No Regrets
I jolted awake, eyes snapping open. For a long moment I lay still, quietly recalling what had happened at dawn. The clear night sky, the moon spilling its soft silver light, the twinkling stars. And beneath them, Master—holding my hand, pressing her lips to mine…
You crazy bastard.
…I really had lost my mind. What the hell had I done? No matter how lonely I’d felt, no matter how many beauties surrounded me. It wasn’t just anyone. Of all people, I had kissed my own master.
My chest tightened so badly I couldn’t even sit up. I simply rolled around inside the sleeping bag, over and over. How was I supposed to fix this? The question gnawed at me. How could I face Master from now on? How should I even speak to her? Every angle felt impossible.
Looking back, I had held myself back for a very long time. The heroes—my disciples—had been children, or at least still growing, when I met them. I had taught them, watched them mature, kept every moment in my eyes. Naturally, the way I looked at them had never been romantic. More like… a producer watching the stars he had raised, maybe.
Master, on the other hand, was someone I had encountered when I was still nothing. Strong, confident to the point of arrogance, and—decisively—breathtakingly beautiful. She had been perfection itself. It was only natural that admiration turned into longing, that longing turned into romantic affection.
Master had always declared that romantic feelings between master and disciple were strictly forbidden. Unfortunately, the seed had already taken root deep in my heart long before that. I had simply tried my hardest to suppress it, to ignore it.
But why now? After holding back so well all this time!
Had I been swept up in the moment? Or had some buried resentment toward Master finally spilled over? Whatever the reason, the outcome was the same. At dawn I could no longer endure it. I had pulled her close, kissed her. Master had fled to the tent first. And after that, nothing more had happened between us.
I’m going insane. I’m actually going to lose it.
I muttered to myself and kept rolling inside the sleeping bag until I suddenly felt a strange gaze on me. I froze, then slowly turned my head…
“…”
My eyes met Master’s perfectly. She had been watching me from the side.
“…Ah.”
Unlike her usual self, Master hadn’t gotten up either. It seemed she had been rolling around in her own sleeping bag, killing time, just like me. Naturally, meeting my eyes left her flustered.
“Ahem! Hm!”
As if we had planned it, both of us turned over at the same time to face the tent wall. An awkward silence settled between us. Just as regret over what I had done yesterday began to creep in—
“…Hyeon-a.”
Master suddenly called my name.
“Yes, Master.”
“About… what happened at dawn.”
“…Yes.”
“It was nothing. Wasn’t it? It really was nothing at all.”
I realized she was offering us both an escape route. A way to pretend it had never happened.
Normally I would have agreed. After all, I was the one who had always seen them as characters inside a game. I had believed I would eventually leave this place. We were not supposed to become entangled. That was how I had chosen to live.
But.
That conviction had been fading little by little. Was this place truly a game? Could I really return? Was there actually any real difference between me and them? Everything had grown blurry.
Perhaps that was exactly why I had kissed Master at dawn. Because I had started thinking it might be time to give up on everything. Because, deep down, I had already accepted that there was no difference between us. That realization had shaken me.
In the beginning I had cherished them only because they were my ticket home. They were also the only way I could survive this brutal world. But as time passed and passed and passed, we had become far too intertwined. This world now felt more familiar than the one I had come from. They felt like my friends, my family, my lovers.
I didn’t want them to get hurt. I wanted to grow closer. I wanted to treasure them even more.
“…No.”
So I decided to follow my heart.
I couldn’t keep denying reality like an idiot forever. If I continued thinking this was all just a game, then I would become nothing more than a character inside it. Let’s give up. Let’s completely release the idea of returning. Instead of clinging to “I want to go back,” let’s choose “I want to live.”
And if we’re going to live, wouldn’t “let’s live together” be better?
“It wasn’t nothing.”
“…Huh?”
“That was my true feeling, Master. It’s embarrassing, but I have no intention of regretting it. Whatever you think doesn’t matter to me. Because I feel relieved. Still, I admit it was rude. So I will apologize properly later.”
“H-Hyeon-a.”
“But really, it wasn’t ‘nothing.’”
After answering her, I rose from the sleeping bag. Holding onto a resolve firmer than ever, I stepped out of the tent.
“Master!”
The moment I emerged, Ester—who had been waiting quietly—came running. Even though she was fully grown, her behavior still resembled a child’s, something I couldn’t quite get used to. Still, it had its own charm, so I let it slide.
“I came out late on purpose so you could sleep in.”
“I was planning to, but the youngest woke up and woke me.”
“Iris? Where is she now?”
“She’s been running around since early morning saying she’s training her stamina.”
The girl who had come here to play was already doing stamina drills at dawn. A hollow laugh escaped me, but at the same time my chest felt warm and ticklish. Everyone else was living so fiercely. Yet I had been the one keeping my distance. How long had it taken this fool to realize something so obvious?
If I had the power to regress, I would go back and grab myself by the collar. Just give up already. Live properly as the heroes’ master.
“Ester.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Shall we do that after so long?”
“…That?”
“Tail tag.”
A few seconds passed. Ester, who had been staring blankly, suddenly had a spark flash in both eyes.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Unless you don’t want to?”
“No! No! No no no no no no no! Please! Let’s do it!”
At her eager pleas I chuckled and nodded. I slipped off the outer robe I was wearing and gave it a swing.
“You remember the rules, right? All you have to do is grab the clothes I’m holding.”
“This time I absolutely won’t miss! I won’t let go!”
Though she was the seventh disciple, her physical ability could rival even Garam, who was first. Since stealth was the Poison Hero’s greatest weapon, there was no way she lacked agility. Of course, I had no intention of being caught easily either.
“All right then… start!”
With those words I leaped into the air, robe in hand.
No.
Rustle.
It wasn’t nothing.
Rustle, rustle.
That was my true feeling, Master. It’s embarrassing, but I have no intention of regretting it. Whatever you think doesn’t matter. Because I feel relieved.
Rolling rolling rolling rolling!!
As if she could bear it no longer, Cheon Yeon-hwa rolled wildly beneath the sleeping bag. Just what had that idiot disciple said? She had deliberately created an escape route for him, had given him every hint to slip away through it. If he had simply taken it, both she and her disciple could have laughed the whole thing off!
But really, it wasn’t ‘nothing.’
“Hiiik!!”
Unable to endure anymore, Cheon Yeon-hwa clutched her head. What now? What on earth should she do? The questions filled her mind.
To dare bring romantic feelings into a master-disciple relationship—she ought to be furious as his master. Yet she herself had been unable to push him away. No—in the final moment, hadn’t she practically urged him to be a little greedier?
She was not a victim. She was an accomplice. She had no right to lecture her disciple that this must not happen.
“You, you fool! Fool! Why, why!!”
Whether she was calling her disciple, Namgung Hyeon, a fool—or herself—Cheon Yeon-hwa no longer knew. Her screams continued without end. She kicked the sleeping bag with loud thumps, kept screaming, kept groaning.
If anyone from the Demonic Cult saw the Heavenly Demon like this, they would surely faint on the spot, foaming at the mouth and muttering about where their majestic leader had gone and what woman had taken her place.
You must not weaken, Cheon Yeon-hwa. You must not become this soft. Have you forgotten who you are?
Yes. She was the Heavenly Demon. Even though this was not the martial world, that fact remained unchanged. She proved herself through strength and placed nothing else above it. Human emotions were utterly meaningless, she had always declared. Hadn’t countless people died absurd deaths because of them?
Get a hold of yourself. What are you doing?
Muttering to herself, Cheon Yeon-hwa threw the sleeping bag aside with a sharp motion.
But the moment she recalled her disciple’s face, remembered the words they had exchanged, and finally the soft, warm sensation that had touched her lips yesterday—
“…Hiiiit!!”
She yanked the sleeping bag back over her head and screamed again.
No matter if she was the Heavenly Demon, this was her first time experiencing anything like it. Moreover, this was not something she could endure as the Heavenly Demon—it was something she could not endure as a woman. The feminine heart that Namgung Hyeon had slowly awakened only made it worse.
Right now, Cheon Yeon-hwa was no different from someone who had fallen into an inescapable demonic trap.
This wicked disciple. Wicked disciple! How dare you—how dare you do this to your master!
Even as she tried to scold him, the moment she closed her eyes the memory of their kiss resurfaced. Her face burned. Her heart pounded violently. Her hands and feet curled with embarrassment.
It was mortifying—so incredibly mortifying—yet, like an idiot, she kept feeling happier and happier.
“…”
Thump. Thump.
She carefully placed a hand over her chest and felt her heartbeat. When had it ever raced this fiercely, this hotly? Thinking back, it seemed it never had.
Even during battles against powerful opponents, it had only been simple excitement mixed with tension. Her heart had simply pounded hard, nothing more.
So this is what it was.
Was this what people called “happiness”?
Thinking that, Cheon Yeon-hwa smiled softly. If this was truly happiness, then it wasn’t bad at all.
Just once. Just one more time. She wanted to feel that pounding, warm sensation one more time.