One Step Behind (2)
"After you clock in, work together, get paid, and specialize in making songs just for that company's artists—that's an in-house producer."
"Ah, so that's how composers work."
What? She's from a major agency—how could she not know?
"I thought you guys just bought all your new songs from somewhere."
Come to think of it, she might not have known back during her trainee days. Anyway, I'm not doing in-house.
"But I prefer being a freelancer."
"That makes sense."
Ji Soeun nodded, but she looked a bit disappointed as she added,
"Ah, our CEO's gonna be bummed. He's been telling me every day to try and lure you over—I'm this close to blocking him."
"The CEO says that to an idol trainee?"
"Not romance—bring you to the company. Obviously."
"Actually, I got a separate text from the CEO too."
I pulled out my phone and showed her a snippet of the DMs with Kang Jungi.
It was excerpted from the middle, skipping the awkward initial greetings. Most of it was the CEO's warm messages.
"Whoa? The boss isn't the type to talk this much or look out for people like this."
Ji Soeun pulled out her own phone and showed me hers.
"But right after that, I snuck out to an audition behind his back."
"Agh."
Damn, old man Kang. Now I get it. How'd you raise her like that?
"Anyway!"
Ji Soeun quickly pocketed her phone and stared straight into my eyes. This time, no playfulness—just a pretty serious gaze.
"I'll take that as you helping with the broadcast appearance? And songwriting if possible."
"No, I really can't do the main stage finals."
"Then just the broadcast footage. Let's do a quick interview together."
More like behind-the-scenes footage than a proper interview.
"We'll work on songs together after the audition ends."
"...Okay."
She's really gonna keep up the formal speech till the end. Objectively, she's the one aggressively approaching me, but I still need time on my end. She senses that and feels awkward about it herself.
"Sounds good."
"Heh."
She beamed triumphantly for a moment after I agreed, but soon plunged back into worry.
"But then when do we get close?"
Maybe because of the broadcast, she seemed desperate to bond fast. Fair enough—not being actual friends while pretending to be besties on camera would just fool the viewers. But this was new for me too. Someone dying to get close to me.
I had no clue how to handle it, so I stuck to basics.
"This is our first real face-to-face, but chatting back and forth should make us closer, right?"
"Yeah... but what do we even talk about...?"
"Hm."
"Hmmm."
After rattling her latte cup for a while, Ji Soeun dropped her killer line!
"Hey, do you play a lot of Rift? You were good when we duoed last time."
"Eh, sometimes. I don't game that much, honestly."
"Hm."
"Hmmmm."
Silence again. I felt like I messed up big time. But I don't really like Rift anyway. To truly bond, shouldn't we talk about stuff we both actually enjoy? Wait, should I pretend I love games now? If audio picks up a boring convo, won't she get bored...?
Unexpectedly, Ji Soeun broke the deadlock first.
"Just so you don't misunderstand—I have tons of fun stories, but company secrets mean I can't share. I'm super fun... like, that kind of fun person. Got it?"
"Ah, yeah."
What is this world's kindness?
"And Seryeon. High five."
"Huh?"
She squeezed her eyes shut and spread her arms wide, ready for it.
"Quick! I just thought of what we can talk about from now on."
"Whoa..."
Clap clap clap clap.
"I've actually listened to all your other works too, Seryeon."
"Other stuff? I haven't uploaded anything else."
"You have. The old ones."
No way.
"The practice sketches you uploaded back in middle school. You set them private recently, so I can't hear them anymore, but I listened to them all before."
My heart dropped. Breath caught—like someone peeking into a diary I never wanted seen. But weirdly, relief washed over me too.
"......"
Right after regressing, I'd clung to a few things. A handful of tracks from my first life that I'd deemed "trash" and tossed. I'd recreated them as best I could from memory and uploaded to Sacl. They weren't from handsome current-me Kim Seryeon, but from first-life shut-in Kim Seryeon. The total opposite of my current bright, refreshing image—melodies and lyrics raw with my rock-bottom emotions.
"Aren't those super depressing? And the quality's kinda low."
"Hm, maybe technically. But..."
Ji Soeun propped her chin, gazing at me.
"They hit harder for me. Like last month, Room in the Deep. I cried listening to that."
"I found out you composed from the broadcast and immediately dove into Sacl to play them."
"Trainee life was tough for me too, y'know? Those songs felt like they spoke for me. Like, ah, this person has the same darkness as me. It was comforting."
Ji Soeun smiled prettily—not her broadcast fourth-dimension grin, but something lonely yet warm.
"You act bright, Seryeon, but you're actually super fragile, y'know? Like sinking deep into a lake, hitting bottom, and that chill feels comforting instead. That's your vibe."
First time ever. Someone straight-up affirming my inner menhera tendencies like this.
What was I feeling? Couldn't pin it down at first, then it hit late. My chest swelled. Even back then, holed up in my room, my music had reached someone. That's what it felt like—being acknowledged.
"Ah! Of course, Bless is awesome too. First listen, I was like, ah, he nails bright stuff too."
On one hand, the brightness in Bless is my current self, a precious part of life I've captured in music and succeeded with. But the darkness? First-life compositions? Tied to ugly looks, depression—cliché woes no one empathizes with. So first-life composer Kim Seryeon failed.
I couldn't fully buy into Baek Yul sunbae's advice either. I know not everything loved is bright. But some pains are just unloved.
That's what I'd thought.
"Still, I prefer the old vibe. You could've gone that route and made it big."
Is her taste just unique, or are we really on the same wavelength?
"That's why I wanna collab with you."
"My image says weird girl, but I love sad stuff. You nail it."
"Ah, gonna make all my listeners bawl their eyes out."
We talked music for ages after that until Ji Soeun finally stood.
"See you at the interview! I'll text!"
A few days later, on the weekend. Behind-the-scenes filming for Star's Birth finals at a Gangnam café.
"Alright, you two! When the cue sign hits, act like the world's closest besties! Got it?"
The writer's energetic call, and the red light flicked on.
"Cue!"
Ji Soeun smacked my shoulder energetically, just like we'd practiced.
"Hey! Kim Seryeon! Long time!"
"Ah, yeah. Soeun... Soeun noona."
Silence.
If one of us wasn't awkward, we could've powered through. But both of us were. Her eyes darted lost, shaking as she looked at me.
Finally, Ji Soeun burst out laughing.
"Ugh, trying to go casual on purpose is so awkward."
"Should we just stick to formal? Seryeon-ssi, Soeun-ssi."
"Yeah. Seryeon-ssi."
The PD seemed to give up, but pitched it as funnier instead.
"Formal it is. That fits your characters better."
Yeah. This is us.
Back in for the retake. Ji Soeun quickly shook off the vibe and asked playfully,
"So, Seryeon-ssi, I've been stressing hard over this finals stage."
No strict script—just loose guidelines from the writers. So this was her real worry.
"People expect a certain image from me, y'know? Cute, bubbly, fourth-dimension. But the contest song's sad and serious. No clue how to pull it off without looking forced."
Camera still rolling, but I forgot the broadcast for a sec and eyed her as a producer.
Our café chat flashed back. Her eyes when she said my old gloomy tracks comforted her. That lonely, deep smile.
"The 'Ji So' people know is the bright idol trainee. But the Ji Soeun I know is calmer than expected, and gets others' loneliness. So. No need to over-worry. No forced sad acting—just relax into it. That should work."
"......"
At my sincere advice, Ji Soeun went quiet. Then slowly, a smile spread—not playful, but an artist's confident one.
"Cut!"
PD's signal dropped, and Ji Soeun grinned wide, poking,
"Seryeon-ssi, you went casual at the end, right?"
"Me?"
"The very end. So you can do casual now too?"
"Well. Hm."
Tried, but nope.
"......Can't."
"Me neither, honestly."
Awkwardness be damned, maybe we're stuck like this. Guess we'll keep the mutual formal.
Next, solo shoot for Ji Soeun. She stared dead serious at the camera, nodding to herself.
"This stage is dark Ji So."
"Time to unleash dark Ji So."
"Dark Ji So. Dark. Black Ji Soeun."
"Cut! One more take!"
"Ugh, so embarrassing...!!!"
I held back laughs from off-camera.