The Weight of a Promise
As I stroked the hair of Leon, who had fallen asleep in my arms, I peered into the sketchbook filled with her drawings. On the first page was a depiction of a white-haired boy swinging a sword that glowed with golden light toward a dark sky. Though it was a bit crooked, as expected of a child’s hand, it was so evocative of the moment a few days ago when Yoon Siwoo had struck down a monster with his Radiant Holy Sword that I couldn't help but think she had drawn it after witnessing that very scene. Isn't it too much of a coincidence to be mere chance? I’d heard that this world was full of countless unique ability users, and that many awakened their powers in childhood without even realizing it. So, perhaps it wouldn't be strange if Leon possessed some mysterious ability.
I flipped through the sketchbook to look once more at the drawing she had made while watching me. The crayons, freshly unwrapped today, had been worn down to stubs, and the page was filled entirely with red flames. And right in the center of that inferno stood a woman with red hair, standing proudly, wreathed in fire. What on earth could this drawing mean? Driven by curiosity, I scoured the image again, but all I could find was this: even in a world consumed by flames, the woman was smiling.
***
"...And so, the Gluttony Witch, the most evil and wicked witch of all, was finally defeated by the hands of the great hero, Aegis. And thanks to him, the people were able to live in peace for a long, long time."
Children don't have infinite stamina, so Sylvia was reading a fairy tale to the little ones who had grown tired after running around for so long. It was the story of the great hero Aegis. Since it was a famous tale, many of the children seemed to have heard it before, and at first, a few didn't show much interest. But Sylvia was, well, Sylvia. When she used her spirit magic to manifest starlight that illustrated the journey of the great hero Aegis like a living painting, the children cheered and listened with an intensity that couldn't be matched.
When the story ended and Sylvia closed the book, the children began sharing their impressions—how cool it was, how fun it was. In the midst of this, one child shot their hand up and asked Sylvia, "But Aegis-nim isn't here anymore. Then who will stop the witches if they appear again?"
"Ah, well, that is... the other heroes who are here now will..."
Just as Sylvia was trying to answer the child's potentially difficult question, a boy sitting next to the questioner shouted out loud.
"Dummy! We saw it on the broadcast yesterday! Yoon Siwoo-hyung will defeat all the witches!"
Perhaps reminded of the hero investiture ceremony that had aired the day before, the boy jumped to his feet, waving a toy sword modeled after the Radiant Holy Sword through the air as he continued. "With his shining sword, like this, like this! So you don't have to be scared of witches at all!"
Sylvia was momentarily flustered by the boy's outburst, but she soon chuckled and said, "That’s right. That strong Yoon Siwoo-gun, and all the other heroes, will protect you all, so you don't need to worry. By the way, you seem to really like Yoon Siwoo-gun."
"He's cool! The orphanage director told me that Yoon Siwoo-hyung grew up here too. So I'm going to become a cool hero just like him!"
"Fufu, I'm sure you will. As it happens, I sit next to Yoon Siwoo-gun at the Academy. Would you like to hear some stories about him if you're interested?"
"Really?! I want to hear them!"
At Sylvia's offer to tell them about Yoon Siwoo, the children reacted with enthusiasm, focusing on her once again with wide, sparkling eyes. Watching that scene, I felt that I shouldn't just be sitting here. We had come together to do volunteer work, and it felt wrong to let Sylvia handle the children all by herself... So, amidst the noisy chatter of the children, I tried to lay Leon—who was sleeping soundly in my arms without waking up—on the floor so I could go help Sylvia, but...
"Don't leave me and go, only Leon..."
I couldn't move because Leon, even in her sleep, was gripping my collar tightly and refusing to let go. What should I do? Is it okay for me to just be like this? While I was feeling restless and perplexed, the director, who had been watching Sylvia play with the children with a satisfied smile, approached me.
I asked the director, who had sat down beside me, cautiously. "Um, I came here to play with the children, but is it really okay for me to just stay like this..."
"Of course it is. You are already being a great help to us."
The director smiled gently and, stroking the hair of Leon, who was sleeping in my arms, continued. "I was worried about what to do because Leon wouldn't open her heart to anyone else. I'm so relieved that she seems to have opened up a little to you, Scarlet-yang. Now I know that this child isn't trying to push everyone away completely. It gives me hope that she will be able to get close to our other children soon. Thank you so much for coming today, Scarlet-yang."
Listening to the director's thanks, I looked down at Leon's face as she slept in my arms and thought: I see. You have already opened your heart to me. You want to form a bond with me.
While I was overjoyed by that, the prospect of forming a new connection brought a wave of anxiety. I remembered how, when I faced the Witch of Sloth, I had half-lost my sanity to the witch's ego within me. Fortunately, I had managed to pull through that time, but there was no guarantee that such a thing wouldn't happen again. Would I be able to make it through safely next time? Perhaps next time, I would be consumed by the witch's ego and end up burning the precious people around me. That was what I feared and worried about.
[Burn them.]
The witch's faint whisper echoed in my ears. I forced myself to ignore it and closed Leon's open sketchbook.
***
Leon, who had been sleeping in my arms for a long time, finally opened her eyes just as it was time for us to finish our volunteer work and leave. I set Leon down, stood up, and carefully bid farewell to her as she sat there, still groggy from her nap.
"I have to go now. Take care, Leon."
At that, Leon grabbed my sleeve slightly and looked up at me intently. What was reflected in her trembling eyes was sadness and longing. Perhaps because of that, her tiny hand clutching my sleeve felt as heavy as a thousand pounds. A short time like this was more than enough for a person to grow attached to someone. If she were to ask me not to go, I knew it would be too hard to refuse. But what came out of those small lips was something even harder to turn down.
"...Unnie. Can I see you again next time?"
Leon asked with a desperate expression. But perhaps it wasn't good for her to be close to me. How could I say that to a child who had already experienced a parting that had no "next time"?
"...Yes, I'll come again next time. It's a promise."
So, I hooked my pinky finger with hers and made a promise. Because the bright smile reflected in the child's eyes felt far more important to me than anything else. I could tell myself that this was enough.
***
That night, Sylvia, who had returned after finishing her other schedules, came straight to my room.
"Um, is something the matter?"
"...Must I only come when there is something the matter?"
"No, it's not exactly like that!"
I waved my hands and shouted at her, as she sounded hurt when I asked why she had come. Since I was the one living under her roof, who was I to say anything about when Sylvia visited? As I shrank back into my role as the subordinate, Sylvia sat on the edge of my bed, leaned back, and looked at me while tilting her head.
"...Scarlet-yang, I have a question. May I ask you one thing?"
"Yes, go ahead."
"Why do you use formal language when talking to me? You don't do that with people other than your elders..."
I stiffened slightly at her question and replied, "...That's because you use formal language with me, too."
"For me, it's a habit, so I always do it with everyone, but Scarlet-yang, you only do it with me... You once used casual speech with me, didn't you? I liked that time. Truly... I felt a sense of closeness, as if we had become friends. But ever since then, you've only used formal language again..."
...The "time" she was referring to must have been right after I encountered the Witch of Sloth. It had been a mistake. I had been in a rush and in a situation where I had to rely on her, so I had forgotten to maintain the formal register I consciously used. Sylvia slowly sat up and muttered with sad eyes.
"...Is it because I am not a friend to you, like Yoon Siwoo-gun? Is it because you don't think of me as a friend?"
My heart ached at Sylvia's sorrowful face. The reason I had used formal language only with her was because I had been constantly conscious that I shouldn't give her too much of my heart, that I shouldn't rely on her. What had started as simple guilt for using her had eventually become this. Sylvia was a girl who desperately wanted a friend. She would probably do anything a friend asked of her. So, if I thought of her as a friend and gave her my heart and relied on her... I felt like I would end up making a request that would make her sad without even realizing it. That was why I had been trying so hard not to do that.
Ah, to be honest, I was anxious and worried, and I wanted to ask her, too. Just as I had once asked Yoon Siwoo. So that I wouldn't end up hurting my precious connections. If I ever stopped being myself, I wanted someone to kill me. But I had already seen the expression on Yoon Siwoo's face when I made that request. I had made that request to the person I trusted most as a last resort, but I didn't want to make anyone else wear such a sad expression ever again.
That was why I had tried so hard not to give my heart to Sylvia, but it seemed that affection wasn't something you could control just because you didn't want to give it.
"...No, that's not it. It's because you are a precious person to me, Sylvia."
Her eyes widened at those words. To think that seeing someone look sad would be this difficult. Affection was truly a terrifying thing.
"As you know, I am not a normal person. I might end up harming the people around me... That's why I wasn't sure if it was okay to get close to anyone. So, I have a request."
Not knowing when I might be consumed by the witch's ego. It was a trembling existence, like living with a ticking time bomb. But if there was a way to ensure that bomb wouldn't harm those around me, if a day were to come when I could live with peace of mind... then I would be able to talk to Sylvia with a light heart. With that thought, I took Sylvia's hand and asked.
"...Will you wait for me until I can speak to you casually with a light heart?"
At that, Sylvia smiled happily and replied, "...I'm very good at waiting."
In that smile, I could think that this was enough.