The Journey's End (2)
It was morning, exactly nine days after the strangely fated pair had departed.
Roderick paced back and forth, turning every four or five paces in sheer agitation. From the way he gnawed at his fingernails and knit his brows into tight knots, an almost pathological separation anxiety bled through his every move. At this point, muttering frantically to himself like a madman was par for the course.
"Damn it... Hell... Nothing's going to happen. Nothing at all. Right. That's how it has to be..."
It felt as though he had been put under a spell. To think he had so easily consented to something he would normally have opposed to his dying breath. Was it because the kid had dropped those pointless words on him? Before he knew it, the wind had been completely knocked out of him, stripping him of the very will to object.
That crazy bastard...
What kind of child in this world looked upon the man who had kidnapped him to sell him off as a father? Damn it all, just how terribly had the Deposed Emperor and his concubine treated that boy for him to turn out like this?
Yet the one who was far crazier than any of them...
Was me, for actually feeling happy when I heard it...
It wasn't even funny. He was an exploiter who had used a mere five-year-old child as a battering ram to bust open a criminal syndicate, yet here he was, basking in goodwill he had no right to receive.
Naturally, dragging the boy around had fostered affection and pity over time, leading him to look after the kid in countless ways. But a scoundrel who deserved to die in anyone else's eyes had never possessed the slightest intention of playing parent out of mere compassion. From the very beginning, he was wholly disqualified from participating in such a twisted bond.
"Never thought a day like this would come... I should've lived a bit more honestly."
Regret crashed over him in waves. Had he known that he would one day be on the receiving end of pure, unadulterated goodwill, he would have changed his way of life long ago. But to don the fleece of an innocent lamb now was far too late; black, sodden mud clung thick and heavy from his ankles all the way to his shoulders.
"Phew."
Just as Roderick let out his murky lament, a woman clad in light armor and a little girl holding her hand approached from across the grounds without the slightest hesitation.
"What's got our piece-of-trash advisor sighing like the sky is collapsing?"
"Piece-of-trash advisor!"
"Don't go learning words like that, kiddo. And you, fix that foul mouth of yours."
Roderick waved his hand dismissively, clearly finding them a bother to deal with. He immediately scowled at the woman who spat such crude language without a filter. Catching his drift, she pointedly averted her gaze and gave an airy wave of her hand.
A thoroughly exhausting combination had arrived.
The defrocked knight, Thesia.
And the young lady of House Elenote, Estiel Elenote.
Such were their stations.
"The young miss said she wanted to drop by after so long, so here we are... but why is the only one here a gloomy old fossil?"
"Got a complaint?"
"Maybe not the young miss, but I certainly do."
"Me too, ditto with Tesha!"
"Shut it. I'm not in the mood for jokes."
"Does that issue have something to do with the commander's absence?"
"Tsk."
A sharp woman. Whether it was her blade or her intuition, every element that comprised Thesia was forged of razor-keen edges.
"Hmm. I don't care much either way, but the young miss does. I'd like to know where the commander went."
"Can't tell you."
"Not even if you look into our young miss's sparkling eyes?"
"..."
Sure enough, Estiel Elenote's silver eyes were gleaming like freshly polished coins. Looking into those round, clear eyes stirred an urge to spill every secret in the world, true or not. Yet even without such an overwhelming staring contest, if the name 'Estiel Elenote' was brought into play, there was very little information Roderick could actually withhold.
Because the Child of the Deposed Emperor had left explicit instructions to grant Estiel every possible convenience.
For that order alone, Roderick had no choice but to yield to their demands.
"...There was a minor accident caused by some members who couldn't kick their old habits."
"Accident?"
Estiel tilted her head. Her innocent reaction served as the cue for a lengthy explanation.
Concealing the fact that the kidnapping victim was an imperial princess, Roderick launched into an impassioned recount, taking great care to phrase everything as delicately as possible for the sake of Estiel's emotional wellbeing. Thesia unconsciously let out a genuine murmur of admiration at his diplomatic tongue.
Having absorbed the general outline, Thesia fell silent for a moment before speaking.
"So what's the worry? Even if he gets lost, there wouldn't be a safer stray in the entire empire."
"I'm not worried about his physical safety in the slightest either."
"Then is there another issue?"
"Yeah. The issue is with the kid himself."
"Young Miss, let us sentence this man to death for his insolence."
"Roderick, death penalty!"
Estiel pointed an innocent finger at him. The girl probably didn't even know what execution meant. Watching this unbearable spectacle, Roderick's mood turned beyond bleak.
"You crazy woman, just hand the kid over to me. I'd do a much better job raising her."
"Whoa there. Trying to hoard her for yourself?"
"The world's gone upside down, damn it."
Though Roderick let out a bitter sigh, it stung knowing that Thesia was the only one who could even remotely fathom his plight.
Aside from himself, the two people closest to their commander were undoubtedly the pair standing right before him.
"Jokes aside... what are you actually worried about?"
"I told you. It's the kid himself."
"Hmm?"
Thesia didn't seem to grasp it easily. Roderick elaborated to help her understand.
"As you know, he's abnormal. Both on the outside and on the inside. The former isn't a crime, but the latter could become catastrophic depending on the circumstances."
"Well... his personality is unusual, sure. But enough to warrant all this?"
When Thesia shrugged, Roderick clicked his tongue bitterly.
"Unusual? There's a limit to unusual. Have you ever seen him get angry?"
"No."
"Sad?"
"Never."
"Jealous, maybe?"
"Can't even imagine it."
"That's the problem."
Only then did Thesia knit her brows slightly. She understood that something was off, but she seemed unable to grasp the core issue. Observing her reaction, Roderick handed her the answer directly.
"To him, he himself is no different from a stranger. If someone puts a blade to his throat, his survival instincts will kick in and parry it, but that's as far as it goes. Far from seeking revenge, he doesn't harbor the slightest resentment. It's a bit better when it comes to others, but fundamentally the same. Even if someone were to burst into pieces and die right in front of him, he'd think 'how pitiful' and forget it seconds later."
"Hmm..."
"That's not to say he has no feelings of his own. When he's happy, he's purely delighted, and he does feel sympathy, and trau—no, never mind."
Roderick was about to bring up trauma before cutting himself short. He judged that they didn't need to know that much.
That a child who seemed so emotionally detached showed an obsessive fixation with the concept of being 'alone' was a secret known to Roderick alone.
"Anyway, outside of positive emotions, he's excessively numb to everything else."
In the past, even positive emotions had been scarce. When the boy was around five years old, Roderick had occasionally wondered if the kid was some exquisite doll crafted by the hands of a god.
Thus, the current commander was essentially an educational masterpiece that Roderick had built with his own blood and sweat.
"Can you guess what happens when a kid like that grows up without changing?"
"Not really."
"You get the ultimate, top-tier pushover who won't utter a single curse even if he gets stabbed in the street. He'd feel nothing even if he were stripped naked in the middle of a public square, so imagine what an appetizing target he looks like. Unless someone tries to steal his mask, of course."
"Mm, I can certainly see that. Those who haven't had the chance to interact with him closely wouldn't know, but..."
Wearing that mask had been a stroke of divine genius.
Few possessed the guts to take advantage of someone with such an ominous, foreboding appearance.
Even casual remarks tossed out by him would branch into ten thousand sinister interpretations in the listener's mind.
It bestowed dignity and mystery upon a boy who might otherwise have appeared hopelessly dimwitted.
Even so, traveling together for nine whole days will blow his cover... Besides, if she's a princess raised in a den of intrigue like the Imperial Palace, she probably had him completely figured out within half a day of setting out.
It was an uncannily accurate deduction, though Roderick had no way of confirming it.
He could only pray.
Praying that the incomplete child cast out into the world would return safely to his roost,
and hoping that he would conclude his journey unyielding and upright, like a stalk of bamboo.
Please... just don't let yourself get eaten alive, you fool.
"Rian! My arm is getting tired. Hurry up and open wide."
"It is... far too large, Serin."
"Should I just shove it in by force?"
"Force is wrong."
"True, but that's what makes it fun."
Goodwill brooked no compromise. I stood up from my seat and gently nudged the frozen treat toward the opening of Rian's mask. Concerned that his mask might get soiled, Rian lifted it slightly, revealing the sculpted line of his lower jaw.
Crunch!
The crisp sound of ice snapping filled his mouth with a wave of cold. The absolute fulfillment of witnessing my ultimate bias obediently bite into the treat I was feeding him... It surpassed the pride of a mother bird providing for her fledgling. To define it more precisely, it tasted like a Shooting Star ice cream mixed in a three-to-seven ratio of pure bliss and sweet delinquency.
"Hehe."
I took a bite right where Rian had bitten to cool down my flushed face. Watching me intently, Rian buried his face in his hands, covering his eyes.
"Serin... I have plenty of money, so you may purchase a fresh one."
"Hmm."
Two distinct emotions could be read from Rian's subtle suggestion.
One was embarrassment over an indirect kiss. And the other was... pity? Nah, no way. I must be misreading it. There's no reason for Rian to pity me.
Well, whichever it was, my answer was already decided.
"If it is not enough, I shall order another."
"Not enough? There's still plenty left, see?"
"Still, there is no need for you to eat the treat I have already touched with my mouth..."
"Come on, sharing food like this is normal! Are we strangers?"
"We are strangers, without a shadow of a doubt."
"Fair point."
Still, we're going to be family soon, so we aren't total strangers, right, Mr. Rian?
For whose sake did I throw myself into a war for the throne that never even existed in the original story?
All to ascend as Empress and marry the Child of the Deposed Emperor!
You couldn't begin to fathom my terrifying obsession, not even in your wildest dreams.
Ever since my past life, I had pitied and cheered for the Child of the Deposed Emperor. As the story progressed, he firmly took his place as my ultimate bias.
If it had stayed simple fangirling over a fictional character, it would have ended there... but for some reason, I ended up sharing the very same world as him. Thus, from the moment I was an infant, I blindly longed to meet him, and when he fled the Capital at the age of five, I tasted utter despair.
As an imperial princess, I couldn't even approach his vicinity. Even if we became close, the future where everyone tore us apart was broad daylight obvious. And if I just left things be, he'd suffer under the original female lead's gaslighting, desperately clinging to her in agony.
Like hell I'd let that happen.
About fourteen years had passed since the Child of the Deposed Emperor fled the Capital. A long time had flowed by to bring us to the present day.
A span of time long enough to reshape rivers and mountains was more than enough to twist simple fandom into stubborn obsession. The trajectory of the life I had sprinted through in this world was filled with nothing but the Child of the Deposed Emperor.
Yes, I had come to an epiphany.
As an imperial princess reincarnated in this era, the only way I could reach out to him was through power above all others.
The authority to crush every objection from those stuffy, archaic nobles.
To be united with a man who was completely ruined and cast out politically, supreme, absolute power was the sole necessity.
I spilled countless tears and sweat just to grasp that one thing.
I studied harder than I ever did in my high school senior year, building an impeccable social reputation behind a meticulous persona. Moreover, in my quest to surpass my father—the male lead of the previous work—I threw myself endlessly across the training grounds. He wasn't the protagonist of the previous work for nothing, so it would still take some time to best him, but...
With the summit of over a decade of struggle right before my eyes, I steeled my resolve.
Well... metaphors aside, the summit was literally right in front of me right now. My husband-to-be was sitting right next to me in this cafe, after all.
"Don't brush me off so coldly. Rian, do you see that couple over there?"
I pointed toward a young couple sitting in the corner.
"Yes. I see them."
"Look closely. See what they're doing?"
"Well..."
They were obviously young lovers. I didn't know if Rian could tell the difference between lovers and ordinary people, but if I pushed the point, he'd cave. He was such a delightfully naive man, through and through.
"Ngh."
Rian let out a muted groan. It was the reaction from witnessing their affectionate display firsthand. It wasn't anything suggestive to a third party's eyes—merely a sweet gesture of feeding each other pastries.
Even if it was just that, it was more than enough to sway Rian.
"See? That's completely normal in a place like this!"
"It appears their level of intimacy is somewhat different, however..."
Well, look at that. He's sharper than I thought.
Still, you've got a long way to go, Rian.
"Different? But I felt like Rian and I were incredibly close!"
"Of course I feel the same, but that is..."
"I guess I was the only one who was serious. I was so excited because I've never been this close to anyone before..."
"That is... ugh."
"Well, it can't be helped. As much as I like you, I have to respect your wishes... After all, the one who cares more is always the weaker party..."
"No, wait, that is not—"
Behind the hand covering my lips, I curled my mouth into a lopsided smirk. It was blatantly obvious what words would come out next.
"We are... incredibly close...!"
The moment he said that, my features, which had teetered on the brink of tears, blossomed with radiant delight.
"Really? You aren't just saying that?!"
"Of course... not."
"As close as those two sitting over there?"
"Yes."
And just like that, I extracted from Rian an intimacy on par with lovers. What a truly dramatic breakthrough.
Good grief, to think the original female lead toyed with a man as innocent as a mountain hare. It made me want to forgive her even less. It's not like she persuaded him logically like I do, either!
So doesn't that mean I should love this man with all my heart?
"I really, really like you too, Rian!"
With that proclamation, I wrapped my arms tightly around his in an affectionate embrace.
Resolving once and again that I would never, ever let him go.