Dragon's Desperate Enema
“Grrrrr...”
The narrow waiting room of the animal clinic echoed with the savage growl of a ferocious beast. Behind Kang Jinhyeok stood the steadfast Blood Manticore, glaring over his shoulder at Vice Guild Master Choi Taesoo, practically licking its chops.
As if sizing up how that human might taste.
“H-Hiiik!”
The black-suited bodyguards behind Choi Taesoo recoiled in terror. They were B-rank and A-rank hunters in their own right, but their opponent was the S-rank magical beast that had nearly wiped out Zeus's first raid team just last night. And it wasn't just the manticore. Shadow wolves with glowing blue eyes and iron bears lumbered out from the darkness.
This wasn't some ordinary animal clinic. It was a den of magical beasts—a demon king's castle, no less.
Choi Taesoo's face flushed red with humiliation. The mighty vice guild master of Zeus, getting chased out of this hole-in-the-wall by mere animals.
“Kang Jinhyeok! You think you can insult Zeus Guild and get away with it?!”
“You guys started the insulting first. Disrupting business like this is interference with operations.”
Jinhyeok replied indifferently, picking at his ear.
“And your dragon doesn't have much time left. Better spend it prepping some laxatives instead of bickering with me.”
“What? Laxa—what?”
“I said get out. You stink.”
With a flick of his finger, the manticore slammed its paw down—boom!—shaking the entire building like an earthquake.
“Damn it!”
Choi Taesoo finally bit his lip and turned away. Even if he tried to overpower them by force, those beasts stood in the way—no chance of winning. Worse, every delayed minute drained Balakas's life force.
“You'll regret this. Mark my words!”
As Choi Taesoo spat his curse and vanished, peace returned to the clinic.
“Good job. Here's a treat.”
Jinhyeok tossed a strip of jerky to the manticore. An S-rank beast wagging its tail to catch the snack—ridiculous. Jinhyeok drained the last of his cold instant ramen and brewed another coffee.
“Alright, time to prep for round two.”
He knew it wasn't over just because the vice guild master had backed off. If anything, this was when the real negotiations began.
Exactly thirty minutes later, a procession of luxury sedans pulled up in front of the clinic once more. This time, it wasn't just one or two. Black sedans stretched from the alley entrance to the end, tailgating in a line.
A door opened, and a man stepped out. Tall and sturdy, a middle-aged gentleman in a flowing long coat. Korea's number-one ranked hunter and owner of Zeus Guild—the Dragon EmperorLee Shinwoo.
His mere presence shifted the very air. Stray cats in the vicinity fled in panic, and the beasts inside the clinic bristled instinctively.
Lee Shinwoo dismissed his escorts and entered the rundown clinic alone.
Ding-a-ling.
Jinhyeok lounged at the counter, chin propped on his hand, utterly unsurprised—as if he'd been expecting him.
“Welcome. Here for a checkup?”
“......”
Lee Shinwoo stared silently. Piercing eyes honed on countless battlefields, radiating the overwhelming aura of a conqueror. A normal person would struggle to breathe just meeting that gaze.
But Jinhyeok didn't flinch. He locked eyes without a blink.
Hoo.
Interest flickered in Lee Shinwoo's eyes. Few even among S-rank hunters could face his presence so calmly. This F-rank dropout vet wasn't bluffing after all.
Lee Shinwoo spoke.
“I heard my subordinate was rude.”
“Eh, yeah. Aside from making me mop the floor again, no big deal.”
“I apologize. My training was lacking.”
Lee Shinwoo bowed politely. The lord of Zeus Guild, bowing to a mere veterinarian. That said it all about the desperation.
“To the point, then. Save Balakas.”
“You get a diagnosis? Plenty of famous healers out there.”
At Jinhyeok's question, Lee Shinwoo's expression darkened.
“National S-rank healers, grand archmages, even foreign priests we flew in. But... none could pinpoint the cause. They all said mana overload or lifespan decay.”
“So you gave up, then grabbed at straws and came here?”
“Frankly, yes. I just hope your manticore fix wasn't a fluke.”
Jinhyeok smirked. He liked the honesty.
“No fluke. That's my skill.”
“Quite confident.”
“Not confidence—fact. And your dragon? Not mana overload. It's from feeding it like shit.”
“Feeding? A problem with the diet?”
“You fed it only top-grade mana stones, right? Hundreds of kilos a day.”
“Of course. Dragons live on mana.”
Jinhyeok clicked his tongue.
“Feed a human premium hanwoo three meals a day, and it'll get hyperlipidemia. Think dragons are different? Mana stones are calorie bombs. No exercise, just pounding in high-cal stuff—organs can't take it. Mana circuits clogged, waste backed up—no shitting.”
“...!”
Lee Shinwoo's eyes widened. A perspective no one had considered. While experts obsessed over mana circulation or curses, this guy pointed to diet and constipation.
Absurd diagnosis. Yet convincingly so. Balakas had been too lazy to leave its nest lately, belly unusually bloated.
“Then... treatable?”
“Yep. Just unclog it.”
Jinhyeok's assured reply. Lee Shinwoo clenched his fist. Hope dawned.
“Good. Let's go now. Succeed, and anything you want—money? Fame? Guild exec position?”
“I'll make plenty of money ahead. Exec stuff's a hassle.”
Jinhyeok pulled a fresh contract from his desk drawer and slid it over. Ink still wet on the A4 sheet.
“This'll do.”
“This is...”
Lee Shinwoo scanned it. Simple terms.
Medical Billing Summary
1. Transfer of ownership for Zeus Guild's second headquarters site and building in Cheongdam-dong, Gangnam-gu.
2. Permanent protection and non-aggression pact from Zeus Guild for all future Arcana Medical Center operations.
3. No interference with the director's treatment policies.
Lee Shinwoo's brow twitched. Cheongdam-dong headquarters. Prime real estate worth over 500 billion won. And it was currently Balakas's nest.
“Too much, don't you think? Treating constipation for 500 billion?”
“Dragon's life worth only 500 billion? Balakas dies, Zeus stock halves easy.”
Jinhyeok pretended to punch a calculator.
“Wanting the nest 'cause I need to move the clinic. This place is too cramped—no room for S-rank beasts to stretch. Post-treatment recovery needs good facilities, right?”
Ballsy deal. But ironclad logic. Lee Shinwoo paused, then burst into hearty laughter.
“Hahaha! I like it. 500 billion? Save Balakas, I'd pay a trillion without blinking.”
Lee Shinwoo pulled a fountain pen from his coat and signed with bold, unhesitating strokes.
“But fail, and you'll pay dearly. You know my temper.”
“Medical mishap, I'll surrender my license. Oh, hunter cert too.”
Jinhyeok pocketed the contract, stood, and grabbed his house call bag.
“Let's go. Time to extract the patient's... accumulated waste.”
Smack in central Gangnam, Zeus Guild headquarters. Deepest within: a massive dome-shaped special isolation zone. Balakas's Nest.
Passing heavy security, Lee Shinwoo and Jinhyeok entered. Searing heat hit like lava flows. In the vast space—two soccer fields wide—a colossal red-scaled dragon huddled at the center.
“Kuooh...”
Pained groans. Balakas could barely open its eyes, rasping roughly. Dozens in white coats and robes bustled around—Korea's top medics and mages.
“Guild master is here!”
People parted. An elderly man in ornate gold-embroidered robes stepped forward. National certified S-rank healer and Korean Healer Association president—Kim Hyunseok.
“Guild master, you're here. Situation's dire. Balakas's mana levels are spiking critically. At this rate... it won't last the day.”
Kim Hyunseok reported gravely. Lee Shinwoo nodded, pointing to Jinhyeok behind him.
“Good work. He'll take lead now.”
“Pardon? This guy?”
Kim Hyunseok eyed Jinhyeok. Jeans, t-shirt, ratty gown. Leather bag instead of staff or holy relic.
“Who... might this be? New face. Some professor?”
“Arcana Animal Clinic director, Kang Jinhyeok.”
Jinhyeok handed over a business card. Kim Hyunseok took it, face twisting in disbelief.
“Animal... clinic? A veterinarian?”
“Yes. Dragons are animals too.”
“Hah! Unbelievable.”
Kim Hyunseok scoffed. Healers and mages murmured.
“Guild master, this is no joke. Entrusting a divine beast like a dragon to a vet who treats it like a dog or cat? Insult to Balakas!”
“Right! We S-rank healers couldn't diagnose— what does some vet know?!”
Outrage swelled. To them, dragons were objects of worship, mystical beings. Calling it an animal? Ego bruised.
Jinhyeok ignored the jeers, striding to Balakas's massive head.
Up close, worse than expected. Belly ballooned, anal muscles rigid—no tail lift.
“Move. Patient can't breathe.”
Jinhyeok shoved Kim Hyunseok aside. The elder flushed, yelling.
“Hey! Know mana circuits? Dragon physiology's complexity?”
“Complex my ass.”
Jinhyeok snorted.
“You said mana overload—why purification magic? Only heals?”
“W-Well... Balakas is weakened, needed vitality first...”
“Not vitality—guts clogged. Can't see the gas buildup?”
Jinhyeok tapped the belly. Thud, thud. Ripe watermelon... no, gas-filled balloon.
“Hear that? Bloat. Common in cows, horses. Gas pressing intestines, twisting mana circuits. Then you blast heals—perks up gut, more gas, no release. Torture.”
“B-Bloat? Dragons ain't cows!”
“All life same. Eat, shit, sleep. Can't? Gets sick.”
Jinhyeok opened his bag. Out came a massive syringe, mystery brown liquid vial, and... [Extra-Large Unblocker (Custom-Made)].
“Wh-What the hell?!”
“U-Unblocker?!”
Ignoring the shock, Jinhyeok turned to Lee Shinwoo.
“Guild master, treatment starting. Might get messy—weak stomachs, exit now. And...”
Jinhyeok raised the unblocker solemnly. Adamantium-coated, top mana-conductivity pro model.
“Healers. If all you know is heal, fetch water. Lots of it.”
“Water? For what?”
“Enema, duh. Ten tons of old shit in there—might need Han River water to flush.”
“E-Enema...?”
“Insane! Enema on a dragon?!”
Kim Hyunseok foamed at the mouth, near collapse. Jinhyeok already gloved up.
God's Hand (S)
Target: Fire Dragon Balakas
Procedure: Ultra-Fast Accumulated Waste Removal & Intestinal Massage
Golden mana poured from Jinhyeok's hands. He approached the dragon's... tailbone area.
“Alright, Balakas. Embarrassing, but endure. One shot, you'll feel better.”
Jinhyeok infused mana into the unblocker.
Vrrr—!
It vibrated, glowing blue.
Thus began hunter history's unprecedented [S-Rank Dragon Enema Operation].
Meanwhile, in Balakas's consciousness.
It hurts... belly hurts so much...
Balakas wandered endless agony. Pride of the great fire dragon? Long gone. Gut-wrenching cramps. Couldn't even breathe fire.
Humans kept blasting light—made it worse. Stop. Leave me. Just kill me.
Then, a strange voice from the dark.
—“Relax now. Uncle'll clear you out nice.”
Warm. Unlike humans' awe, fear, greed—this was pure pity and healing.
—“Good boy. Loosen the sphincter.”
What? Sphincter? Daring to discuss a great dragon's? Balakas wanted to rage, but body relaxed. Warmth seeped from rear; jammed boulder shifted.
—“One, two, three! Unclog!”
Pop—!
Real world. Massive rupture; Balakas's tail shot up.
“Aaaagh!”
“D-Dodge!”
Kim Hyunseok and healers screamed, scattering. Jinhyeok didn't budge. Mana shield up, gripped unblocker tight.
“Coming! Make way!”
With his shout, colossal gas—and something—erupted from Balakas's rear.
Not mere waste. Condensed mana residue. Undigested mana stone remnants. All exploded out.
Kwaaaa—!
“
“Kruuuuh...!”
Balakas reared its head, unleashing its first relieved groan—a roar of cathartic joy, like decades-old phlegm dislodged.
The dome filled with yellowish gas. S-rank healers clutched noses, retching. Even Lee Shinwoo grimaced, stepping back.
But one man beamed amid the stench: Kang Jinhyeok.
“See? Poisoned by its own shit.”
Jinhyeok wiped sweat, stowing the unblocker. System messages exploded before his eyes.
As gas cleared, the massive red dragon rose. Dulled eyes now blazed golden.
It turned, lowering its huge head to Jinhyeok's chest. Not submission—true gratitude and respect.
“...Not mommy. Doctor.”
Jinhyeok stroked the dragon's snout, chuckling. Glancing around, healers like Kim Hyunseok gaped, jaws on floors.
Jinhyeok shrugged at them.
“Saw that, right? Sometimes enemas beat fancy magic.”
Thus proven: why he was irreplaceable. Ownership of Zeus's Gangnam HQ now changed hands. Soon, global rankers would line up to fix their monsters' constipation and toothaches.