"I Didn't Cry."

"I didn't cry."

"I didn't cry, I said."

"I didn't cry."

"...You don't have to call me sis or anything."

"I didn't cry."

I had no idea why everyone was ganging up on me like this. Cry? Me? Cry? I didn't cry. Fine, if I conceded a hundred, a thousand times, maybe a tiny bit of tears had welled up, but that wasn't crying anyway.

I didn't cry.

"What kind of lunatic cries just because they lost a game?"

My stream's chat was roasting me too,

and Crisu's stream chat was piling on,

"So you cried because you didn't wanna call me sis?"

"I didn't cry."

Even Crisu was talking nonsense,

"If you wanna be called that so bad, I can call you sis."

"For real?"

"Yeah. So, uh... um, uh..."

I didn't cry.

"Uh... um... s-s..."

"I can't hear you."

Fuck.

"...S-sis."

Haa, fuck.

"Ah, heh heh heh heuk."

"Don't laugh."

"Don't laugh, 'sis'."

Fuck.

"But seriously, why'd you cry?"

Socially inept girl, I didn't cry.

Anyway, even if I had cried, I couldn't explain the situation.

There was no proof, so I couldn't say it was Proud's smurf account. And even if there was proof it was Proud, without admitting I was Dice, I'd just look like some crazy midlaner sobbing after losing to the world's best.

Not that I'd ever admit I was Dice anyway. How embarrassing would it be to tell that bastard I lost to him and cried?

No, I didn't cry.

"But you really don't wanna call me sis? I'm older anyway, right?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah?"

What the hell was she on about now?

"No way, you're older than me with that voice?!"

"So you've been treating me like a dongsaeng this whole time?"

"...It was a joke from the start since you're younger. Chat said it, but how am I supposed to see everything while gaming?"

"My chat's small, so I see it all."

"Aish, stop roasting me. Old? You're banned. Uh, sorry?"

"Whatever. A deal's a deal."

"Aw, guess no more sis from now on..."

"Why are you so bummed about it?"

"I only have two sisters, I wanted a little sis."

At least that was a relief. No more getting called sis. From the vibe, she hadn't planned to keep it up forever anyway, but without a time limit, she could've dragged it out.

In the end, failing to carry Crisu to Grandmaster sucked, but I'd achieved my goal. Viewer sentiment was positive, and things with Crisu were smoothed over. Losing the last game stung—really stung—but whatever.

"So it wasn't about not wanting to call me sis... you cried because you lost the game?"

"I didn't cry, seriously."

"Viewers say you raged after losing to the same guy yesterday—is that true?"

"...Yeah."

"Heh... I see."

She nodded like she got it. You don't get shit.

This was seriously pissing me off.

Then Crisu let out a big yawn. Not like she was actually sleepy—more like she was signaling it.

"Yaaawn, anyway, I'm really sleepy now. Should we call it?"

"Hehe, can a person always keep promises like that?"

"I kept mine."

It was late, and Crisu looked tired, but with a grudge brewing, I had zero sympathy. Keep your promises.

"What, call it quits here?"

"Quits? You made a promise. Don't make ones you can't keep."

Not my deal with her, but none of my business. You made me sis, pay up.

"Gotta hit Grandmaster, right?"

"W-Well, duo a bit maybe?"

"I called you sis, duo's done."

"N-No, c'mon! Duo? I wanna sleep!"

"Call me sis and I'll think about it."

Think, not do.

"Sis!!"

"Thought about it—nope. GG."

"Uwaaaaaah!!!"

Yeah yeah, cry more. Grind Grandmaster solo.

I killed Discord amid Crisu's screams. It was late, and I wasn't planning more games or streaming anyway.

Back in my stream, the vibe had totally shifted. Influx from Crisu's viewers? The viewer count and chat felt awkward with the surge.

"Got caught up gaming, sorry for the late chat. Lots of new faces."

"Supernova what? Stop with the weird nicknames."

LoEGall chaos probably just Arang spamming again.

"Yeah? Anyway, sorry for ignoring chat all day yapping with Crisu—I'm a streaming noob, forgive me. It's late, so off to bed."

"Don't live in places like this—go home. Uh, thanks for watching everyone, off to dreamland."

Longest stream since starting. Six games, still had stamina, but mentally drained. That last game's aftermath wrecked me.

How am I supposed to win ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠next time if one loss tires me out?

...No next time.

I'd never face Proud again.

His smurf would blast past Grandmaster to Challenger soon, and pros? I retired.

That encounter meant nothing now.

...Bastard.

Thinking back, the meltdown was ridiculous. Why tear up losing to Proud? I'm no pro anymore—just some random mid.

Why? Over a meaningless solo queue game. ...Did turning girl weaken my tear ducts? Found lingering regrets I'd buried, but that was it.

I knew I couldn't go back or rewind.

Shoved those regrets deeper, out of sight.

If I can't reclaim it, hide it away. Like always, like it was already lost, beyond my eyes.

Just... leave it.

Woke up past lunchtime, checked messages first thing. From Yuseung. Half-asleep, clicked the link—and snapped awake.

...A clip of me crying from Crisu's stream, pinned in LoEGall's concept post. Panicking, I searched LoEGall,

Talk of me everywhere, clips of my cryfest spreading.

Fuck, I'm gonna lose it.