Becoming a Good Father is Truly Difficult
Becoming a good father was truly difficult. ……………
I opened the door to the one-room apartment, and the darkness filling the place greeted me first. I flipped the switch, and the fluorescent light flickered on. A 10-pyeong studio. Bed, desk, chair. That was it. Han Kang really lived with the bare minimum. In his memories, this place had always been like that—empty, cold, and quiet.
I kicked off my shoes and headed to the kitchen. I opened the fridge. Four bottles of soju, six two-liter bottles of water, and some peanuts for snacks. That was everything.
…Talk about bleak.
I could make do with anything. The problem was the daughter who'd shown up out of nowhere. Still, you had to feed your kid proper food.
Maybe order some chicken. That seemed like a safe bet. Or since she was a twenty-something girl, maybe tteokbokki or mala tang would be better.
"…I'll ask Han Sol when she gets here."
I plopped down on the sofa for now. I pulled out my phone and turned on the screen. I reread the message thread with Han Sol.
For a father-daughter chat, it was awfully short and dry. From Han Kang's memories, Han Sol had started using formal speech with him at some point. It wasn't about manners or formality… more like her way of keeping distance.
Different from Kim Bom.
Suddenly, the woman from the second world crossed my mind. Kim Bom. The one who believed Yeoreum was her father's reincarnation. She'd called me—back when I was Yeoreum—"Dad." Total nonsense, of course, but she believed her delusion was truth. Back then, it hadn't been welcome. But looking back now… at least Kim Bom had been kind and affectionate.
Han Sol, on the other hand? She wasn't delusional—this was real, on paper at least. Not biological, but Han Kang had raised her alone. And still, she kept this distance. It was inevitable, and I didn't feel particularly hurt. I understood, accepted it.
Can't be helped.
She had good reason. Han Sol thought her dad had beaten her mom until she ran away. And after that, she'd grown up under a gruff, emotionless father. Put myself in her shoes: To Han Sol, Han Kang was just the guy who'd driven Mom away with his fists and never showed feelings. No way she'd like a dad like that. So now, she just kept in touch out of duty. Maybe once a year via messenger. Short messages.
Wonder what she wants to talk about.
Why would an independent daughter, who didn't even visit, suddenly come over? Needed money? Papers to sign? Please not a joint guarantee. No way she had a boyfriend to introduce.
…Nah, impossible. She never shared anything personal.
Even digging through Han Kang's memories, Han Sol had never opened up about her life. He didn't even know if she was in college or working. He just… sent living expenses to her account. And Han Sol would say thanks but she didn't need Dad's help. Han Kang kept sending anyway, and got it back almost immediately every time.
Bitter as hell.
I sighed. Leaned back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling. Right after Han Sol moved out, Han Kang had relocated here and kept living like this. Drinking every day, clinging to a joyless life by force.
"I can't keep living like this."
Now that I was Han Kang, I couldn't live like the original. I had to pass the goddesses' trials. Cut back on booze. For my health. Truth was, I wanted to down a ton today too. My mouth was already watering for soju. Painkillers weren't enough. My knee throbbed, shoulders ached.
Just one or two bottles would hit the spot. The thought crossed my mind more than ten times. But I gritted my teeth and held back. Han Sol wasn't his biological daughter, or mine at all. Still, dyed in Han Kang's emotions, I wanted to show her my cleanest side.
Yeah. Couldn't reek of booze with my daughter coming over.
That's when—
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
The door lock chimed. Password was Han Sol's birthday.
Click.
The door opened.
……………
The door swung open, and someone from the hallway cut through the darkness. Her silhouette appeared first. Average build for a woman—but a full head shorter than Han Kang. Twin tails of blue hair sticking out on either side.
…Twintails!
Not that common in Korea. And the blue hair… I already knew. This world was like Kang Haneul and Baek Sehee's—lots of colorful hair compared to my original world where I'd met the three goddesses. Lee Jin-ah had silver hair, for instance. But Han Kang and his ex had no blue. So Han Sol hadn't dyed it. That meant… it was from her biological father's genes.
Crop top, hotpants, choker around her neck. Flashy outfit, like something a girl in her early twenties would wear.
Hmm…
Seeing it through the eyes of a forty-something guy was pretty overwhelming. Especially since she was my daughter. But pointing out "What's with the outfit?" was tricky. They weren't close emotionally—distance was vast. She'd probably snap back, "What? Old man."
Well, at least she was pretty. Like mother, like daughter.
…Not biologically mine, though.
From Han Kang's memories, the adulterer whose spine he'd crushed had been quite handsome. Probably still wheeling around.
"………."
Han Sol stared at me, her expression oddly stiff. I stared back. Frozen like that, silence filled the one-room.
What to say? hadn't seen my daughter's face in years—what does a dad say? "How've you been?" "Eaten dinner?" Better greeting?
What was it… words a father should say.
Even in Han Kang's memories, no such scene. He'd barely had long talks with her ever.
"Been well?"
Ended up with plain small talk.
"Yes. I've been well."
Han Sol nodded. Voice calm, but fiddling with her choker suggested tension.
Has something to say? That's why she came.
But hesitating to spit it out.
"Come in. Don't just stand there."
Han Sol slipped off her shoes and entered. Glanced around.
"Living alone still, huh."
"Yeah."
"Not even cleaning."
"Busy."
"Liar. You never cleaned anyway. I always did it."
Han Sol smirked.
"And only one chair."
"…Yeah."
Embarrassing. It was a solo place—no guests, one chair sufficed. But now two people.
"Sit on the bed then."
I sat on one side first. Han Sol hesitated, then sat a bit away. Father and daughter side by side. But at least a meter between us.
Han Sol placed her hands neatly on her knees, staring ahead. I did the same.
…Gotta ask something.
In college? Job? Boyfriend? All tough. We'd only traded short check-ins; prying deep now would burden her.
Then Han Sol spoke first.
"Dad. I…"
She started, stopped. Bit her lip, tried again.
"I… heard everything."
"…What?"
Han Sol turned, meeting my eyes. Blue irises, swirling with emotions.
"That I'm… not your daughter. At least not biologically."
"—!!"
My mind went blank.
How…?
Han Kang never told her. Never hinted. How'd she know?
"Where'd you…"
"Mom contacted me."
Han Sol said. "She told me. That you're not my real dad. So…"
"So?"
Han Sol paused. Took a breath, continued.
"She wanted to split your remaining assets and the monthly living expenses you send… take it all."
"…."
"Said we'd split it."
…Fucking trash bitch.
Almost cursed aloud. Shouldn't have settled for one body blow. The ex was human garbage to the end. Took almost all Han Kang's money, dumped her own daughter on him, fled abroad. Now dragging the kid she abandoned to squeeze the rest.
"I couldn't do it."
Han Sol continued. "You… raised me knowing I wasn't your biological daughter."
Silence. No words from me.
Suddenly—Han Sol grabbed my hand.
"Why didn't you tell me? That I'm not your daughter."
…Gotta answer this.
But what? Mind tangled. Emotions surged. Chest tight, throat closing.
But—
This isn't mine.
I knew instinctively. Not my feelings—Han Kang's. Etched into his body over a decade. Love for his daughter, guilt, and… emotions words couldn't capture.
Not mine. His.
Then just tell the truth.
Honestly, as is.
I opened my mouth.
"You're my daughter anyway. Didn't want to confuse your childhood and teens with that info."
Han Sol stared quietly.
"That… the reason?"
"Yeah."
"Then you…"
Han Sol bowed her head.
"You shouldn't have raised me."
"Why?"
"I… ruined your life."
Han Sol's hands clenched on her knees.
"You beating Mom, losing almost all your money, getting a record… all because of me."
No.
Reflex to deny. But she kept going.
"Without me, you wouldn't have to live like this."
"…Hmm."
Han Sol believed her birth ruined Han Kang's life. Resented her existence, regretted her whole life.
But wrong.
"Sol, you're wrong."
I spoke, not letting go of her hand.
"You being there let me endure life."
"…."
"And… your mom deserved it, even without you."
Han Sol's eyes widened. Then—
"…Pfft."
A short laugh escaped.
"So like you, Dad."
"Even if I hadn't hit her, someone would've beaten her half to death eventually. Someday."
"…Yeah, probably."
Laughter tinged her voice.