The Price of Survival

"Hk...!" My eyes snapped open, and I jolted upright as if launched from the bed. My entire body was drenched in cold sweat. I’d had a dream—a nightmare, most likely. The content didn't feel pleasant, but... I couldn't quite remember it. Even though it’s better to forget nightmares, I felt a lingering sense of unease, as if it were something I absolutely shouldn't have forgotten.

I tried to grasp the fading memories of the dream, but even though I had just woken up, most of it had already evaporated. All I could salvage was a vague, half-formed recollection of seeing flames. Sighing, I went to the bathroom to dampen a towel and wipe down my sweat-slicked skin, hoping to wash away the sticky, uncomfortable feeling. Since I was missing an arm, there were inevitably parts I couldn't reach. I desperately wanted to shower, but I decided against it; if I unwrapped the bandage around my left shoulder, I knew I wouldn't be able to re-wrap it on my own.

After cleaning up, the hospital meal arrived. Perhaps because of the nightmare, I had overslept, making lunch my first meal of the day. As I shoveled the food into my mouth, I let out a sigh. The dream and all that didn't matter. Today’s lunch was, once again, incredibly delicious. If this was lunch, surely breakfast must have been good, too? The realization that I’d missed breakfast because I was sleeping made me genuinely sad.

I was busy devouring my lunch, thinking I’d eat twice as much to make up for the missed breakfast, when the door opened and a middle-aged man with messy hair walked in. It was the man who was supposedly my legal guardian. I wondered, Why is he here? but the reason dawned on me immediately. Come to think of it, since I’d been hospitalized, it was only natural that my legal guardian would be notified.

I gave him a slight nod of greeting. He raised a hand in return, and seeing that I was in the middle of a meal, he quietly pulled over a chair meant for visitors and sat in the corner of the room, away from the bed. I wondered if I should start a conversation since he’d come all this way. As I paused my meal, he gestured toward the bowl in front of me, as if telling me not to mind him and to keep eating. Well, if he told me to eat, I’d eat. I wasn't the type to lose my appetite just because someone was watching.

He sat in the corner in silence, watching me eat with one arm with a complex expression until I finished. Once I was done, a heavy silence hung in the air. It was awkward... being in the same space with someone I didn't know well, just sitting in silence, was difficult. Just as I was hesitating over whether to speak, the man sighed, pulled his chair closer to the bed, and opened his mouth.

"That arm... I heard you lost it trying to protect people..."

A heavy topic surfaced the moment he spoke. Well, what else would he talk to me about right now? He looked at my arm for a moment, then spoke in a voice filled with remorse, as if he were blaming himself for my condition.

"...Do you regret it? That it turned out this way?"

"I don't regret it."

I shook my head and answered immediately. I didn't regret it. It was something I had done specifically so I wouldn't have to regret it. That’s why I could answer without hesitation.

At my immediate response, the corners of his eyes trembled. "...Really?"

"Yes."

"...Why?"

He asked why I didn't regret it. Well, there were many reasons. If I were to list them all, it would never end, but the reason I didn't regret it was simple.

"Because people lived, didn't they?"

That was enough for me. I think it would have been harder ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠for me to watch people die in front of me than to lose an arm. Since I had stopped that, losing an arm was a fair trade.

Hearing my answer, he bowed his head. His shoulders shook, and he spoke in a voice thick with moisture. ".......Scarlet, you’ve become such a kind person......"

The man looked both happy and sad as he said it. Since I couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking, I just kept quiet.

"...Truly, thank you so much."

"......"

"Thanks to you, I, too, can avoid living with regret......"

He muttered in a small voice and lifted his head again. His eyes were red, but his expression looked somewhat relieved. I reached out with my arm to grab a few tissues from the bedside table to give to him, leaning forward. As I did, something in my upper pocket fell to the floor with a thud. It was the black shard I had hastily shoved into my pocket yesterday evening. The moment he saw it on the floor, the man jumped in surprise and picked it up.

"This is...!"

He stared at the shard with a bewildered face, muttered something, and then handed it back to me with a grave expression. "...Never lose this, and keep it on your person at all times. And if you can help it, don't show it to anyone else."

I took the shard he offered and put it back in my pocket. Judging by his tone, he seemed to know exactly what it was. It was clear he was someone who knew something about this body's past, so I was about to ask him about the strange events of yesterday and other things, but then, a vibration sounded from somewhere. The man pulled his phone from his pocket, checked the screen, stiffened, and stood up.

"Let's talk later. And remember what I said. Never show that to anyone ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠else."

He left me with those words, stood up abruptly, and disappeared. There were things I wanted to ask, but he wasn't so important that I felt the need to chase after a man who looked that desperate. Since he said he was my guardian, I’d have another chance to see him later. I put my hand in the pocket containing the black shard. What on earth was this thing that he told me not to show anyone? My questions grew, but I had no way of knowing. I rolled the black shard around in my hand, pondered for a moment, and then, feeling drowsy from the meal, I lay back down on the bed to sleep.

***

I’d ended up taking another long nap. Maybe it’s because I’m in the hospital, but I feel like I’ve been sleeping more. Sleeping a lot doesn't necessarily mean you feel refreshed... if anything, I felt groggy from sleeping too much. As I struggled ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to wake up, the door slid open.

"Hic..."

At the sound of the sniffle, I looked toward the door and saw Jessie, already prepared to burst into tears. She entered the room, sat by the bed, gripped my hand tightly, and began to sob. "Waaaah, why did your arm have to...!"

Why, you ask? You saw it too... I’d had a feeling this might happen ever since Mei told me Jessie would be visiting, but seeing her actually cry made me feel awkward. "Scarlet is still a patient, so she needs to rest." Daniel, who had entered at some point, said that to Jessie, and Andre lifted her up and pulled her away from me. So they’d come together.

I gave a subtle gesture of thanks to Jessie so she wouldn't see, and Daniel winked while Andre nodded. Perhaps because she had two "restraints" with her, Jessie stopped after a few sniffles, unlike my expectation that she would wail loudly. As I patted Jessie’s head with my right hand to comfort her, Daniel spoke up.

"Sylvia asked me to tell you she’s sorry she couldn't visit; she’s completely swamped with the aftermath of the regional defense battle."

The heir to a prestigious family would naturally be busy. Knowing Sylvia’s personality, she was probably feeling quite depressed about not being able to visit, so I nodded, thinking I should tell her it was fine later.

"...What did they say about your arm?"

When Daniel carefully brought it up, Jessie stopped sniffling and listened for my answer. It seemed everyone was quite concerned. "The doctor said I’ll need a prosthetic arm." When I answered, Jessie wiped her tears and said, "...If you’re going to get a prosthetic, please, you must let our company handle it."

When she said "our company," I tilted my head, and Daniel provided an explanation. "Her family is quite famous in that field." He showed me a search result on his phone, and it was a massive corporation. It wasn't even surprising anymore; the backgrounds of the kids attending Aegis were becoming genuinely intimidating.

"I owe you my life, so I’ll pay for it out of my own pocket if I have to."

Jessie’s gaze was incredibly determined. I felt like if I left her be, she’d really spend every cent she had to get me that prosthetic, so I quickly waved my hand to decline. "You don't have to do that. I heard that the full cost would be covered."

"The full... cost? Does that mean it doesn't matter how much it costs to produce?"

At the word "full," her eyes lit up. "Then we’ll make sure to get you the highest-end model we can produce, so please tell me if you ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠have any requirements! If we pour enough money into it, we might even be able to make it fire magic bullets from the hand!"

I felt a hint of madness in her words and nodded, albeit with a bitter smile. No, if something comes out of the hand, isn't that already not a prosthetic...? Honestly, I was a little tempted, but since a mediocre one wouldn't work on monsters, I decided not to worry about it for now. Regardless, just like Mei yesterday, the kids’ faces brightened when they saw I wasn't struggling too much. It felt like we’d been talking for a long time before Andre finally grabbed Jessie and Daniel—who had been spiraling out of control with prosthetic feature ideas—and dragged them out so I wouldn't get too tired. It was mostly Jessie and Daniel talking, but it was a pleasant time.

Is it dinner time soon? I was waiting in anticipation of what dinner would be when I heard the door open. I turned my head quickly to check the menu, but my face soured. Standing in the open doorway was Yoon Siwoo.