No Joke, You'll Die for Real
Following its master's orders exactly, Gongjeong-ryeong grumbled softly as it chased after the woman covered in resentful and evil spirits clinging to her like burrs.
"Boring. So. Boring. No. fun."
The people riding what wasn't even a particularly fast vehicle arrived at a rundown house in a remote location.
The woman had said they needed to prepare for the ritual at their destination—calm their minds and cleanse their bodies. The followers hesitated for a moment but ultimately did as she said.
They sat cross-legged in a spacious room, awkwardly spaced apart. The woman placed incense made from herbs she claimed aided meditation around the room, lit it, and left, tightly shutting the door behind her.
Gongjeong-ryeong knew what those herbs really were, so it was merely puzzled. They weren't for calming the mind as she claimed—they were for knocking people out.
Sure enough, as smoke rose from the incense and filled the room, the people collapsed one by one.
Once everyone was sprawled motionless on the floor, the woman slipped back in with her nose and mouth covered, rummaging through their bags and pockets.
What she pulled out was something every human clung to: a phone.
She fiddled with the screen, copying letters and numbers she saw onto paper, over and over.
"For. now. Keep. watching. Be. patient. Will. return. with. good. results."
Whatever she was doing, Gongjeong-ryeong didn't know, but its master had ordered it to observe as much as possible and report back, so that's what it would do.
"Master. pays. fairly. for. work. done. Reasonable."
As Gongjeong-ryeong endured its boredom and kept watching, the door burst open.
Bang.
"Sister."
"Brother."
Seeing the man who entered—or rather, what was near the man—Gongjeong-ryeong's eyes widened.
That thing—
"Rotten. Thing. Why. here?"
* * *
"Hah—man, seaside air really hits different!"
Gak Il-sik took a deep breath and started walking toward his destination.
Almost there. His heart pounded at the thought of meeting Coronodon soon—
Thud.
Thump.
Thud.
A dull pounding reached Gak Il-sik's ears. An ordinary person might not recognize it, but he'd heard it plenty before, so he frowned immediately.
Sound of someone getting beat.
Gak Il-sik looked around for the source. He might have ignored it if he hadn't noticed, but now that he had, he felt compelled to check and resolve it.
Good thing he'd allotted extra time. He poked around until he zeroed in on the sound between buildings, then squeezed into the narrow gap.
"Nngh..."
It was tight even for the pudgy guy who'd passed through earlier—tighter still for Gak Il-sik's muscular build. Ignoring the scrapes on his belly and back, he sidled along crab-like for a bit.
Emerging from the gap revealed an unexpected open lot amid the haphazardly built structures from some old rushed development.
In the center, a male student huddled on the ground, arms wrapped around his head.
Three male students surrounded him, raining down punches and kicks.
Two female students watched, giggling and puffing on e-cigarettes.
"You fucking beggar brat!"
Thud!
"Because of you, I got my ass beat by my folks. 'That loser's getting in, so why can't you?' Bullshit. So yeah, time for you to eat shit too!"
Thud!
"Hey, doesn't your mom wipe other people's asses for a living? Fuck, makes me wanna puke!"
Thud!
"If you're trash from the dirt, live like it! You fucking pig! Don't. Act. Like. A. Person!"
Thud!
The attackers were flushed with excitement from the one-sided violence and facing away toward the gap, oblivious to the newcomer.
Well, well.
Gak Il-sik scowled deeper, then flashed a smile—the "killer smile" his brother had begged him to stop using because it looked like he was about to murder someone.
Evidence first.
Remembering his brother's advice to always secure proof before any "education," he pulled out his phone, recorded the beating and abuse pouring onto the huddled student, then spoke up.
"Hey, kids? Look over here~"
"?!"
To them, it was a voice out of nowhere. He captured their startled faces as they whipped around.
"What the—?"
"Sh—"
"Don't film! Stop filming!"
Gak Il-sik grinned at their panic over the phone aimed at them, then raised one hand high, spreading his pot-lid-sized palm wide.
"No one here wants to get slapped by me and cry injustice, right?"
They exchanged confused glances. Then the one who'd been most aggressive with the curses and kicks stepped forward.
"What the fuck are you—"
Smack!
One clean slap. The boy's head snapped around, and he crumpled motionless.
Eyes rolled back. Drool trickling from his mouth.
"Gasp!"
"Eek!"
The group freaked as their tough, fight-hardened pal went down in one hit.
Gak Il-sik beckoned with his killer smile still in place.
"Come on, kids. Over here."
They hesitated, not daring to approach. Gak Il-sik smiled warmly, as if he'd expected it.
"Guess I'll come to you then?"
"What the—fuck?!"
"Kill him!"
The two boys charged, yelling to mask their fear—but
Smack! Smack!
Matching slaps sent them down too. They collapsed like ragdolls, twitching briefly before going limp, eyes rolled back like their friend.
"Fuck..."
The girl with upturned eyes saw Gak Il-sik strolling casually toward them, tossed her vape, and shrieked.
"Who the hell are you to butt into our business—"
"Wait! Stop! I know that guy! That voice, that look—"
The bob-cut girl gawked.
"He's that dude from Real Man Challenge—"
Thwack!
A brutal knuckle-flick to the crown before she finished. The upturned-eyes girl clutched her head and dropped.
"Ow!"
The bob-cut girl clamped her mouth shut but couldn't dodge hers.
Thwack!
"Aaaagh!"
Gak Il-sik glanced at the two girls writhing on the ground, then at the boy slowly uncurling, sitting up with a dazed expression. Not too badly hurt, thankfully. He extended a hand.
"Uh... th-thank you...?"
Gak Il-sik pulled him up, checked his watch, and said,
"What's our friend's name?"
"Oh, Oh Hyun-jun..."
"Got it. Nice to meet you, Hyun-jun buddy. Hand over your phone."
"N-nice to meet you...? Uh, my ph-phone got taken by those guys..."
Still dazed, Oh Hyun-jun pointed to a bag in the corner.
Gak Il-sik rummaged and found four phones.
"Which one's ours?"
"Th-the cracked screen one..."
"Ah, this. Gotcha."
He called his own phone from Hyun-jun's, hung up, grinned wide, and patted the boy's shoulder.
"Uncle's busy today, but I'll call soon. Let's hang out. Cool?"
"Huh?"
"Gotta up the dosage on these kids' lesson."
"Huh?"
"C'mon, let's get outta here and talk more."
Gak Il-sik grabbed Oh Hyun-jun's shoulder to guide him, but paused—the boy was digging in his heels.
"What's up, Hyun-jun buddy?"
"Uh, um..."
Glancing nervously without speaking, he hesitated. Gak Il-sik stroked his chin, then turned back to the girls.
"Kids, you threaten our Hyun-jun buddy or anything?"
"..."
They rolled their eyes, mumbling evasively. Gak Il-sik grinned.
"Fine, my turn to threaten. Uncle's brother's a reporter. Ever hear of Daily World News? Fact-checker extraordinaire. Digs up pure facts and hammers 'em out. Uncle punches with fists; bro punches with words. And words hurt more—fists heal, but articles? Those stick forever."
He replayed the video. Their faces hardened seeing themselves beating and cursing Hyun-jun.
"Name's Gak Il-sik, by the way. Ring a bell?"
"Agh! Knew it!"
The bob-cut girl clutched her cheek, screaming.
"Physics Fairy Gak Il-sik!"
"Oh? You watch? Fan?"
"Y-yes! Big fan!"
"Aw, would've been nice to meet under better circumstances, huh?"
"Aaaah!"
She screamed for a whole new reason.
"Fuck, who's that? Why's she freaking?"
The upturned-eyes girl poked her side, but
"Shut up..."
The bob-cut girl shook her head and looked down.
"Good, you get it."
He smiled amiably—or so he thought; to them, it screamed "disobey and I'll dunk you in a deep, dark hole."
"And if you try any threats on Hyun-jun buddy? I'll do the exact same right back. No joke, you'll die for real."
He clenched his fist with a beaming grin. Bob-cut went pale and nodded frantically; upturned-eyes quickly followed suit.
They didn't know exactly who he was, but seeing their well-connected friend tremble made them realize yelling back like usual was a bad idea.
"Alright, we're outta here."
Oh Hyun-jun still looked confused, but Gak Il-sik nudged his back, and he stiffly walked.
Out through the gap, Gak Il-sik brushed dust off the boy's clothes, then asked his blank face,
"Not hurt?"
"Eh, kinda got the hang of taking hits... And after my ribs almost cracked last time, they go easier. Know they can't leave marks."
"Not going to the cops then?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Graduation soon, don't wanna cause trouble..."
As the daze faded, his face settled into something not quite resignation or giving up—just enduring the worst, thinking this too shall pass.
It tugged at Gak Il-sik's heart.
"Somewhere to go?"
"Ah, yeah. Acquaintance invited me for food today."
"Oh, uncle's heading to eat with an acquaintance too."
"Ah, y-yeah."
"Eat well, get home safe. Pick up when uncle calls."
"Y-yeah. Thank you."
Oh Hyun-jun trudged along; Gak Il-sik strode.
They were going the same way.
"..."
"..."
Awkward after already saying goodbye. Gak Il-sik scratched his jaw.
"Where's Hyun-jun buddy eating?"
"That sashimi place."
Gak Il-sik blinked at the direction. Same as his.
"Baerojaba Fish House?"
"Yeah. Friend's a streamer—had good news lately, treating everyone."
"...Coronodon by any chance?"
"Uh, yeah. How'd you know?"
Gak Il-sik beamed.
* * *
Huh.
Two hours later, Lee Pil-nyeo returned to my room. The benefactor's aura on her face had deepened, while the ominous signs faded, vanishing cleanly.
Faint ominous signs with high variability often disappeared with the slightest change—like taking the bus or not, going on that trip or skipping it.
Choices shaped outcomes: split paths of survival, injury, or death.
Here, the benefactor's aura had overwhelmed it entirely—someone had helped at the perfect time, resolving everything ahead.
Hm. Unlikely to repeat, but worth checking.
Creak.
She left again, leaving the room feeling emptier. As I pondered more ginseng liquor—
"Back. Now."
The crystal staggered over. Spotting Hwa-jeong and Pung-jeong, it startled.
"Both. Grown?"
Then it chuckled.
"Everyone. Worked. hard. Happy. for. you."
"Effort. pays. off."
"We. happy. too."
The three danced in a circle. I watched a moment, then said,
【Remember what I mentioned before? You saw traces of a human like me. Said you knew where.】
"Right. Saw. it. Know. where. But."
【But?】
"Long. ago. Not. sure. still. there."
I recalled what Gongjeong-ryeong reported and asked,
【What you saw: sealed cave, unrotting bones? Unlike normal human bones—bluish glow, talking bones.】
"Oh. Yes. Exactly. Kept. talking. Annoying."
Same place, then.
"Go. check. now?"
The crystal asked, looking tired. Makes sense—it'd been kept in top shape, fresh and healthy, for Bin-i's stream.
【No. Rest first.】
"Me. rest?"
【Yeah.】
"Master. Not. important?"
【Not urgent enough to send you right back out after all that.】
"Wow."
It beamed, plopped on my shoulder, and whispered,
"Master. First. seemed. scary. Now. less. scary. Good."
Yeah, yeah.