My Own Portfolio
The alarm blared—beep beep beep! Beep beep beep!
Tap.
I groped around and irritably slapped it silent.
My body felt heavy and sluggish, my eyelids like they were weighed down with lead.
Is it morning already…?
Morning sunlight pierced through the narrow window of our tiny rented room and stabbed straight into my eyes.
“Mmm…”
I groaned and instinctively tried to roll over—only to freeze.
Squish.
“…Ugh.”
A heavy yet maddeningly soft mass was pressing down on my entire right arm with no room to spare.
My eyes flew open. There was Baek Seola, hugging my arm like a body pillow, fast asleep without a care in the world. The problem was the position. Because she was clinging to my forearm, her massive breasts were squeezed between my arms, swelling so full they looked ready to burst. The soft, yielding weight crushing my skin through her thin t-shirt made my head spin from the very first moment of the day.
…Wait. Just wait a second.
My hand moved as if possessed. I sank my fingers deep into the soft flesh pinned against my arm and squeezed. The weight that filled my palm and still overflowed swayed heavily in my grip. Knead. Knead. The bolder I grew, the more insistently something stiff and erect poked against my palm through the thin fabric.
“Mmm… hng…”
Seola suddenly frowned and let out a pained little moan. I yanked my hand back like I’d been burned. Luckily she only smacked her lips, then sank back into deep sleep.
“…Phew.”
Cold sweat broke out across my back. If I’d kept going, who knew what kind of disaster would’ve followed.
Enough. Time to get up.
I carefully extracted my numb, tingling arm—terrified of waking her—and sat up.
My schedule started with a major class in first period. Seola’s classes didn’t begin until third period, so she still had plenty of time.
A quick glance at the clock told me I had a little breathing room before I had to leave.
I rummaged through the fridge, threw together some fried rice in a flash, wolfed down my own portion, and neatly covered the rest on the pan for her.
I quietly packed my bag and headed out. The morning air was crisp, but my mood remained murky.
I pulled out my phone and, out of habit, opened that secret platform app.
Let’s see…
I checked the real-time stats on the video that had started it all—Big-Breasted Childhood Friend’s Clumsy First Paizuri & Fellatio.
“Hmm… not bad.”
Actually, it was way better than “not bad.” It was doing great.
Overnight the view count, hearts, and donation alerts had kept climbing steadily. Seola’s awkward, clumsy reactions had clearly struck a chord with the perverts online.
The sweet settlement numbers should have made me grin like an idiot, yet—
“Haaa…”
Only heavy sighs kept escaping my lips.
More than the pleasant digits on the screen, my head was completely occupied by last night’s miserable failure.
Dammit. I had the mood set up perfectly.
I’d studied Ken’s special lecture like scripture and tried to take the lead with confidence, but I’d gotten stuck after one deep kiss, fumbled like an idiot, and ended up getting kicked. In that perfect atmosphere I should have pushed straight ahead, but not knowing the next move had left me frozen like a moron. It pissed me off all over again.
…How the hell am I supposed to handle the second video?
Mulling over the hopeless question, I dragged my heavy feet toward the first-period lecture hall.
I sat in the back row, staring blankly at the blackboard.
Today’s first class was the driest subject imaginable: Macroeconomics.
Since it was so early, more than half the students were already face-down on their desks, either headbanging in their sleep or completely zoned out.
“Haa… look at them. First period and they’re already brain-dead.”
The relatively young professor closed the attendance sheet, pushed up his glasses, and clicked his tongue.
“At this rate we won’t get anywhere. Close your books. Today, to wake you all up, I’ll share some practical ‘asset management’ tips that’ll become bone and flesh once you graduate. Money talk should make your eyes light up, right?”
Oh…
The word “money” instantly sharpened my sleepy gaze.
These days my greatest interest was exactly that—coin settlement funds and profit generation.
I rested my chin on my hand and listened with genuine interest.
“You kids watch YouTube or stock channels and blindly copy whatever stocks the so-called ‘investment masters’ recommend, don’t you? That’s a one-way ticket to total ruin.”
Tap tap!
The professor rapped the blackboard sharply with his chalk.
“Warren Buffett? The Oracle of Omaha. The god of investing. Everything that man says is the bible of the stock market.”
A firm acknowledgment.
But then the professor’s eyes turned sharp.
“However—if you beginners copy exactly what that great old man buys, what do you think will happen? Nine times out of ten, you’ll end up jumping into the Han River.”
“……”
“Why? Because that great man and you have completely different amounts of capital, different investment personalities, and completely different levels of risk you can handle. The masters have already survived hundreds of failures and built their own know-how. If you just snatch the end result, your crotch will split wide open.”
It was real, bone-deep advice.
The professor swept his gaze across the students and spoke with emphasis.
“The core of successful asset management isn’t blindly copying someone else’s answers. It’s thorough self-awareness. Building a ‘customized portfolio’ that fits your own seed money and mentality. Don’t chase after other people’s flashy techniques until your crotch tears—build your fundamentals step by step according to your own situation. Understand?”
Flash—!
At that moment, a lightning bolt of realization shot through my mind.
This is it…!
The cause of last night’s failure suddenly made perfect sense.
Ken? He was the Warren Buffett of the porn industry.
But that man was a veteran who had fought thousands of real battles, while we were complete beginners who ran out of breath after one deep kiss.
Of course blindly following an expert’s portfolio (strategy) wouldn’t work. It didn’t match our situation at all, so our steps got tangled and everything felt awkward!
I shouldn’t have tried to clumsily imitate someone else’s skills.
The greatest asset and weapon Seola and I possessed was our very awkwardness and familiarity.
The special characteristic of being childhood friends who had been rolling around together for over ten years.
We should have approached it at our own tempo, fitting that exact situation.
That’s right. Instead of forcing the progression and fumbling around, I should joke like usual, ride the natural mood, and create our own portfolio.
My foggy mind cleared. A perfect strategy for our next real shoot began to take shape.
Who would’ve guessed that a college economics lecture would give me such massive inspiration for my adult video business?
I sent a mental round of thunderous applause toward the blackboard.
Clap clap clap—!
Clap clap clap—!
“…Huh?”
The applause I thought I’d only given inside my head had somehow echoed crisply through the silent lecture hall.
The students who had been slumped over in the front rows slowly lifted their heads. The professor at the lectern fixed his gaze directly on me.
“Oh, the male student in the very back row. What was so impressive?”
“Huk. S-sorry…”
I half-stood in a panic and bowed. The professor pushed up his glasses with clear interest and pressed further.
“No need to apologize. If my lecture moved you to clap so sincerely, why don’t you share with your classmates which part gave you that realization?”
“Uh… well, that is…”
Dozens of eyes pinned me in place. Cold sweat slid down my spine.
I couldn’t exactly say, I realized that blindly copying a porn industry giant’s techniques for filming videos with my childhood friend was a fast track to total disaster!
I spun my brain at maximum speed and began cleverly mixing my sticky realization with the professor’s words.
“Even the most perfect portfolio from a successful expert will lead to failure if you blindly imitate it without considering your own basic capital or… um, your ‘special circumstances.’ That’s what I realized.”
Gulp.
“Instead of chasing after other people’s skills, the idea that I need to build a practical strategy at a natural tempo suited to my current level and environment… it hit me so deeply that I couldn’t help but…”
My answer, filled with two hundred percent sincerity, brought a very pleased smile to the professor’s face.
“Hehe, yes! You’ve hit the core exactly. That’s precisely what I meant. Good. You may sit.”
The professor nodded in satisfaction, picked up his chalk again, and scanned the room.
“All right! Looks like our friend’s reaction has woken everyone up. No more chatter. Everyone, open your books to page 124.”
“Whew…”
I secretly stroked my chest in relief and stealthily picked up my phone under the desk.
With perfectly natural, secretive movements, I accessed the familiar manga site with the eyeball logo and carefully typed “[Childhood Friend]” into the search bar.
No! Don’t misunderstand. This could give me some genuinely useful inspiration for the immediate practical portfolio, right?
Sure, there’s the usual 2D exaggeration and succubus-style fantasy stuff, but still, it’s definitely…
Ahem.
I cleared my throat and fired up my brain’s rationalization engine.
Yes! It’s purely—yes, purely academic data collection…
Crunch—.
During lunch in the noisy cafeteria, I chewed on a thick pork cutlet while sinking deep into thought.
Okay, let’s think, Lee Minjun. When exactly did we succeed?
Looking back calmly, every time we had crossed the line there had always been a clear “flow” and “justification.”
The first real sex—after a brutal shift, complaining about our lives, naturally heating up with the help of alcohol.
The first official video (paizuri and fellatio)—after I saved Seola from that senior in the alley. The gratitude and trust she felt toward me afterward.
Then tonight… what kind of justification can I use to get her on her back?
The easiest option was still alcohol.
But… always using drinks to set the mood felt too repetitive. Seola wasn’t stupid. If I laid out the drinks with an obviously perverted “muhehe” grin, she’d see right through it and get upset.
…But.
My chopsticks suddenly slowed.
Is constantly thinking up justifications and moods just to get her into bed… kind of scummy?
I tried to swallow the creeping discomfort. No, well. We were doing this by mutual consent as a business. It wasn’t something I should feel guilty about… right?
Sizzle—!
Pork belly spat and crackled on the scorching grill. My part-time shift at the Korean BBQ restaurant had begun after classes.
Even while dashing through the smoky hall carrying charcoal and wiping down grills, I kept muttering to myself.
Justification… a natural justification…
That was when I overheard two female customers at a window table while changing their grill.
“Seriously… lately my boyfriend only seems interested in my body. The moment we meet he just wants to go to a motel…”
“No way, for real? Hey, does he… do weird stuff too? Like, record videos??”
“Well… he says it’s only for when he watches alone…”
Suddenly her friend slammed the table and shouted.
“Hey!! Break up with him right now! What kind of guy risks his girlfriend’s face getting exposed just to satisfy his own lust?! That’s complete trash!”
“……”
My hand froze in mid-air as I picked up the empty grill.
Only wants my body.
Record videos?
That’s complete trash.
Those sharp words flew like daggers and buried themselves in my chest.
It felt like I’d been smacked in the back of the head with a hammer. I stood there frozen like a statue, charcoal tongs still in my hand.
“Hey, Minjun! What are you doing?! Hurry up and change that grill!”
Only after the hyung at the counter yelled did I snap back to reality.
“Ah, yep! On it!”
After the exhausting shift, I walked home under an unusually cold autumn night sky, head hanging low.
“Haaa…”
That conversation kept echoing in my ears.
After seeing nearly a million won deposited in just a few days, my eyes had rolled with greed and I’d forgotten something crucial.
Yes. No matter how tight money was, no matter how much the rent squeezed us—this wasn’t right.
Who was Baek Seola?
For over ten years she had stuck with me every single day. Whether I acted like an idiot or a pathetic loser, she would smack me on the back but never once left my side.
The only person who had stayed beside me like family through both hard times and happy ones.
…Of course families don’t usually roll around naked together.
To think I had tried to force her in front of a camera just to earn a few coins for my own greed. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became with myself. I really was trash.
As a man, I should just take on another part-time job. Forcing her to keep doing this isn’t right.
Money mattered, but destroying my relationship with Seola was something I could never accept.
Before I got any more drunk on the taste of easy money, I needed to tell her we should quit the video filming right now. I also had to sincerely apologize for pushing her so hard last night.
Once the decision was made, the heavy stone that had been crushing my chest finally lifted.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of our familiar apartment building.
Hoo—.
I took a deep breath and pressed the worn-out door lock.
Beep beep, beep beep, beep—click.
I turned the knob and carefully opened the front door.