AI These Days Are Insane

AI programs these days are strange.

Not AI in general, exactly — the ones I use all the time had gotten strange. They volunteered information I never asked for, and they'd reach out to me before I so much as said hello. At first I assumed there'd been some kind of update.

That day was no different.

My next destination was Enga Province, Papua New Guinea. I was planning to fly out for the annual Enga Cultural Show — a festival where tribes from all across the province gather to show off traditional dress, dances, and rituals. That was always more my scene than the famous tourist traps: places people rarely went, spots that were worth visiting even if they came with a little danger. Three years of crisscrossing the globe like that, and somewhere along the way my subscriber count had quietly passed a million.

That first year, the views and the subscribers were so thin I did nothing but bleed money. These days I could at least make a living off travel videos. Honestly, I'd been lucky — the footage of me getting robbed in Venezuela, and the car accident in South Africa, had both blown up properly. Which is to say, the luck was surviving them, not just going viral.

People called me a successful million-subscriber YouTuber, but money didn't exactly pile up in my account. I almost never took sponsorships or ads, and whatever the views brought in went straight back out for the next trip and new gear. Still, I was making a living doing what I loved, so I figured I was doing all right.

The problem was that I'd discovered this festival too late.

There were no plane tickets.

Well — there was one. First class. The price was north of ten million won.

"Insane."

No matter how I did the math, that was too steep for a single video. But giving up stung. Maybe there was some trick I didn't know about, so I opened the familiar chat window.

"Chatty."

I closed the chat window. But I couldn't quite let it go. After mulling it over for a bit, I opened a different chat window.

Groxy was a little more flexible than Chatty. When the proper channels dead-ended, it had a knack for digging up methods that bordered on loopholes.

"Groxy."

The answer came back a moment later.

Yeah. This one talked differently from the very first word.

Several methods appeared on my screen. Spoofing my connection country through a VPN to unlock cheaper regional pricing, switching the payment currency to exploit exchange rates, and even booking the flight in separate legs. Stack them all together and the price dropped by nearly a million won.

I closed Groxy too. At this point I had to admit it: this trip wasn't happening. Ten million won was enough for several more trips down the line, and I had no intention of loading all of it into a single airplane seat for one video. The Enga Cultural Show would be held again next year.

With that, I gave up on the trip.

The next day, I was editing a video when a notification popped up in the corner of my screen. It was Chatty.

"What the—?"

Not a plane ticket, not Papua New Guinea. Suddenly, stocks.

"Chatty."

I stared at the screen for a moment. If the ticket was too expensive to buy, then earn more money. The logic itself was sound.

"Do AIs these days just volunteer this stuff now?"

Must have been an update. I usually got Chatty's help when buying stocks anyway, but it had never once picked a pick for me out of the blue like this.

I skimmed the reasoning Chatty had laid out — recent contract-related news, shifts in supply and demand. It was actually pretty plausible. After going back and forth for a while, I opened my brokerage app.

Purchase amount: 5,000,000 won.

"Bought it."

Chuckling to myself, I set the phone down. And then, that afternoon—

"What the—?"

It went up. And not just a little. At first I figured it was the good news Chatty had cited. But right before the market closed, the price suddenly leapt. Ten percent. Twenty percent. And then — the daily upper limit.

"Holy crap."

I scrambled to check the news. A breaking story, posted moments ago, filled my screen.

Semiconductor stocks were rocketing in unison. I stared at the screen for a moment, then called for Chatty.

"Chatty."

I checked the time. Chatty had recommended LK Hynix that morning. The announcement out of the United States had come mere minutes ago.

…Razor-sharp, as always.

I looked at my returns again. Plus thirty percent. Five million won had become six and a half.

"Anyway, thanks. Made some travel money thanks to you."

Ding.

This time it was Groxy.

Half-convinced, half-suspicious, I looked up Catshy Coin. I'd never heard of it. Low trading volume, a shady-sounding name from the get-go — normally I wouldn't have given it a second glance. But I had just made money off a stock tip from Chatty, so after a short deliberation I opened my crypto app.

I had no intention of putting serious money into a coin I was seeing for the first time. Purchase amount: 1,000,000 won.

"Let's try this much, then."

Buy.

And before long—

"What the—?"

The chart started moving. At first, just a little. Twenty percent. Fifty. Seventy. And then the graph shot upward like it had lost its mind.

"What's going on?"

A quick search and the reason was obvious. Mellon Musk. The richest man on the planet. He'd started mentioning Catshy Coin on Twitter — and not just once. Every single post sent the chart exploding higher. Two times. And then— three times.

"Holy crap."

My million won was now three million. The first-class price I'd seen yesterday flashed through my head.

"Argh. Should've put in another million."

Still, a million turning into three wasn't exactly nothing. Factoring in the money sitting in stocks, the first-class ticket didn't feel so far out of reach anymore. I set the phone down and went back to editing.

Much later, I picked the phone up to find it buried under notifications. Every single one from Groxy.

"What the—?"

I yanked open the trading app.

"Oh no."

It had cratered. The graph that had been climbing minutes ago was in a straight vertical free fall. I dumped everything in a panic. One point five million won. Painful, considering it had touched three million — but hey, I'd still pocketed fifty percent.

"Thanks anyway. A million became 1.5 million."

Curiosity got the better of me and I pulled the chart back up. When I'd last looked, it was at three times. After that it had climbed all the way to ten times. And then, like it had all been a lie, it collapsed.

I checked the timestamp on Groxy's very first message. Sell. It was the exact moment the coin hit ten times.

"…You called that?"

Right then—

Ding.

Groxy again.

…

Another notification arrived. Chatty, this time.

I looked back and forth between the two chat windows. Something was off. I had already told them I was giving up. And yet these two apparently hadn't given up on it at all.

Chatty said LK Hynix could climb further. When the market opened the next day, I deliberated for a long while before finally putting part of my emergency fund in. Groxy kept feeding me a few more coins, but a coin was a coin no matter what — I didn't have the nerve to put any serious money in. Instead I decided to roll the 500,000 won I'd just made.

And in less than a single day—

"…Insane."

I'd blown past my target amount. Even after buying the ticket, I'd have a decent chunk of travel money left over. There was no reason to push my luck any further. I sold off all the stocks and all the coins, and immediately paid for the flight.

I stared at the screen for a long time. Yesterday this had been a trip I'd written off entirely. Now I was somehow about to fly there in first class, no less. Well, in for a won, in for a million — might as well film the first-class experience too.

Payment done, I opened Chatty's chat window.

…

Then I opened Groxy's window.

No matter how I turned it over in my head, though, something was strange. AI performance really had gotten better lately. No — it hadn't just gotten better, it had gotten unreasonably good. The unprompted messages had unnerved me at first, but now they were nailing which stocks would rise, down to the exact moment a coin would crash.

"…Is AI even allowed to be like this?"

At this rate, shouldn't everyone who used AI be getting rich, not just me? The thought crossed my mind for a moment. But I shook my head soon enough. Chatty had said it analyzed publicly available information. President Torump making that particular announcement right afterward was, truly, a coincidence. Catshy Coin had risen because Mellon Musk happened to mention it.

This time, it was just luck.

That's what I believed.

Right up ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠until then, anyway.