Chapter 145
Chapter 145
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ebonarch
Chapter Title: Today's Resolve: Don't Lose Your Reason
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I can't become a sage, and I don't want to turn into some utterly heinous villain either. So instead, I'll become a freak.
A freak who shows up wearing gauntlets as big as my own body and smacks the heroes right on the shoulders.
It's completely out of left field and downright ridiculous, but because that power is so overwhelming, it's a freak no one can ignore.
- BOOM!!
Of course, it felt a bit excessive for just a simple shoulder check.
With a massive roar, the hero at the front went flying off into the distance. A perfect removal from the battlefield.
He wouldn't die. Even if he'd taken my shoulder tackle head-on, he was still a hero at the end of the day—his defenses were solid the moment the attack landed. He'd just been launched far away without any major injuries.
"You...!"
Aselrika and the other heroes stared at me in shock.
The shock slowly turned to wariness, then to outright hostility as they leveled their weapons at me.
I had no idea why they were looking at me like that. I'd gone pretty easy on them, all things considered.
Way cuter than swinging swords around and splattering blood everywhere. They just got bounced far away and knocked out of the fight—no deaths.
Indiscriminate slaughter wasn't my goal. I hadn't lost it that badly yet.
Today's resolve.
Don't lose your reason.
Don't get fooled by the demonic energy and hallucinations into chasing meaningless things.
My goal was to shove aside the heroes blocking the entrance and clear a path.
Once the path opened and the magic beasts started pouring out, Yeriel would have no choice but to show up.
The final destination for Betty's freedom and mine.
I didn't want the magic beasts to rampage through the entire city and reduce it to rubble. Letting them out was just a means to lure Yeriel here.
So.
Give me a break.
"Get out of the way."
My low growl carried heavy intent—a clear threat. But the heroes narrowed their eyes with hostility, not budging an inch.
"Can't you hear me?"
I clanked the gauntlets covering my shoulders, threatening them again. But the heroes didn't flinch.
Aselrika glared at me silently for a moment before issuing orders to the others.
"A-Squad, take down Anis Harper. Everyone else, brace for magic beasts emerging from the fog."
"Hah."
I scoffed.
Subjugation. Subjugation.
The word usually tagged onto magic beast extermination missions.
It was almost admirable how they weren't even treating me like a person anymore. Tears welled up from the sheer irony.
- BOOM!!
Unable to hold back my irritation, I charged at one and sent him flying.
This time, unlike before, I botched the power control—maybe a bone or two got cracked somewhere.
"F-Fast...!"
"This monster freak...!"
- Whoosh!
The burliest guy among the heroes swung his sword down at me. I reached out and caught it effortlessly.
- Crackle! Zap zap!
Sparks flew from the gauntlet gripping the blade. The repulsion from the holy power infused in it.
Han U-sol must've mass-produced not just those generic revolvers, but custom weapons for veterans too.
"D-Damn it! Let go!"
- Crunch...
Crack, splinter, grind.
I squeezed, and the sword let out an ominous groan as cracks spiderwebbed across it.
The man's eyes widened in horror before he released the hilt and staggered back.
It pissed me off.
That look in his eyes, like he was staring at a monster.
It's not like.
I wanted to end up like this.
I didn't ask to come here, and becoming a magic beast was the last thing I wanted.
I didn't want to live addicted to demonic energy, out of my mind. I didn't want to side with demons and turn against the people I cared about.
From the start, wasn't I dragged here on your whims without a say? Thrust into a world I knew nothing about, saddled with a mental illness I never asked for, left all alone.
So why look at me like that?
Like I was some perfect perpetrator.
As if I were a monster of pure evil that dropped from the sky, the enemy of all humanity—what the hell was with that gaze?
"Me too...!"
Emotions surged like a torrent.
I forcibly swallowed the dark, sticky thoughts swirling in my head.
I'm human too.
Just like you, I dream, chase goals, struggle for happiness.
Sometimes I hit reality's walls and stall out, blame my own incompetence and laziness, fall into despair.
Still, I hope for sunlight again—a human no different from you.
Even choosing the demons' side stemmed from one human's desperate flailing for happiness amid despair.
- BOOM!!!
"Gaaah!?"
I blasted another one away. My control slipped even more than last time.
"Attack all at once!!"
"Rush her!"
- Flash! Swoosh!
The heroes charged en masse, swinging their weapons wildly.
I deflected their incoming attacks while scrutinizing each of their faces.
Their eyes still burned with wariness and hostility.
Yeah. That hostility was the problem.
The unyielding resolve in their gazes, screaming they wouldn't back down. They would stop me.
I wanted to kill them all.
It felt like they'd branded themselves absolute good and me absolute evil.
Part of me wanted to crush them with overwhelming force, drown those eyes in terror.
[It might be easier to just kill them all.]
Emotions boiled higher.
I knew venting blindly would just be pointless sludge, meaningless. But staring at those cold blades flashing before me, even the hallucinations flared, stoking my rage.
"Hah!"
Another sword came slashing down. This one was different—its speed and trajectory far more threatening than the rest.
I checked the attacker. Sure enough, it was her.
Aselrika.
The heroes' leader.
- Graaah-grind!
I blocked the swing with my arm, twisting it aside. Sparks from the blade grinding against the gauntlet made my skin sting like a mild burn.
The holy power in the weapon? That sharp pain rattled what little sanity I had left.
Suddenly, a whisper brushed past.
Should I kill her?
If I just smashed her head in right now, those eyes devoid of any respect for me might finally turn the right way.
I needed to instill fear.
So they'd never look at me like that again.
So they'd respect me properly.
- BOOM!
"Urk...!"
Aselrika reeled back from my thrust punch.
I'd gauged her strength and put real force into it, but she barely retreated a step instead of flying off. Tougher than expected.
- Bang! BOOM!
We clashed endlessly.
Me, Aselrika, the other heroes—all tangled in ceaseless combat.
Some flew away, some held, a few even nicked me slightly.
Aselrika's eyes shook with growing panic.
Watching it filled me with an inexplicable satisfaction.
Just push a little harder.
Or rip off an arm.
Then I could fill those eyes with respect for me.
The impulse surged.
Sparks flew before my eyes, whispers egging me on made my ears ring.
As heroes writhed on the ground and tumbled pathetically, I desperately clung to my fluctuating sanity.
Today's resolve.
Don't lose your reason.
Don't let demonic energy and hallucinations turn you into a real monster.
Like Han U-sol said, don't chase meaningless things.
As I repeated it to myself—
- Bang!
A bullet pierced my thigh.
"........."
I blankly looked down at my leg.
Crackle crackle. My body trembled.
The electricity rising from the wound made my mind reel.
...The whispers.
The noise.
It intensified.
"......Urk, blegh."
A nauseating sensation, like it was denying my very bones, welled up, vomit rising in my throat.
Vision warped, the background bleached white.
Tinnitus shook my consciousness loose, and through it, the goading whispers grew fiercer.
It hurt.
Insanely so.
Why.
I'm trying so hard.
Why do I have to suffer like this?
Who did this to me?
Who the hell made me suffer like this?
I vaguely spotted the shooter in the distance.
Damn ranged cowards.
Sneaky bastards toying with people from a safe distance with their superior range.
Scum who get off on others getting one-sidedly wrecked.
I couldn't understand it.
Truly vicious bastards.
The thugs who watched me get bullied from afar, mocking me.
And those who knew my pain but subtly looked away, enjoying or joining in.
The neighbors who knew damn well my dad beat me every night, yet pointed fingers like I'd dirtied their eyes whenever I passed.
The ones who hurt me were never the close tormentors—it was always those watching from a slight remove.
Always staring from afar.
Always one step removed, spectating us.
Acting like they were something special, like they lived in another world, judging our desperate struggles from a distance.
No courage to experience it themselves, just wagging fingers while basking in godlike superiority, savoring our show like theater patrons.
...We're fighting so desperately.
You're just bystanders.
Worst kind—treating us clowns as mere entertainment.
I forced my hazy focus straight ahead.
Searched the direction the bullet came from.
Now I saw clearly.
Who shot me.
Again.
Spectating me again.
Just flick a finger, watch my reaction again.
That fun, huh?
Watching me suffer?
When I force a smile and joke around, do you actually look entertained?
Feel empathy.
Not spectate.
Not for amusement—
"Have some pity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Click.
A split-second passed, and the world resumed its pace.
The blurry lines sharpened, colors flooded back.
I'd already discarded everything and charged the woman who'd shot me.
"Ronel! Get away!"
- Thwack!
"Whoa!?"
"Ronel!"
No time for anyone to intervene—I tackled the shooter, pinning her beneath me.
"Eek."
A terrified squeak escaped her lips.
I gripped her arm tight, glaring down.
My vibe screamed I'd rip it off if she didn't answer.
"Hey, you bitch. Do I still look like I'm laughing to you?"
"W-What!?"
"You think I'm a joke too!!!"
She looked utterly confused, no clue what I meant.
Hell, I barely knew myself. No idea what ravings were spilling from my mouth.
Only that my mind was unraveling, spewing whatever.
In the end, today's resolve not to lose reason? Total failure.
"N-Nooo...!!"
She cringed, voice cracking in sobs. Desperately.
Her shrill wails grated. Definitely saw me as a joke. Toying with me for kicks. Why else shoot me?
"Eeeek!? W-Wait!?"
I started yanking her arm.
Time to rip it off and teach her—and everyone—true respect.
Repaint those pathetic emotions in her eyes with something proper.
So she'd never disrespect me again.
- Grind...
Ominous sounds echoed from her shoulder to elbow joint.
"It hurts hurts hurts!! Sorry!! Please just once, forgive me!!!"
Ronel thrashed in panic, screaming. But I didn't stop.
Then, in total meltdown, she pissed herself a little.
"...Disgusting."
I instantly let go, releasing her arm.
Fucking gross.
No desire to rip it off now.
Wait, how does someone that cowardly muster the guts to shoot? And not even her first time—this chick was a repeat offender.
What a weirdo. Scaredy-cat with a bizarre streak of bravery.
I shook off my hands, stood from atop her, and scanned the surroundings.
Every hero's gaze locked on me.
Among them were Yoon Na-rin and Han U-sol too.