Can't Even Last a Day
Couldn't even last a single day. ……………
"Explain."
Just one word. But a single word was all it took to hold every emotion. Betrayal, rage, and a desperate reluctance to believe that she'd actually stabbed me in the back... some lingering attachment.
"Explain!"
My voice rose without me realizing it. Catalina flinched.
"I... well..."
"What? What'd you say?"
Catalina's mouth opened and closed several times. She kept trying to speak, then clamping it shut again.
"I'm sorry."
That was all she finally managed.
"Sorry? That's it?"
Rage boiled up inside me. How desperately I'd tried to escape this city, how much money I'd poured into it. Catalina had seen it all. Right beside me. And she'd ruined everything?
"Why the hell did you do it?"
Silence.
"Answer me! Why?!"
"Because... because you might leave."
Her voice trembled violently.
"You might leave? So you sold me out to those thugs? Let them strip me bare and leave me to die?"
"They weren't supposed to kill you... I told them just to take the money and supplies..."
I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it.
"Does that make it any better? You thought I'd stick around if you left me penniless?"
"...Yeah."
A simple yes. But that one word was enough. She'd wanted to render me helpless, trap me so I couldn't escape. Make me dependent. On her.
"Ha, haha..."
My legs gave out. Betrayal and fury crashed over me at once.
"You said we should go together! Back to Korea! Start a new life!"
"I didn't know then!"
"Didn't know what?"
"That you really meant it... That you were serious about taking me with you. I thought it was pity. Just words you threw out there!"
An absurd excuse. But Catalina didn't seem to be lying. Her voice rang with sincerity. The twisted sincerity of someone who'd only ever known betrayal and exploitation her whole life.
I understood. But I couldn't accept it. Forgiveness? Out of the question.
"I'm sorry."
Catalina took a step closer.
"Really sorry. I was wrong."
"Yeah? Well, fine then."
I turned away from her. Walked to the wrecked truck and rummaged through the open cargo bed. Water cans riddled with bullets, torn boxes of canned goods. I picked out what was still usable and stuffed it into my backpack.
"What are you doing?"
"Can't you see? Packing."
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Anywhere. As long as it's away from here."
I pulled a wad of dollars from the driver's seat. Luckily, the stash hidden under the seat was intact. Roughly... three grand. Not much, but better than nothing.
Catalina grabbed my arm.
"Don't go."
I shook her off.
"Don't give me orders."
"It's not an order—please, don't go. Hit me instead. Go on, hit me."
"What?"
"Or... do whatever! Vent your anger however you want. It's fine."
Her hand clutched the hem of my pants.
"Just please don't go."
Disgusting. The situation, and myself for being caught in it. The blazing fury suddenly cooled. Like being plunged into icy water—all my emotions froze solid.
This woman isn't even worth hating.
A hellish city, Santa Esperanza. Born and raised there, knowing only violence and betrayal. A pitiful life that mistook obsession and possessiveness for love, without ever understanding what love really was. I pried her hand away.
"Forget it. I don't want or need anything from you anymore."
"No, you do! You want my body! Fuck me. Do whatever you want to me!"
"...Stop."
My voice came out far colder than I'd expected. Catalina flinched again.
"Yeah, I pity you. Born and living in this shithole, making killing your trade."
I slung the backpack over my shoulder.
"But that's it now. No more feelings."
"Where are you going?"
I didn't answer. Hoisted my pack and started walking.
"Wait! Hold on!"
Catalina followed.
"You'll die alone! You know what this place is like!"
I kept walking.
"Please! I was wrong! I'm really, really sorry!"
I ignored her screams and kept going.
Bang!
A gunshot rang out. The bullet shattered the asphalt right in front of my foot.
"O-one more step... and I'll aim for your legs! So stop!"
"Shoot."
"What?"
"Do whatever the fuck you want. Doesn't matter if I die here or there—same shit."
I took another step. She didn't fire.
"Please... don't do this. I was wrong! I swear I was. I won't do it again. I promise."
I kept walking.
"Believe me. Just once."
I didn't stop.
"You'll die! You can't survive a day alone!"
"That's my problem."
"Please!"
Her screams echoed behind me. But I didn't look back. I only stopped when her voice faded into silence.
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Catalina on her knees in the middle of the road. I turned away and kept moving.
……………
Santa Esperanza's back alleys were a maze. Unlike the main roads, they were narrow and twisting, and above all, crowded with people. Street vendors, begging kids, drunken men. A lone backpacker who looked like a tourist— an East Asian one, at that, without a local guide? Impossible not to stand out.
Find a currency exchange first.
I hadn't blown all my assets. I'd held some back for living expenses once I got back to Korea. Converting that to Bitcoin would take ten seconds. Then swap the Bitcoin for cash dollars, and I'd have escape funds.
The cost? Every cent Ma Hyuksu had earned in his twenties, gone. But there was no other way.
El Placo's exchange? Out of the question. He'd remember me, and he knew about Catalina too. Had to find another one.
Problem was, I knew jack shit about Santa Esperanza's layout. Catalina was right—I couldn't take a single step without her.
Still, gotta try somehow.
As I walked, I bumped into a guy. Tattoos covered his arms, and he shoved my shoulder.
"Sorry."
I apologized immediately, but he stared me down. Then whispered something to his buddies.
I walked faster. But soon, footsteps followed from behind. Not one set—several.
I ducked into an alley. The footsteps sped up. I started running.
A dead end. Bricked-up alley wall. As I turned to go back, the entrance was blocked. Four men approached slowly. Cartel tattoos stark on their forearms.
"Where you headed, chino?"
The lead guy spoke.
"I'm just a tourist. No money. Just passing through."
"Passing through? You know where you are?"
He laughed, glancing around.
"Los Ermanos territory. Not even an ant gets through without our say-so."
Fuck, I'm screwed.
Worst-case scenario. Los Ermanos. The ones Catalina stole fifteen kilos of white bricks from—the retaliation war with her boss's La Luna Negra, where I'd blown their military truck sky-high with an RPG.
"And a tourist? In this city?"
A fist slammed into my face. Too sudden to block. Pain exploded in my temple; the world spun.
A kick dug into my side. Breath caught in my throat. I curled up, but it was useless. Someone yanked my backpack off. The wad of dollars tumbled out.
"Look at this—'no money,' huh?"
"Bet this fucker's got more."
They rifled my pockets. Phone, wallet, and—the action cam.
"This looks pricey too."
They wrenched my arms back. Felt like my shoulders would pop.
Catalina was right. Not even half a day.
Self-mocking thought. What could I do alone in this hellhole without local help? Total delusion. Stupid and idiotic.
A black cloth blindfolded my eyes; a gag stuffed my mouth. Then they dragged me off somewhere.
……………
The blindfold came off. Fluorescent lights stabbed my eyes. Took a few seconds to adjust.
Los Ermanos' hideout looked like a converted abandoned factory. Concrete walls, metal chair, armed men surrounding me.
"Check out what this chino had."
My stuff spread out on the table. Wad of dollars, action cam, phone.
"Not bad."
"Obvious traveler... why come to this city?"
"Dunno. But we can contact his home country, squeeze a ransom too."
They conversed in Spanish. Deciding my fate, probably. About ten minutes passed. Door opened; more guys entered.
One stood out. Eyepatch over his left eye, face full of scars. My heart nearly stopped.
The guy from the warehouse fight. Shoulder-shot by Catalina, fled—but survived. No visible wound now, walking fine. Probably saved by a vest or something.
And his luck was my misfortune. His gaze locked on me. Indifferent eyes widened.
"This... this fucking bastard!"
He grabbed my collar.
"The chino from La Luna Negra's warehouse!"
The air in the hideout shifted instantly.
"This fucker fired the rocket! Wrecked our truck!"
His fist flew. Cheek exploded in pain; I toppled backward with the chair. Back of my head cracked against concrete.
"This guy's La Luna Negra scum?"
The others murmured.
"Yeah! This dog! Huarez didn't even leave a corpse because of him!"
"You dog!"
Kicks rained down. Felt like ribs cracking. I vomited blood.
"Kill him slow. Make it hurt like our losses."
Someone drew a knife. Blade glinted under the lights.
Is this how I go?
Beaten and tortured to death in Santa Esperanza's filthy abandoned factory by cartel thugs. Might've been better to stay with Catalina. At least she was soft, beautiful, and actually loved me.
Irony drew a bitter laugh. Knife tip pressed my throat. Cold metal bit skin; blood welled.
"Shall we start with the fingernails, chino?"