The Vegan Troll's Cabin, Part 1
In his heart, Yohan wanted to head north immediately, but one had to prepare thoroughly before embarking on a long journey. Instead of setting off right away, Yohan decided to stay in town for a few days to repair the carriage. Although there was nothing wrong with it at the moment, it was better to give it a thorough inspection, considering they had no idea how long their journey would last.
At the same time, Yohan decided to strip off the carriage's flashy exterior decorations and repaint it in a dull, solid color. He wanted to avoid getting jumped by another band of amateur bandits like last time.
Leaving the carriage at the carpenter's workshop, Yohan and Falco spent the next few days resting at their lodgings and discussing their future plans.
"For starters, we know the Goddess actually exists, but we can't just go around showing her off to everyone," Yohan said.
"Yeah. That would be too tedious, and the risk is way too high," Falco agreed.
The core issue was how to introduce their dimwitted Goddess to complete strangers.
"So I rolled my brain a bit, and I think we need to establish the concrete characteristics of a religion."
"But if we reveal ourselves as an actual religion, the Holy Kingdom will definitely notice us and try to hunt us down."
"Exactly. That's why I came up with another idea... It's a religion, but at first glance, it shouldn't look like one."
Flash! Just as Yohan finished his incredibly cult-like statement, the Goddess suddenly materialized out of thin air and sat down right next to him.
"I would like to hear more about this in detail," she said.
Since they were talking about spreading her name to the masses, she seemed to have grown quite interested.
"Do you know how Inquisitors identify heretical faiths?" Yohan asked Falco. She shook her head.
"Whether it's a statue, a holy painting, or a scripture containing teachings—the most important thing they look for is physical objects containing unauthorized doctrines."
"Objects, you say. They obsess over only what can be seen," the Goddess remarked, nodding at Yohan's explanation.
"Yeah. Tangible evidence you can see with your eyes and touch with your hands is the key."
"True. If someone simply believes in the Goddess in their heart, even an Inquisitor wouldn't have any way of knowing," Falco chimed in, catching on to Yohan's point.
"Exactly. So we exploit that. It's a faith, but we take a completely different route from conventional religions."
"How?"
"What defines a religion? Symbols and scriptures are essential elements, right? But what happens if we completely get rid of them?" At Yohan's question, both the Goddess and Falco tilted their heads in unison.
"To begin with, you're currently a nameless deity."
"Indeed. My original name was stolen from me long ago," the Goddess replied.
"Right. Literally, the Unnamed Goddess. A religion that worships the Unnamed Goddess—shortened to the Church of the Unnamed Goddess." As the concrete name left Yohan's mouth, the Goddess's expression turned remarkably serious.
"Continue speaking."
"We have to keep gathering believers for you. But on this continent, any religion not officially sanctioned by the Holy Kingdom is persecuted. But what if they don't even know the name of the god they worship, and there are no scriptures to speak of?"
This would mean a religion with absolutely zero physical evidence—the very thing the Inquisitors obsessed over.
"And that's not all. We make the doctrine as simple as possible so there's no need to write it down."
"In short, instead of believers gathering around a clergyman to spread the gospel, you wish to create a faith that scattered individuals hold quietly in their hearts."
"You're surprisingly quick on the uptake when it comes to this stuff."
"Hmph." The Goddess crossed her arms and let out a proud hum at Yohan's praise. But it was only momentary.
"Apostle. I understand the intent behind your suggestion, but there is a flaw in your method."
"What is it?" Yohan asked. The Goddess spoke with a suddenly solemn face.
"Doctrines and scriptures are not merely guidelines for faith. In a sense, they represent a core value as important as the deity who is the object of worship."
Core value. Yohan chewed on the phrase she used.
"Furthermore, if the doctrine is too simple and there are no scriptures, malicious individuals seeking to exploit this faith for profit will inevitably gather."
"Ah." At the Goddess's warning, Yohan finally realized the fatal flaw in his idea. What if someone claimed to represent the Church of the Unnamed Goddess and lured people in with fabricated scriptures and doctrines?
"You're absolutely right. I didn't think that through," Yohan readily admitted his mistake.
"However, I understand the direction you desire. Moreover, I agree with the general concept."
"So it becomes a religion that doesn't place a heavy burden on its believers," Falco, who had been quiet, remarked after the Goddess. This was a world where some people disciplined their faith through self-harming penance, while others hunted heretics daily for their gods.
"Then we need to think of another way..." Yohan trailed off. The Goddess and Falco both seemed lost in deep thought.
"Right. Like you said, the doctrine and scripture can't be too simple."
"Indeed. As the number of my believers grows, the risk of the doctrine being corrupted will increase significantly," the Goddess replied, nodding at Yohan's words.
"So... let's actually make a scripture containing the doctrine. But we disguise it so that to anyone else, it looks like a normal self-help or philosophy book." At Yohan's second proposal, the Goddess tilted her head. Then, quickly grasping his meaning, the corners of her mouth curled upward.
"I mean, what kind of god are you anyway? The self-proclaimed Goddess of Justice, right?"
"Self-proclaimed? How insolent."
"Whatever. What is justice anyway? Isn't it just a value that ordinary people consider a virtue?"
They would write a book about pursuing a righteous life and a healthy mindset. Then, they could weave concrete doctrines throughout the text in the form of "advice from the author to the reader." Things like not compromising with injustice, helping those in need, not stabbing friends in the back, and so on. Even in this world where fists were closer than the law, the concept of justice was universally recognized as a virtue.
"Very well. If that is the case, I approve," the Goddess agreed. However, Yohan couldn't bring himself to be entirely happy about it. He had dressed it up in fancy words, but the idea of hiding religious doctrines inside an ordinary book was basically...
"Damn it, this is literally a cult tactic," Yohan muttered to himself, prompting a chuckle from the Goddess.
"Apostle. Is a cult not a fraudulent group that pretends to be a true faith when they are not?"
"I-I guess?"
"But the deity you believe in is standing right before your eyes, is she not?"
"Ah." For a moment, Yohan felt as if he had been struck on the back of the head with a hammer. He had been so focused on the concepts of doctrines and scriptures that he had temporarily forgotten a crucial fact. The method itself wasn't wrong. It was only a problem when bad guys used it with shady intentions. But their dimwitted Goddess was a very real, existing deity.
"Alright. Then we'll go with making a scripture disguised as an ordinary book."
"Indeed." Of course, this wouldn't be easy either. In this world, printed materials—especially books packed with small text—were quite rare. Even so, they couldn't stick to his first idea. Besides, if they used the format of a philosophy book, they could naturally and easily spread the Goddess's teachings to the high-ranking nobles living in the center of the continent. In the end, isn't fundamentally deceiving people no different from a cult? Yohan wondered. But there was no helping it. They weren't in a position to be picky. "Alright, let's move on to the next issue." Yohan organized his thoughts and spoke.
"Okay, next problem. While the Holy Kingdom's Inquisitors ruthlessly crush heretical sects, they aren't actually that aggressive toward individual believers."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Maybe if it's within the Holy Kingdom's own territory, but even if they're allies, they can't just go around chopping off heads or breaking limbs to strap people to breaking wheels in a foreign country just because they believe in a heretical faith, right?" The Goddess nodded, seemingly convinced by Yohan's explanation.
"In principle, they can," Falco added. "Within the treaty states, Inquisitors actually have the authority to execute heretics."
"But no matter what authority they have, it's realistically difficult to enforce, isn't it?" the Goddess asked.
"Exactly. So even if a believer of yours gets caught, if they just quietly say, 'I won't believe in her anymore~' they'll be let go." The moment Yohan said that, the Goddess's face contorted.
"What? Is there a problem?"
"There is, Apostle. Though the example you just gave may be a superficial act, it is undeniably apostasy."
"Well... yeah, but..." The Goddess, who had been positive about Yohan's suggestions so far, shook her head with a deadpan, serious face this time.
"Faith is, ultimately, a devout heart that believes in a god. And the belief of those followers is what becomes the power of my existence."
"Hmm..." Even if it was just a facade, from a deity's perspective, a declaration of apostasy was poison itself. Well, even in my old world, there was an apostle who denied his lord three times. This was definitely not a good thing.
"Then there's nothing we can do about that. We can't just have them not believe at all, so we'll just have to hope they don't get caught." This was the realistic compromise. The Goddess lightly nodded, conceding that Yohan was right this time.
"Wait a minute, am I the only one who doesn't understand what you guys are talking about?" Falco, who had been quietly listening to their conversation, chimed in. It seemed she didn't quite grasp the concept of apostasy.
"Wait, hold on." A question popped into Yohan's mind. What if this wasn't just Falco's personal issue, but a general characteristic of the people in this world?
"Apostle. You must not mistakenly assume that everyone in this world understands complex concepts as you do." The Goddess's subsequent words drove a wedge into Yohan's doubts. In this world, discourses related to faith and theology were not as developed as they were in the world Yohan had come from. Why was that? Yohan pondered for a moment. Perhaps it was because this was a world where gods, the very objects of faith, could actually be seen with one's own eyes. In this world, at least regarding religion, proof of absence and agnosticism could not exist.
"Ahem." Let's wrap it up here. Yohan cleared his throat and spoke again.
"Well, anyway. So we both agree on calling ourselves the 'Church of the Unnamed Goddess' from now on, right?" Yohan asked, looking back and forth between the two.
"Yeah. I'm fine with that," Falco said.
"I agree as well," the Goddess said.
"Okay. Now we just need to firmly establish the doctrines..." Wait. What virtues does this dimwitted Goddess actually stand for? Yohan stared blankly at her. Revenge, violence against enemies, ripping out intestines... those were secondary. The core was probably "live righteously and kindly." While Yohan was thinking this, the Goddess suddenly sprang up from her seat and placed her hands on her hips.
"Why think so complicatedly? My core value, above all else, is justice!" she declared proudly.
A few days later, Yohan and Falco returned to the carpenter's workshop where they had left the carriage.
"Hey, is my ride ready?" Yohan called out.
"I was just about to send someone to fetch you," the workshop owner replied.
"Sweet." Fortunately, the repairs seemed complete. Led by the carpenter, the two headed straight to the yard behind the shop.
"Even though the exterior was a bit worn, the chassis itself was built so incredibly sturdy that there wasn't much to fix."
"Right? I told you I have a good eye. I bought it secondhand in this town."
"Still, like you asked, I stripped off all the flashy decorations and gave it a fresh coat of paint. You won't be mistaken for some spoiled noble brat anymore."
"Haha, tell me about it. Last time, we got jumped by bandits the moment we left town," Yohan chuckled, exchanging idle banter with the carpenter.
"Oh, wow." When they reached the backyard, a completely transformed carriage was waiting for him.
"Take a look and see if there's anything not to your liking, though I doubt it. Of course, any extra work will cost you extra." The flashy, glittering exterior was gone, replaced by a rugged, sturdy-looking carriage. It was painted a deep, solemn brown that closely resembled natural wood. Furthermore, the spots where the original decorations had been were now reinforced with solid iron plates, maximizing durability. It felt as if a sleek sedan had been transformed into a tough jeep. There was absolutely nothing to complain about. The carriage had changed so much it was almost unrecognizable.
"Whoa," Falco, who usually kept a stoic face, gasped in admiration.
It certainly looks like a carriage driven by a seasoned traveler now, the Goddess chimed in inside his head.
"This is awesome. Yeah, this is exactly the vibe I wanted," Yohan said, highly pleased. The carpenter let out a proud snort, looking quite satisfied with his work.
"Alright. Let's load up our gear and head out right away."
"We're heading north, right?" Falco asked.
"Of course. What, are you scared?" The preparations were complete. It was time to leave this muscular sheriff's town behind once again.
"Leaving already?" As they drove the carriage out onto the street, Wilhelm approached and spoke to them.
"Yeah. We're heading north."
"Yes. We're going north," Yohan and Falco answered simultaneously, blurting out their destination before he even asked.
"Don't go biting off more than you can chew out of sheer bravado." Although Yohan had spoken lightly, Wilhelm advised them with a remarkably serious face.
"Don't worry. We've fought things that make man-eating trolls look like puppies."
"Keep talking big."
It's not bravado, you bastard. Yohan felt the urge to snap back, but managed to hold it in. Instead, he thrust out his right fist and flipped him off with a very profane gesture.
"Heh." At Yohan's reaction, even Wilhelm couldn't help but chuckle.
"Well, if you were truly incompetent, you would have ended up dead on some roadside long ago." With those parting words, Wilhelm turned back toward his office.
"Yeah! We're off!" Yohan shouted back. Instead of turning around, Wilhelm simply raised his fist and flipped Yohan off in return, mirroring his gesture from moments ago.
"Hyah!" Yohan snapped the reins. The horses, which had been standing still, began to pull the carriage forward once more.