This Is What Happiness Is
"Haah… Fuck. Life is absolute shit. Seriously."
Team Leader Park Seonghun bit down on a cigarette and lit it.
"Because of that son of a bitch… One of these days I'm actually going to kill him."
The audit office had finished with him, and the company had fired him outright. For the kickbacks he'd skimmed by leaning on his position, they were pressing charges—breach of fiduciary duty, bribery, the rest of it. Even so, there was plenty of money at home. Cover a fair share with fines, he figured, and the whole mess could be closed out at some tolerable line.
"Lee Somin. Why won't that fucking bitch pick up the phone."
The moment the affair was dragged into the open, Lee Somin had walked out of the office and vanished. Park had called dozens of times. Silence, every time.
"Haaah. My life is seriously dogshit."
Smoke poured out of him, thick enough to blur the air. Beyond the glass door, his own reflection looked back. The bandages were off. He'd had the nose done, the bridge lifted just a little, and he was staring at himself as if the result were genuinely worth a long, satisfied look.
"You know this is a no-smoking zone, asshole?"
"Which little shit thinks he can—"
Park swallowed. His mouth had gone dry.
The man was massive. Well past six-foot-three, and not bulk laid on by fat—muscle, packed and set. Park had always prided himself on how hard he trained. In front of this man he was one skinny anchovy.
The man walked toward him. Park's eyes dropped to the floor of their own accord. He came in close and stared straight into Park's face.
"Is there… something I can do for you?"
"Nice nose."
"…Pardon?"
"You know who I hate most in this world?"
"How would I know something like that…"
"One: bastards who spark up and puff away wherever they feel like it. Two: bastards who put their hands on another man's woman. And right now, you're doing both."
"Wh-who are you, to just—"
"I'll keep this short. From here, you take exactly one hit. Bill me for the damage however you want."
"W-wait a second—"
A rush of air, then a sick, heavy crack. The fist drove into Park's nose faster than a body that size had any right to move.
"Ghk—"
Blood poured. He clutched his nose and went down where he stood.
"You little— I'm calling the cops—"
Paper fluttered. Printed photographs scattered across the floor in front of him. Photos of the affair with Lee Somin. And, with them, pictures of the wife and daughter in New Zealand.
"Go ahead. Report me. I'll send every one of these straight to New Zealand, just as they are. What do you suppose your daughter and your wife will think when they see them?"
Park's eyes began to shake.
"……Who the hell are you? What did I even do wrong…"
"You don't need to know who I am. Want me to walk you through exactly what you did?"
Park lifted his head and looked at the man. The man held his gaze, and went on.
"This is a no-smoking zone, motherfucker."
Every office worker in Korea carries a letter of resignation somewhere in their chest.
I never thought the day would come when I actually took mine out. Of all the timing—my perfectly ordinary life at the company had only just started going well, and only because I was already on my way out.
"In recognition of Assistant Manager Ju Jinyeong, who set right the recent disgrace at this company, we will grant a special promotion to Section Chief at the second pay step, along with a modest incentive."
Section Chief.
I had ground through English and certification exams with dull, stubborn effort, all so a promotion wouldn't pass me by. Now that the rank was mine, I couldn't see what it was supposed to mean. The modest incentive that came with it was, for something they called modest, quite a lot of money. Ten million won. Lee Jayeong's recommendation, no doubt.
"I'm resigning."
Executive Director Go, head of brand, stared at me with his eyes blown wide.
"Section Chief Ju, what is this all of a sudden? Is the company's compensation not enough for you?"
"No. I was already planning to resign. As you know, Director, my face and my business are all over this company now. I'm too ashamed to keep coming in."
"Embarrassment is a moment. It passes. The people upstairs think very highly of your ability. At this rate, team leader is a given—you could even be looking at the executive pool."
I shook my head.
"I'm grateful you think so well of me. But I haven't changed my mind."
Even after that, Executive Director Go spent a long while trying to talk me out of it. Then, at last:
"……If that's truly what you want, there's nothing we can do. We should have looked after you more carefully. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. It was a personal matter, start to finish."
He told me I'd do well wherever I went, and sent me off with that.
The exit interview ended. When I came back to the office, every one of them was on their feet, looking at me.
"You've worked so hard, Assistant Manager Ju."
"I'm sorry. We had you all wrong."
"I was just starting to feel like we were getting close. What a shame."
"Leaving the company doesn't mean the tie has to break, right? I'll be in touch. Let's grab soju sometime."
Life loops in ways you can't predict. I wanted every knot tied clean before I went, so I went to each of them and said goodbye.
Then my own team.
Section Chief Lee Eunsik held out his hand.
"You worked hard."
"I learned a lot under you, Chief."
"The coffee-change tin—I really get to keep that, yeah?"
A laugh escaped me.
"Of course you do."
"Oh, right. Team Leader Park got admitted to the hospital yesterday. Wants his things from the office brought over. I got the call."
"…He what?"
"Wonder if he went and got the stuffing beaten out of him somewhere again."
……No way. Taeseong?
Before I could even turn the thought over, Lee Jayeong was in front of me, wiping at her eyes with a sniff. She looked at me as if I were shipping out to war.
"Jayeong."
"Section Chief. Do you really have to go?"
"The resignation's already been accepted. It's done."
"I'll have it canceled."
"…And how exactly is Jayeong supposed to cancel Assistant Manager Ju's resignation?"
"Ah—!"
Laughter leaked out of the people beside us.
Go ahead and laugh. Someday she'll be the president of this company, and you'll be the ones waiting on her.
I held out my hand to Lee Jayeong.
"Thank you. For everything."
"Assistant Manager, you'll still take my calls after you're gone, won't you?"
"Of course. Anytime. Don't hesitate."
"A-Assistant Manager…"
She threw her arms around me and held on hard.
"Thank you!"
A stir of whispers.
"What is this?"
"Were the two of them dating?"
"Don't tell me it's an affair…"
"Hey. Watch your mouth."
Haah. Even on my way out, this circus.
A month had passed since I resigned.
It was May 2017, and bitcoin had climbed 97.36 percent from the month before, touching $2,220. My account held about seven billion won. A little over six million dollars.
I hadn't spent the month doing nothing but stare at bitcoin charts. I'd been thinking about what I actually wanted. Was I going to be some tasteless rich man sitting on a pile of money? Or was I going to take that money and keep building something worth having?
Watching Lee Jayeong of Jinseong Group, I turned it over. Team Leader Park's kickback case—no matter how much money I'd had, could I really have dragged that thing up into the light? Lee Jayeong had power for no reason more complicated than being the granddaughter of Jinseong Group.
I had to become that kind of person. Only then would people stop dismissing me. And if they dismissed me anyway, only then could I answer harder than they'd hit. Besides, I couldn't live on coins forever. Once a year of monthly closes had run its course, I'd have to go find the next thing to live on. Getting ready early never hurt.
Before any of that, though—maybe it was time to move.
"Where are you going this early in the morning?"
"Samcho-on! I'm sleepy! Where are we going?"
I hauled the two of them out the door.
"I've got something to show you."
"What are you showing us?"
"If I tell you now, it isn't a surprise."
"But where are we even going? That way isn't the bus stop."
"The bus?"
"Huh?"
The key fob chirped, and the lights flashed on an SUV.
A sports car had tempted me, but it would've been a little tight for hauling Yeju and my sister around. So I chose the G-Wagen, the dream car I'd wanted since my first day as a new hire. A man drives an SUV, doesn't he? Three hundred million won—about a quarter of a million dollars—paid in a single transfer. Now this was flexing. There'd been a time I thought not eating the foil off a Yoplait cup counted as flexing.
Yeju's eyes sparkled.
"Whoaaa!!! Uncle! Is this Uncle's vroom-vroom?"
"Yeah. Cool car, right?"
"Yeah!!! It's so, so cool!"
This time it was my sister's eyes that went wide.
"How did you buy this car?"
"Get in first. I'll tell you on the way."
I all but pushed my dumbfounded sister into the car and pulled away.
It was strange. I ran down the road, and the other cars simply made way. I was talking with Yeju and caught a light late, and the driver behind didn't honk. He waited. Once, I'd taken out the little Kia Morning my mother used to drive—a tiny city car—and gotten everything: people cutting me off, horns, windows rolled down for a fresh round of curses. Every humiliation there was, I'd collected it.
"So how did you end up buying this?"
"Well, you see…"
I started telling my sister what had happened. Seasoned, of course, with a few lies.
"So you're saying you made some money on coins?"
"Yeah. Not that much."
"Are you out of your mind? Seriously. With money like that, you should have bought a house first—somewhere to remarry and start over! What are you doing buying a car this expensive?"
"I told you. I'm not remarrying."
"Even if you don't! Sure, we live together now, but you think you're going to live with your sister when you're old? You need to find a decent place and move out on your own."
"I bought one."
"…What?"
"I bought a place too."
"……"
"That's where we're going."
A premium apartment of more than seventeen hundred square feet. I'd bought it for 1.7 billion won. The G-Wagen and the apartment together came to an even two billion, and I still had five billion in hand. That was enough. Money could always be made again.
"We're here. Out."
We stepped into the apartment.
"Whoaaa!!"
Yeju's mouth fell open.
"Mom!!! This must be a Dal-dongne too! I can see all the buildings out the window!"
In the slum on the hill, you could see the buildings too. My sister couldn't get a word out for a long moment. Then:
"…So this is where you're going to live now, Jinyeong?"
"That's the idea."
"Good. I'm really happy for you, Jinyeong. I always felt sorry, being the older sister and still never able to help you…"
"You sound like someone who's leaving."
"Huh?"
"I'm not living here alone. All of us are. You and Yeju."
"Jinyeong…"
"I'd be bored by myself. I've tried living alone. Turns out I like it noisy. Let's live here together."
"Yeju wants to live here!! Yeju wants to live here!!"
Yeju started bouncing all over the room. If the noise through the floor was already on your mind, then you were Korean, no question. I warned her she couldn't jump like that anymore, and led my sister into one of the rooms.
"This is your study."
"My study…?"
It had bothered me, watching her write her novels every day on that shabby laptop. Lately she'd been putting pain-relief patches on her wrist, as if it ached. So there was a desk and a chair that could be set exactly to her frame, and a new computer—the latest model—with a keyboard and mouse to match.
"Hard to enjoy writing with less than this, don't you think?"
Something surged up in her. Tears gathered, bright, at the corners of her eyes.
"Oh—Mom's crying?!"
Yeju's face started to crumple right along with her.
"No. Mom's just so happy, that's all."
"Really? You're not crying because you're sad?"
"No. Because I'm too happy. When you're too happy, the tears come anyway."
"Ohhh. If Mom's happy, then Yeju's so happy too!"
"All right, all right. That's enough house. Shall we head out?"
"Where are we going now?"
"We moved. We have to keep up appearances."
"Appearances?"
"You didn't know moving day means jajangmyeon? Black-bean noodles. It's the rule."
"Yay! Yeju loves jajangmyeon! I want two bowls!"
"Three's fine too!"
"Th-then… four bowls?"
"Obviously."
A ribbon of drool ran from the corner of Yeju's mouth. At the sight of it, we burst out laughing.
This was what happiness was.