Seeping Into Seolhwa (4)
Why did her eyes look so unfocused?
I couldn’t quite put my finger on the reason, but a chill ran down my spine. Rubbing the back of my neck, I answered.
“She’s a dance major, class of ’23, but I don’t know her well either. First time I’ve seen her today.”
“……Hmm. I see. A dance major, class of ’23.”
Seolhwa’s unfocused gaze fixed steadily on the direction the dance major girl had gone.
“Dance major class of ’23, ponytail. Dance major class of ’23, ponytail. Dance major class of ’23, ponytail…….”
“…….”
……What’s wrong with her?
She kept muttering to herself for a long, long time, staring that way. Just as I was starting to feel genuinely creeped out, she suddenly whipped her head around.
“Oppa, does this kind of thing happen often?”
“Not often. Once in a while, maybe.”
Just last year alone, there had been five or six times when simply locking eyes by chance led the other person to misunderstand and quietly approach, asking for my phone number or SNS. I’d been focused on voice acting work back then, so I turned them all down.
“Then, when that once-in-a-while thing happens… what do you do, Oppa?”
“I’ve turned them all down so far.”
“So far…?”
“Yeah. So far.”
I answered clearly when she pressed, and for some reason Seolhwa fell silent.
“……Oppa.”
Then, with a suddenly anxious look, she grabbed my wrist.
“Let’s go.”
“Huh? Where?”
“To the bus. It’s almost time to leave.”
“Ah, yeah. Okay…….”
“…….”
She bit down hard on her lower lip and strode ahead.
After that we drove another two hours and reached our destination.
The Computer Science students got off near the pension in Sokcho, Gangwon Province, unpacked in their assigned rooms, then regrouped in front of the bus. Recreation would start in the late afternoon; right now it was lunchtime, so food came first. Once everyone had filled their stomachs properly, we boarded the bus again and headed to a nearby ecological park.
According to Jehyeon—the freshman class president stuck with all the odd jobs and guiding—we’d spend about an hour here before heading back to the lodging. After that came a light sports meet, free time, dinner, talent show, more free time, and once the sun was fully down, a group drinking party to wrap the day’s schedule.
“Alright, everyone heard the rundown? You’ve got one hour to look around freely, then gather in front of the bus ten minutes before the meeting time. We can’t leave until everyone’s accounted for, so please keep to the schedule. Got it?”
“Yes.”
Nobody answered, so I did. The student next to me followed, and then a flat chorus of replies spilled out after us.
“Hyung! Hoyeong hyung!”
“Huh?”
Just as the group started to scatter and I was about to move, Jehyeon called me back and winked. He was probably trying to thank me, but I don’t particularly like winks from guys, so I waved him off and tapped Seolhwa’s shoulder.
“Let’s go, Seolhwa.”
“Ah, yes…….”
She’d been scanning the surroundings intently; now she fell into step beside me.
I headed for the longest walking trail, planning a leisurely pace, and struck up conversation without much thought.
“You’ve been looking all over the place since earlier. Looking for someone?”
Seolhwa stopped dead in the middle of the path and stared at me.
“……No.”
“…….”
It sure didn’t feel like a no.
I almost pressed harder, then simply nodded.
“……Alright. Let’s just walk.”
Walking, in this case, meant endlessly treading flat ground. Still, sometimes emptying your head and just moving your feet wasn’t bad.
Lush green forest, a clear lake—nature that healed just by looking at it filled my vision. I walked slowly, trying to take it all in, but Seolhwa beside me seemed elsewhere the entire time.
She answered my questions half-heartedly, kept glancing behind us, then to the side. She wouldn’t look my way at all, almost as if someone were chasing her. It bothered me enough that I led her somewhere secluded.
“Seolhwa.”
Deep inside the ecological park, where the undergrowth grew thick.
Decades-old trees stood densely enough that you couldn’t see five meters out; here, she would have no choice but to focus on me. I leaned against a trunk five times thicker than I was and glanced at her.
Seolhwa answered with oddly anxious, faintly trembling eyes.
“Yes.”
“Do you… have something on your mind?”
I normally wouldn’t throw a pitch that straight, but the words slipped out before I could stop them.
Seolhwa shook her head.
“Huh? No, nothing like that.”
“Then why do you keep looking everywhere else? It’s completely different from usual.”
“It’s not. It’s the same as always…….”
“Lie.”
I stated it flatly and tapped the corner of my eye.
“Whenever we talk, you always look straight into my eyes. But from a little while ago, you haven’t looked my way once. For a full two hours. Not even once.”
“……C-coincidence, right? Sometimes I talk without looking at people’s eyes too.”
“See? You’re not looking right now either.”
When I pointed out that she had already averted her gaze again, Seolhwa turned her eyes back to me.
Only for a moment. Soon her spirit seemed to droop and she lowered them.
I gently caught her wrist.
“You do have something on your mind, don’t you?”
I held on, pouring the meaning that I wouldn’t let go until she answered properly into my grip, and stared steadily at her.
Unable to endure the gaze boring into the crown of her head, Seolhwa carefully lifted her face.
“Tell me.”
“……Well… I’m not sure if you’d call it a worry.”
Hesitantly, she murmured in a quiet voice.
“There’s one thing I’m a little worried about…….”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“The man I’ve been paying attention to…… received a note from some girl.”
“……Huh?”
“And he carefully tucked that note into his pocket, you know……?”
Wait.
Is this about me?
“……Oppa, what should I do?”
Seolhwa looked up at me with faintly moist eyes.
That gaze confirmed it. This was exactly the story I had half-suspected.
I’d received the note, felt awkward throwing it away immediately, and stuck it in my pocket because I didn’t know what else to do with it—only for Seolhwa to see it and quietly fret over it.
Not quietly. Massively, apparently.
Anyway, I felt bad for unintentionally scrambling her thoughts. I took the note from my pocket and laid it on my open right palm.
Then I held that hand out toward her.
“Take it.”
“……What?”
“This. Take it.”
After a brief hesitation, Seolhwa stretched out her hand and took the note.
“Do whatever you want with it now.”
“……W-with what?”
“That note. It means handle it however you like, Seolhwa. Throw it away or keep it—your call.”
The goodwill of some dance major girl, or the peace of mind of the Seolhwa standing right in front of me. If I had to pick only one, of course I’d pick the latter.
Honestly, they weren’t even in the same league.
I didn’t know the dance major girl’s name or surname, had zero points of contact with her. Seolhwa was a junior in the same department and the novelist I loved most in the world.
Was I really going to let something as worthless to me as one little note shake Seolhwa’s mental state?
If it meant taking care of her headspace, I could hand over a hundred or a thousand of these notes. Of course I could.
Thinking that with complete sincerity, I casually folded my arms and waited for her next move.
“…….”
Seolhwa looked down at the note instead of me.
A faint venom even colored her gaze. Just looking at the thing seemed to birth resentment.
“Is it really okay to do whatever I want?”
“Yeah.”
“Really, really? You won’t change your mind later?”
“Want me to write you a handwritten affidavit?”
Something like: I, Baek Hoyeong, will not claim any damages even if Seolhwa disposes of the note.
I asked with a snort of laughter. Seolhwa nodded as if she understood, then took a deep breath.
“……Huu.”
And she gripped both corners of the note with both hands.
Riiiiip—!
“……Hhk, euk!”
She tore it in half, then half again, then into quarters, shredding it into so many strips that its original form was unrecognizable. Still unsatisfied, she raked her nails across the remains, clenched her teeth, and flung the scraps to the ground.
“Huu, huu…….”
Seolhwa stared at what had once been a note—now thoroughly destroyed by her own hands—and dragged in rough breaths.
Having vented, her expression looked a little lighter, so I figured this was enough and crooked a finger at her.
Come closer. She understood and shuffled up to stand in front of me.
“How about it? Feel a bit better now?”
“……Yes. A little.”
I was about to say Good, then that’s a relief when Seolhwa took one more step and lightly caught my sleeve.
“Um, Oppa.”
“Yeah?”
“……If, next time too.”
Uncharacteristically hesitant, she carefully chose her words.
I met her eyes, telling her she could speak freely. That seemed to give her courage; she spoke with a resolute face.
“If you receive another note or something like that next time…… will you give it to me?”
Demand or question? The line was ambiguous.
I gently took her hand and carefully peeled it off as I spoke.
“Would you like me to?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“…….”
Her hand tightened.
No answer came, but the very fact that she couldn’t answer right away was proof she was shaken.
And being shaken by my question meant she was wrestling with complicated thoughts.
“If you don’t answer, I can’t give them to you.”
“……Euk.”
“Not going to talk?”
Maybe my relentless probing made her feel wronged; Seolhwa simply stared at me while lightly biting her lower lip.
“If you don’t want to say it, should I try guessing?”
The way she looked at me with that slightly wounded expression was so cute that I lightly caught her under the chin and asked more teasingly on purpose.
“……It’s because you hate me talking to other girls, right?”
“…….”
A flinch.
Hit the mark; her pupils wavered for an instant.
But only for an instant. Soon she started looking at me with resentment. You already know, so why ask?
……Why? Because it’s cute, that’s why.
That perverted girl getting her emotions whipped into a frenzy over a single word of mine was both adorable and fascinating.
Anyway, I hid that thought, smiled slyly, and gently stroked her cheek. The skin under my fingers visibly heated up little by little.
Whether it was because of me or because she was born sensitive, Seolhwa’s face had flushed faintly; she let out a sweet little sigh.
“Th-that’s right…….”
“What’s right?”
“That I hate it when Oppa talks to other girls……. That’s why I’m doing this. It’s true.”
“Is that so? Why do you hate it?”
“……Because Oppa is my Master.”
As if the words had given her certainty, Seolhwa spoke with more force and clarity than before.
“Because Oppa is my Master……. I want you to look only at me. Only me.”
“Because I’m Seolhwa’s Master, you want me to look only at you and not other girls?”
“……Yes.”
As if embarrassed, as if awkward, she quietly averted her eyes and lowered them.
I rested a hand on her waist and gently kneaded as I spoke.
“Alright. I get what you mean, but…… didn’t we already agree on this last time? That you have to look only at me, but I’m free to talk to other girls too. Remember?”
It hadn’t been sincere at the time—just shock therapy.
I brought up that old declaration to corner her a little and see what cute reaction I’d get, but Seolhwa only looked up at me with moist eyes, as if she had nothing left to say.
“……That’s true, but……. St-still.”
“Still?”
“I want Oppa to only…….”
Seolhwa stretched out a hand and lightly caught my collar.
“……Only with me. I want us to only touch each other.”
Her breathing turned irregular.
“Me. When I imagine Oppa doing the things we did… with another girl……. It feels like something here is squeezing tight…….”
I glanced down; she was pressing hard against her own chest with her right hand.
“So I hate that so much……. I want you to promise me……. Please.”
Seolhwa looked at me.
“If you promise you’ll only look at me……. If you make that promise.”
“…….”
“I’ll do anything you tell me to, Oppa. Anything. I can do it all…….”
“……!”
Anything I ordered? Was she serious?
I asked again with only my eyes, unable to believe it. Seolhwa carefully nodded.
It meant that if I just made the promise, she would truly follow any demand I made.
……Then.
Ever since I learned of the person called author Seol Yahan, ever since I met the woman named Seolhwa.
Was the thing I had thought might “maybe be possible……” actually becoming reality?
“…….”
Imagination made real.
That dangerous desire set fire to the kindling in my heart. With one hand on her waist and the other cupping her chin, I locked eyes with her.
“Alright. I’ll promise.”
“……Huh? R-really?”
“On one condition.”
I gently pressed her lips with my thumb.
It was nothing much, yet Seolhwa seemed to faintly sense the desire behind it; she looked up at me with a gaze mixed with a little anticipation, excitement, and a strange unease.
“…….”
“Seolhwa, from today on, you will——.”