How to Let Go
"Hahh..."
My body went slack, and a groan that belonged on a middle-aged man slipped out before I could stop it.
I was soaking in a warm bath. Even during the quick shower beforehand, the fragrant scent of hinoki cypress had been teasing my nose. I'd been itching to climb in as fast as I could, and coming here had absolutely been the right call.
"Feels like every last bit of recent fatigue is just melting away... This is too good."
There was nobody else in the bath. Tsuki had insisted it wasn't even the men's hours and wriggled her fingers in that unnervingly suggestive way while suggesting we bathe together, so I had quietly made my escape.
The moment I stepped in here with Tsuki, nothing she did to me would even be surprising. This body was mine to protect — no one else's. I swore I would never let things go her way. That vow lasted about three seconds.
"Hahh..."
Warm water seeping all the way into my bones blasted every useless stray thought clean out of my head. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to enjoy this water.
"In a few days I'll be back in Korea for the film shoot... and I have to stream, and oh right, I have to go to school too."
I hadn't even gotten a proper rest over break, and once the second semester started my schedule was only going to swell. I found myself wishing I could pull a shadow-clone trick like the hero of that ninja anime.
That was when it happened.
Rattle.
The bathhouse door eased open, and someone stepped inside. My shoulders jerked.
Who? They said nobody used the bath at this hour.
Tsuki had been grabbed by Yuwol and Jina and hauled off somewhere, which was the only reason I'd had time to come here alone. I turned around to see who had come in.
"Ah... Tsuki's mother."
"Calling me by that name is a bit long, don't you think? From now on, just call me Mother. I think I'd much rather hear it that way myself."
"Mother...?"
For some reason, Tsuki's family had been remarkably warm toward me. After the stream ended I had sat down briefly with Tsuki's grandfather and her father, and both of them had treated me kindly. When I had come here before, they hadn't said a word more than they needed to, had they?
"Does it seem strange that we're being kind to you?"
"Ah, no. Not strange, exactly... just a little? Is it that obvious?"
Tsuki's mother nodded.
"You said you act for a living, but it seems you aren't very good at acting in real life. That's probably why Tsuki is so taken with you. She's a thoughtful child in her own way... not the sort who would attach herself to someone just because they put on a pretty surface."
"Ah... right."
Was that it? From the first time we met she had glued herself to my side and shown no interest in peeling off. I had even found traces of her trying to infiltrate my blankets on the day she left Korea. That was how much she liked me.
"Tsuki is rather aggressive and reckless, isn't she?"
"That's... I can't quite bring myself to say she isn't."
I considered a white lie for a second, then told the truth.
"She sneaks into my bed every time, she tries to grab my chest, and once she even picked up the laundry I'd taken off and smelled it. And also..."
"Ah, I understand. I'll have a firm word with her about that."
"I wasn't finished yet... well, if just that much gets fixed, it'll be plenty."
There had been a day my schedule wrapped early and I had gotten back to the VTuber Idol Dormitory sooner than usual. Yuwol and Jina had both been at their family homes on business, so Tsuki had been alone in the dorm.
Nngh... J-Jiwoo-chan...♡
Ugh. Just thinking about it gave me goosebumps. She had been looking at my photo while... no. I was not going to think about that any further.
Tsuki was the same age I had been at my peak. An exploding sex drive was only natural — a physiological thing. And she hadn't done it in front of us. She had been alone when no one was around. She hadn't even hurt anyone.
Splash.
Tsuki's mother slowly poured water from a basin over her shoulders, then dampened a towel slightly, about to use body wash.
"Let me scrub your back."
Just sitting quietly in the tub by myself was starting to feel a little awkward. Better to scrub her back and deepen the relationship — that would pay off for future me.
Starting tomorrow, she's basically my cooking teacher anyway.
The cooking class we had meant to start today had, for some reason, been pushed to tomorrow.
"Would you... mind if I did your back?"
"Of course not."
She agreed readily enough. I took the towel and slowly worked it over her back.
Clean, milky skin. Even compared to me, with my still-boyish complexion, she didn't lose at all. I wondered how much work it had taken to maintain skin this good. Put a school uniform on her and she would look exactly like a student.
Come to think of it, Mom's skin had been excellent too. Even now, every time I called to check in, she asked whether any good cosmetics ads had come my way — that was how serious she was about skincare.
"Why are you staring so hard?"
"Your skin is just so good. I should be taking care of mine like this too... but I've been so scattered lately that it feels like it's getting a little dull."
"Your skin..."
Tsuki's mother turned and studied my face. Then a light sigh left her lips.
"Jiwoo. At your age, no matter how hard things get, your skin doesn't fall apart that easily. Using cosmetics packed with strong active ingredients is far more likely to ruin it. You mentioned you work as an actress in addition to streaming, yes?"
I listened quietly and nodded.
"An actress has her face touched constantly with all kinds of makeup. That's probably why it feels dull. Even so, at your age, enough rest will bring it back to normal. Rather than slathering on products, just rest comfortably."
I would rest plenty if I could... but she wasn't wrong about a single thing, so I didn't bother saying so.
"I understand. You're juggling acting, streaming, and schoolwork. I imagine you don't have a spare moment."
That was true enough. I was acting even when it meant missing school, streaming in the gaps, and only showing up to class in the morning when I had no schedule. Come to think of it, I was basically going to school however the hell I pleased. No wonder the kids in my class had a hard time getting close to me.
"Then is there any method at all? Acting, streaming... and school on top of that. Some way to catch all three rabbits at once."
"Mm... in all the years I've lived, a method like that... simply does not exist. To fill one thing, you have no choice but to empty another. A person's time is not infinite."
A person's time is not infinite... The words landed squarely in my chest. Maybe it was because she was someone who taught people through cooking, but every sentence she spoke had a real flavor to it. I ought to be doing streams like that.
Giving it my all isn't going to be enough.
Without meaning to, strength gathered in my hands, and I scrubbed her back a little too hard.
"Ah. Jiwoo, there's too much force in your hands. Ease up a little, please."
"Ah... yes. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. I can tell what you were thinking just now, though. Tension rising, energy welling up? That's a good thing, of course. But there are times when a person has to let the strength out of their body."
"Let the strength... out?"
In this life and the last, I had run at full power, giving everything I had. I knew how to run with my body clenched. I had no idea how to run with it loose.
"How do you let the strength out?"
"There is no fixed method. Everyone has their own way of easing the body. I, for example, always go to a concert on my days off. And my father cleans this bathhouse himself."
Cleaning the bathhouse... was a way to relax? The more I listened, the less I understood. I had thought my past life's experience meant my thinking wasn't childish anymore. Had I just been a kid playing at being a grown-up?
Wasn't an adult someone like her — someone who could offer other people counsel and advice?
"That should do it. Rinse off, and we'll get in the tub together."
"Yes..."
Splash—
Tsuki's mother scooped water from the basin and rinsed every trace of soap from her body.
"You look like you have a great deal on your mind. You still have time given to you, Jiwoo. While you're here, think it through properly, and rest easy."
She eased one foot into the tub first, then stepped in with care. She looked exactly like the celestial maiden bathing in the old tale of the Fairy and the Woodcutter. Which made me the woodcutter peeking at her.
I didn't know this about myself... but I guess I have a type.
Until now I had thought I liked the cute, dainty kind of character. Reality said otherwise. What I actually liked was a character overflowing with composure and a quiet, simmering sexiness.
"Are you not coming in?"
"Ah... yes. I should, Master."
"Master?"
"You're about to become my cooking teacher, after all. And I heard somewhere that in Japan, 'Master' sits better than 'Teacher'... if that offended you..."
I was about to apologize on the spot when she gave a small laugh.
"I don't mind at all. Master, though... that would make you my first disciple. Well... that would be quite nice for the future, too... An actress at the height of her fame, known in the years to come as a grand master of Japanese cuisine... just imagining it is getting me excited."
...Excuse me?
That last part had been muttered too softly to catch clearly. I thought about asking her to repeat it, but her face had gone so full of happiness that I couldn't quite bring myself to. I didn't want to ruin that look.
"Aaah! Found you! Jiwoo-chan! Why'd you get in first! Tsuki said we were gonna take a bath together!"
Right on cue, Tsuki had finished whatever she had been dragged off to and come hunting for the bath.
"Haa... Tsuki-tsuki. Cover the front first, would you."