First Shoot! (3)
The next morning—March 3rd—I woke in the lodging near the set, showered, and stepped out.
Drying my hair was a trial every single time, thanks to this long hair I'd never had as a man. Still, it had already been two months since I'd become a woman. By now, I really ought to have gotten used to it.
Like hell. This is such a pain. Can't I just cut it off?
I'd asked Kang Ho-yeon once. At the time, she'd practically screamed that I was absolutely not allowed to cut it, so I'd had no choice but to give up.
"Haa..."
I let out a long sigh and flopped facedown onto the bed in nothing but my underwear. My mind was a tangle, and the reason was what had happened on set yesterday.
"Jiwoo? You're all right. Shall we try it one more time?"
For someone preparing to become a VTuber, going off-key was one of those things you absolutely could not do. The one silver lining was that the only people who knew I was preparing to be a VTuber were PD Kang Wonseong and Yoo Minho. Relieved by that, I went back into the take.
That was when it started.
"I knew it'd turn out like this. A kid like that landing a role? Her agency must've begged them for it."
"That's not it. I heard she's got dirt on some big shots at the network."
"If that's true, she shouldn't even be in this industry."
The actors who'd been waiting for me to slip up started tearing me down one after another. Their eyes had been strange from the start. They'd acted as if they had no interest in me, but their gazes never stopped following me. I didn't believe for a second it was coincidence—even when I was talking with other actors, their eyes stayed locked on me.
I pulled myself together, steadied my breathing, and ran through the script in my head before throwing myself back into the take.
Kang Sora was in a state where she hadn't yet realized she was dead. It was the scene where she opened her eyes in the practice room she'd only ever dreamed of, and sang her heart out.
To become Kang Sora completely, I needed to understand her life. A girl who'd been the breadwinner of her family, looking after her little siblings, only to have her legs cut out from under her before she could even run toward her dream—a woman of misfortune.
I let out a breath more stable than before and gave PD Kang Wonseong the okay.
"Okay! High—action!"
At the cue from the real world, I became Kang Sora, opened my mouth, and lifted my voice.
"Na, nanana."
Joyfully—and yet I poured out, right there, the bitter grief of a hard life she'd had to endure all alone. I wasn't the real Kang Sora, so I couldn't truly unravel her life. But I had a life of my own, from when I'd been a man. Expectation and betrayal. Then losing hope, living in loneliness, and decorating the end with death. I poured that life into it.
Kang Sora sang. And she sang again. She sang as if, by singing here and now, she could shake off every last grievance and pass on in peace.
"Whoa..."
The song, heavy with Kang Sora's bitter grief, rang through the entire set. The envy and jealousy that had been on people's faces just moments ago were long gone. They were already lost in Kang Sora's song, listening with everything they had.
"She's insane. That's a rookie?"
"I mean... we get paid for this, but... I don't know if we should've been treating a kid like that that way..."
"Yeah. Honestly... even if I took that role, I couldn't sing with that kind of grief in it."
"Exactly. It's not even that she's a good actress. That... you should check if she's even human first..."
The actors whispered behind me. Hearing those whispers, Jin Ji-hwa found herself biting her lip without meaning to.
At first I thought she was just a kid who could act... At this rate, it's only a matter of time before she eats us alive. But... was that really the same girl from a moment ago?
When she'd first seen her, she'd thought of her as nothing more than a bright, sunny kid without a care in the world. But if she could put on a performance of that caliber...
Jin Ji-hwa buried her face even closer to the video monitor and began studying her in minute detail.
"Good... she's doing well."
PD Kang Wonseong was in an excellent mood. Thanks to Jiwoo's performance, every actor on set was being pushed. The drama's quality was going to climb another notch—all because of a single actor.
"Okay! Cut—!"
Remembering what had happened yesterday, I felt my face heat up.
"Nngaaaah!"
Kang Sora's life and mine, from when I'd been a man, were completely different. I hadn't had a family to take care of. I'd just earned money alone and lived alone, quietly and lonely. Kang Sora, no matter how hard things got, drew strength and courage from her family's smiles—a classic story of a girl breadwinner.
"And I went and ruined a story like that...!"
I had no idea how I was supposed to look PD Kang Wonseong in the eye. I couldn't even lift my head.
Then—
"Jiwoo, you up?"
A woman's voice came from outside the door. Kang Ho-yeon. I checked the time: 7 a.m.
I'm late...!
I'd come in at dawn yesterday and fallen asleep right away, but the fatigue still hadn't fully lifted, and I'd ended up sleeping in.
"Ah... I don't know. I'll just go today, apologize to the director, and either reshoot, or..."
I should just quit, right?
I only felt sorry toward PD Kang Wonseong, who'd believed in me, and toward senior Go Eun-hye and actress Jin Ji-hwa, who'd cheered on my acting.
"Yes, I'm up."
"Jiwoo? Why's your face like that? Did you not sleep properly last night? Or... is it because you're in a different bed?"
There were plenty of people who couldn't sleep if their bed changed or they didn't have their own pillow. Kang Ho-yeon looked at me with a worried expression, wondering if I was one of those people.
"No... I slept fine. I just don't know if yesterday's shoot went well. If I can go to the director and reshoot... and I made so many mistakes, too."
Kang Ho-yeon listened in silence, then rested a hand on my shoulder.
"Jiwoo, listen. Nobody nails a performance on the first try. Even veterans with ten, twenty years under their belts rack up NGs every single time. And yesterday was your first shoot, wasn't it? Nobody's going to expect you to get it in one take."
An NG was just the process of getting to an OK. Even if you messed up and got an NG, if the director liked the acting, that was an OK. There was no right answer in acting. That was what Kang Ho-yeon was trying to tell me. But I didn't know that. I was just a greenhorn who'd gotten lucky with a casting.
"I understand."
I nodded for now. I still didn't know what it meant to be an actor, or what it meant to get an NG. But there was one thing I did know.
"I'll give it everything I've got."
That I had to see the shoot through to the end without giving up.
"Then... hurry up and get ready! Dry your hair already! And... put some clothes on! What are you going to do if you catch a cold like that!"
Ah... right. I was still in my underwear. I scrambled over, unzipped my suitcase, and pulled out clothes to put on. Meanwhile, Kang Ho-yeon brought over a hair dryer and dried my hair for me.
"Ah... that's warm. I can never get it this warm myself."
"That's because you don't know how to dry it. Here. We'll dry it roughly and leave the rest to the stylists."
"Okay."
Today, as always, I finished the three-hour makeup marathon and headed out to the set.
"Hello!"
I greeted them in a big voice. Unlike yesterday, when I'd been consistently ignored, a lot of the actors returned my greeting.
"Jiwoo. Morning. Give it your all today, too."
"Hello."
"Do you... happen to be on Stargram? Could we follow each other..."
It wasn't a full one-eighty, but the atmosphere on set was completely different from yesterday.
"Director...? What's going on?"
"You don't know?"
"Huh? I... wouldn't, no?"
If I'd known, I wouldn't have asked. PD Kang Wonseong studied my face, then gave my head a light pat.
"This is all because of you."
"Me? I didn't do anything..."
"If you don't get it, look over there."
Over there, actress Jin Ji-hwa and senior Go Eun-hye were sitting in chairs, script pages in their hands.
"Those papers..."
"Script books. Yesterday Jin Ji-hwa came to me and asked what image I had in mind for the female lead. Until now, no actor has ever asked me that."
"Why... wouldn't they?"
PD Kang Wonseong laughed lightly.
"Pride, that's why."
Pride, of all things. As I watched the two actresses poring over their scripts, PD Kang Wonseong went on.
"Getting cast as a drama's female lead means your name recognition and your acting have risen to a certain level. From that point on, actors get proud. So they don't ask the director or the PD—they just stew over it alone."
"Then why this time?"
"Because you put on a performance like that yesterday. What actor is going to just sit still after seeing that?"
"...."
Honestly, I'd been about to say that yesterday's acting had been wrong. Looking at the set, I realized how stupid that thought had been. It wasn't just Jin Ji-hwa and senior Go Eun-hye. I could hear the other actors, too, reading their scripts and muttering to themselves.
"I'm sorry."
At the sudden apology, a question marked itself across PD Kang Wonseong's face.
"Sorry for what? What did you do wrong?"
"No. I almost did something stupid, and you stopped me before I could. In return, I'll work even harder on today's shoot!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the set, in a quiet space—a corner generally set aside for actors to rest and work through their scripts—
"Go Eun-hye. How did you see Jiwoo's acting yesterday?"
"Mm... I was surprised. Even when I saw her before, she acted well, but the feeling that she was imitating someone was strong."
Jin Ji-hwa nodded at that. She hadn't been on set at the time, but she'd confirmed Jiwoo's acting through footage the making-of team had sent over. Acting that looked familiar and yet awkward. That didn't mean it had been bad.
"At first I only thought of her lightly."
"I was the same, so there's no need to take it too hard. We were the ones in the wrong for thinking of her as just a rookie."
Go Eun-hye's expression suddenly changed.
"But even so, yesterday's performance crossed a line. I've been acting for over thirty years, and I've only seen a handful of people who could unfold a role itself like that."
"Who else performs like Jiwoo?"
"Ji-hwa, you should know at least one of them."
"Yes? Who..."
"Who else. Shin Joo-yeon—the one who won Best Actress at Cannes before I did."
Jin Ji-hwa was so startled by the name she hadn't expected that she froze.