Today...
The rooftop garden, bathed in abundant sunlight, stood empty—likely because it was still early morning. A faint creak echoed as the glass door to the rooftop edged open, and a petite girl emerged like a fairy from a tale. Without the unmistakable slap of patient slippers mingling with the door's sound, she could easily be mistaken for one—a delicate sprite who might vanish into thin air at any moment. Warm affection emanated from the nurse beside her, who draped a blanket over the girl to shield her from the chilly breeze. The girl clutched a small notebook and a pen, still warm from the nurse's hand, her wide eyes twinkling faintly as she took them, scattering dazzling glints of light.
Such a girl settled onto the bench where the sunlight shone most brilliantly, opened her prepared notebook, and began forming her round, childish letters.
—The weather feels warm today. No, the world I feel is so cozy that even this breeze raising goosebumps on my skin seems warm.—
"Even with the cold breeze today, the sunshine's nice. In-ha looks like she's in a good mood too—how about you?"
The nurse's smile, the kind that warmed the heart just to see, lingered on her lips as she sat close to ensure the girl wouldn't get cold. She wasn't peeking at the notebook—the girl wasn't even trying hard to hide it—but something about the girl keeping secrets stirred a faint pout in the nurse, prompting her to cast her gaze out toward the horizon beyond the rooftop garden.
In the meantime, the girl rapidly filled her small notebook with her round script.
—After Mom left home, I thought my life had been discarded.—
—Dad always beat me when he drank. No one listened when I said it hurt.—
—If Mom had been there, would she have listened?—
—When I miss Mom, I head to the foothills of An-nam Mountain. It's where the acacia tree she loved stands. I take the old alleyways to see the acacia planted atop the retaining wall between the mountain and the neighborhood.—
—It was Mom's favorite place.—
—Dad cursed Mom as that bitch who ran off, but he's never once gone looking for her there, at the acacia tree she loved.—
—I miss Mom, but Dad clearly doesn't want to see her. He always says he's looking, but since Grandma passed, I haven't seen him try.—
—I heard Grandma wandered searching for Mom until she was hit by a car on the road and died.—
—I wanted to go to Grandma's funeral, but Dad wouldn't let me. It was sad, but I had to endure. If I didn't, I'd get beaten again.—
—I thought I'd live my whole life longing for Mom. But then a teacher appeared, saying he'd help find her. I was so happy, thinking I could see her tomorrow—I did whatever he asked. Even when it hurt, it was bearable compared to the week Dad beat me every day. No, I thought it was okay.—
—But it wasn't.—
—Because I fell for someone.—
—I never thought I'd like anyone, not wanting to meet someone like Dad. But only after being thrown into this cesspool did I finally like someone. I'm happy, but equally scared. At school, kids curse me, throw trash, splash water every day. What if the boy I like gets cursed too because of me?—
—Nurse Sis just laughed at my question, then told me to let things flow naturally—they'd work out in the end.—
—Is that true? Should I just let it flow?—
—Can I bury this itchy feeling swelling in my chest and just leave it be?—
—Chocolate...—
—Mom loved chocolate. But for fairness, she said we couldn't have it often. On payday, she'd buy one and we'd share. She said she wanted to give me her half, but couldn't anymore. When I asked why, her face looked like she might burst into sad tears, so I just focused on eating mine.—
—I learned about that half at Grandma's funeral.—
—Dad wouldn't let me go, but I skipped school and walked there late at night. A cool uncle was keeping vigil alone. He stared blankly at me arriving in the empty funeral hall, then collapsed like his stoic facade had been a lie, sobbing bitterly. Seeing a grown man cry flustered me, but he grieved Grandma as much as I did, so I cried with him. The teary uncle's name was Cheon-il. I don't remember his family name. Sorry, Uncle Cheon-il.—
—Uncle Cheon-il said he and Mom were childhood friends. But I don't know why he was at Grandma's funeral. Grandma lost all her other kids in the war, or so Mom said.—
—Dad always boasted in front of Mom about how great he was for marrying into such a family.—
—Uncle Cheon-il said when you miss the same person, you end up at places like funeral halls. Then he split a chocolate half and gave it to me. I didn't understand then, but now I do. I've come to miss someone too. Thinking of the person I miss makes me happy, then sad. Was that why Uncle cried so sadly?—
—Dad called Mom a whore. I didn't know what it meant as a kid, but now I do. He said I'm the same as Mom for what happened to me. Was Mom as sad and hurt as I am? Does Uncle Cheon-il no longer like women who've been through that? I have so many questions, but I haven't seen him since the funeral. Did he hate Mom for it too? ...If only...(messily scribbled out with pen, illegible.)—
As the tiny girl began scribbling furiously, as if to pierce through the notebook, the nurse grew worried and turned her distant gaze back to the girl. She readjusted the blanket warmly and said,
"The sun's nice, but the air's cold—shall we head in now?"
The girl silently extended her hand to the nurse, who took it. The two figures, like dolls, vanished toward the far side of the rooftop garden.
—A strange uncle showed up in my room today. Nurse Sis wasn't there, so I was scared. But he looked at me without flinching and handed me his business card. He said he's a human rights lawyer, better than my current one, and to trust only him—he pounded his chest.
—But I thought my current lawyer helping me was fine... Is a human rights lawyer stronger? Enough to solve all my problems...
—When I didn't answer, he kept saying weird things I didn't understand. He stressed that I'm a key police suspect, my clothes were found at the crime scene, and if I don't want to be wrongly convicted, come to him.
—Is that true? Will I become the criminal like this?
—I was scared what Kyung-soo would think of me. Heart pounding, I answered tensely: I'm not the criminal. He burst out laughing, said it'd all be fine, and to leave it to him. But it's weird, right? After I agreed once, I can't remember well. And after he said it'd be fine, Kyung-soo really came to visit.
—Kyung-soo, visiting, suggested I emigrate to America. Said it'd be a new chance at life. I don't know. I wouldn't see Kyung-soo anymore? Would I end up like Uncle Cheon-il? Eating well, living well, just surviving. So I told the truth: I'm a prime murder suspect.
—Kyung-soo got furious and stormed out. I wanted to see his face more... But feeling relieved that he got mad like it was his own problem—I'm a bad kid, right? Kyung-soo's friends talked to me, then left looking confused. They'll make sure he gets home safe, right?
—That's the kind of friends they are. Today, I stare endlessly at the hospital room door. But it won't open again. I have no friends.
—I didn't think the door would open again, but it did.—
The lawyer from earlier reappeared in the girl's hospital room. Dressed in a suit with his characteristic smile, he looked kind—but also suspiciously scheming.
"Staying holed up in this room will only make things worse. To resolve it, you need to move."
—Nurse Sis said he came in without visiting hours and seemed suspicious, but I couldn't push away someone promising to prove I'm not a murderer. Even if his offer to help was a lie, I wanted to believe it. Is that why? I nodded to his sudden suggestion to leave the room.—
The girl wrote her final entry in the notebook the nurse had lent her, then began preparing to leave as the lawyer instructed. Her preparations were simple: she returned the notebook and pen to their place, then took a chocolate wrapped in pink foil from her cabinet where her clothes were stored and placed it in the center of the bed.
She stared at the chocolate for a long while before turning away.
'I wanted to give this today...'