Summer Transfer Market (4)
“I’m Beckham!”
The two commentators watched Olmunt’s celebration, laughing so hard they nearly fell over.
Olmunt’s ceremony spread beyond the broadcast cameras straight to the internet, causing a massive stir.
It would’ve been just another highlight-reel goal and faded away. But thanks to all his past antics going viral, the reactions were off the charts.
And those reactions only grew as the match wore on. Because there was no way Olmunt was stopping at just one goal.
Gyeongnam’s Twin Towers stuck to their old strategy, and sure enough, Olmunt ripped his second mid-range screamer.
“Fuckin’ hell.”
Manager Park Jintaek’s mutter went viral on camera.
While Gyeongnam’s Twin Towers sank into despair, the commentators were buzzing.
Between the commentators’ analysis, replays of Olmunt’s mid-range thunderbolts filled the screen.
Olmunt had outgrown the “decent merc in the second division” label—he’d become a full-blown meme.
His broken Korean, rare nationality for a foreigner, devastating physicality paired with that dopey vibe. And the sudden skill explosion.
All of it combined into cult internet fame.
And when that Olmunt notched his third goal, soccer sites across the web exploded.
**
Hat-trick.
It means three standout plays in a single game.
In soccer, that means three goals.
What’s a hat-trick feel like? I did it as a kid, but never after pro debut.
Two goals? Sure. But three in one match is tougher than it looks. Not just for Yoon Jongmun—for Olmunt too.
“Olmunt, career-first hat-trick. How’s it feel?”
“I’m thrilled. Honored to get my first hat-trick here at Gimpo. Wanna share this joy with everyone.”
Thank god the club finally got me an interpreter. No more stumbling through it myself. Speaking broken on camera? Mortifying.
“And all three from mid-range. Thoughts?”
I whisper my answer, and the interpreter glances at me. What? Just say it.
He scratches his head, hesitates, then translates.
“I’ve always had confidence in mid-range, but they opened the lane, so it was easy. Hope it keeps happening. You’ll see more of my mid-range goals. I’m Gimpo’s Beckham, after all.”
The teammates watching my MVP interview? Eyes wide as saucers.
But I have nailed mid-range plenty, okay?
My bold words wrapped the interview quick.
And the teasing started just as fast.
“Beckham & Injaegi?”
I became the team punching bag. But if I’m Beckham, who the hell is Injaegi?
Ugh, there they go again. Should I snap for once? Inner Viking Olmunt and scholar Yoon Jongmun keep clashing lately.
If Confucian Taliban beats Viking one day... we’re all dead.
“Why am I Injaegi? I’m Brazilian! Samba blood flows in me! Olmunt, right? Saw some weird community post. Pissed me off.”
Paulo’s sudden rage-burst snapped me back to reality.
When’d he learn Korean swears? I peer at his phone.
Oof. Not wrong.
Paulo’s no scrub, but he lacks that Brazilian flair.
Saying that’d set him off again, so I stay quiet.
“Hey, who taught you this community?”
“Ah, Hyeongjin Kim! Gonna show that dumb poster my dribbles next match.”
It’s you. The one who red-pilled the dribble-challenged Brazilian.
Told raging Paulo his touch is solid. Won’t stop tho. Brazilians can suck at dribbling sometimes.
But please no dribble show. You can’t dribble, dude. Don’t ruin the game.
Dojin-sunbae, catching the gist in rough English, glares at Hyeongjin-sunbae too.
Sunbae plays innocent. Internet addict label sticks—no dice.
Before the roasting ramps up, he hustles us together, pulls out his phone.
“Everyone chill. Found something big. It’s the guy Eunsang guessed right.”
Ugh, this geezer can’t quit communities.
“Sunbae, get serious—”
“Shh! Shh!”
“Mmph! Ugh... mmph!”
Dojin-sunbae’s mouth gets GK-blocked by Hyeongjin-sunbae, predictably.
“Coach and manager are right there, kid.”
Me and Dojin-sunbae show the post to suddenly-appearing Minsu.
Aw, Hyeongjin-shi...
“No way.”
“Shh! Pls!”
“Ha...”
Even the sighs are from Minsu and Heemun. How far you fallen, sunbae?
“Whispering now. Gimpo got cash for K1 benchwarmers? Not even free agents. We can’t even re-sign the squad.”
Minsu’s cold logic has Dojin-sunbae nodding, mouth still covered.
I don’t buy it either. Us signing K1 vets? Gimpo?
Not dissing Gimpo—just reality. New club, citizen-owned.
Two signings? Mid-summer window?
Eunsang’s Pohang guess was dumb luck. Poke enough, even eternal singleton gets a girl.
Or not.
**
Wait, this is real? Why’s Hyeongjin-sunbae always right?
Gimpo got secret budget? Sneaky supplementary funding while I wasn’t looking?