The Meaning of Discipline
‘No abnormalities in the body, then.’
I organized the information I’d learned from Kyung-soo and tried to dig a little deeper into the land spirit.
“Aren’t you and Joo-shin coming home too late?”
“What?”
“The sun’s already setting. It’ll be pitch black by the time you get home. I’m fine since it’s Saturday and I know you come back late, but you didn’t tell Mom and Dad, right?”
“You’re right, it’s late. They’ll be worried. Especially Joo-shin at this hour...”
I said goodbye to Kyung-soo and hurried home with Joo-shin in tow. At his whining, I gave him a piggyback ride and dashed down the alley just before our house, practically sprinting.
They’ll be so worried...
The pitch-black alley with no streetlights felt like wandering through some cave. Amid that darkness, a faint glow from the houses lining the alley revealed a shadowy figure pacing outside our home in the distance.
My throat tightened at the sight of that trembling shadow, guilt choking my voice.
“Joo-in? Where’s Joo-shin... Joo-shin...”
Mom’s voice cracked as she asked about Joo-shin... and right then, my brother, who’d been asleep on my back from exhaustion, woke up and started crying in sync with her sorrowful tone.
“Mom... Mom...”
Mom hadn’t expected Joo-shin to be on my back and rushed behind me, scooping him up and soothing him as he sobbed. All the while, she smacked my back as if blaming me—not that it hurt physically, but my heart ached terribly.
Only after we reached the semi-basement room did my brother calm down. Mom gave him a late dinner, then pulled me aside separately and scolded me.
“Studying is important, but when you’re with your little brother, you need to at least tell us where you’re going.”
“...”
I couldn’t utter a word. It was obviously my fault, and I deserved the scolding, but a wave of grievance welled up anyway, something squeezing my throat.
“Eat dinner first, then we’ll talk.”
I had no appetite but forced the rice down and claimed exhaustion, lying down on my bedding first. Alone in the room without Joo-shin, a flood of scattered thoughts overwhelmed me when—
Beep beep beep.
An ambulance? At this hour around here?
“I’ll be right back out.”
“Joo-in? At this hour, Joo-in!”
Mom’s voice tugged at my ankles from behind, but the ambulance siren felt like an escape hatch from my current mood.
Has my young body made my thoughts childish too?
A self-mocking thought crossed my mind, but to shake off this feeling, I stepped out into the alley. There stood a massive red brick mansion, its vibe utterly different from the homes in our alley.
A crowd of onlookers had gathered in front, blocked by a young patrol officer keeping them at bay.
That guy?
It was the young officer I’d seen at the station. Two others of the same rank were there too, holding back the crowd.
“Officer Heo? What’s going on? This kind of commotion is a first around here.”
His friendly daytime demeanor seemed like a lie; his face was stone-cold, ignoring the neighbors’ questions. Instead, the red-faced officer next to him lightly pushed people back.
“Please step back a bit. Otherwise, you’re obstructing official duties. Hang back just a little, and you’ll find out soon enough.”
At his words, the crowd reluctantly gave way and retreated. Then the red brick house’s gate swung open, and a child was hurriedly loaded onto a stretcher.
A young woman came running out after, screaming through tears.
“Eun-su!! Eun-su! This can’t be happening. You fucking dog, you son of a bitch... I’m gonna kill you for doing this to Eun-su. Kill you!”
The onlookers recoiled from her frenzied appearance as two officers barely restrained her. Behind her, a middle-aged couple—looking older—stared blankly at the young woman they were barely holding back.
“What do you think you did right?”
“How dare you talk to your parents like that? Where’d you learn that filthy mouth? Run off once and forget all manners?”
“You... you call yourselves parents? You? Ahahaha!”
The couple, embarrassed by her mad laughter in front of everyone, quickly got into the patrol car and vanished. The crowd scattered, avoiding the woman who alternated between laughing and sobbing.
I alone remained, watching her. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
My vision went black.
Terror. Dread.
Thud. Crash. Screeech.
Arghhh!
A headache fiercer than usual hit me; I clutched my head and slumped against the wall, curling up.
I couldn’t move my feet. Nor did I find the courage to speak to her. Fear paralyzed me completely—mouth, feet, hands frozen solid.
I’d only glimpsed her memory for a split second, but it dragged me into an endless torrent of time, the horror of someone possibly killing me, plummeting endlessly into a pitch-black abyss a thousand fathoms deep. I felt it all at once—that terror and agony.
Gasp gasp.
I didn’t even realize I was hyperventilating—until warm arms embraced me from behind.
“Joo-in? You okay? Breathe slowly... What do I do... what do I do.”
Blinding red bricks filled my blurring vision, but someone stepped in front, blocking it. I looked up.
M... Mom?
Mom cupped my cheeks gently with both hands, locking eyes and hugging me tight as if to say, calm down.
“It’ll be okay. Everything’s okay, Joo-in. Joo-shin’s at home. Sorry, Mom got mad without knowing anything and worried you so much. Were you that upset? Mom was wrong. It’s okay? Mom...”
My breathing steadied, but the surging emotions didn’t.
No, that’s not it. I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry to me. I’m the one who...
“Ah...”
Like that first day of regression, when I’d cried so hard amid the chaos I hadn’t fully grasped, I broke down in Mom’s arms now—wishing the dark sludge inside me would just drain away.
Once my emotions settled a bit, embarrassment hit, and I tried to pull away, averting my gaze. The woman, who’d been laughing and crying madly, spotted me crying just like her. Our eyes met; she flinched and looked away. Then, realizing she had no reason to, she glared fiercely instead.
I flinched at her sharp stare. Mom, still holding me tight, must have sensed it. She looked down at me, patted my back once—satisfied I’d calmed—then turned to the young woman.
“Are you okay over there?”
“...”
One might flinch at those piercing eyes, but Mom carried on casually.
“The ground’s cold. Can you stand? You look like you just came from home—want to come inside?”
“...”
She bowed her head silently and shook it side to side.
Her look was scary enough at night; well, it was night, so yeah, I was normal for being spooked.
“Had dinner yet?”
“...”
“Then come to our place for some? I haven’t eaten either.”
She hasn’t eaten because of me.
I couldn’t see her face as she bowed her head, but she must have nodded, because Mom approached to help her up. She looked unsteady, so I moved to assist too—but she flinched and glared at me murderously.
Terrified it’d haunt my dreams, I plastered myself to the alley wall with a squeak.
“Uh... Joo-in, why don’t you head home first and set the table?”
Before Mom finished, I bolted inside, set the table, scooped up Joo-shin, and retreated to the room. He squirmed curiously to escape, but I held him tight.
“Hyung?”
“Just stay like this a bit.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing...”
“You’re acting like a ghost is chasing you from behind.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Then what?”
As our tussle ended, the front door opened, revealing the woman. Joo-shin’s body stiffened in my arms.
Gasp.
He’d been fighting to get out of my embrace moments ago, but now he burrowed into me, shrinking back.
You feel it too, right? I’m not weird.
Soon, Mom appeared, helping the woman to the table. Joo-shin relaxed a little at the sight of her but said nothing more about me clinging. Seeing us fused together in the corner, Mom looked puzzled but began setting the table.
“Only cold water comes out, but at least wash your hands in the bathroom.”
“...”
No reply, but she complied and headed to the bathroom. A sudden scream made me and Joo-shin jolt up like we’d been launched.
Mom chuckled slightly at us, then simply arranged the modest meal and waited.
The woman emerged with her hair tied back and smudged makeup wiped from her eyes—looking somewhat human now. Relieved, childlike curiosity sparked in Joo-shin, and he asked,
“Sis, you okay?”
“Yeah... sorry if I scared you. I didn’t expect to end up like this...”
“You must be hungry first... let’s eat before it gets cold. Whatever happened, you need food to hold on.”
“......Thank you.”
She’d poked at it at first, no appetite, but soon devoured it like she hadn’t eaten in three days. Mom looked shocked but ladled another bowl of rice from the pot.
“Thanks for eating so well—it makes me happy. But... your name...”
“Ah... Choi Eun-young...”
“The eldest daughter of the red brick house owner? I heard she went abroad to study...”
“Didn’t go study. I ran away from home.”
“...?”
Seeing our confusion—Mom and me—she let out a wry chuckle, her disheveled state now pitiful, and spoke self-deprecatingly.
“I ran to stay alive.”
She clutched the mug of hot barley tea Mom had brought after clearing the table, then bowed her head. We couldn’t ignore the clear droplets falling onto the table.
“But... Eun-su...”
Knock knock knock.
“Who at this hour?”
We never had late visitors, so it was bewildering.
The door opened to reveal... police?
From where the woman sat, it wasn’t visible, but from my spot, it was. The young cop called Officer Heo from earlier that day.
Mom, who’d heard the story outside, looked baffled as she entered with him.
“The... officer wants to take the young lady... What’s all this about?”
“That damn...”
She started cursing like at the red brick house but clamped her mouth shut upon seeing me—or rather, Joo-shin—and followed Officer Heo out without a word.
I handed Joo-shin to bewildered Mom and chased after Officer Heo down the alley.
Gasp gasp.
“Officer Heo.”
“You’re... from earlier today...”
“Why are you taking her without any explanation?”
“...”
He looked hesitant to say, loaded her into the patrol car, stepped back, and murmured quietly.
“We’re arresting a suspect right now. So don’t interfere—step aside.”
As Officer Heo pushed me away from the car,
I called Officer Heo ‘hyung’?
My focus slipped, and the conversation unraveled like stretched syrup. The patrol car was already gone, its red taillights fading in the distance, leaving me alone in the alley.