The Weight of an Ordinary Life 6
“Kyung-soo.”
I called out to him in a low voice, having barely spoken all day, and he looked at me with concern.
“What’s up? Did something happen today?”
“Well...”
Jong-hyuk and Kyung-soo, who’d been watching me all day because I’d seemed off, suddenly pinned me down like they’d planned it, urging me to spill.
“You’ve been like this since heading to school this morning. I figured it was about In-ha.”
“What?”
I whipped around to stare at Jong-hyuk in surprise.
Did he pick up that I have something to say to Kyung-soo about In-ha?
His serious expression turned conspiratorial as he grabbed our shoulders and pulled us close, grinning slyly.
“In-ha got pegged as a suspect because of the gym teacher thing, right? That’s what’s bugging you, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“What then? You’ve had that furrowed brow and brooding vibe since morning—wasn’t it about that? So do you think In-ha did it?”
“That’s even more ridiculous. What I’ve been worrying about is...”
“Worrying about what?”
I locked eyes with Kyung-soo, putting some steel into my gaze.
“Do you like In-ha?”
“What?”
A choked gasp of shock came from Jong-hyuk, but I kept my eyes on Kyung-soo.
“W-why are you asking that?”
“Come on, don’t play dumb. After all that fuss yesterday about visiting her in the hospital, isn’t it obvious?”
“I just want to hear it from you.”
Jong-hyuk’s chuckling face hardened as he practically shouted at me.
“Hey? No way, right? You like In-ha too?”
“What? Joo-in, you’re into In-ha? What about Ji-hye?”
As Kyung-soo’s expression darkened at Jong-hyuk’s frantic outburst, he shoved his chair back and lunged, grabbing my collar.
“You serious?”
“No, it’s not like that...”
“Then why do you care if I like her or not?”
“Forbidden love?”
“What kinda nonsense is that?”
“Haa...”
I closed my eyes against Kyung-soo’s grip on my collar and let out a deep sigh before forcing the words out.
“How much do you like In-ha?”
“A lot. I like her. So just tell me.”
“First off, you’re misunderstanding—I’m not asking because I like In-ha. It’s just...”
“Quit beating around the bush and spit it out.”
“You said In-ha’s been quietly ostracized in class, right?”
“Yeah...”
“So what do you think’ll happen if she comes back to school like this?”
“What?”
“Even if the gym teacher deserves to die, to her classmates, she’s just a murder suspect.”
“...”
Kyung-soo’s hands slipped from my collar, his legs giving way as he sank back into his seat.
“What do you think her school life would be like? And if she has to keep living with that dad who beats her and won’t even show his face at the hospital... then what?”
“In-ha... she’s been through so much already... but I don’t even know how to help, and I know she’s getting bullied in class, but I’m scared if I step in too openly, she’ll get it worse...”
“I told Kyung-soo not to get involved. There are rumors he’s sucking up to the gym teacher or whatever—if he defends her, the girls in her class’ll hate her even more.”
Jong-hyuk placed a hand on Kyung-soo’s slumped shoulder and met my eyes squarely.
“Haa... I didn’t know what to say either. I was gonna bring it up when we visited yesterday, but I just couldn’t...”
“Bring up what?”
“My great-grandpa has a contact in the States. Someone really respected in Koreatown.”
“What’s America and Koreatown got to do with—wait, no way...”
“The secondary victimization sexual assault victims face here... it’s beyond words. We only see bits and pieces up close. We don’t know the pain In-ha’s still going through.”
“You’re thinking of sending her to America?”
“Even transferring schools... with how people view victims, she’d suffer anywhere.”
“Is this contact trustworthy?”
“Hey, you...”
“...”
“I...”
“...”
“I’ve only met this American contact once.”
“Hey, you’re gonna trust some near-stranger with In-ha?”
“But during the LA riots, she donated half her fortune to rebuild Koreatown. That’s why she’s like a godmother figure there.”
“What?”
“She has no kids of her own, so she helps Korean immigrants who come alone, like refugees. She’s an activist.”
“We don’t have to decide now. We can think it over—still gathering info, takes time...”
“No, I think it’s a great opportunity. A new life for In-ha. A chance at happiness.”
Kyung-soo, avoiding our pained gazes and staring at his desk, finally lifted his head.
“But we have to give In-ha the choice first. It’s not up to me to decide.”
Jong-hyuk nodded, forcing a smile that said yeah, that makes sense.
“No, I see it differently.”
“What?”
I turned my back on their stunned faces, gazing out the classroom window at the sports field.
“Why do you think In-ha refused our visit yesterday?”
“’Cause we’re not that close?”
“Maybe for me and Jong-hyuk, but not you, Kyung-soo. You know each other’s names.”
“We haven’t known each other that long.”
Kyung-soo protested, but he couldn’t hide his flushing cheeks.
“The point is, she refused even though she wanted to see you.”
“How do you know she wanted to?”
“Didn’t you see her yesterday?”
“Well... yeah, maybe.”
“What’s ‘maybe’?”
Jong-hyuk and I exchanged glances and shook our heads.
“In-ha didn’t want you seeing her in handcuffs. She only wanted to show her good side.”
“That means...”
“If you act hesitant, she might delay deciding—or worse.”
“What?”
“It’s possible, sure... but In-ha’s in a unique spot right now. Her mom’s fate unknown, her dad beats her instead of protecting her, the teacher she turned to for help did something horrific...”
“And?”
“And you’re the only one who’s ever shown her a warm touch. If you speak negatively about this immigration idea, won’t she feel the same?”
“Come on, she’s in third year middle school—she’s got her own mind.”
“There are no guarantees in this world.”
“Hm?”
“I heard it somewhere...”
More precisely, Dae-baek-gong mentioned it.
“There was a time when even we sat around talking like this, with no say in where we’d end up.”
“What, the Joseon era?”
“Not that long ago. The sad part? The freedom we fought for came only after those fighters died—or got twisted along the way.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Tragic, right?”
“...”
“Conversation got weird, but we grew up with free will. In-ha?”
“In-ha?”
“She was neglected. Would’ve been great if there’d been an adult to help, but no such luck. So she’s less assertive, just going with the flow till now. That’s my take, anyway.”
“No way... so?”
“Yeah. I want you, Kyung-soo, to convince her.”
“I...”
“Hey, that’s too cruel.”
“Sorry...”
“No, Joo-in’s not wrong. I...”
“Not saying do it now. Gym teacher case isn’t closed yet...”
“No. The longer we drag it, the worse it’ll get.”
“Kyung-soo.”
“Honestly, I don’t even know what I think anymore. It’s all jumbled. But this occurred to me.”
“What?”
“I just want In-ha to be happy...”
“...?”
“I’d only heard rumors she was cute, but I saw her at the fitness test by the faucet. Knew it was her at a glance. She’d tripped running, blood trickling from her knee, but her face was just blank... Couldn’t look away after that. Wanted to protect her? Started seeking her out more. She never noticed, of course...”
His rambling words rang true, leaving me speechless.
“...”
“Never told anyone I wanted her happy... but this mess drove it home. Thinking alone changes nothing. So... if I’d reached out sooner, even if Jong-hyuk stopped me... no, if I’d just been braver...”
“So... better to speak truth, even if it hurts, than just think well-meaning thoughts. Joo-in, you said I should convince her... but I disagree. In-ha’s strong.”
“If it were me, even abandoned and beaten by parents I resent, if I thought it was my duty, I’d push through. So I’ll explain this option to her. She’ll choose for herself—I believe that. Because she’s the girl I like.”
At that moment, a throbbing headache hit, like staring into an old photo that suddenly came alive, a strange floating sensation washing over me. Tinnitus mixed with hearing as voices sharpened.
Behind Kyung-soo, kids laughed and shouted on the field.
Before I transferred?
Kyung-soo looked younger, sweat-soaked in gym clothes, like he’d just run from somewhere.
As he passed, snippets of conversation drifted over.
“You’re not running the relay today?”
The long-haired girl fanning herself with her hand replied casually, checking her reflection.
“Too annoying, told In-ha to do it.”
“What?”
She shrugged at the shocked girl.
“Even as class rep runner, it doesn’t count for grades. Why bother in this heat?”
“Class rep said it does.”
“Exactly. Otherwise who’d run in this sun?”
“Fair. So who’s subbing?”
“In-ha.”
“Huh? The cute one?”
“Cute? She’s creepy. Doesn’t talk.”
“But In-ha sucks at sports, right? Won’t even make prelims.”
“Prelims? She won’t finish.”
“Why pick her? For you?”
“Gotta show we lose without me. Then class rep’ll think, oh, can’t do this.”
Through the passing group, In-ha tripped during the relay far off. A nasty fall that’d hurt anyone, but she got right up and kept running.
The chatting girls noticed.
“Oof, she fell.”
“Knew it.”
“But she’s toughing it out.”
“Last place anyway—who cares?”
Kyung-soo clenched his fist at the words behind him.
Suddenly, scene shift: the faucet. In-ha winced, rinsing her wound. Kyung-soo approached to speak but hesitated, just circling her.
Classmates passed with a kettle.
“In-ha, you okay?”
She nodded faintly, sweat beading on her neck, signaling fine.
“If it’s that bad, why not go to the nurse? Why finish?”
“They trusted me as rep... had to complete it, even falling.”
The girls filled their kettle indifferently and left, but Kyung-soo’s dazed face showed he’d caught her tiny voice.
Dizzying haze, voices slowing like taffy, senses returning to me in the classroom.
Jong-hyuk’s worried gaze met mine as he eyed Kyung-soo; I answered carefully.
“...You’re right, Kyung-soo. I was judging by my standards. And... sorry.”
“No. You were thinking of her future—I was just stuck on now.”
“I...”
I regressed, so I know what’s coming.
Sexual assault victims don’t always suicide right away. It’s the piled-up secondary harm from acquaintances, the hate from strangers... I’ve seen it too often.
They start blaming themselves, punishing themselves.
“Hard to say, but thanks... I’m actually...”
“Kyung-soo.”
His trembling voice cracked; Jong-hyuk gripped his shoulder, signaling to stop, but Kyung-soo pushed on.
“Actually... glad I can tell her about this chance...”
He trailed off, head down. We watched his shaking back in silence for a long time.
Am I making the right choice?
If someone knew life’s answers, I’d ask.