#44 An Unshakeable Past (2)
I survived. Because I had to stay alive if I ever wanted to get revenge on Seol Rokjin someday.
Seol Rokjin hadn't lied to me. He really did value me to some extent. He'd barely show his face once every few days at first, but then he started visiting whenever he had time. He even removed the recognition tag from around my neck.
As I rubbed my suddenly bare throat, he made some unfunny joke: "If your neck feels empty, want me to put a different collar on it?"
The feeling of shedding the collar that had choked me my whole life wasn't as refreshing as I'd imagined. Maybe because I'd just ended up leashed to another master.
He moved me to new lodgings too. I escaped the basement room that reminded me of a prison cell and got a decent two-room apartment instead. But my depression only deepened.
I wasn't allowed to leave the place. I was just a prisoner in a fancier cell.
Everything was incomparably better than before, but some days, just being alive was unbearable.
'In the end, I'm not just clinging to the bastard who killed Jeong Hosan to survive?'
On days when those thoughts hit, I'd forget to eat and hole up in a corner. Seol Rokjin would click his tongue at me every time.
"How do you expect to ever get revenge on me if you're moping around like this?"
"If you wanna help me that much, why don't you just jump out the window and die right now? That'd really hit the spot."
He laughed like he was enjoying it.
"Just kidding."
It wasn't a joke at all.
If he died, I could finally rest in peace. The problem was, he had no intention of obliging.
After that day, I lunged at him several times.
But with his bodyguards and artifacts, there was no way to kill him. I couldn't even land a proper scratch.
Each time, he'd click his tongue at me.
"I said get revenge on me, not throw yourself to your death."
These straightforward methods wouldn't work on Seol Rokjin. But what other options did I have? I was stuck in this room anyway.
I started wondering for real. Why the hell had he spared me? Keeping a subordinate who was sharpening his blade for revenge couldn't benefit him at all.
I still hated him and wanted him dead, but as time passed, my head cooled.
And my cooled reason screamed that none of this made sense.
Yeah, it didn't.
"Why the hell are you doing this to me?"
Leaning crookedly against the wall as I asked, he just smirked.
"Use proper honorifics if you're gonna, or casual speech if not. What's with that mismatched tone?"
"Just answer me."
Because his ability didn't work on me? Was that the only reason he'd kept me alive? Not just that—he'd assigned people to watch me, help me survive?
It was impossible to understand.
That's why I needed a reason.
A reason why my enemy's enemy was keeping me alive.
I asked him several times, but he never gave a straight answer.
"Instead of agonizing over that, think about how to become someone important to me. That's the only way you'll ever get a shot at stabbing me in the back for revenge, right?"
Looking into his curved eyes, I realized it: trying to fundamentally understand this guy was pointless.
I had to see him as a psychopath, a hedonist who didn't follow common sense.
A guy who saw me as nothing but a toy.
All that talk of me being special? It just meant I was a particularly unique toy. For someone who got everything his way, I must've been a novelty.
I didn't mind playing along with his sick hobby.
Yeah, stay complacent. Someday I'll rip your throat out.
That day, he dragged me to some building. As we headed to the basement, he ignored my question about where we were going.
'Tired of toying with me? Makes sense—no reactions, no fun. So now he's gonna kill me?'
Fine, whatever. I shut my mouth and followed, secretly relieved it might finally end.
We ended up in a room that looked like an interrogation chamber. On the other side of the one-way glass sat a man tied to a chair.
It wasn't a lab like I'd feared, but the ominous vibe still tensed my body.
"Who's that guy?"
He didn't seem to notice us, even though we could see him clearly.
One-way mirror or something.
Why the hell had he brought me here?
"Figured you should earn your keep."
"Earn my keep?"
"I told you I'd look after you in my own way. But you gotta give something back, right?"
I clenched my fist. Trying to bait me like that. Whatever he wanted, I'd refuse.
Seeing my defiant glare, he said,
"Don't wanna? Fine."
"Ha, obviously no—"
"If you plan to rot in that room forever."
I narrowed my eyes.
"If I do what you say here, you'll let me out of that apartment?"
"Yeah. But promise me you'll give it your all until we get results."
I nodded. A month cooped up had nearly killed me. Whatever it was, I needed out—to find a way to kill him.
"So what do I do?"
He pointed at the bound man.
"Simple. Use your talent to fool him."
Him? I knew he didn't treat people like people, but that was a shitty way to put it.
Fool him with my talent? Meant lying, obviously.
"What lie?"
"Hm, dunno."
Stroking his chin, tilting his head, he said,
"Haven't thought about it."
"...You haven't thought about it?"
He shrugged at my resentful stare.
"You saying this place feels super comfy and happy?"
Tell a guy tied up in that stark white room, shaking like a leaf, that he's super comfy? While he's trembling like an aspen?
I sighed.
"Impossible."
"Without trying?"
"I know without trying."
My lies weren't like his ability. Impossible on someone already terrified.
"My power isn't as versatile as yours. In that state, no lie will stick."
Lies work on people you can communicate with, where context fits. Not on someone too broken for conversation.
"Hm, got it. The setup's flawed from the start."
Nodding, his pupils turned yellow. Then the guard behind me entered the room.
"Wait, what are you—"
As anxiety surged, the guard pulled a gun and shot the man's head.
"Gasp."
Blood splattered before my eyes; I swallowed hard. What the hell just happened?
He killed someone?
Seol Rokjin continued calmly.
"I'll prepare more carefully next time."
"What the fuck is wrong with you!"
"You said it was impossible."
"Why kill him!"
"Ah, figured it'd motivate you to try harder next time?"
He tapped my cheek.
"So don't bail out so quick next time, okay?"
The next day, as he dragged me back to the building, I begged.
"I can't do it."
Unlike him, who could brainwash anyone in sight, my power was pathetic.
Lies need the right setup—empathy, context. Not in this sterile interrogation room.
And with lives on the line? I doubted I could pull it off.
He said,
"You promised to give it your all until results, remember? Your words."
"I didn't know people would die because of me!"
"Guess we'll have to clear out everyone I prepared then."
"Wait, everyone you prepared?"
How many more?
And if I refused, he'd kill them all? No, he would.
"Got all excited 'cause you said you'd try hard, prepared a bunch. Too bad."
He watched my reaction, grinning.
This fucking bastard.
"W-wait!"
I grabbed his arm. Goosebumps rose, but I had to stop whatever he was planning.
"I'll try."
I pleaded desperately.
"I'll do it, so..."
I bit my lip.
I didn't want innocent people dying because of me.
Absolutely not.
But how?
Could I really fool someone with my lies?
Studying my face, he slowly spoke.
"How many times have you used your ability?"
He tapped his neck.
"Couldn't control it with that dog collar on."
Awakeners had to wear recognition tags. Even at the academy, where we could remove them sometimes, I barely used mine.
Never after graduation.
Why?
I hated my power.
I'd tried redirecting my mana elsewhere, but honing lies? No way.
Useless on monsters anyway, and ridiculous to yap lies in front of enemies.
"Can't do it for real? Or just never tried?"
I had no answer.
"Running away without even trying, again?"
I didn't want to admit running to him.
I stood in the spotless room, as if nothing happened.
Gritting my teeth at the clueless man staring at me.
I thought of Seol Rokjin watching from behind the mirror.
"You... you're..."
I gave it everything, but my lie failed.
The man, already sensing doom and shaking, couldn't focus.
I desperately tried talking, but no dice.
And the price of failure was the same as yesterday. Staring at the blood on the wall, I mumbled,
"Why..."
He told me,
"People perform better under a little pressure."
Killing for that? I rubbed my face.
"Why not just kill me? You've had your fun."
I'd lost hope. How could a weakling like me avenge anything? Couldn't even handle my own talent.
If his goal was despair, mission accomplished.
"Fun?"
Lifting my chin, locking eyes, he said,
"I'm trying to help you."
"Help me?"
"You're wasting a valuable talent."
Valuable? A shitty lie-telling power?
"You just need to want it more. Desperately."
And the next day, he made me desperate for real.