Time to Wake from the Dream
Her first meeting with Hero Kyle. In that encounter, Alice felt no particular emotion.
Born and raised in the Holy Kingdom, she had never once yearned for the Hero’s Party or wished to join it. Every Saintess before her had done the same; she would simply follow in their footsteps. So she held no special feelings toward Kyle either—only that her first impression of him was a good one.
Then came the day, after she had become his companion and set out on the journey with him.
“Kyaaaaaah!?”
In the middle of a fierce battle against the demonkin, she was ambushed from the rear and torn away from the formation. Dust choked the air, and the only sounds that reached her were the screams of the dying. Moments later a demonkin’s howl split the haze, and a massive shadow loomed into view. For the first time in her life, Alice knew true terror.
“Ah… aah…”
“Kishishishishishit—”
Thud.
But then the one who saved her and held out his hand was Hero Kyle. She stared blankly at that outstretched palm. The only person who had found her—when no one else even knew she was missing—was him.
“Alice, are you okay?”
“Huh? Ah—yes! Y-yes!”
The hand he offered was warm, even in the freezing heart of war. And it did not take her long to understand what she felt.
At some point, everything she did with him became joy. Even a war reeking of blood was something she could endure so long as he was beside her. If Kyle found comfort in her smile, then for Alice his very existence was happiness itself. As a girl who had always been hopelessly addicted to romance novels, this uncontrollable emotion thrilled and delighted her. She wanted to treasure it. She wanted to keep it for the rest of her life. She wanted to love him forever and remain at his side until the day she died.
But the thrill did not last.
The Princess’s letter. That was where everything began. Alice had met her before; she knew exactly how strong and beautiful that woman was. Above all, the status of Imperial Princess was a wall no one could ever scale. And so, while loving Kyle, she tasted despair for the first time.
They had already defeated the Demon King; the end of the war was close. Once they located the Demon King’s throne and finished this war…
The Hero will surely choose the Princess.
Even she would have done the same. The Princess was that captivating. The moment she accepted that reality, every single day became agony. By daylight she bit her lip until it bled at the growing mountain of letters; when everyone else slept she soaked her pillow with tears. The knowledge that five years of carefully guarded feelings could crumble in an instant was almost too much to bear.
If the Hero married the Princess, what then? Could she ever find a new love? Alice shook her head. Impossible. Loving anyone other than him was something she could not even imagine. Before she realized it, jealousy had begun to poison the pure emotion she once held.
“I… I liked him first…”
She had loved him before anyone else. She had watched him longer and from closer than anyone, and she prided herself on loving him more than anyone. That feeling alone she would never yield. The other companions felt the same—and Yuli never missed an opportunity.
“Hey, Alice. Got some good news. Wanna hear it?”
He called her over and held out a strange petition. As she read the words written there, her face twisted into disbelief and she glared at him.
“Th-this is… what on earth… W-why is the Hero’s name written here!?”
She shot to her feet and shouted. Even Yuli looked briefly startled; it was the first time he had ever seen her angry.
“Hey. Calm down. Calm the hell down. This can’t be a real crime, right?”
“Of course not! The Hero colluding with the Demon King? There’s no way!”
“Heh. I’m just messin’ around a little. Do it like this and that Princess who sent the letter—plus all those nobles—will back the hell off.”
Yuli kept whispering from the side. Maybe this was the first and last chance to keep Kyle. Everyone else was already in on it except her.
“C’mon, Alice. Keep this up and some other bitch is gonna snatch him. You okay with that?”
“Th-that…”
“Not just the Princess—nobles have already sent Kyle a mountain of letters. You fine with those bastards stealin’ him?”
“Ugh…”
His vulgar tone aside, nothing he said was wrong. Five years of one-sided love—she refused to let anyone take it from her. Least of all those who only chased the Hero’s fame. So the hand holding the pen never stopped. In the end she added one line to the petition: a crime that Hero Kyle had never committed.
“Heh heh. Good girl, Alice. You won’t regret this.”
“Hic… I’m sorry, Hero. I’m so, so sorry…”
The instant the ink dried, regret crashed over her. Guilt she had never felt in her life squeezed her chest like a vice. Yet even that feeling did not last long. Once the false charge stuck, every woman who had proposed to him turned her back. And the situation was not entirely bad. For the first time in five years she was granted precious hours alone with him—shared with the other companions, yes, but even that was enough to make her happy. She prayed this happiness would never end, all while willfully ignoring the truth: that Kyle now lived in the slums, pointed at and spat upon under a false name. She simply counted the days until she could see him again.
Until the day he died.
“…Huh?”
The Hero was dead. Cause of death: suicide. The moment she heard those words, Alice’s entire body locked. Lie. Lie. Lie. Her hands and feet shook; her heart hammered as though it would burst. Only then did she understand what she had done—what choice she had made.
“Ah—no. I… I never meant… It wasn’t supposed to…”
But it was already too late. There was no one left to hear her. Excuses were useless now; the only person who might have listened was already gone. Alone in the empty confessional she clasped her hands and begged.
“I-I’m sorry, Goddess. I’ll never do it again—please, just once, give me one more chance. Please, bring the Hero back to life. Please? I’m begging you—please, please…!”
She poured every desperate prayer into the statue of the Goddess. No answer came. Kyle was dead, and she had sinned. She was not even granted the chance to atone. The Hero was gone, and the cause of it all was her. That single truth drove her mad.
“Uh… uwaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
In the end, screaming her agony at the cold stone was all she could do.
After that she began to change. At regular intervals, strange, unidentifiable moans leaked from her room.
“Khup… kuh… haeuk…”
Ever since she had seen Kyle’s corpse, she had started looping a rope over the doorknob and tightening it around her own throat. Even she did not know why. She simply could not endure without it. Yet it was never enough. She needed a stronger stimulus to drown the pain.
Staggering, she finally left her room. The sight of her was wretched. Eyes that had not closed for days were sunken hollows; her unwashed body reeked. She walked as though she might collapse with every step.
“S-Saintess?”
Someone called from in front of her. She lifted her head and found holy knights saluting.
“Saintess, are you all right?”
“Huh? Ah—yes. Good morning, everyone.”
“Um… it’s evening right now…”
“Ah.”
So much time had already passed. It no longer mattered. Alice moved to walk past them—then noticed a robed man whose arms were bound by one of the knights.
“That person…?”
“Ah. He was selling drugs near the Holy Kingdom.”
“Is that so…”
Drugs—the thing the Pope called the devil’s medicine. Ordinarily she would have felt nothing. But the Alice of now seized the knight’s sleeve before he could leave.
“Yes. Then, Saintess, we’ll take our leave—”
“W-wait!”
“Yes?”
“C-could I speak with him for a moment?”
With the Saintess’s authority it was simple to have the man brought alone. Under the pretext of repentance, Alice and the dealer entered the confessional. Here, no one would overhear. Believing that, she asked carefully:
“Um… that drug… could I have a little as well?”
“Huh? Wh-what?”
The dealer’s face went blank with shock. Even a man who would sell anything to anyone could not hide his astonishment this time. The Saintess herself wanting drugs—perhaps the first time in the history of the continent. But that was no reason to refuse a sale. In exchange for a lighter sentence, she later received three syringes. Hiding them in her pocket like a criminal, Alice fled back to her room.
Click.
She locked the door, drew a long breath, and only then took out a syringe.
“Haa… haa… So this is it…”
She swallowed hard. Her hands trembled at the thought of using it, yet even then her expectations were not high. Seeking salvation from the devil’s medicine itself felt unclean. Still—
“Just… just once should be fine, right?”
She was already standing at the edge of a cliff—more exhausted, more broken, than she had ever been. The Goddess would understand this once. With that thought she drove the needle into her arm.
Pook.
One second…
Two seconds…
How much longer after that?
“…Wow.”
The world sparkled. Nothing remained but pure happiness. Her mind cleared; the tormenting emotions vanished as though fog had been swept away.
“Hu… huhu…”
Laughter rose unbidden even while she sat still. Why hadn’t she done this sooner? Something this wonderful… With this medicine she could forget—forget that the Hero was dead.
From that day she became dependent on the drug. While Muni chose to search for resurrection magic instead of erasing her memories, Alice chose to forget everything. Because with the medicine she no longer had to suffer…
But—
“Hero Kyle is dead.”
“…Ah.”
Dreams cannot last forever. No matter how sweet the dream, one must eventually wake. When her senses returned, an unfamiliar place and an unfamiliar man stood before her. None of that mattered now. Elin’s single sentence. At those words the memories she had buried rose one by one like bubbles: the Princess’s letter, the petition and the false charge, and finally the Hero’s death. The time had come to face the sins she had committed.
“I’ll say it one more time, Alice.”
“S-stop. Please stop…”
Alice clamped both hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. Elin did not stop. Footsteps approached, halted, and then his voice brushed her ear.
“Hero Kyle is dead.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”
Thud.
She collapsed where she stood and screamed. Through the sleeping city, only the Saintess’s tearing cry rang out.