Facing Desire (3)
“Kirgil, since you're rejecting me so thoroughly, I'll be honest.
I don't like you either.
Your looks and the way you act—you seem like some servant who'd be sweeping the courtyard.
But the moment I first saw you, something flashed.
Why should I see such light in a guy like you? Why should I feel like I want to step into your light of all things?”
“I dunno. Ask the sun.”
“I've been asking nonstop ever since we first met!
Why you, of all people? There are plenty of other impressive guys out there—why you?
Even that night I received the revelation…
I just suddenly got pissed off in the middle of the night, that's all.”
“…The world's all about interpretation, huh.”
“Still, seeing you try to save Suu…
Thinking back now, it annoyed me, but I felt like my prayers had paid off.
At least I knew you weren't a bad guy.
It was a really, really tiny light. The kind that shines extra bright just because it's in the darkness.”
“Your metaphors are tough—can you keep it simple?”
“So I thought, maybe I could use you a little. That miracle that day felt like the sun telling me how to use you. Like, 'This is how it'll light my path.' And just like that, the worries weighing me down got a bit lighter.”
“I'm heavy. Get off me already.”
“That's exactly what pisses me off about you!!”
Ashushikara was pinning me down, but if I really wanted to, I could shake her off easy.
But right now… well, circumstances. Ugh…
“You think I don't know human desire?
Fine, I thought you didn't have any, but everything else—I know it better than you!
Do you know why I have this scar?
Mom… Dad… no, those people. Because I fell short of their expectations, because they called me crazy…
Every time, I'd get whipped until I passed out. That's how I got these scars.”
…Why I wasn't dodging.
Because Ashushikara was naked on top of me.
If she meant me harm, she wouldn't straddle me so defenselessly. That's why I didn't resist.
…Not gonna deny it's partly 'cause I'm a guy.
Anyway. There was a knife-like scar above Ashushikara's navel. That's why she was so sensitive there yesterday.
“There used to be more. I'd get beaten till I blacked out at the drop of a hat. I've healed most with my powers, but a few won't fade. Just like my memories.
Then one day, riding in a carriage, I spotted a bright light like always. But this time, it pulled me in so hard I forgot my fear of Mom scolding me and mindlessly opened the door, drawn toward it.
That's how I first entered the Kalderan Cathedral, and from that day, I learned I could heal others through prayer.
So, Kirgil—get it now?”
“……”
“Do you finally understand why I'm so obsessed with the pull of the light? You filthy old perv!!”
“No clue! I just know you're throwing a damn tantrum right now.”
“Go back? To those revolting family members who changed their tune the second I became a saintess?
They've even sent word for this frontier bumpkin from Prosek to show up at their social gatherings!
Telling me to become some dirty knight's wife or concubine to a wrinkled, ugly old noble!!”
“…So I'm okay?”
“…………”
Ugh…
She goes all cool and detached on me, and now I'm getting pissed.
“…Sorry.”
She even apologizes, making me feel even more pathetic!
Is she messing with my head on purpose? She's baiting me good.
“You calmed down now?
Yeah, after venting like that, you must feel refreshed.”
“……That wasn't my intention.”
“Whatever—just get off. I can handle a spoiled brat's nagging without all this.”
“……”
Ashushikara finally relaxed, but instead of getting off, she just collapsed onto me.
“I get why Suu calls you 'Daddy' now.
Kirgil… can I just lean on your warmth like this tonight?”
“A noble lady like you turning into some cheap floozy throwing herself at a courtyard sweeper?”
“Earlier, I really meant to. Felt like wrecking everything for good would bring peace.
But now… dunno.
I just feel all languid, like melting in spring sunlight.”
“Hey, Ashushikara—your naked body's been distracting me. Mind if I speak freely?”
“…Go ahead. I was prepared for it anyway.”
“I'm the type who gets more turned on by clothes than nudity. Not really feeling it right now—mind putting some back on and climbing up again?”
“…You bastard!!”
“Ow! Don't squeeze! That hurts!
Hey, what kind of sun priestess can't even light a fire on a guy's chest? Worship the earth instead! You're tough as roots—argh!!”
Emotions had raged like a typhoon, but thankfully, it blew over. Ashushikara seemed relieved after unloading everything and throwing her fit.
After thrashing around on my bed, she collapsed from exhaustion right there.
With those tree-root limbs blessed by the earth god, I might get squeezed in my sleep, so better switch beds and take her spot.
Ah, what the hell.
She must've stripped under the covers. So bold earlier, but sneaky about prep.
Toss her clothes on the other bed.
Sigh, how much did she cry?
The blanket and pillow are soaked.
Anyway, I figured as much, but Ashushikara must be the daughter of some high noble. A strict, demanding family too.
That's the effort she put into escaping them—her current self. In a way, that's her personal desire too.
More human than calling it duty or service, but I don't like getting dragged into someone else's whims.
Makes me miss Agnes, who handled her own desires while accommodating others'.
Gotta write her a letter tomorrow and pour out these feelings.
I woke in the morning to find Ashushikara primly dressed, sitting on the bed with her back to me, brushing her hair while facing the mirror.
“What? You let your hair down?”
Her braided blue hair hung loose to her waist, swaying and shimmering glossily with each brushstroke.
“Some pervert with a lingerie fetish tied his underwear in my hair. Had to undo it.”
I didn't do that. Probably got tangled while she tossed in her sleep naked. Told her not to.
Still.
Loose hair suits her better. Whoever did it deserves sage status.
“Hmph. The guy who mocked me for not lighting his fire is fawning grotesquely first thing in the morning. Feels like an eclipse.”
Grotesque?
Ah… morning wood. Can't help it as a guy. What does she expect? She's picking fights right on waking.
Decided to go full villainess noble lady?
“You just staring in the mirror? And this ain't 'cause of you. Hate it? Then leave.”
Ashushikara ignored me and finished primping. Finally, she gathered her blue hair into a practical ponytail over one shoulder.
That's the maternal "single mom hair," right!? Cocky. Maybe yank it into a forehead-baring villainess style and fry it spear-straight.
Once done, she packed quietly and left without a goodbye.
Typhoon's finally gone.
Whew, time to breathe.
I changed and prepped to hunt quests.
Morning for dungeon info, afternoon browsing weird shops in the market.
Stepping out, I ran into demurely waiting Ashushikara at the door.
Standing like we had a date. Tried ignoring her.
“Oh my. What vulgar deed kept you so late? Should've guarded the spot.”
“Why the snark again? Can't you pretend not to know, Saintess?”
I said pretend, but she smiles like she didn't hear. Shameless. Her evil's crystal clear post-last night.
“Kirgil, I'm starting over.
Thought it through—right now, all I can rely on is the pull of the light.
Better chase something clear than agonize over the vague.”
“Back to basics, huh… Nice.
Then why're you tailing me?”
Ashushikara had followed me to the guild. Folks might think we're party.
Her [Status Window] still hasn't popped.
“Told you. Following the pull of the light.”
“……”
Ashushikara smiles again.
“…Hey! Strip already! Let's do it hot and heavy, wreck everything, then split. Good for both.”
“You think I like you? Last night was just a moment's darkness.
My eyes are clear now, unlike then. I'm not blind enough to fancy ugly mugs.”
“Gonna have to squeeze tears out again to snap you out of it, huh?”
“I was off-guard then, but this time, I'll take it.”
“What? You slyly dropped a word there. Kid's doing savage wordplay now. Needs a spanking?”
“Oh my, so bold. Got the guts to whip out that pathetic thing in public?”
Just as my irritation hit 200% and I pondered light discipline…
“See! You are Lady Ashushikara!”
The blond noble youth from before appeared, halting our spat.
He strode up, positioning between us, then elegantly bowed to her.
“Saintess of the Sun God Kalderan, fourth princess of Darania—Lady Ashushikara.
I, Inadia—eldest son of Darania's 2nd Knight Commander Inario, and hero of Darania—greet you.”
Oho. Knew she was high noble, but a princess?
Another reason to dodge her forever.
Fancy public greeting—she can't ignore it.
“Y-Yes… I never imagined you'd be here, Lord Inadia.”
Brazen lie.
Chills at how poised and radiant her smile turned. Slip away quietly.
“But.
Who the hell is this guy? Watching you treat Her Highness so rudely and frivolously.”
Hand on hilt, drawing sword.
See? Knew it'd come to this. She doesn't ignite my heart—she just splashes embers on me.
Blond noble provoking over a girl!!
Why do I get such clichéd tropes?!
If fate had a conscience, shouldn't this blond pretty boy at least get a glow-up to golden sun level?