Testing the Waters
The atmosphere shifted in an instant. Not only Yohan, but even Wilhelm found himself tensing up under the sheer pressure radiating from Heresy Inquisitor Agnes.
"A-A verification?"
"Yes."
When Yohan asked in a flustered voice, Agnes replied flatly.
"And if we refuse?"
"You will be immediately branded as heretics, and inquisitors—myself included—will hunt you to the ends of the earth until the day you are caught."
Agnes spoke in a nonchalant tone, which only made her words sound all the more menacing. Becoming a target of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith meant making an enemy of the Holy Kingdom and all its allied nations. The Holy Kingdom was generally quite tolerant of non-believers, but they showed absolutely zero mercy to heretics. They viewed the former as potential future converts, but the latter were treated as outright enemies. If a heretic was caught by an inquisitor, they would be lucky to get off with forced conversion; more often than not, they were executed for the crime of worshipping a false god. If simply believing in an unsanctioned deity carried such a penalty, then refusing a test when suspected of being possessed by a devil? It was a one-way ticket to the gallows. As that realization set in, Yohan felt a cold sweat trickle down his spine.
"Well, there is no need to worry too much. It is not as if I am going to harm you. No one is going to die or get hurt."
"R-Really? You're not going to do that thing where you tie someone up, throw them into a lake, and say if they drown they're a devil, and if they're human, God will save them?"
"What a horrific imagination. Do you honestly think we are just a bunch of savages who kidnap, torture, and murder people at random?"
Agnes looked genuinely appalled by Yohan's question.
"Well, if you're not, then that's a relief."
"Of course, if you happen to be possessed by a devil without realizing it, this might be a bit painful."
Rustle.
With those words, Agnes reached into her coat and pulled out a small vial filled with a colorless, transparent liquid.
"Is that... holy water?"
"Correct."
Yohan felt a quiet wave of relief wash over him as he stared at the vial. At the very least, there was no way he could drown in that tiny amount of water.
"Holy water always knows the truth. Everyone, show me your hands."
Agnes uncorked the vial. Yohan and Falco exchanged a brief glance, then, realizing they had no other choice, quietly rolled up their sleeves and held out their bare hands. Billy quickly followed suit.
"You verify them differently than other inquisitors."
As they waited for Agnes to pour the holy water, Wilhelm, who had been watching from behind, suddenly spoke up.
"A different way?" Yohan asked.
"Yes," Wilhelm replied with a firm nod.
Oh, boy.
Yohan knew it. These religious fanatics definitely tied people up and threw them into lakes to test for heresy.
"Normally, inquisitors perform Miracle Arts to detect devils. They do not waste precious holy water on something like this."
Hearing Wilhelm's explanation, Yohan tilted his head in confusion. Why was this inquisitor doing things the hard way when there was an easier method? Yohan directed a questioning gaze at Agnes.
"Sigh..."
Agnes suddenly let out a heavy, drawn-out sigh.
"The sheriff is right. The standard procedure is to use Miracle Arts on the subject to see if a devil has taken root."
"Then why are you..."
Yohan trailed off, realizing the follow-up question might not be very pleasant for either of them. But Agnes caught his drift and nodded.
"Yes. I cannot perform Miracle Arts. That is why I do it this way."
—A priest who cannot perform Miracle Arts. What a truly peculiar case.
The Unnamed Goddess, who had been quiet until now, spoke in Yohan's mind, her voice tinged with surprise at Agnes's confession.
"Now, enough chitchat."
"Right, right."
What else could they do? They just had to play along. Yohan held his hands out again. Falco and Billy followed his lead. Agnes tilted the mouth of the vial and poured a small splash of holy water onto each of their palms.
"What? Nothing's happening."
"Yeah. Same here."
He had wondered if holy water would heal wounds or relieve fatigue, but it just felt like ordinary, clear water. Yohan watched the pool of holy water in his palm for a moment as it began to trickle down. Then, he suddenly clapped his other hand over it, rubbed his palms together, and slapped them onto his face with a loud smack.
"Y-You really did not need to be that thorough..."
Agnes stared at him, utterly bewildered by his sudden action. Yohan merely shrugged.
"Well, my skin was feeling a bit dry, so I figured I'd moisturize."
While Yohan joked on the outside, he was secretly sweating bullets, trying to calm his racing heart.
"Anyway, does this mean we're clean?"
"Yes. I do not sense even a trace of demonic energy from any of you."
When Yohan asked, Agnes replied with a noticeably brighter expression. It seemed she was genuinely relieved that the three of them weren't possessed.
"If you had been possessed by a devil, the skin on your palms would have melted right off."
"Are you out of your mind?!"
Yohan had been about to let out a sigh of relief, but Agnes's casual follow-up made him curse reflexively. Whether it was voluntary or not, anyone possessed would have suffered a horrific fate. Yohan, Falco, and Billy all swallowed hard.
"Well, I should be going."
"Off to investigate somewhere else?" Yohan asked as Agnes headed toward the office door.
"No. I am off the clock for today."
"Huh?"
What was she talking about? Yohan tilted his head, unable to process her words for a moment. Agnes flicked her finger against her neck, mimicking a drinking motion.
"There must be a tavern in this town, right? Tell me where it is."
"Ah."
Now he got it. He finally understood why she had looked so relieved earlier, and it made him want to laugh at the sheer absurdity of it. Agnes hadn't been relieved because they were innocent. She was just thrilled that she didn't have any extra work to do. His first impression of her back in Balifield had been spot on. This Heresy Inquisitor was, down to her very bones, a lazy slacker who hated working more than anyone else.
Having finished her shift for the day, Heresy Inquisitor Agnes immediately set off in search of a nearby tavern.
"Man, if we leave her alone, she's probably going to start a bar fight or something," Yohan muttered as he watched her retreating figure. Standing beside him, Wilhelm's brow twitched.
"Explain."
"I told you I saw her in Balifield, right? She was drinking by herself back then, too."
Yohan briefly explained the circumstances of his first encounter with Agnes. Wilhelm looked genuinely appalled.
"Even if inquisitors operate under different rules than ordinary priests, this is... rather disillusioning."
"Hey, at least she doesn't go around accusing random people of heresy, burning them at the stake, or breaking their limbs and tying them to wheels, right?"
"Mmm."
A lazy slacker who loved alcohol was infinitely better than a fanatic who tortured innocent people under the guise of interrogation. At least, that was what Yohan believed.
"By the way, old man, what exactly did you do in the past to know how inquisitors perform their 'verifications'?" Yohan asked this time. Wilhelm kept his mouth shut and shook his head.
"It is nothing grand. I simply traveled around."
His tone was flat, but it carried a clear warning not to pry any further. Well, whatever. It wasn't like anyone in this town didn't have a past. Yohan shrugged and headed toward the office door.
"Are you leaving immediately?"
"Nah. Our carriage is wrecked anyway, so I'm planning to stay here and rest for a bit," Yohan shook his head at Wilhelm's question.
"In that case, there is something I would like you to do."
Without a doubt, it was going to be about Agnes.
"You want me to follow her and make sure she doesn't cause trouble?"
"You are quick-witted."
His prediction was spot on. As expected, Wilhelm was also deeply concerned about what Agnes might do next.
"Heh. That quick wit is the only reason I've survived this long."
There was no reason to refuse. Yohan accepted Wilhelm's request with a smirk.
"Very well. I will cover your food and lodging while you stay here."
"Don't worry about it. How much could that possibly cost? Besides, I'm loaded."
In truth, Yohan had amassed a significant amount of wealth from looting the vault of his former grave robber crew. He had spent more than half of it buying a carriage in Junk Town and that damn statue in Balifield, but he was still doing fine. More than anything, Yohan was now completely free from lodging worries. Defeating the man-eating troll tribe had secured them a large number of believers, which in turn restored the Goddess's divinity and strengthened her Authority. However, that didn't mean he could openly use his Single-room pocket dimension. Especially not with a slacker inquisitor keeping her eyes peeled. While they were staying in Junk Town, it was best to play it safe and rent a room at an inn.
"Hey, you guys heard him, right? Let's get going."
Yohan spoke to Falco and Billy, then immediately headed out of the office.
"Sigh..."
The moment they stepped outside, all three of them let out a collective, heavy sigh, their faces scrunched up.
—My heart nearly stopped when we ran into her in Balifield last time.
"Tell me about it," Yohan muttered back to the Goddess's telepathic complaint.
He immediately began walking down the street. It didn't take long for the group to arrive at the largest tavern in Junk Town. Given its size and its prominent location on a busy main street, it was the most likely place for a newcomer like Agnes to find.
"Alcohol! I do not care if it is beer or whatever, just bring me booze!"
Sure enough, Agnes's loud, excited voice echoed from beyond the tavern doors.
"But Yohan, is this really okay?"
"Huh? What is?"
As they were about to enter, Billy suddenly leaned in and whispered in his ear.
"I do not think it is a good idea to keep associating with her like this."
"Ah."
So that was what he meant. Billy had a point. From the Holy Kingdom's perspective, the Church of the Unnamed Goddess was a blatant heresy. Billy was asking if it wouldn't be better to avoid Agnes starting now.
"It is best to trust Yohan's judgment for now," Falco chimed in from behind, her expression serious. "That inquisitor might love slacking off, but she is not someone to be underestimated. Acting suspicious will only make things worse."
"I suppose you are right," Billy nodded, convinced by Falco's reasoning.
"See? And honestly, my throat was starting to feel a bit dry anyway."
They could keep an eye on Her Ladyship the Inquisitor while wetting their whistles. Yohan was already in a great mood at the prospect of pouring alcohol into his empty stomach.
"Hehe. To be honest, I was looking forward to it too."
"That's my boy. It's on me."
The three of them pushed open the tavern door. A small bell chimed overhead, and several patrons naturally turned their heads toward the entrance. Meanwhile, Agnes was already tucked away in a corner, nursing a mug of beer.
"Eek! An Orc!"
"An Orc and a knife-ear!"
The moment they stepped inside, gasps and screams erupted from the patrons who spotted Billy and Falco.
"Ah..."
Right. Forget about being heretics... their party composition was practically designed to draw attention wherever they went. And that wasn't the only problem. Thanks to the loud screams of the terrified patrons, Agnes, who had been quietly enjoying her drink, snapped her gaze directly toward them.