May I
I opened my eyes to a hazy, dreamlike consciousness and saw a stark white ceiling. Tick, tick. The rhythmic sound of water droplets hitting a surface echoed in the room. I slowly turned my head to the right and saw an IV bag hanging from a tall stand. A long tube snaked out from the bag, connecting directly to my right arm. Everything felt so cluttered and tethered that I was afraid to move, so I tried to push myself up with my other arm. But my body didn't even twitch.
Confused, I tilted my head to the left, only to see the left sleeve of my patient gown hanging empty and limp. I stared at it for a long moment before letting out a bitter laugh. Right. That’s right. I’d had it blown clean off, right up to the shoulder. Perhaps because I had already experienced the loss of a body part when I transitioned into a girl, it was surprisingly easy to accept. This time, it hadn't been taken from me against my will—I had chosen it. It didn't weigh on me as heavily as I’d expected. It didn't... but still, I couldn't help but feel a little hollow.
“Oh, are you feeling a bit more alert now?”
As I lay there, blinking blankly, a nurse stepped into the room. I gave a small nod, and she offered me a kind smile. “I’ve called the doctor, so please wait just a moment. Are you feeling dizzy, or is there anywhere that hurts?”
When she mentioned pain, I felt her gaze flicker toward my missing left arm. Even her professional, kind smile couldn't hide the pity in her eyes. I smiled back and told her I was fine. At that, her eyes welled up with tears. It must be tough for someone in the medical field to be so sensitive...
After she wiped her eyes and left, a doctor with a full head of white hair entered the room, looking as if he were taking over a shift. He stood before me, chart in hand, and spoke with a troubled expression.
“I am truly sorry, but... it seems the only option for your arm will be a prosthetic.”
With a grim face, he continued his explanation. To summarize: since the severed limb was gone, reattachment was impossible. Naturally, it would be; I’d fed it to a monster and then burned the arm along with the beast. He also told me that no matter how skilled a healer might be, repairing a lost limb is impossible unless it’s done immediately after the severance. It was a relief to hear that, because I had cauterized the wound—essentially burning the nerves and muscle tissue to a crisp—they could at least use magic to restore the area enough to attach a prosthetic. Apparently, my "tough guy" method of stopping the bleeding had nearly cost me the entire arm. I’d done it to survive, but it was a harsh reminder that trying to mimic things I’d seen in cartoons was absolute madness.
He mentioned that while technology to grow new limbs using genetic material was being researched, it was currently only capable of producing standard, non-powered limbs. Since I was an esper, he advised that a prosthetic would be better. I nodded in agreement. The only problem was that even if I wanted a prosthetic, I didn't have the money for it.
“By the way, patient, have you ever suffered a major injury to your entire body as a child that required extensive healing magic?”
While I was worrying about money, the doctor asked me that. I didn't know anything about my childhood, so I just stayed silent. The doctor looked me straight in the eye and urged me firmly.
“I don't know what happened, but your body’s natural healing ability is currently extremely low. You were lucky that you were brought to the hospital quickly this time, but if you get injured when there’s no one around to heal you, even if you cauterize the wound like you did, you could die from internal bleeding. You must be careful. Do you understand?”
He was so serious that I just nodded. It meant that even a minor injury could kill me. Honestly, I’d love to avoid getting hurt, but in this world, that wouldn't be easy. Regardless, now that I knew I was basically a fragile sunfish, I decided I’d have to play it safe from now on.
After repeating his warning several times, the doctor left. I looked around the quiet room. A private suite... it was bigger than the house I lived in. Suddenly, I started to feel anxious. Would I be able to pay the hospital bill? There’s no medical insurance here, right... Still, I was injured while protecting people, so surely they’d cover the costs, right?
Just as I was worrying, the door opened, and a weary-looking middle-aged man walked in. He looked at me, approached the bed, and spoke.
“I came running the moment I heard you’d woken up... How are you feeling?”
I’d never spoken to him directly, but as an Academy student, it was impossible not to recognize him. I didn't panic and told him I was fine. He looked like an exhausted salaryman returning home after a night of overtime. It was the Headmaster of Aegis.
“I heard you were the one who asked for the gym to be locked. I shudder to think what might have happened to the school if you hadn't been there...”
The Headmaster sighed deeply, as if he’d just narrowly escaped a disaster. He looked like an ordinary, tired middle-aged man with no sense of gravitas. In Academy stories, the Headmaster is usually the strongest person in the world. If it were a typical trope, the Headmaster would be a legendary hero or a beautiful girl who had lived for a thousand years, but this Headmaster was just a regular middle-aged man—not even an esper, but a civilian. The reason he was the Headmaster was simple: his surname was Aegis. Aegis Academy was a hereditary position. It was honestly surprising that the system was maintained without much complaint.
“I’m worried because my hair is thinning out these days, but thanks to you, I’ve bought myself some time until I go completely bald... When my runaway younger brother brought a girl and asked me to let her take the entrance exam, I wondered what was going on, but thanks to you, we were saved.”
I didn't know what he was talking about, so I stayed quiet. Suddenly, the Headmaster looked apologetic and spoke again.
“Um... Scarlet Evande? What you did this time was truly heroic, and under normal circumstances, it should be widely reported. But given the situation, we’ve received orders to suppress the news. If it gets out that a mid-level monster appeared inside the barrier, the citizens will panic... People inside the gym don't know exactly what happened outside, so it will just be reported as the work of a strong lower-level monster. Your name and your friends' names will be left out. I’m truly sorry, but would that be okay?”
Seeing a middle-aged man pleading with someone much younger than him was incredibly awkward, so I quickly gestured for him to stand up. I was about to say that I didn't care about fame at all, but the Headmaster added:
“We will cover all the costs for the hospital and the prosthetic arm, no matter how much it takes... so please, let it slide...”
Would it be okay? You bet it would. Since my biggest worry had been resolved, I nodded vigorously.
“But honestly, this is the least we can do... Is there anything else you want? I’ll grant you whatever I can.”
The Headmaster seemed to still have something on his mind. There was one thing I was worried about. I glanced at the spot where my left arm used to be. Even with a prosthetic, it would obviously be weaker than my original arm, so I spoke more of a request than a demand.
“Um, my arm is like this now, but... will I still be able to attend the Academy?”
“...Why are you asking something like that? Of course you can. Ah, seriously... I can’t quit being Headmaster even when it’s tough because students like you keep showing up.”
At my request, the Headmaster looked dumbfounded and grumbled under his breath. As if his business was finished, he turned to leave, but before he opened the door, he turned back and bowed at a 90-degree angle. The frivolous, age-inappropriate demeanor he’d shown earlier was completely gone. He spoke in that position.
“Scarlet Evande, thanks to your heroic courage and sacrifice, the citizens are safe. On behalf of the 12,493 people you saved, I, the Headmaster of Aegis, offer you my deepest gratitude once again.”
His tone was solemn, filled with genuine respect for a deed that deserved it, regardless of the fact that I was much younger than him. Seeing that, I realized he was a man worthy of being Headmaster after all.
After saying that, he straightened his back, sighed, scratched the back of his head, and hurried out of the room. 12,493 people. If I’d saved that many with just one arm, I should be happy. But perhaps because the number was so large, it didn't feel real. I lay there blankly until I drifted off to sleep.
*
When I woke up, it was dusk. I heard a rustling sound beside me and turned to see a girl with short black hair and glasses. She was sitting on the left side of the bed, looking at me with wide, startled eyes. Her eyes, which had been round with shock, instantly filled with tears.
Mei’s lips trembled as if she wanted to say something, but she eventually closed her mouth and just gripped the loose sleeve of my left arm with both hands. Perhaps she couldn't organize her thoughts on what to say. But even without words, I knew what she wanted to ask. She probably wanted to know why I had to do it.
So, I asked her:
“What day is it today?”
“...Tuesday.”
She replied softly. Tuesday. It was Tuesday. Even though Monday had passed, she was still by my side. She was alive. What hadn't felt real before finally hit me, and a smile spread across my lips.
“Hey, you know, on Friday.”
So, even though I’d lost an arm, I could smile as I told her:
“A classmate promised to make me some chocolate.”
That was my answer to the question she hadn't been able to ask. A classmate. Even though that was all I could call us for now. Hearing my words, she hugged me with tear-filled eyes.
The warmth of one person felt more real than the number 12,493. I felt that alone was reason enough to have sacrificed my left arm. The warmth flowing from her eyes filled my heart, more than enough to cover the emptiness on my left side. The warmth left over from filling that void sparked a greedy desire. I wanted to be more than just classmates. But was I really allowed to be? Just as I was asking myself that question, she sobbed against my chest and whispered in a small voice:
“...You idiot. Drop the ‘class’...”
The words she hadn't been able to say to me all this time. Because it was the answer I had wanted to hear more than anything in this moment. I was so happy, truly so happy.
“I understand. Mei.”
I said her name—a name I had never been able to say until now—with a smile, amidst the flames burning calmly within me.