A Resolute Departure (5)
Perhaps because I'd vented my long-suppressed passion, I dozed off midway through.
It was still the middle of the night.
Maybe because I hadn't overdone my training during the day before departure, I still had energy left. Just a short nap had wiped away my fatigue completely.
The moment I opened my eyes, there was a rustling sound, and Ashu, who had buried her head under the blankets, peeked her face out.
"Sorry. I woke you up."
It was definitely Ashu who woke me. Someone had snuggled right up against my side while I was sleeping.
With our bare skin touching, every sensation was heightened.
"Nah, you did good. I didn't want to fall asleep like that anyway."
So I turned over completely and wrapped her in both arms.
We lay there quietly, savoring each other's warmth.
"…."
"…."
It was comfortable, but something felt off. I knew why.
We'd part ways at sunrise. That was it.
Suddenly, my gaze fell on the ring on my left ring finger.
In the rush, I'd forgotten, but this commission was an extremely dangerous dragon subjugation.
I couldn't guarantee I'd return alive.
"Kirgil, you were about to tell me to take off the ring again, weren't you?"
Ashu must have read my mind from my gaze.
"I know. Telling you won't change anything. Still…."
I wish Ashu would take off the ring. But I couldn't bring myself to say it.
Disregarding her resolve would just make her angry or burst into tears again.
"Kirgil, do you know what bothers me the most about you?"
Ashu pulled away and glared at me as she spoke. She'd told me countless times she wouldn't remove the ring, so she must be pissed that I was bringing it up again.
…Or so I thought.
"You lack any sense of gravity. You were like that before, and you still are. Sometimes it makes me so mad."
"What? No gravity?"
This was an unexpected scolding.
"You don't fear death. It's not like a faithful believer accepting it—it's like you genuinely wouldn't mind dying for real.
Look at you now.
You're not even thinking about how scary it is to die. You're only worried about how it affects me.
I've prayed before the dying and in the face of death. I know.
Kirgil, you're a really strange person like this.
Not fearing death is just plain weird!"
"……."
"S-sorry. I didn't mean to…."
I was startled by Ashu's sudden outburst, but she seemed surprised by it too.
It must have been a long-held grievance that finally burst out.
Only after Ashu pointed it out did I realize it myself.
I feel pain and fear normally enough, but separately from that, I really don't fear death itself.
What could be the reason….
No, I think I know.
The reason I came to this world was death.
In simple terms, having experienced death gives me this nonchalance.
I'd never even considered I had this kind of abnormality. Being called out on it, it almost feels like some kind of mental disorder.
"Kirgil, you were planning to take off the ring in front of the dragon. You'd think, 'It's okay if I die' again."
"…Sorry."
"I don't resent you for it. I love that you think that way.
But I won't allow it. If I can't feel you through this ring, I'll die too.
I wanted to tell you this before you left."
"……."
It hit me anew—Ashu's resolve could be terrifying at times.
If even Agnes couldn't break her stubbornness, how could I?
"Got it. I won't take it off. I'll keep it on and come back alive for sure. Don't be mad.
Princess Ashushikara. On the name of this hero Kirgil, I formally swear. I'll definitely return alive."
Only then did Ashu let out a pfft and relax with a laugh.
She leaned against me again.
"Still not enough. I still don't feel that gravity."
"Give me a break. A person can't change overnight. I'll work on it from now on."
"No. From now on, I need to put in the effort."
With her resolve firm, Ashu declared she'd make an effort for me tonight.
She must have read and studied a book on techniques to captivate a man before coming here.
…But.
It was so clumsy that I burst out laughing several times.
To spare Ashu's pride, I phrased it delicately.
It was like something out of an adult video from my home world, but trying it for real proved way harder than it looked.
Tiring, suffocating, and sometimes utterly sensationless.
I appreciated the attempt, but in the end, Ashu failed completely and pouted.
But.
Her back-turned, sulking pose was somehow even cuter and more arousing, so it wasn't a total failure.
Morning came.
When I opened my eyes in bed, Ashu, who had risen before me as usual, was getting out to prepare herself.
"Ah, you're awake."
I grabbed Ashu as she tried to leave and pulled her back under the covers.
I wouldn't see her for over a month after today.
Maybe forever.
I wanted to memorize this sensation, even just a little more.
"…I want to stay like this too. But today, I have to pray with the priests to see off the departing heroes."
Ashu soothed me with a kiss and got out of bed.
The heroes she'd see off were none other than me and the vanguard.
"Then I should show a clean face to the saintess and the other priests."
"Yes, you should. Get up, hero."
It felt like I'd received a resurrection spell and risen as a hero again.
With that, I let Ashu lead me as we prepared to head out together.
"Kirgil, make sure to look at me on the way out. I'll be praying for you—no one else. I'll give you a blessing just for you."
Ashu and the other priests planned to give a blessing prayer as I left the castle.
I'd look at her anyway, but even before leaving, she emphasized it once more.
"Promise… promise!"
With that, Ashu returned to her room in the palace.
Departure was set for noon.
The vanguard members packed their gear as usual and gathered in the underground office.
From here, we'd all board carriages together and head out.
The reason for carriages instead of horses was simple—they were more comfortable. We'd travel easily within Darania and rent horses outside the gates.
"Captain, your face looks brighter. Did that Kalderan priestess girlfriend give you some good revelation?"
Parlen smirked at me and asked. He didn't say princess, so he must not know Ashu is one.
Ragi hadn't told him, apparently. Her info-handling work made her security-conscious.
"She just told me not to die and to come back for sure."
"Hahaha, sounds like a deep relationship. I'm jealous. Wish I had a woman like that."
"No way—Parlen, you're still single?"
"Not back then, but now I am. Lost my wife during an expedition."
I'd wondered why a man Parlen's age had no family. So his wife had been killed by monsters or enemies.
"Sorry for prying like that."
"No, it's not what you think. My wife's still alive and well… with another man."
That wasn't it. His wife had started a new life while he was away.
This was heavier than if she'd died.
"Because of dispatch or expedition duties, I'd be away from home for months. When I came back, things with my wife had soured bit by bit without me noticing. We grew distant, and it ended up like this. She thought I was dead because I came back too late. Ridiculous excuse, right? Hahaha!"
"……."
"……."
"……."
Parlen laughed as he spoke, but everyone listening fell silent.
Ragi, who already knew, stayed composed.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up…."
"No, don't worry. I've made my peace with it, so I can talk casually now.
Truth is, the reason I volunteered for this vanguard is nothing special. Make a big haul this time and settle down for good. That way, the new wife won't run off. Hahaha!"
Even so, did I have to laugh along?
"Oops! My story's got the captain worrying about his girlfriend."
"Hey, Uncle Parlen. Enough. Acting your age—no one asked for that weird, unfunny crap.
You always make it worse trying to fix it."
Ragi, used to this from her comrade, smoothly smoothed things over.
Then Damish looked out the carriage window.
"Ah, Kalderan priests. Looks like they're here to bless us. Even Saintess Kalderan is there."
Since the palace couldn't officially support us, Ashu—as saintess and princess—must have arranged this event.
About twenty priests prayed and sang hymns.
I looked at Ashu in the center.
She spotted my gaze and smiled brightly.
As I raised my hand to wave…
"Uh…."
Ashu slightly opened her mouth, showing something inside.
As we drew closer, I realized what it was.
That was the medicine I'd given her. The menstrual herbs Agnes prescribed to take every time we were intimate!
But why show it to me?
Ashu flashed the pill at me once, then spat it out when no one was looking.
What the hell is she doing!?
Why spit it out!? She won't take it!?
Wait—does it mean something!? What the—!!
"Captain, your face suddenly…."
"Kirgil, you okay?"
Parlen and Paradilan beside me looked concerned.
"Captain, don't tell me my story's got you worried about your girl?"
Just like Parlen said. I was extremely worried about Ashu right now.
Is that why she told me to look at her during departure?
Her special prayer and blessing just for me?
Ashu, how could you scheme something like this!?
I wanted to leap from the carriage and shove those herbs down her throat right then.
But I couldn't with everyone watching.
"Sorry, Captain. My fault for saying something dumb…."
Now I had a reason I absolutely had to return. She'd injected perfect gravity into me.
With the most resolute determination I'd ever felt, I said to everyone,
"We will return. No matter what!"