Even If I Die, I Must Fulfill My Wish
I could only let out a scream mixed with sobs. For a moment, I was in complete panic. I couldn't tell if this was a dream or reality. Was that pathetic guy screaming his lungs out in terror really me? Was that my voice? The sound kept fading in and out, and my vision blurred and darkened repeatedly. My weak mind tried to deny the situation and escape from it, but the pain tearing through my body forcibly dragged it back. Back to the undeniable reality.
The scream grew louder, and my vision sharpened again.
In that fleeting instant, what snapped me out of my paralysis—frozen solid from overwhelming fear—wasn't courage. It was pure rage.
Why! Why the hell!
I frantically shoved the zombie woman's head away from my shoulder—she was still biting and chewing like a rabid animal—and kicked her hard. A dull thud echoed, followed by a heavy crash as she tumbled backward. I slammed the door shut immediately.
"Hic… sob."
Tears were streaming down my face. I wasn't even sure when I'd started crying. Maybe from the exact moment I got bitten. Even during those few seconds when I'd been in denial, insisting this had to be a dream, maybe I'd already accepted the truth. That there was no going back now… That the name of this pain ripping through me was death.
When I looked at my shoulder, blood was already soaking through my windbreaker. It hurt like hell. I didn't even need to strip and check—I already knew there was no hope left for me.
Bang! Bang! Bang—!
Unable to contain my fury, I slammed my fist against the wall. Even though the pain in my shoulder was crystal clear, my knuckles felt completely numb.
"Haah… What a fucking life…"
After throwing that tantrum, exhaustion crashed over me. I slid down the wall until I collapsed onto the floor.
I'd said it before. In all the years since I was born, I'd never once encountered a zombie trapped inside a house while farming in the Developed Land. Now I understood why.
"Because they all died. That's why there weren't any."
Anyone unlucky enough to run into one had already died. Huh? They all died. Every last one of them…
It was absurd. I felt completely hollow.
Unless it was an exploration team, if someone got bitten while farming alone and ran into a trapped zombie, how would anyone even know? And even if they did find out, people would just try to kill them anyway. Nobody wants to be killed by someone else. When it's time to die, at least let them die peacefully. They'd probably just hide somewhere and tremble until the end. Just like me.
Shiver, shiver, shiver.
My whole body was shaking. I was terrified. Tomorrow, I would die. And then… I'd become a zombie.
"Seriously, what shitty luck. My life really is complete garbage."
The truth was, even though I'd been scared and avoided farming as much as possible, deep down I'd never really believed it would actually happen to me. I'd thought maybe it was possible, but nothing more. After all this time, how often could something like that really happen? The world was huge, and the Developed Land was just a tiny speck. Sure, it had to happen somewhere. But the odds had to be lower than winning the lottery, right?
And yet here I was. Jackpot. Please come claim your prize in the afterlife!
"Heh heh heh, hehehe, ugh—hic! Hiccup, huuuu…"
I clamped my hand over my mouth, unsure if I was laughing or crying. Then I broke down into loud, ugly sobs.
"Haaah…"
After some time passed and I felt a little lighter, I looked up at the ceiling. Tears rolled down from the corners of my eyes.
The world really was unfair. Some people chain-smoked their whole lives and lived to a ripe old age, while others who had never touched a cigarette got lung cancer. People who went farming every single day were perfectly fine, but the one time I went out, this happened… It was too much. Seriously, wasn't this just too cruel?
"…I thought it was heavenly luck, but it was actually a curse."
I was talking about finding that adult shop. No wonder… I knew I wasn't the kind of guy who got that lucky.
With death now certain and absolutely no hope left, I strangely felt calmer. Call it resignation. I leaned my head back against the wall.
Funnily enough, what came to mind in that moment was a pair of panties. The ones I'd taken from that flagpole and brought home like some kind of trophy. That was my biggest regret.
"That place… it was Aunt Geum-hee's house, wasn't it?"
The house where I'd found the panties belonged to a regular customer at my mother's clothing store. She was a widow. Her husband had once been a successful exploration team leader, which basically made him rich by E-Sector standards. Maybe that's why, after he died, she said she preferred living alone?
Figures.
With that much inheritance left behind, what was there to miss? She probably just spent money like water and lived comfortably. Honestly, at that point, wouldn't she suspect every guy who approached her was only after her money?
"She was in her forties when I first saw her… so she'd be in her early fifties now, I guess."
She was also one of the few big spenders at my mother's shop. Whenever she came in, she'd buy in bulk, and I'd delivered to her house several times. Once, while I was carrying a huge clothing bag into her place, she clicked her tongue and said, 'Goodness, what's the point of a man being so scrawny?' It wasn't actually that heavy, but since I was so small and frail, I must have looked like I was struggling.
That was exactly why I hadn't been able to go back for the panties after taking them.
I'd heard somewhere that women's sex drives only got stronger with age, which made it even harder. She must have been lonely, hanging those panties up in hopes that some strong, virile man would show up and take care of her at night. If a scrawny guy like me had shown up instead, who knew what she'd say? She might have even gotten angry and yelled at me for coming at all.
"No… that's not it."
Aunt Geum-hee was in her fifties. If a guy who had just turned twenty like me had gone to see her, she might have actually been thrilled to have a young man visit.
These were all just what-ifs and fantasies that would never come true. But precisely because they never happened, they left an even bigger lingering attachment.
"Ah! I should've gone. I should've goooone…!"
People often talk about someone who's like a mom. In this case, she was even older than my mom. But who cares about age when it comes to fucking?
A forever-virgin like me had no room to be picky. As long as someone spread their legs, it was all good. That privileged nonsense about your first time should be with someone you love~ was something only people who could get laid whenever they wanted could afford to say.
…But still! I was this open-minded! And yet I was still a virgin! It was so unfair. Getting bitten by a zombie in the Developed Land where everyone else walked around just fine was unfair, and staying a virgin all this time was unfair too!
If I died like this, I'd become not just a virgin ghost, but a virgin zombie. Damn it.
My delusions spiraled out of control.
—Oh my! Look at that, everyone. It's a virgin zombie.
—Aigoo, poor thing. You should at least get to have sex once before you die if you're born a man. Tsk tsk tsk.
People weren't afraid of me. They pitied me. Kids pointed at me and teased, 'It's a virgin zombie~ It's a virgin zombie~' Someone else mocked me as I stumbled around going uwooooh, saying, 'Look at him, even after dying he's still going around alone.'
"No… I can't. I caaaan't… I have to at least have sex before I die. I can't die like this. It's too unfair."
I clutched my head in despair, but at some point I found myself turning to stare at the storage room door.
Why? Because there was a woman inside. Even if she was a zombie, she was still female.
I searched my memory. When I'd shone the flashlight on her earlier, the female zombie looked to be in her mid-thirties. A young milf vibe. Her face had that fierce fox-like beauty. Given how savagely she'd bitten and chewed my shoulder, she must have had quite the temper in life. Still, I couldn't deny she had the kind of looks that would have been pretty popular.
What was she wearing? I couldn't remember. Was she naked? Or was it a flesh-colored dress?
"Even though I want it so bad… to think I'd even consider doing it with a zombie… heh heh."
I must have gone crazy. Yeah, I was definitely insane. Because right now… my dick was rock hard. I'd gotten fully erect just from imagining fucking that zombie woman.
"Heh heh heh. Krrrk! Krrkrrkrrkrrkrrk."
A ridiculous laugh kept slipping out. I buried my head between my knees. But the laughter wouldn't stop. Was I laughing at myself for having such thoughts? Or was it because I realized that even if God hadn't given me a way to survive, He seemed willing to grant my final wish of wanting to have sex?
I reached down and touched the front of my pants. It was rock hard.
One thing suddenly felt very real. I… was still alive. It was ironic that touching my erect cock was what made me realize it, but there it was.
"Yeah. I can't just jerk off until the very end."
What did it matter if my partner was a zombie? I was going to become one soon anyway. Let's do it. Fuck it… let's do it!
I shot to my feet.
"That's right. Isn't it better to have a female by my side even after death instead of being alone?"
I might have been a forever-virgin in life, but in death, I'd become a couple zombie.
Staring at the storage room door, I spat out a curse full of resentment.
Ziiiip— Whoosh.
I ripped off my windbreaker and threw it aside. I'd never understood why adults took their clothes off before a fight. Wouldn't that put you at a disadvantage? Clothes could absorb impacts. Sigh—did they really want to look that tough?
I now regretted ever thinking that. I finally understood. This feeling of if I'm going down, you're coming with me…!! It was a do-or-die resolve.
With determined steps, I walked over to the display shelf I'd seen earlier. I grabbed the mouth gag and the pair of wrist cuffs connected by a short chain.
My gaze as I looked down at them was complicated.
Am I lucky or unlucky?
If I hadn't seen them in passing, no matter how desperate I was, I probably wouldn't have even considered fucking the zombie woman. Because if I tried, I might end up getting eaten instead.
"Let's just call it lucky. Yeah, lucky."
At least now I had these and could vent my frustrations a little. And fulfill my wish before I died.
Click. Clack.
I detached the transparent cap from the bottom of the flashlight and attached it to the top, twisting it into place. This was such a common item that it was practically called the national flashlight—an absolute essential for farming. It was shaped like a dumbbell with bulges on both ends, which made the grip in the middle a bit awkward, but it was lighter than it looked. Normally it worked as a regular flashlight, but when you attached the rear cap to the top, it turned into a lantern that lit up all directions.
I assembled it into lantern mode and slipped the wrist strap over my hand.
"Huu… huup…"
After finishing my preparations, I headed for the storage room. Fear and excitement tangled together chaotically. My heart pounded violently, and my breathing grew ragged.
Squeeze.
I gripped the doorknob. I was worried my heart might actually burst. But it didn't matter. Either way, I was going to die. So for this last moment, I might as well do whatever the hell I wanted!
Crash!
"Kiaaaaaaaaak!"