Alice, Drugs, and the Girl
Blood spattered across a pure white moonlit night, and a shrill chorus of screams rang in her ears.
Alongside them, countless people toppled and fell.
As Alice stared blankly at the slaughter, a butterfly drifted into her vision.
"Waaah! A butterfly!"
Alice stretched out her hands and ran after it.
"Ahaha, wait for me!"
With a bright, empty smile, she slipped free of the battlefield before she even realized it.
Syringes tumbled from her pockets as she ran, but Alice never stopped. She chased the butterfly and nothing else.
Only after she lost it did she look around—and find herself lost.
"…Uheh? Where am I?"
Her question echoed through the forest like a hollow call. No one answered.
Not the moon. Not the stars. Not even the Goddess.
There was no one here. Alice was alone.
She simply walked wherever a path seemed to lead.
"Hwaaam."
When she grew sleepy, she slept right where she stood.
Beasts might pass. Bandits might find her. Alice did not care. If some impulse rose in her, she followed it. Right now she wanted to sleep, so she slept. That was all.
If there was a tree, she leaned against it. If there was underbrush, she crawled into it for the night. If there was nothing at all, she simply dropped onto the bare ground and drifted off.
When morning came, Alice rummaged through her pockets.
"Ehehe. I-it's time for my shot~"
In a voice bright with anticipation, she drew out a syringe the way another child might pull out a hidden treat.
She could forget everything else. She must never forget this.
With eyes still half-asleep, Alice drove the syringe the dealer had given her into her arm.
"Hehe. Ehehehe."
A girl's contented laughter rang out along an empty roadside.
And once she was happy, the girl began to strangle herself.
Little by little. Very slowly, tightening the pressure of her hands.
"Ghk—khhk—hguuugh…"
A moan slipped out with the spit from her mouth. But for all the tortured sound of her breathing, the girl had never been happier.
A smile began to spread across her drool-slick lips.
How long she kept her hands around her own throat in that empty forest, she could not have said. Only when the lower half of her pure white saintess robes began to bloom yellow did she finally let go.
"Pwah—hhah. Hah…"
She swallowed air as if it were something delicious. When she bowed her head, every kind of fluid dripped free—spit, snot, tears—pattering onto the ground without restraint. And still her mouth was smiling.
"Hueeh… h-hands just aren't enough after all."
A rope. She needed a rope. If she had known, she would have brought one. There were so many places here to hang it from.
She looked at the trees of the forest with genuine regret.
"Ehehe. I-I better take good care of these at least."
She tucked the remaining syringes carefully back into her pockets.
As long as she had these, the girl was invincible. She could forget hunger. She could forget the ache in her legs. Above all, she could forget the memories that hurt.
She no longer remembered what those memories were—but she knew. Something terribly painful had happened, and a single shot of this would make her forget it all. She would never have to remember it again.
In her own strange way, the girl understood that much.
"Ahaha. Ahahaha."
Even as she dragged her swollen legs behind her, her laughter never stopped.
She walked like that for a day—or perhaps several—before she rummaged through her pockets again and tilted her head.
"Huh?"
She pulled her hand free. Empty syringes. She scooped out another handful. The same result.
In a rising panic she turned her pockets inside out, and syringes spilled everywhere—every last one of them empty.
There was nothing left in the girl's pockets.
"H-huh? Huh? Huh?"
She dropped hard onto her knees and clawed through the syringes scattered on the ground. Everything her trembling hands closed on was empty.
She had packed more than enough to last until she reached the Holy Kingdom. Hadn't she? No matter how hard she searched, not a single syringe still held anything inside.
It meant she could no longer be happy.
"Gone? My m-medicine—my medicine—the medicine's gone—that can't be!?"
For the first time, her voice began to shake.
The agitation of having no medicine became anxiety, and the girl wore an expression of despair—or something like it, at least. In any case, her happiness was draining away. If she did not find more medicine soon…
"Ah!"
Was it the Goddess's guidance? Just then, a great city came into view.
This was clearly the Goddess teaching her to go there and find medicine. As a believer, she could not defy the Goddess's will.
"E-ehehe. Thank goodness."
If she went there, there would surely be some.
The girl rose, stepped on the empty syringes, and set out for the city.
She reached the city after the moon had risen. It had been farther than it looked.
Once through the checkpoint, the girl went straight to every house she saw and pounded on the doors without discrimination.
Thud. Thud.
Two men came out. The girl asked them with a smiling face.
"E-ehehe. P-please give me medicine."
"…Hmm?"
The men looked her up and down, then snickered.
"Heh. Looks like we might have some fun here."
They were smiling, so they must have medicine. The girl was certain of it.
But the man beside the first one stopped him before he could pull her inside.
"W-wait a second. Isn't that the Holy Kingdom's symbol?"
"What?"
Both men looked at the emblem on her chest. Their interest drained away at once.
"Forget it. Touch her and you could spend the rest of your life being hunted."
"Tch. What a waste."
"Hueh?"
"Still—why is a believer from the Holy Kingdom soaked in drugs?"
They muttered things she did not understand and shut the door. Apparently they had no medicine after all.
This was already the eighth house since she entered the city. Most people ignored her, or reacted the same way those two had. No one actually gave her any medicine.
So the girl set out again on her search.
"Medicine… medicine… please give me medicine. I need medicine. I… I'm medicine. I'm medicine…"
She staggered through the streets. Even so, she did not stop. A little shaking of the ground was never going to block her path.
The ninth house—or was it the tenth? She arrived at another door and knocked without hesitation.
Thud. Thud-thud.
No one came. She tried again.
Thud. Thud-thud. Thud. Thud-thud-thud. Thud-thud.
This time the door opened.
A man she had never seen before stepped out of the house.
"…Ha."
He smiled.
She must have found the right place after all. Looking up at him, the girl took him in—red hair, golden eyes. A face she had never seen, and yet somehow warm.
She was certain. This person would make her happy. She did not know why she felt that way. She simply did. So of course he would bring her medicine.
Hope swelling in her chest, the girl asked,
"Ehehe, do you happen to have any medicine here?"
"……"
"…Uheh?"
No answer. Had she done something wrong? That was strange. Usually people gave it to her by now.
"Ah—r-right. When you ask, be polite. When you receive, use both hands. And at the end, don't forget the deep bow."
Speak with a smiling face. Greet politely. Receive with both hands. And finish with a bow of thanks from the waist.
But she must not bow yet. She had not received any medicine. So—smiling face. Polite. Both hands.
"I-I did it, so… ehehe… n-now please give me the medicine."
"……"
Still nothing. He did not speak at all. He only stared at her.
That was when the girl understood. When you receive something, you have to give something in return.
She remembered the dealer saying he would give her medicine if she gave him her virginity. She had refused. She no longer remembered why—only that no matter what happened, she could never give that away.
So the dealer had asked for money instead. That she could give. She had had a great deal of money. She did not know why, but she had had so much of it.
And now? Did she have any money?
Only then did it hit her. She rummaged through her pockets.
Rummage. Rummage.
Nothing came out. No money. No syringes. Nothing at all.
The girl was in trouble. She could not give money, but she still wanted the medicine.
"B-but I… hehe… d-don't have any money. Hu-huhehe."
"…"
"B-but please still give it to me. I-I need medicine. And I'm good with medicine. Hehe… ehehe…"
She remembered how the dealer had sometimes looked at her with pity and given her a free dose. She hoped this man might do the same.
But why? His hands were still empty. Once again, he gave her nothing. He did not bring medicine. He did not bring her happiness.
Was it because she had no money? Was that why he would not give it?
Anxiety began to rise in her. What if she could not get any medicine? She needed it. Without it…
H-huh? What happens then?
Come to think of it—what happened if there was no medicine? She had never considered it. Or was it only that she could not remember?
Sh-she did not know.
What mattered was that she needed medicine. She needed it. Because as long as she had medicine, the girl was invincible.
So—
"Y-you'll give it to me, right? The medicine?"
Without it, she was already nearing her limit.