I can read a globe. Kinda (okay, pretty) drunk, but vision's still holding minus the dizziness. That's France-ish, Germany's there. Britain, Spain, next to it—
"SIUUUUUUU—!"
And Italy, with land below? Eastward... fuck if I know. Was gonna random it, but a random name popped into my head.
"Wait, King Arthur was actually a woman, right?"
I knew that was a joke the second I heard it—too hilarious not to be. Kid me caught some offhand mention of King Arthur and knew it was bullshit. Where the hell did that rumor even come from? Genius-level trolling. If we're going there, Admiral Yi Sun-sin was a woman, and King Seonjo hounding her was just twisted love jealousy—
"Hah!!!!!! Rebuke with Ho!! Foolish Me!!!!"
Too much booze? Crazy thoughts bubbling up—better hurry. My rationality's on its last legs.
"Name—King Arthur's real name? Wiki time... King Arthur, name, Artorius? That the original? Kinda weird."
Tap tap, punch it in. Era: random again. Region: somewhere in Britain. Random spawn within zone? Wild feature.
"Alright, let's go—!"
Figured I had about 30 minutes tops in this state. While a shred of reason lingered, time to awaken the inner Gigachad. Let's do this!
[ZZZT!]
"Huh?"
[THUD!]
Ridiculously, the moment I hit the green start button, blue electricity arced from the PC tower to the monitor. It crawled up my body, flipped the switch in my brain, and I slammed my head straight into the desk.
...Pathetic.
That was the last moment I remember from my previous life, my previous world.