#38 Happy Birthday (1)
“I don’t want to step foot in a gate for a while.”
Back at the base, Han Seohyun was trembling with rage.
His first gate raid had ended in utter disaster, and now just the word “gate” made him break out in hives.
What could I do? He’d have to join me on gate raids now and then going forward.
I replayed what the woman had said. There were special gates like that scattered around. Gates were fragments of destroyed worlds. You couldn’t change their fate, but their impact on this world could shift depending on the raid.
If that bastard Yuseonje hadn’t butted in, I could’ve seen how altering the raid changed this world.
━To figure that out, you’ll have no choice but to raid more gates.
‘The problem is there’s no guarantee we’ll find another one like that.’
Blindly hunting down gates didn’t sit right. But ignoring it? The puzzle pieces of the gates and the rewards they promised dangled tantalizingly in my mind.
For now, though, I was with Han Seohyun—no desire to even glance at a gate. Still, completely blowing them off wasn’t an option.
The issue was raiding gates normally in Korea was impossible.
This time, we’d even sniped Sirius’s gate.
‘I’ll think it over slowly later.’
If gate news popped up, I’d poke around. Or maybe head overseas for a raid this time. No way I’d run into Teika Cooper again, right?
Having sorted my plans mentally, I turned my gaze.
There was Kim Jaeho, clutching the new rabbit doll I’d bought him.
Ah, right—that doll was an apology gift on the way back.
I’d whipped it out after forcing a shower on him (Han Seohyun called it water torture, but I insisted it was a shower), right when he was throwing a tantrum. As you can see, the effect was tremendous.
Kim Jaeho, who’d been ready to smash me to bits, turned back into a docile lamb.
━That kid’s so mismatched with his size.
‘He’s only sixteen…’
I recalled that shocking fact. Sixteen, with that hulking build and menacing face. Sure, he looked tough, but he was still young. Even if one punch could burst heads, even if a hug could snap every rib…
He was still a kid who loved dolls.
━No, normal sixteen-year-olds don’t go for dolls like that.
‘He never had time for his mental age to catch up.’
He was obsessed with dolls now, but in a few years, he’d shoot up and deny his past self, right? Puberty hitting Kim Jaeho? The thought alone was terrifying. Slamming doors, snapping, “What have you ever done for me?” “Boss doesn’t get me!” “Stay out of my business!” No way.
‘Decision made. If Kim Jaeho hits puberty, I’ll be in my midlife crisis by then.’
━What’s that supposed to mean?
‘If puberty hits him, I’m running off for my midlife crisis.’
Perfect plan.
━Perfect nonsense.
I’d bought him a new doll, but wanted to toss the old ragdoll. The greedy brat bared his teeth the second I touched it.
I thought he’d become more human lately, but he was still more dog than man.
I scanned the base.
‘Man, it’s been a while, and it looks…’
━Even more pathetic.
Yeah, it looked worse than ever. Maybe because I’d just come from Serena’s Ice Palace, once the pinnacle of splendor. Our base, with its shoddy finishing, felt off.
And I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
Han Seohyun spoke up. “When are we fixing up this dump of a base?”
“Isn’t this industrial style trending? Industrial interior or whatever.”
“Dunno about that, but it looks like a haunted ruin.”
Han Seohyun, ever merciless.
‘Hmm, maybe I should finish the base properly for now.’
I’d tried decorating. Slapped putty on bricks, painted… but it wasn’t enough for the picky system.
Our base was still B-grade.
I’d gone nuts to erase “downgraded due to shoddy finishing,” but that line stuck like gum.
At first, I thought it was the walls. But even after finishing, it lingered.
If the grade factored in everything, including interiors, that made sense.
We’d cleared out the cheap sofa, table, and chairs bought hastily for the kids—nothing left but empty space.
I’d even donated their stuff to the nearby orphanage.
“Maybe it’s the emptiness. Feels like we need furniture, huh?”
Han Seohyun freaked at my mutter. “You’re not planning to DIY furniture again, are you?”
Sadly, my DIY furniture plan had crashed and burned.
I thought hacking wood, drying it, nailing it—boom, done. Way harder than expected.
The results were so abysmal, the system wouldn’t even acknowledge them.
“Why not just buy from IKEA or something?”
“It’s a villain base. Walking in loaded with IKEA stuff would look lame.”
“That pile you call a chair looks lamer.”
Her finger pointed at my “chair”—a wood heap. Simple reason it failed: shattered on first sit.
Ahem. Speechless, I cleared my throat.
“Maybe the drabness is partly our fault?”
I eyed our crew.
One necromancer dragging undead around.
One scarred, shadow-wielding modded brute.
Me, the sleazy ex-aide to a corrupt congressman.
Plus an old soul from another dimension.
How could it not be gloomy?
━Hold up, what?
Han Seohyun yelled at my words. “But we’re a crime outfit, and you only bought us black clothes!”
“Hmm, true. Seohyun’s innocent.”
Blame Ray.
━I’m invisible anyway! How do I make your base dark?
‘Mascot position, but zero cuteness? Boomer vibes?’
Yeah, that was it. We needed a mascot! Like the cat in The Godfather. Every scary villain needs cute to balance.
━A furry beast? You’ve got plenty already.
True, we had furries—if you counted undead leaking dark mana with glowing red eyes.
‘Those don’t count as mascots.’
━What’s the difference?
Other villains got cute mascots; I got a cranky otherworldly geezer.
Couldn’t conjure one now.
━At least repaint those black walls white—the ones you slathered black because “villain bases must be dark.” That alone would help.
‘No way.’
Black walls were the base’s soul. Painted over brown bricks with putty—no overwriting that.
━Ugh, quit whining about vibe. Live in the gloom!
Mascot shortage?
━Black walls are the issue!
Lack of lights?
━Lights won’t help with black walls!
No, emptiness.
“Gotta remake furniture. Fill it up, and it’ll look great.”
Next time, proper chairs. Desks, shelves too. Han Seohyun sighed at my fretting.
“Just go to IKEA.”
I ignored her. Effort builds skill, right?
━Your handiwork sucks. Give up.
‘Giving up is just a unit for counting cabbages.’
Fired up, I declared, “Wait, Seohyun. I’ll make you a chair.”
“No need…”
Rejection noted.
Hack, chop—mid-furniture frenzy, lunch time hit. Opening the door, I blinked in shock.
“W-what’s this?”
Han Seohyun stood there, dazed, a 30cm candle jammed into a snack pyramid.
“Boss! It’s your birthday today! H-happy birthday.”
“Oh.”
Right, January 20th already? Kim Jaeho, behind him, belatedly popped confetti.
Pop! Glitter rained on my head.
“Wooo!”
“Wooo, congrats.”
Their awkward cheers made me grin sheepishly. They’d remembered my birthday?
“How’d you know? I never mentioned it.”
“Saw it on your wanted poster.”
…Makes sense. Wanted posters: ultimate birthday intel.
“Anyway, thanks.”
I took the “cake” (Han Seohyun’s term for snack grave) awkwardly. Blew out the candle—well, mana wind after it wouldn’t die. Secret.
“Sorry, it’s just this.”
“No, best birthday in ages. Really.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
━Makes sense. Orphanage kid—no one to celebrate with.
‘Nah, even at the orphanage, someone always remembered. Jeong Hosan acted like missing it was death.’
From orphanage days, Jeong Hosan never forgot.
No fancy parties like other kids, but time alone with him wasn’t bad.
No cake, gift just a hidden candy—but he made me smile.
His joy at my birth was gift enough.
━Then?
‘Seol Rokjin.’
He was a good owner, eager to pamper his favorite pet.
━I get he’s trash, but rich trash? Must’ve splurged. How’s that bad?
‘Oh, he did with money. But plain wasn’t his style. Planned special events every birthday.’
I dredged up memories slowly.
First birthday party with Seol Rokjin.
Ah, that was.
Truly the worst.