Nothing Lewd Allowed!
The last scraps of summer vacation were barely underway when a phone shattered the morning.
Brrring. Brrrring.
Kim Woojin rolled over with a long, stretching yawn and groped across the sheets until his fingers found his phone. He squinted at the screen, trying to figure out who would dare call this early.
"What... it's Wooseok."
He could have ignored it. There was only ever one reason Choi Wooseok called at an hour like this, though.
Something urgent.
"I'm so sleepy..."
He'd been running acting drills until dawn, so even though it was already past ten, his body was still begging for more sleep. He answered anyway.
"Hello...?"
"Hey! You're still asleep?! Get up already!"
"I... had class until dawn. I'm exhausted. If it's nothing important, can you just leave me alone?"
"I don't care either way, but don't do something you'll regret later."
Regret?
Was there actually something urgent enough that the word regret had come out of Choi Wooseok's mouth? Woojin racked his brain and came up empty. His days were games, VTuber videos, and the occasional workout squeezed in between. He shook his head.
"What would I even regret?"
"Ah, whatever! Just get on SNS and watch Jiwoo's stream!"
"Jiwoo's... stream? She went live this early? There wasn't any notice."
"When has she ever posted a notice before going live? A stream is something you start when you feel like it."
He wasn't wrong.
Until now — no, even now — Jiwoo's fans poured out the same plea: couldn't she please, please give them a heads-up before going live? And every time, Jiwoo would answer that doing a rigidly scheduled broadcast just wasn't her style; she wanted to talk with everyone comfortably, whenever the mood struck. After a line like that, the fans couldn't say another word. Behind her back, of course, they still muttered that a little notice wouldn't kill her.
But a stream at this hour... He'd heard she'd collabed with her teammates in Japan yesterday. He'd already asked Choi Wooseok to record the VOD for him. A replay would go up on the Kuro account too, but the full NewTube VOD with everything in frame never did.
Not that it matters. I was going to watch both anyway.
"So what's it gonna be? You watching or not?"
"Of course I'm watching. Thanks to you, I'm wide awake."
"Right? Then hurry up and open it."
...Huh?
Open it? Open what?
It took Kim Woojin a full minute to parse what Choi Wooseok actually meant. The second that minute was up, the half-lidded eyes that had been drowning in sleep flew wide.
"You... you don't mean—!"
"Yep. That's exactly what I mean."
Ding-dong—
The doorbell rang, right on cue. Choi Wooseok was already standing at the front door.
"Are you insane? What if my mom's home?!"
"Relax. I already called your mother."
"How do you even have my mom's number?"
"That? I got it the first time we met."
"...What?"
"You didn't know? I'm friends with your mom."
Why was he finding that out from his friend's mouth?
He dragged himself out of bed and opened the front door. Choi Wooseok stood there holding a paper bag.
"What's that?"
"How are you more interested in the bag than in your actual friend?"
"Am I... supposed to be interested in you?"
"Haa... this is why you don't have any friends except me. You really need to treat Jiwoo right."
What was he even talking about?
Woojin couldn't make heads or tails of it. If Wooseok had time to spout nonsense like that, he could at least come inside.
"Well then, pardon the intrusion. We watching on the computer or the phone?"
"Just put it on the computer. Bigger screen."
The two of them sat side by side, logged into SNS, and dove into Jiwoo's stream.
"Is that... an eye?"
"Did the stream glitch out?"
It had only been live for about five minutes. They could hear her voice, but the only thing on screen was one of Jiwoo's pretty eyes, filling the frame.
"What's with those trolls? Jiwoo's the leader — she can't even say that? I swear, those chronically offended freaks are the real problem. Am I right?"
"Uh... y-yeah."
Kim Woojin had no idea what Choi Wooseok was talking about. Trolls? Chronically offended freaks? From the way he said it, both were apparently a problem — the chat was dumping an entire truckload of curses on them, too. Not that any of it made it through. The filter was catching every last word and snipping it out.
Jiwoo bantered with the viewers a few more times, then draped a cloth over her phone. Her voice receded, growing fainter and fainter.
The cloth came off the phone, and at last Jiwoo herself filled the screen.
"Whoa..."
"Oh."
Kim Woojin let out a gasp before he even knew he'd made a sound.
Once you started studying acting, you ran into plenty of pretty trainees with great bodies. He'd always figured he wouldn't lose to anyone in the confidence department, either. But Jiwoo's outfit right now — if you could even call it an outfit — was a swimsuit so dizzying he felt his brain unplug on the spot.
"Hey. Hey! Snap out of it. You're drooling, you animal. That good, huh?"
"Slurp... w-what are you talking about! I'm just, as a friend. If she goes out like that, weird guys are going to swarm her!"
"Sure, sure. I get what you're saying. Wipe your mouth."
Woojin took the tissue Wooseok handed him and wiped around his lips, but he still couldn't tear his eyes off the monitor. Jiwoo's swimsuit was that much of a shock to the system.
It was the kind of bikini you saw often enough at a pool or the beach — except this was Jiwoo wearing it, the same Jiwoo whose chest already drew eyes even under a school uniform. He could not get his head back on straight. That jet-black bikini against her milky skin was a match so unfair it felt personal. For a guy who had read through countless scripts and characters, Kim Woojin could not, for the life of him, come up with a single line.
And he was not the only one. The viewers, well aware she was still a student, were swallowing blood and tears rather than say anything too blunt.
"Hey, stop staring. You're going to burn a hole through the monitor."
"What? When did I ever stare a hole through anything?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll just assume my friend fell in love and his brain melted."
"L-love? Don't be ridiculous! I'm just... as Jiwoo's friend, I'm a little... you know!"
"I didn't even say the name Jiwoo."
"..."
He'd walked straight into a trap that flimsy. Kim Woojin clenched his jaw and changed the subject.
"So what's in that paper bag you brought?"
"Oh... that's how you're pivoting? Fine, since you clearly don't want to talk about it. This bag? Brunch. I got burgers. Eat."
Woojin opened his mouth to ask about the money, but Choi Wooseok beat him to it.
"Ah, and I already got the cash from your mom, so I'll go hand it over to her."
Choi Wooseok stood and left the room. Woojin was alone with the monitor — and with Jiwoo on it, wearing that black bikini.
"Ah, come on... it's really not like that."
His mouth said no. His heart was hammering anyway.
What did he think...
"She's so pretty."
Late as they were, the nice reactions started trickling in one by one. I'd been a little worried someone would cross a line, but my fans were a lot kinder than I'd given them credit for.
"Isn't that obvious? Jiwoo, you're still a student. A minor. A kid your age puts on a bikini that spicy, and if anyone in chat goes hehe, so good, I'm so horny, they get archived on the spot and their whole identity gets stripped bare."
So, in short... nothing lewd allowed?
Come to think of it, I kept forgetting I was a student. I'd been living in this body for almost half a year already, but the days I actually went to school I could count on one hand. Of course it slipped my mind.
Once this movie wraps, I should ask them to rearrange my schedule so I can actually go to class.
Whether she'd read my mind or not, Hoyeon unnie — who'd stepped out saying she'd be right back — returned.
"Jiwoo. Sorry, but once the movie's over, your schedule is going to be pretty packed."
"...What? Why? There shouldn't be anything else once the movie's done."
Or was there a booking I hadn't seen yet?
I opened the calendar on the phone I wasn't streaming from and checked my schedule. After the movie, the days were completely empty. Nothing confirmed.
"Well... I just got off a call. It was the company. Jiwoo, they booked you on a variety show."
"A variety show?"
A variety show, out of nowhere. I hadn't even finished a project — we'd only just started shooting — and they already wanted me on variety? That was fast. Too fast.
"I know what you're thinking, but this one's been in talks since you were filming The Days We Had. And the shoot just happens to land around October, right when the movie wraps, so the CEO doesn't seem to mind."
"Uh... so I just film the variety show for a few days, right?"
Hoyeon unnie shook her head, a bitter look on her face.
"It'll probably be... at least a month."
"Ha — a whole month? What are they filming that takes that long..."
"That's... haa. I don't know the details either, but they said you'd be shooting overseas. And it's... a chase variety show, apparently?"
"...What?"
I'm sorry, what was that supposed to mean?
Me, a physical wreck in all but name... on a chase variety show?
"L-look, don't stew on it too much right now. Today's for having fun! Everyone! That's your mission! No other worries today — just play your hearts out!"
Play our hearts out, she said. My own heart felt like a brick.
"Jiwoo-chan! Come on, let's go! Tsuki wants to ride the waterslide!"
"Haa... fine. Let's go."
I sighed and let Tsuki pull me by the hand onto the tallest waterslide in Tokyo.
And I regretted it immediately.
"....Never again."
"Kyahaha!! Jiwoo-chan's scream was so cute!"
"It was not cute at all!"
"Kyahaha!! Okay, next! Let's go to the next one!"
I just wanted to sit down for a second...
After that, Tsuki kept dragging me by the hand, and I got bullied onto ride after ride whether I wanted to or not.
"Somebody... s-save me..."
I have a fear of heights, you know...