Father's Life 3
I waited a long time in front of the hospital room, but when Mother still didn't emerge, I decided against going inside. Instead, I left a message with the head nurse and turned to head off and pick up Joo-shin. My steps felt heavy, yet at the same time, I was relieved that the two of them could finally have this overdue chance to reconcile.
Hoping that some of the regret I'd glimpsed in Grandfather's memories might at least dilute a little, I slowly made my way toward Joo-shin. The weight of the word "father" still felt unfamiliar to me, but the joy, sorrow, and anguish in Grandfather's recollections had all been directed toward his family. Isn't that what being a father is?
I'd worried I'd be too late fetching Joo-shin, but fortunately, he was just playing peacefully at the library without any issues. He pouted his lips at me for arriving past our promised time, clearly annoyed, but I pretended not to notice as I took his hand and started walking home slowly.
"Mom and you are both mean. You were way later than you promised."
"Sorry. You hungry?"
"It's fine. The librarian sister at the kids' library gave me this much snacks... Mom always says I can't have them, but I ate a ton."
"All that sugar probably killed your appetite."
"That's not it. Why were you so late?"
"Hey, Joo-shin, want your big bro to give you a piggyback ride? It's been a while."
I knew he was mad because I wasn't answering his question properly, but I silently lifted him up, gripping firmly so he wouldn't slip or fall. Feeling the small, warm hands clinging tightly to my back, I began moving toward home, one step at a time.
"Joo-shin... Mom's gonna be late tonight. Or maybe she won't come home at all."
"Why? 'Cause I threw a fit about her being late? Then it's fine if I have to wait forever."
"No, you didn't do anything wrong. Mom's just distracted 'cause she's seeing Grandfather after so long."
"Grandfather? We have a grandfather?"
"Yeah. But he's really sick, so it might be hard for you to meet him."
"Why? I wanna see Grandfather too."
"Let's see him once he gets better and leaves the hospital."
"For real? I got a grandfather."
"Why? You like that?"
"Yeah. All the other kids get toys from their grandpas and go out to cool places with lots of fun stuff. I wanted that too."
"Our grandfather's sick, so he might not be able to play with you. You still like that?"
"Just having a grandfather makes me happy. But when can I see him?"
"Once he gets healthier... then..."
He's so thrilled about this... I swallowed the bitter sigh rising in my throat and started washing Joo-shin and preparing dinner.
"Kimchi stew again?"
"You said it was good, but now you're sick of it?"
"Even good stuff gets boring if it's kimchi stew every time, ugh..."
"That's why I prepared my secret weapon. Ta-da."
"That's just sausage?"
"Yup. Let's eat a little without Mom knowing."
"Yesss. I'll keep the secret."
Watching Joo-shin chomp down eagerly, I took a bite of the kimchi stew he'd complained was tiresome. To me, no matter how much I ate, it never got old.
Mother's homemade kimchi.
You couldn't make kimchi stew taste like this without her kimchi. I'd wandered everywhere searching for that flavor, checking every side dish shop that made kimchi, but I never found it. Mother's touch was quietly nurturing us, seeping into the depths of our daily lives in ways we never even noticed.
Father... Midway through a spoonful of stew, a surge of emotion choked me up. I downed a glass of water to calm myself and gestured reassuringly to the startled Joo-shin that I was fine—eat up quick.
Father...... I'd never really felt his absence in everyday life before. Right after he passed, we were too desperate just surviving to even think about the empty space he'd left. But if Father had been there amid that frantic struggle... then maybe Mother wouldn't have suffered so much, and I wouldn't have seen my little brother as a burden before my regression.
We didn't notice it day-to-day, but Father had been the fence protecting our family. A fence that gradually drifted away from us, eventually settling somewhere nearby instead of right beside us. A happy home is one that doesn't even realize how grateful it should be for its fence. Because with it there, you don't have to face the world's storms head-on... But by the time you start lamenting its loss, years have often passed. Life without a fence is harsh, chaotic, and urgent with immediate survival... Yet a father who forgets why he started building that fence in the first place ends up piling it higher and higher, placing it too far from the family. He grows distant because he hates to see that tall fence wasted. Before he knows it, he's stacking walls alone in an empty place, lost and wandering. The longer that wandering lasts, the more he regrets it—but by then, the fence is too sturdy and tall to tear down.
But in the end, the place he'll return to...
Lost in those deepening thoughts, I snapped back at the clatter of dishes being cleared. Joo-shin was skillfully stacking the used bowls on the sink, which was nearly as tall as he was.
"You helping with cleanup, bro? Thanks, but that's enough. I'll handle the rest."
"Tch... I wanna grow up fast too... You're like a beanpole, when do I get tall?"
"You'll shoot up in no time. You grow a ton every time you wake up—you just don't notice."
"Then I gotta sleep quick."
With the rustling noise of him unrolling the bedding behind me, I gazed down at the neatly stacked dishes. For just two people eating and cleaning up, there wasn't much to it.
I wonder if Mother ate dinner...
I was worried, but going back to the hospital this late would only make her more anxious, so I pushed the thought aside. I told Joo-shin to brush his teeth, finished the dishes, and turned off the light with a smile as he lay ready for bed.
He seemed ready to sleep but couldn't quite drift off, turning toward me with a thoughtful look.
"Bro, you asleep?"
"Nah, not yet."
"Grandfather... that's Mom's dad, right?"
"Yeah."
"Mom must be super happy then."
"Why?"
"I'd be thrilled if Dad came back. I miss Dad."
I stroked his back, praying he'd fall asleep soon. Just as his breathing evened out, the words I'd answered inwardly slipped out unbidden.
"Me too..."
····
The next day on the way to school, Jong-hyuk's bag looked heavy.
"No classes anymore, but your bag looks loaded."
"Mom packed all this food for you, but when I said I wouldn't take it, she snuck it into my bag anyway. I was running late, so I just slung it on. We'll eat it at school anyway—might as well lighten it up, right?"
"I know your mom's generous, but this early in the morning?"
"Dunno. She and Dad talked last night, and she was in such a great mood she went nuts packing at midnight. The oil smell woke me up—I thought we were prepping for a funeral."
"Is it that big a deal? Seems obvious to me. Between you, me, Kyung-soo, and our parents, your mom's the only one with the time and skills to manage the foundation. Mentioning it must've made her day."
Jong-hyuk looked at me like I was stating the obvious.
"Glad you think well of my mom, but you're kinda weird. Who suggests a housewife start a business? Especially your own mom..."
"Housewife? She's college-educated—a total asset. Compared to her, you and I are zeros. We're not even high schoolers yet. And what's wrong with 'housewife' for your mom? Housewife."
"Just call a housewife a housewife. What're you on about?"
Bickering as usual with Jong-hyuk, we passed through the school gate and spotted Hak-ju and Gae-deok standing there.
"Hey, Hak-ju's on duty today?"
"What?"
We exchanged panicked glances. Since the college entrance exams ended, we'd been skipping classes to watch movies, so we often slacked on properly wearing our uniforms when passing the gate.
And the teachers weren't cracking down much either... but Hak-ju...
"Hak-ju's gonna nab us. What about me?"
"Hair's a bit long, but you're a senior, so it'll be fine. Wait, where's your name tag?"
"Huh? Did I forget it? Hey, Jong-hyuk, what about your tie?"
Looking flustered, we halted and checked each other's uniforms.
Maybe I stuffed it in my bag? With a sliver of hope, I rummaged in my light bag, which only held a few pens.
Then—
"You little punk, you're always unprepared? When'd you snag my name tag?"
"Looks like Kyung-soo pranked us and hid it in your bag? He tied your tie into a ribbon and pinned it with my tag."
"Saved either way. Gimme the tag, and you hurry up and tie your tie."
Ignoring Hak-ju's sharp glare fixed on our suspicious fidgeting, Jong-hyuk and I barely slipped through the gate.
"Phew... close one."
"But why's Hak-ju suddenly at the gate now that finals are over?"
"School vibe's getting rowdy, kids glued to rumors instead of classes. Probably showing up to crack down and whip everyone into shape."
"The ones caught today are gonna wail."
Surprisingly, with the classroom all to ourselves, we boldly unpacked and ate the lunch Jong-hyuk's mom had packed.
"Dude... we knew Hak-ju'd catch a bunch today, but how'd everyone else get nabbed and not just us three?"
"Kyung-soo, he nags if your tie's off by a millimeter, sure—but Joo-in dodging him? That's impossible."
"Hates stuff around his neck, so he only ties it right at the gate. How'd you sneak by today?"
"Yeah, weirdly lucky day."