Chapter 35
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 35
Chapter Title: 7. Team Leader? (5)
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Before I could blurt out something utterly unhinged like, "How about we grab a room right now and check if it works or not?"
There were just way too many baffling things about the Team Leader standing right here.
One.
Why on earth had she been pretending to be so experienced?
Sure, she could hide the fact that she was a virgin, but there was no need to act like some heavily seasoned woman when she could've just lived normally.
Was there some pressure that witches had to be pros at lewd stuff?
Unfortunately, I had no clue about witch society vibes, so I had no way to dig deeper into that.
...And asking the virgin bitch Team Leader right in front of me wouldn't get me a straight answer anyway.
Someday, when the chance came up, slipping the question to Lady Erzel would be my best bet.
For now, all I could do was shove a question mark deep into the back of my mind.
Two.
Okay, fine, she had her reasons for faking expertise.
But what the hell was she doing writing erotic stories all alone in the office?
I glanced again at the laptop screen packed with explicit language and let out an awkward sigh.
I got that her tastes were super broad, but why write this stuff in the office of all places?
What if someone else had caught her instead of me...?
...At least, thankfully, I came up with a plausible reason while pondering it solo.
The "Apprentice Witch Rehabilitation Support Department" sounds decent on paper, but in reality, it's a total mess run on whims.
That's because our main clients—"witches"—barely number more than a handful even if you scrape them all together.
And limiting it to witches actually living in Korea?
Population-wise, it's basically a department just for folks over 110 years old.
In a backwater department like this rural village outpost, things must get boring as hell when there's no work.
But out of all the hobbies to pick up during those dead times, she somehow ended up writing smut...
"......"
...Could it be she's super into lewd stuff but too much of a scaredy-cat to actually do anything about it?
Like that lowest-difficulty apprentice witch the Team Leader told me about on my first day here.
The one who couldn't muster the courage for her first time and needed someone to help her out.
"See, Dowon. Even in this naughty comic, they've got it thrusting all the way into the womb and pulling out."
And finally, three.
Even in a situation like this, the distance between the Team Leader and me felt surprisingly close.
Was she deliberately leaning in?
Or was it just her airheaded brain at work?
...It was giving me a headache just thinking about it.
"Team Leader, do you maybe trust fiction more than what I'm saying?"
"Huh? No, that's not it. Of course I trust you, Dowon! You popped Neria's cherry without any issues, right?"
"Then why..."
"But I've got experience up to this point. I was trying to say you're like a 'frog in a well.'"
"......"
"Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's impossible. Like those energy drink ads on YouTube that claim to give you wings..."
This was driving me insane; I wanted to jump out of my skin.
Did she seriously think since babies come out of the womb, dicks could slide right in no problem?
As I recalled the analogies I'd used about two weeks ago to convince Neria—similar vibes—she'd stopped trembling right beside me.
She'd been panicking at first, but now she seemed to think she'd wriggled out of it somehow.
What the hell was I supposed to do with this...?
"...You really did it? That kind of sex?"
"O-Of course! Why would I lie about something like this?"
You're literally doing it right now.
I had no idea why she was putting on this act, but how the hell do you do womb sex in real life?
Frustrated to my wits' end, I seriously considered just spilling what Lady Erzel had told me when the Team Leader's hand—sitting right next to me—reached up to pat my head.
It was like she was stroking a big dog.
"It's okay, it's okay. You're only twenty, Dowon. It's natural not to know with your limited experience. You'll learn it all eventually!"
"......"
"Or since we have this rare chance, want your big sis to teach you all about it in detail?"
With her other hand, she started stroking her own belly.
Being a guy, my eyes naturally followed her hand downward, and she spread her fingers wide—like measuring a handspan—and slid them back and forth.
"See? When a dick this big pushes in deep, it reaches all the way here, right?"
"......Yes."
"So naturally, the tip slides right into the womb below the navel. Easy to understand, yeah?"
A woman's handspan is usually a lot smaller than a man's. Like Neria's I'd seen recently.
She'd stretched it out like measuring my dick, but it barely covered it and fell short.
...And the Team Leader's handspan right in front of me was no different, so I racked my brain on how to explain it to this dense virgin.
"Excuse me for a sec, Team Leader."
"Pardon? Huh? ...Ah?"
Right next to where she'd placed her handspan on her lower belly like a ruler, I roughly laid out mine too.
Beyond the smooth blouse texture at my fingertips, I could faintly feel her soft skin.
"...What's this? Why all of a sudden...?"
Men's hands are usually bigger than women's, so mine naturally extended about two finger-widths past Eve the Team Leader's.
Hers hadn't even reached her navel, but mine cleared it easily—I'd deliberately shifted aside to give her space.
Even covered by clothes, no one likes random touching.
Once I'd made that crystal clear, I continued.
"If it were me, it'd probably reach here on you, Team Leader."
"......"
Her voice, which had been smugly boasting from way down there,
cut off abruptly instead.
"Even so, it wouldn't go into the womb. The vagina stretches so well..., anyway, that's what they taught in sex ed."
"......"
"Come to think of it, don't witches get sex ed too? If so, they must've taught you womb sex is impossible."
"......"
"...Or not. Now that I think about it, we didn't go that deep either..."
Just mildly naughty classes.
Putting condoms on models, learning how babies are made—something like that curriculum, and done.
A warning to not get knocked up accidentally while fooling around with the opposite sex.
Witches, on the other hand? Probably straight-up encouraged creampie sex as the grand finale.
But even then... they wouldn't have taught the impossibility of womb sex.
I could see why the Team Leader didn't know.
"Anyway, get the picture now? Even someone bigger than your example hasn't done it, so you claiming you have is a contradiction..."
"......Yes?"
"Yes?"
Just as I tried to wrap it up as a minor hiccup, she stared down at her lower belly, mumbling something.
Ahem, ahem. Clearing her throat, she kept her head bowed and spoke.
"Dowon's thing... Is it really this big...?"
She wasn't hung up on womb sex anymore; she'd latched onto something weird.
"...Ah, yeah. About that when erect. You really had no idea?"
"H-How would I know? We haven't done it yet?"
"'Yet'? Meaning..., ...Anyway, I figured you knew all this when you hired me."
"W-Well, I saw your civil servant physical exam sheet. Beyond that, just your real body, when you're working out, and a little background check...?"
"...Okay on the rest, but what's this 'background check'?"
"Since the job involves popping apprentice witches left and right..., I tracked down your ex-girlfriends, chatted them up, then erased their memories of meeting me."
"......"
"They said you're amazing in bed, your dick's huge and felt great..., ...Great reviews."
"...I see."
That sounded more like our witch, honestly.
More witchy than believing in womb sex—this virgin who did background checks before hiring.
So I nodded past that bit.
I couldn't be sure, but I'd assumed she hadn't anyway.
"So it's really this big, huh? Yours."
"...Yeah. Not exact, but close enough."
"Then probably around 20... early 20s...?"
"Dunno. Never measured it myself."
"Why not? Aren't you curious with a size like that?"
"Not really. ...What would I even do with the number? I'm not an AV actor filling out a spec sheet."
"...I'd have measured it if I were you, out of curiosity..."
Women measure for bras all the time, so maybe it's no big deal for them?
Or maybe I'm the weird one.
I'd heard of memes like measuring head size with toilet paper rolls or checking shoulder width with a keyboard.
Maybe verifying length is normal to satisfy curiosity.
But it didn't really click for me, so I tilted my head—and suddenly, her sparkling golden eyes were fixed on me.
"......"
"......"
...More precisely, on my crotch, where I'd been sitting side by side with her all this time.
She gulped loud enough for me to hear her throat bob.
"If it's okay with you, Dowon..."
"......?"
"C-Could I see it with my own eyes, just once...?"
"......"
"...Please?"
It was sexual harassment in a vibe totally unlike her usual self.
All jumbled up in a messy mix.