The Weight of the Past and the Present
Inside a small room with one transparent wall. It was an empty space, but I knew from experience what lay beyond that glass. There were those who made me suffer, and those who made the pain subside. The man with silver hair was the one who hurt me. He was a man who gave orders in a cold, indifferent voice, instructions that left my body broken and battered. He was the one who plunged syringes into my flesh, causing a horrific agony that felt as if my insides were melting. Every time that silver-haired man did something, I was forced to endure pain. And every time I suffered, flames would erupt from my body against my will—and with every bout of pain, those flames burned hotter and brighter. Then, the silver-haired man would wear a look of delight.
I hated the pain, and I hated the man who took such pleasure in inflicting it. But unlike him, there was someone I didn't hate. A man with hair that wasn't silver, and ears that weren't pointed. I knew that whenever I was in pain, he was the one who made it stop. That was why I didn't hate him.
The silver-haired man was nowhere to be seen; only he stood beyond the transparent wall. Today, too, he had taken away my pain. Feeling a sudden urge to do something for him, I attempted to communicate with him for the first time. I pressed myself against the wall and tapped on it, and the man looked toward the inside of the room. I stared straight at him, recalling how the silver-haired man would light up with joy whenever flames erupted from my body. So, I let the flames burst forth.
It was something I had learned to do only recently. I hadn't shown it to anyone else yet. The man stared at me in surprise. His expression didn't look particularly happy, unlike what I had imagined, so I extinguished the flames.
At the voice echoing through the room, I let the flames flare up again, then snuffed them out.
I nodded at his question. He wore a strange expression.
I pointed at the man with my finger. Then, I used that same finger to point to the spot where I had received the injection today. It had hurt immensely, but after he had come in and left, it didn't hurt anymore. I didn't remember it clearly, perhaps because I had inhaled some strange smoke.
As I nodded, the man looked deeply pained for some reason. Ever since that day, the man began to say he was sorry every time he healed me.
“Are you okay? If you’re not feeling well, don’t push yourself and go rest in the infirmary.”
I had been staring blankly during our meal, and Mei, sitting to my right, spoke up with concern. Sylvia, sitting to my left, nodded in agreement.
“She’s right. It hasn’t been long since you were discharged from the hospital. You need to pay more attention to your health, so if anything feels even slightly off, don’t force yourself and go rest.”
“...I’m really fine. I’ve just been having dreams quite often lately, so I’m a bit dazed.”
“If that’s the case, then it’s a relief, but you really must be careful. It would be a disaster if you collapsed.”
Even after I answered, Sylvia and Mei still looked worried. I was telling the truth about the dreams, so they didn't need to worry. I had been having dreams every single night—so many that I wondered if I’d ever had this many in my life. Most of them were nightmares where I suffered painful things, so even after waking up, I felt dazed from the lingering effects. Well, it wasn't bad enough to go to the infirmary, though. I thought this as I looked at someone who *actually* looked like they were struggling.
“Hueee, Scarlet, you mustn't get sick.”
Jesse, sitting across from me, must have felt my gaze, as she spoke in a slurred voice. She looked far from normal. Her eyes were hollow and her hair was a mess, much like Dwae Nineheart from Class B, who practiced magic every day without sleeping. If someone saw us, they might have thought we were siblings. I didn't know what she’d done last night, but it was obvious she hadn't slept properly.
As the person who looked the least okay in the cafeteria expressed concern for me, Mei looked at Jesse with an incredulous expression.
“...Hey Jesse, it’s nice that you’re worried about Scarlet, but shouldn’t you take care of yourself first? You look like you’re literally dying. Shouldn’t you go to the infirmary and rest?”
“Don’t worry... I’m just a liiittle, a really liiittle bit out of sorts, but I’m fine. Hehehe.”
“No, no matter how I look at it, you don’t look just ‘a little tired’...”
Everyone stared at Jesse, who was letting out strange laughs, with bewildered faces. How on earth could anyone think that was the face of someone who was just a little tired?
-Doesn't she look not okay?
-I think so too.
I exchanged a look with Mei. But Jesse, as if to prove she was fine, grinned at me and started talking.
“Hehehe, Scarlet. About the prosthetic arm. The seniors are all helping out because they said it looked interesting. So, it might actually be finished earlier than expected. Since all the craftsmen are pulling all-nighters, the speed has really picked up. So, it might be done in two or three days?”
Was she in that state because she’d been pulling all-nighters for that? She’d promised to make it quickly, but I hadn't expected her to go this far. Even so, there was no need to push herself to the point of ruining her health...
“I told you it was fine to take your time. You should take care of yourself while you make it.”
“Hihihi. Well, I guess you could say I can’t control myself right now.”
At my words, Jesse replied with a laugh that sounded somewhat deranged. I didn't understand what she meant by "can't control myself," so I stayed silent until Jesse spoke again.
“My family has a rare bit of dwarf blood in us, you see? So sometimes, that instinct comes out. It’s not well known, but dwarves have periods where the urge to immerse themselves in crafting surges uncontrollably. I happen to be in the middle of that, so I ended up pulling an all-nighter.”
“...Is there such a period? That’s fascinating.”
Sylvia, who had been listening from the side, asked with curiosity. Jesse looked at Sylvia and asked back with a manic grin.
“Don’t elf or human women have the same thing once a month? When the spirits visit, you know.”
I stood there blankly, not understanding what she meant by "spirits visiting," until I saw the shocked expressions on Sylvia and Mei’s faces, and only then did I realize. It must have been a euphemism in this world. Jesse, the Magical Dwarf, laughed with a look that suggested she had lost all sense of reality.
“Hihihi, I guess you could say I relieve the stress from that by crafting. Usually, my nerves get a bit sharp, but if I’m making something, that feeling lessens, and instead, I get completely immersed in the crafting. This time it was particularly strong, so I stayed up all night yesterday. Honestly, my hands are still itching. I want to go home early and make the arm...”
Mei and Sylvia looked at Jesse, who was speaking in a slightly unhinged tone, with eyes that said, *'Figures.'* It seemed I was the only one left in the dark. At times like this, I truly feel the reality of having changed genders. Since, as of yet, I haven't experienced it myself...
“Thinking about it makes it hard to hold back. Ah! I want to make the arm!”
“...You look like you’re in really bad shape, so I’m going to have to force you to lie down. Jesse, I’ll go to the infirmary with you, so follow me.”
“Nyaaack!”
Mei finished her meal quickly and grabbed Jesse, who had been picking at her food, and dragged her off to the infirmary. As I watched Jesse being hauled away while letting out strange screams, Sylvia glanced at me and said,
“...Elves don’t really have any peculiar quirks like that. I can barely be affected by it through spirit arts, so you don’t have to worry.”
...I thought it was a bit strange to block "spirits visiting" with spirit arts.
After finishing my meal, I felt a bit concerned about the whole situation, so I was on my way to the infirmary to consult with the school nurse.
“This is the way to the infirmary. Are you not feeling well?”
Yoon Siwoo, who must have been out and about, entered through the first-floor entrance and looked at me with a worried face. It seemed that because of my arm, I was causing everyone to worry.
“...It’s nothing. I just have some concerns I need to talk about.”
I answered with a stiff face, as I still felt uncomfortable facing Yoon Siwoo.
“...Hey, if it’s a concern, shall I listen?”
He had seemed uncomfortable around me too, so what change of heart was this? Yoon Siwoo asked tentatively with a hopeful face.
“Forget it. It’s a concern you wouldn’t be able to solve anyway.”
“You never know. Maybe I could be of help. You said you’d listen to my concerns the other day, so I’ll listen to yours too.”
He must have been referring to what I said in front of the mart the other day. I had refused because it was obviously a concern he couldn't help with...
Knowing how stubborn Yoon Siwoo was, I decided to just give him a vague answer and move on.
“My period hasn't come this month. That’s why.”
It had been about a month since I became a woman. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to experience, but I thought it might be a sign of a health problem, which was why I was going for a consultation. Since Yoon Siwoo was a man, it was obvious he couldn't help with this. Leaving Yoon Siwoo, who had stiffened up—perhaps because of the sensitive topic—behind, I entered the infirmary.
When I told the nurse, she said there could be many reasons, but it was likely because I was pushing my body too hard.
“At least it’s not because of nutritional deficiency.”
Watching the nurse say that, I wondered if I should eat something other than the host's body. After telling Jesse, who was lying in the infirmary, to get some rest, I stepped outside to find Yoon Siwoo still standing there like a statue. He really is a strange kid.