A Promise Not to Make You Cry
I turned my head at the sound of the door opening behind the classroom, and there stood Mr. Ha-jun at the entrance. He was wearing his coat, looking at me and Ji-an while desperately trying to hold back his laughter. The moment I saw him biting his lip to suppress it, an overwhelming wave of embarrassment washed over me.
“Daddy!”
“…Pfft..”
“… Mr. Ha-jun…”
In the end, he couldn’t contain it completely. A small chuckle slipped out, and without thinking, I called his name.
“No.. pfft.. I’m sorry.”
“… You can answer me once you’re done laughing.”
I deliberately replied in a slightly pouty tone. After wrestling with himself for a while, Mr. Ha-jun finally composed himself and looked at me and Ji-an. Sensing his gaze, Ji-an turned to him and announced brightly.
“Daddy! Mommy said she’s going to read me a storybook!”
“Mommy..?”
Mr. Ha-jun paused for a moment, then looked at me. My face flushed red as I waved my hands in denial.
“No, it’s just… Ji-an said she wanted to call me that today…”
I felt mortified at how I was stuttering, but Ji-an proudly grabbed my hand and held it out as she declared.
“Yeah! Today she’s Mommy!”
At those words, the corners of Mr. Ha-jun’s mouth lifted into a warm, gentle smile—completely different from the one before. Seeing Ji-an’s bright laughter and his soft expression warming the air inside the classroom made my heart flutter.
“Really? Then is Seoyeon today my wife?”
When Mr. Ha-jun asked gently, Ji-an nodded excitedly and rubbed her face against my chest.
“Mhm! And Ji-an is the daughter! And now she’s going to read the book! Daddy, come over here and read with us!”
“Shall I?”
Mr. Ha-jun took off his coat, hung it on the side, and walked over to sit beside me. Ji-an, thrilled, climbed onto his lap while still holding the book I was carrying. She grabbed my arm and tugged me closer.
“Read it now!”
With Ji-an moving to Mr. Ha-jun’s lap, we naturally ended up sitting much closer. Our shoulders were practically brushing, and even the sound of breathing felt intensely noticeable. Heat rose to my face.
…This feels way too close.
When I sat there frozen, unable to start reading, Ji-an tapped the back of my hand impatiently. I smiled awkwardly and began to read, but my voice trembled slightly.
“Once upon a time… there was a family living in a village…”
My voice must have been too quiet, because Ji-an leaned her body to the side, and Mr. Ha-jun moved even closer in case she fell. In doing so, the back of his hand lightly brushed against my leg.
“..Hic!”
A short squeak escaped me. Ji-an flinched in surprise and looked up at me. Mr. Ha-jun also froze for a moment and turned his head.
“Ah.. I’m sorry.. It was ticklish..”
“Ah.. no, I’m the one who’s sorry. I was worried Ji-an might fall..”
Mr. Ha-jun quickly pulled his hand back, his face filled with embarrassment. Seeing that only made me more flustered. I turned my head away and said,
“No.. it’s fine. I overreacted..”
“I really wasn’t paying enough attention..”
The awkward atmosphere created by our mutual apologies seemed to bother Ji-an. She stood up from Mr. Ha-jun’s lap and complained.
“Hmph.. This is boring!”
With her lips pursed, Ji-an began poking around the bookshelves, looking for another toy. As I watched her small back, I became even more aware of the person sitting beside me.
“…She really seems like such a good kid.”
I mumbled while absently touching my hair. Mr. Ha-jun turned to look at me.
“She is. Sometimes she’s much more… mature than I am.”
His words carried a hint of laughter at the end, but there was also a touch of seriousness. I unconsciously stroked the book Ji-an had left behind.
“…I think I smile more often these days because of her.”
When I lifted my head from the book, our eyes met. For a moment, it felt like my heart dropped.
“I-I just… I like children, that’s all..”
Flustered, I spoke quickly and looked away. I tried to focus on Ji-an again, but I couldn’t stop the heat from rising in my cheeks. Mr. Ha-jun watched Ji-an in silence for a moment before speaking in a lower voice than usual.
“That’s… a truly great blessing for Ji-an.”
Surprised by the low tone, I turned my head. The look in Mr. Ha-jun’s eyes was filled with sincerity and warmth. Even as I met his gaze, his voice continued.
“Actually… I feel like I owe her so much. I’ve been using work as an excuse not to spend time with her.”
His voice carried the weight of guilt. The Mr. Ha-jun I had seen until now was always smiling, but right now his expression looked somehow exhausted.
“I kept telling myself I wanted to raise her without lacking anything… but I’ve been missing what’s truly important since the beginning.”
Mr. Ha-jun paused and looked at Ji-an. She had taken out colored pencils, lying on her stomach on the floor and drawing in her sketchbook. His eyes as he watched her were heavy with regret.
“I thought just buying her what she needed was enough… but that’s not all there is. At this age, what she really needs is someone to play with her, to laugh with her… Even though I know that, I can’t seem to do it. That’s why I’m truly grateful to you, Seoyeon.”
His voice trailed off, leaving only a bitter smile of self-reproach on his face. As I quietly watched him, for a moment I saw my old self overlapping with his expression.
“I…”
My lips moved before I could stop them. Mr. Ha-jun turned to look at me. I swallowed once, then carefully continued.
“There were many times when I felt like I wasn’t even there, even though I was at home. My family didn’t pay attention to me, and even when I spoke, they would just mock me. Day after day… eventually I started thinking, ‘No matter what I do, nothing will change.’”
My voice was soft, but it echoed quietly in the classroom. I fiddled with the corner of the book with my fingers and smiled faintly.
“But… when I met Ji-an at the hospital, she came up to me first. I was so grateful. Even though I was exhausted, she smiled at me for no reason and talked to me… That meant the world to me.”
I took a breath and looked at him with a faint smile.
“Maybe that’s why… I wanted to be good to Ji-an.”
Mr. Ha-jun lowered his head for a moment, then looked back at me. His eyes were much softer and warmer than before.
“…You really are amazing, Seoyeon.”
His voice sounded pleasant to the ear.
“If it were me… if I had no one by my side, I don’t think I could have done it.”
He shook his head slightly and smiled gently.
“You said you had no one to rely on, yet you still stay by Ji-an’s side and give her this much warmth… I think that’s truly remarkable.”
My heart pounded violently. His words felt like they understood all the pain I had felt until now.
“I always regret not being able to be with Ji-an more…”
Mr. Ha-jun glanced at Ji-an again before turning his gaze back to me.
“But you… even while carrying your own pain, you make Ji-an smile.”
His voice was filled with genuine sincerity. For a moment, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked away, but his eyes stayed on me.
“R… really?”
The words I let out sounded wet with emotion. When Mr. Ha-jun quietly nodded, something buried deep in my chest surged up all at once. My eyes grew hot in an instant. I tried to wipe them with the back of my hand, but the tears that had already begun to fall couldn’t be stopped.
“Hic… sob.. huu..”
The sound of my crying made the air in the classroom feel as if it had frozen.
“Se.. Seoyeon..”
Mr. Ha-jun called my name in panic, but the loneliness I had kept buried deep inside burst out all at once. Tears kept flowing without pause. Perhaps because of my crying, Ji-an, who had been drawing on the floor, came running over immediately. When she saw me weeping, her face crumpled and she shouted at her father.
“Daddy made Mommy cry!!”
“Huh?… Me.. I mean, Daddy did?”
Mr. Ha-jun waved his hands frantically.
“Daddy’s bad.. Bad person..”
Ji-an whimpered along with me, stomping her feet.
“Don’t make Mommy cry! Daddy made Mommy cry!”
“No.. that’s not..”
Mr. Ha-jun tried to explain, but Ji-an wouldn’t listen and kept scolding him. Watching the two of them, I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.
“Huhu… ha.. Ji-an.”
I calmed down and pulled her into a hug, patting her shoulder.
“Mommy cried because… Ha-jun.. I mean Daddy said something really nice.. I was so grateful that I cried.”
“Really?..”
Ji-an stared at me with teary eyes.
“Yes. Because he understood Mommy’s heart… I was so thankful that I cried.”
Ji-an nodded, but she still pouted and muttered.
“Still… Daddy made Mommy cry.”
At that, both Mr. Ha-jun and I burst into laughter at the same time. The tears that had been flowing down my cheeks were still there, but mixed with laughter, my heart felt much lighter.
“Haa… Daddy was wrong. I promise I’ll never make you cry again.”
“Promise!”
Mr. Ha-jun raised both hands playfully, but Ji-an answered as if it were no joke.
“Okay, promise.”
Mr. Ha-jun held out his hand, but Ji-an shook her head.
“Not with me, with Mommy!”
She pulled Mr. Ha-jun’s hand toward me and looked at me.
“Uh… with me?”
I asked, momentarily flustered, but Ji-an nodded firmly.
“Mhm! Promise you won’t make Mommy cry!”
I glanced at Ji-an before looking at Mr. Ha-jun. He met my eyes for a moment, then nodded as if he had no choice.
“From now on… I will never make you cry.”
“Ah.. I won’t cry either..”
The words that came out were a bit silly, but seeing Ji-an beaming with joy, I decided to let it go.