How Should I Text Him?
I agonized over how to send that KakaoTalk message. It had been ages since I'd cut off contact on my own, and there'd been zero back-and-forth since. Reaching out first felt awkward as hell in every way.
Calling was out too—if I said I was Seo Yeonwoo in this voice, no way he'd buy it.
After some deliberation, I decided to play it cool and just sent the text. The reply came faster than expected.
Full-frontal assault!
The truth was, it'd been fine from the start.
Hey, couldn't be helped, right?
The chat went silent for a bit. I could practically see Yuseung over there picking his words carefully, even through the screen. I'd said it that way on purpose, partly. Didn't wanna get chewed out? Sure, but I also kinda wanted to mess with him a little.
Hmm. How much had I changed? I could've just said I'd turned into a girl straight-up, but somehow, I didn't want to. Let's toy with him a bit more.
Let's meet in person, like always.
Oh right, Challenger League had games on Mondays and Tuesdays too.
~
The following Wednesday, I bundled up in some winter clothes I'd grabbed online and headed out. Destination: the park right near my house.
It was our old meetup spot from before Yuseung moved. I got a hot chocolate from the vending machine and waited for him.
The park by my house. Quite a trek from Yuseung's place now, but he was crashing at the team dorm anyway, so whatever. The dorm wasn't super close either, but not my problem.
We'd set it for 4 p.m. Pros sleep in late and scrim at night, so that timing made sense. Pro-to-pro courtesy.
I'd arrived twenty minutes early. Yuseung would probably show right on time, but I was dying to see his face when he spotted the new me. Was I being a total dick?
Around 3:55, I spotted Yuseung in the distance. At first, from afar and with how much he'd changed, I wasn't sure—but up close, no doubt.
His face looked familiar from interviews, but damn, he'd changed a ton.
Looked the same, but more grown-up. Taller, maybe. Nah, I'd shrunk.
It was hilarious watching him hunt for me, so I held off a bit—until he texted, giving up.
No one's here? I'm right fucking here.
Had he caught on something was off? Our eyes met. Yuseung, looking skeptical, checked his phone and slowly walked my way, stopping a short distance off. I smiled at him.
"Hey, long time no see."
"…Who are you? Friend of Seo Yeonwoo's? Where is he?"
"Right here."
"Quit screwing around."
"Not screwing. Jesus—Yuseung."
"…You know me? Well, yeah, he'd have told you. Whatever your game is, it's not funny."
"Who do you think you've been texting this whole time?"
I pulled out my phone and waved it at Yuseung, who was still clueless. He squinted at it, then sighed. Now he looked outright annoyed.
"I don't know who you are, but this prank sucks."
"Not a prank."
"Look, pranks have limits…."
"Yuseung. I'm Seo Yeonwoo. Your bro, Dice, the mid laner from your team."
"Ha, fucking insane."
"You going nuts?"
That was fun. No wonder he couldn't believe it—I still had trouble myself sometimes.
"Yeah, took me a while to believe it too after changing."
"…What the actual fuck."
I hadn't expected instant belief anyway. That's why I came prepared.
"Fucking bullshit, right? Tell me about it. But hey, it explains why I retired, the rare disease, why I avoided you—everything."
I showed him my pre-saved diagnosis, hospital records, and ID on my phone. He reluctantly scrolled as I shoved it at him, and his face froze solid.
Then he alternated stares between me and the screen, muttering to himself.
"This some hidden camera shit?"
"Remember what I said when I saw your nickname?"
"…Sacrilege."
"Blasphemy."
"For real?"
"Hey, Yuseung. Good to see you. Been a while."
"Seo… Yeonwoo? Seriously?"
"Yeah, you idiot."
Long time no see.
My butcher.
~
"Why the hell am I your butcher, you crazy fuck?"
Well, well— the guy who wouldn't believe me a second ago gets rock hard at one "butcher."
"You didn't believe me, but 'butcher' gets a reaction? Starting to buy it?"
"…Nah, still don't, but you're the only one who'd spout that nonsense at me."
"Nonsense? Harsh. It's mid laner love."
Mid laners love their butchers. What can ya do? Who's gonna babysit our deficient little jungler besides the mid?
Not that you're my butcher anymore, and I'm no mid laner either.
"…Fine, say you're Yeonwoo. Say this TS disease is real."
"And?"
"Why not just say it over text instead of this dumbass in-person prank?"
"It was fun."
"…Definitely Yeonwoo."
That's the part that convinces you? Hilarious.
Despite his words, Yuseung still seemed half-doubting as he sighed and plopped down at the far end of my bench.
"Why sit so far? Scared of girls? Or just proper guy-girl distance?"
"We sat this far even when you were a dude, you psycho."
Had we? Kinda rings a bell. Guys don't exactly huddle up.
"Why so quiet?"
"Can't wrap my head around this. Sorting my thoughts."
After a bunch more sighs and head-clutching, Yuseung finally spoke up, calling my name.
"…Yeonwoo?"
"Yeah."
"The real Yeonwoo?"
"Yup."
"…Turned into a girl from TS disease?"
"Yup."
"Fucking nuts. Why retire?"
"Pure skill drop. Couldn't cut it anymore."
"The pain?"
"Fine now. Hurt back then, but recovered by the time I texted."
"The overseas lie?"
"If I said I was in Korea, you'd come running. Didn't wanna show you this. Not then, anyway."
"You're a real piece of shit."
"Harsh."
I let out an involuntary chuckle. Honestly, it felt good. How long since I'd had real human interaction? Lately, just that girl Bang Seoyu from the gym and the toxic streamer viewer.
Yuseung looked a bit pained at my laugh.
"…You okay?"
"How many times I gotta say it? I'm fine."
"Not that."
"…Not that what?"
"Pro stuff. You okay?"
"Fine."
"…."
"Even if not, gotta be now. Whatever."
"No way back?"
"Nope."
"Fucking bullshit."
That's Yuseung—gets pissed like it's his problem. Not bad, actually. A virtue. But right now? Not thrilled.
"Hey."
"What."
"Don't get worked up over me. I'm really fine."
Your pity might hurt more sometimes.
"I'm good, so you doing that makes me look pathetic."
"Fine."
"So loosen up that face. I'm seriously unbothered."
Yuseung's expression didn't budge easily, but he eventually shook his head, messing up his hair.
"No scrims today."
"For real? Set it too early then."
"Grab food?"
"Sounds good. You're paying."
"Yeah. Whatcha want?"
"Mala tang?"
"Full girl now, huh."
"Kidding. Wouldn't eat it if you bought it."
"Thought your tastes changed too."
Wish they had.
In a way.
~
3 p.m. was past lunch, too early for dinner. So we headed to my place—where I lived now. I'd invited him plenty before, but it had been years.
"Really you, Yeonwoo."
"Still doubting?"
"Nah, seeing your house makes it real."
Wasn't planning to mess around, but no reason to stay put, nowhere else to go—natural choice. Wow, over four years since I last invited him over.
"Still living here with your dad?"
"Yeah. Housekeeper comes sometimes to clean and cook."
"Rich kid vibes."
"Not that rich."
"Fucking obnoxious."
"Anyway, lemme grab drinks."
I left him in my room and fetched sodas from the kitchen fridge. Came back to find him recoiling in horror.
"What're you doing?"
"You psycho, why the fuck do you have this here?!"
He was pointing at my bra, tossed on the bed where he'd sat.
"Oh, forgot."
"Fuck, scared the shit outta me!"
"Look at you, no tolerance for girls."
"Tolerance? Imagine finding this in your buddy's room."
"So what? I'm a girl now, gotta wear a bra. Pervert?"
"You fucking maniac."
We were both lifelong game nerds. Knew he had zero girl experience, but this bad? Hilarious. I went over, picked up the bra.
He stared, dazed, as I casually grabbed it.
"Hits different seeing you as a real girl. Freaky."
"What's freaky?"
"Your whole existence."
"Shy guy? Hehe."
"Like you're any different."
"I'm a girl now."
Yeah, everything's different now.
"Could MeToo you."
"Put that away first."
"Gift you one?"
"Fuck off."
"Kidding."
I flashed a grin, headed to the balcony, tossed the bra in the laundry basket, and returned. In that short time, Yuseung had settled naturally into my desk chair, booting up the PC.
Brings back memories.
"Whatcha doing?"
"LoE Champs soon. Gonna watch."
…LoE Champs. Of all things.
"Phone's fine."
"Screen's tiny… Oh, sorry."
"Nah, whatever. Don't sweat it."
Had he realized? His sudden apology pissed me off more. Mood was good till now.
Nah, I don't care. Really don't. LoE Champs or whatever.
I avoid it on purpose, but it's too late now anyway. And he's still a pro, so he should watch.
But skipping scrims for this? LoE demon.
"So what've you been up to?"
"Streaming casually?"
"You deleted your account. Streaming what?"
"New one."
"Starting from scratch? Any viewers?"
"Zero. One toxic lurker. Thought about quitting games, but couldn't."
"Figures. You're not the type to quit LoE."
As we chatted, LoE Champs kicked off. Hansam Esports vs. Proc Airwings—no Tundra or Starforce, thank god. Or not. None of my business anymore.
Oh yeah,
"Hey, your team's dead last, right?"
"…Shut up."
"How do you go 1-11?"
"2-11 now. Fuck off. Team's already tense."
"Don't call me that, fuck. That bad?"
"Dunno if the team's even staying together next season. I'm losing it."
"Revolution Gaming's name in the dirt. Sigh. Where's that Worlds runner-up glory?"
"Would've been fine if you hadn't choked game 1 finals."
"Fuck off. You don't remember your game 3 troll pick, dying to tower for first blood?"
"You… Ugh, whatever. I carried those 2 wins by the throat."
"If you did good, no 11 losses. You're trash, that's why 2-11."
"Wanna get hit that bad?"
Shit, overdid it? Yuseung raised a hand in real rage—I flinched back instinctively. He saw, sighed, lowered it.
"W-what? Why not hit me?"
He'd have decked me no hesitation before. What now?
"Well, uh…."
"Uh?"
"You're so tiny, no spot to hit."
…I kicked him with one foot.
"Ow, fuck!"
"Take it."
Not that tiny, fuck.