The Bizarre Love Triangle (4)
In the end, since the whole incident was just a ridiculous mishap, it didn't really call for any grand solution. So maybe if something absurd happens, an absurd fix is just what works. Armed with that secret weapon(?) we'd been given, we successfully tracked down the white-haired black wolf girl wandering alone in the academy gardens, and my lord, Albert von Beletia, approached her right on cue, just as planned.
"Here I go. Here I go…."
"……Why are we hiding and peeking, Your Highness?"
"What are you talking about? Watching a lovers' spat up close is the second-most fun thing in the world—how could I miss it?"
Her words hit way too close to home.
"It's a bit late to bring this up, but that method you suggested… won't it just make her angrier?"
"Nonsense. Watch closely. No woman in a relationship like that could stay mad after this."
Hiding behind a massive tree, Charlotte Laura von Ahenmetis and I whispered back and forth as we spied. It was a relief she hadn't suggested, 'Since you fought, settle it with a mock battle duel!'… But would this really calm her down?
As I watched half in doubt, Erna Skillpinggar Harpagri, who had been spacing out on her solitary stroll, finally locked eyes with my approaching lord. A moment later, his awkward cough echoed through the garden.
"Milady. What are you doing out here? All alone."
"……I told you not to call me 'milady.' I was just taking a walk for exercise. More importantly, what's that you're hiding behind your back?"
She didn't seem thrilled, but she wasn't snapping at him to buzz off either.
"Ah, this is…."
My lord revealed the culprit he'd stashed behind his back: a few stems of snow lilies, their heads bowed white. Common wildflowers you could pick from anywhere in spring—nothing fancy. This was the princess's first suggested weapon.
"……Flowers out of nowhere?"
"I wanted to apologize for making you angry earlier. Think of it as a small token of my sincerity. I've been so busy lately, I haven't paid you much attention…."
"What's gotten into you…. Fine, whatever. Since you already picked them."
She grumbled like, 'What were you gonna do if I said no?' but clearly not hating it, she extended her right hand and took the flowers. Those iron-crushing white hands now cradled delicate white blooms instead.
And as she admired the snow lilies in her grasp, her guard on her left hand slipped. That's when my lord boldly seized it.
"I hope you'll forgive my negligence toward you, milady."
With those prepared words, he lightly kissed the back of her hand. The princess's second weapon: 'Straight-up kiss her hand.'
The effect was immediate. The garden air froze solid with tension.
Sensing failure, I silently prayed for divine mercy.
"Lord have mercy."
I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing for Erna to unleash a earth-shaking roar. But her reaction was slower—much slower—than I'd feared.
"……Wha, uh…?"
I'd expected an instant scream, but only the faintest murmur escaped her.
"Wh-what are you… doing?"
"……Well, I meant it as a gesture of respect, in my own way."
"Y-you only do that when I say it's okay…! Grabbing my hand and—what the hell…?!"
When the outburst finally came, it wasn't rage. Erna trembled, utterly failing to hide her embarrassment. She didn't pull her hand away or drop the flowers.
Seeing her so flustered—for the first time in my life—must've emboldened him, because my lord doubled down.
"……Even so, you never give me an opening usually…."
He lifted her fingers and kissed her left ring finger—the one bearing the ring he'd given her long ago.
"Wha-wha-what…."
It was a total one-eighty, out of nowhere. Her face flushed crimson from afar; she couldn't yank her hand free, couldn't drop the flowers, just flapped her lips helplessly. Anger? Forgotten.
"It totally worked…!"
The princess beamed, thrilled her coaching had succeeded. And there I was, clueless why it had.
His looks, huh…. My lord is handsome….
"See? See? What did I tell you, Baron? No woman hates that stuff!"
"I see…."
Never had much luck with romance in my past life or this one, so who knows….
"Ugh, seriously…! What wind blew this sudden urge into you…."
Poor Erna could only squeal in bewilderment at the abrupt assault. Before long, my lord was casually patting her shoulder, whispering things too quiet for us to hear.
Erna jerked her head away, avoiding his gaze, but managed a tiny nod.
"F-fine, whatever…. I didn't mean to misunderstand or anything…. I was just asking. Sorry…."
And so the mock lovers' battle ended in Erna's total defeat. Or… did it even count as a fight?
"Damn it…. Did I rush out too fast? Strutting around with your collar all crooked…."
She sulked for ages, but ran out of steam, tucked the flowers away safely, and reached up to fix my lord's clothes.
Her lips are practically to her ears….
But why the hell am I standing here next to the princess, watching this rom-com unfold? Even if he's my lord, it's starting to grate….
"……Everything's great, but why no kiss?"
Don't ask that with a straight face, Your Highness. It's creepy.
I sidled away quietly. "We should tactfully make ourselves scarce, Your Highness."
"Huh? It's getting good…."
"What more do you want? Let's bail before we get caught slacking."
"Just a bit longer…!"
As we bickered, the crowd noise from the stands swelled—and Erna, mid-fluster, caught on quick. I was the one shoved out first, so of course she spotted me.
Her face went beet red again, and once she pieced it together, she flailed her arms and yelled.
"Hey! This is all your doing! Next time I see you, you're dead meat?!"
I took the heat unexpectedly. But it was too late to argue, so I grabbed the princess and bolted.
They're having a happy time—no need to third-wheel.
"Eek…?!"
The princess grumbled, but tough luck. Leaving them to their bittersweet spring romance, I dashed across the youth-less academy grounds.
*
"Ugh. Cutting off right when it's getting juicy."
"……I hate to say it, Your Highness, but you sure seem to enjoy that stuff."
"Huh? What woman hates romance stories?"
"Spying isn't about like or dislike…."
"Pfft, such a dutiful answer. You're no fun."
Maybe buzzing from the rare scene, Charlotte stuck her tongue out a bit. I knew it was her "nyeh" gesture.
"And it's fascinating."
"What's that?"
"They're still just engaged, right? Not even dating first, yet they're already that close. If it were me, we wouldn't even make eye contact usually."
"……Yeah, I think that too."
One's a tough-girl gangster, the other's your standard nice noble guy, but they mesh weirdly well. It's surprising every time.
A few steps later, the princess swept back her side hair and said, "Isn't the margrave a bit unfair?"
"What now?"
I raised an eyebrow, and she met my eyes before glancing away.
"He gets engaged to someone he likes, they're all lovey-dovey already, she's popular, and…."
She turned back to me to finish. "He even has an entertaining retainer. He's got it all."
Hard to relate coming from the emperor's daughter, but saying that outright would be rude.
"……When you said you were jealous before, was it about all that?"
Instead of judging my lord's virtues, I flipped it back at those purple eyes staring at me.
Did I hit a nerve? Her gaze flicked aside, then she peeked at me slyly.
"……Maybe?"
She never cared much person-to-person before—what wind brought this on?
"If it's not rude, do you have someone like that?"
"Not at all."
"Someone like you must have suitors lining up."
"I did. But the prime minister or my father or whoever chased them all off. Lets me roam the academy freely… but who knows when lightning'll strike."
"Hmm…."
Come to think of it, she'd said something like that. My lord gets along great with his fiancée, but hers? They might never even meet.
Is she scared of that deep down? Makes sense—the emperor's daughter can't choose her own marriage.
This world's women fare better than my old one, but nobles all do political marriages anyway. Men too.
I could end up that way; imagine her.
Some ancient geezer she's never met? Totally on the table. Though the emperor doesn't seem that heartless.
"What about you, Baron? Any engagement talk?"
"Me? None."
"……Oh? Why not?"
"My land's dirt poor…. And I just don't feel like it. Better single than stuck with the wrong person."
"Unique view. How do you pass on the family then? No siblings."
"Adopting works. I'm young; plenty of time."
"……Hmm."
Suddenly, chatting so casually felt off—I rubbed my neck.
Time to pivot. "You don't seem keen on engagements, Your Highness. Want a good tip?"
"Good tip?"
"Not well-known, but far away, there was this rich, martial princess. Suitors besieged her daily, naturally."
A tale from my past life, not this one: Marco Polo's account of Kaidu Khan's daughter, Kutlun, from the East.
The red-haired beauty was a master of bukh, Mongolian wrestling. Unwilling to wed, she told her father pushing marriage, 'I'll marry whoever beats me at bukh.'
The suitor tournament happened; despite fines of a hundred horses for losers, tons challenged her. She won thousands instead.
"What happened to her?"
"She beat even the guy with a thousand horses, stayed single forever…. Till rumors flew she was incestuous with her dad, forcing her hand."
"What? She caved anyway."
She burst out laughing.
"But what if I'm not that great at martial arts?"
"You're ace at mock battles. Say you'll only go with whoever beats you."
"……Pfft. I'd have to marry the margrave then?"
"No retroactive. From the announcement onward."
"Weird story."
"Whoever weds you will be top-tier anyway. Just throw a match to your favorite then."
"I'm not like some people; I don't half-ass things. Can't do that."
"……Sure you can't."
She laughed behind her hand—her classic dying of fun face. Mood lifted, good enough.
Then she cut in abruptly. "Baron Hebel."
"Yes."
"Still got my handkerchief?"
I quietly drew the purple one embroidered with gold thread from my pocket. Pristine since that day.
"You carry it around?"
"You gave it to me. Can't just toss it, even if I got it by mistake."
"Thought you'd leave it somewhere."
She giggled ahead, then stared straight into my eyes. Tilted her head and asked again.
"If we did, how would you handle me?"
"……Assuming we do?"
"Otherwise, no point. You took the handkerchief too."
"Fair, but…."
I couldn't picture myself there; it was a stumper. But the answer was set anyway.
"Win, obviously."
"For real?"
"Better to win anything. If we did."
"Good enough."
No clue if she liked it. No point overthinking hypotheticals.
She grinned brightly. "You helped today, so pay up big in the mock battle two days from now? Plus settle today's jealousy."
"Tempting offer."
He's my lord, but watching him flirt right there? Gross. Yup.
We spied too, but not my idea, so whatever.
Such shameless thoughts.
"Right. Two days: singles brutalize the couples' fiancés for sweet revenge. Let's go pick a fight."
"Agreed."
And so, abruptly, our 2v2 alliance mock battle became singles' rage-fest against couples.
Time flew; two days later, we stood awkwardly side-by-side—someone next to us for once—prepped and awaiting the professor's signal.
"Match five today: Werner and Charlotte versus Erna and Albert. Ready? Begin!"
"Yes, sir!"
Thus, pitted against our cluelessly wrath-bearing lord and lady, the princess and I cast our wills toward our deployed forces as planned.