The Distance Between Friends
Do you know the feeling of watching the person you love gaze only at someone else? Every time Sylvia witnessed him talking to another, his face flushing with a warmth he never showed her, she felt as if her heart were being scorched. But she had told herself that if she were only given a little more time, it would naturally resolve itself. Sylvia had never once entertained the thought that she was inferior to anyone.
And yet, there was this red-haired girl—someone she had assumed was hardly better than herself. She saw her holding hands with the man she loved, saw them laughing and talking, saw them sharing a shy, blushing kiss, and finally, saw them united in marriage with the girl in a wedding dress. In every one of those moments, watching Scarlet look back at her with those red eyes—the same color as her hair—and mock her with a sneer was not a pleasant experience for Sylvia. To be precise, it wasn't just unpleasant; it was deeply repulsive. Enough to make her brow furrow without her even realizing it.
'It’s just a hallucination, after all.'
She had realized long ago that she was seeing things. That was precisely why she felt so disgusted. To think that her subconscious, her deepest fear, would conjure up something like this. Didn't this imply that, deep down, she felt she was lesser than Scarlet?
She took a few deep breaths, focused her mind, and the illusion shattered. Even after escaping it, she found herself bothered whenever she looked at Scarlet. Disgusted by the very fact that she was harboring such feelings, Sylvia clicked her tongue. She had to focus on keeping her composure, terrified that she might accidentally lash out at Scarlet, who was, as always, buying her macarons that day.
Whenever she thought that, Scarlet would offer her one a moment later. The situation felt so natural that it left Sylvia with a strange, unsettling feeling. 'Can this person read minds or something?'
Suppressing the irritation rising from the memory of yesterday's hallucination, she asked Scarlet how on earth she knew she wanted a macaron. "Because we're friends, I can tell." It was an incomprehensible answer. In the first place, Sylvia didn't particularly consider her a friend. Unable to understand it at all, she asked point-blank if there was a reason she kept buying them for her, but Scarlet simply replied that she did it because they were friends.
Honestly, Sylvia had expected Scarlet to get tired and give up soon. They were friends in name only; they didn't really talk, and Sylvia only offered a word of thanks when the macarons arrived. If she didn't want anything, wasn't it a strange situation to call them friends? She had thought that if she treated her this way, Scarlet would soon reveal her true colors. But whether it was patience or a lack of pride, Scarlet never showed a hint of displeasure, repeating the same actions from the very first day they met. Still, that consistency didn't feel entirely bad. Sylvia thought it was better than those who approached her claiming they wanted to be friends, only to change their attitude the moment things didn't go their way.
Then, that day, while passing through the first-floor hallway on an errand, Sylvia saw a familiar face carrying someone into the infirmary. Leonor Lionil. As the child of a famous hero, they had interacted occasionally since childhood. Seeing her carry in Scarlet—who had been handing her macarons with a perfectly normal face just a while ago—Sylvia felt a pang of concern and peeked into the infirmary. She made eye contact with Leonor, who was laying Scarlet down on a bed. Leonor gave her a meaningful smile and asked a question of Scarlet, whose expression was uncharacteristically relaxed.
"I remembered this when I heard your name earlier—you're that kid who's the 'bread delivery girl' for that Astra lady, right?"
A bread delivery girl. Sylvia had never once thought of Scarlet in such a way. Surely, she wouldn't make someone do something as barbaric as that. Aside from the very first time she had asked for a macaron out of a bit of spiteful mischief, Scarlet had bought them all on her own accord. But could it be that it looked that way to others? Just as Sylvia opened her mouth to offer an excuse, Scarlet spoke.
"Uuugh, it's not like that... We're frieeends."
She didn't know what was going on, but Scarlet spoke in a voice that sounded like she was intoxicated on something. Alcohol? Or something else? Whatever it was, it felt like she was just blurting out whatever thoughts crossed her mind. And because of that, Sylvia was shocked. A possibility she had barely considered until now had surfaced.
"If you don't like it, I can tell her to stop. How about that?"
"I don't hate it... I'm doing it because I waant to... Otherwise, I can't be her frieend..."
"...She says that, you know?"
At Scarlet's words that she was doing it because she wanted to, Leonor turned her head toward Sylvia and laughed. Sylvia was confused. 'Are you saying you really just wanted to be friends with me?' She had naturally assumed Scarlet was swallowing her pride because she wanted something. But what if? What if she was buying macarons every day simply because Sylvia had called her a friend? What if she was just a foolishly innocent person who truly believed they had become friends?
Lost in these thoughts, Sylvia had already fled the infirmary and returned to her classroom. It couldn't be. She would rather it not be true. If it were, wouldn't that make her a truly wicked person? Her ears burned with shame.
"...Scarlet isn't feeling well, so she's resting in the infirmary."
Answering the teacher who asked where Scarlet was, Sylvia pondered. Could she really trust her this time? Did she truly just want to be friends? If that were the case... if she maintained this unwavering attitude toward her for a while... what should she do?
Once she changed her perspective, receiving the macarons from Scarlet felt strangely embarrassing. Usually, she would have accepted them nonchalantly and said something like, "We're friends, aren't we?" but now, she couldn't bring herself to say it so easily.
"...Thank you."
Even uttering that single word of gratitude was unfamiliar to Sylvia. Because it wasn't just a facade; it held a little bit of sincerity.
The next day, Scarlet, who had been arriving early since the first day of school, was late for some reason.
"Scarlet is late."
Bothered by it, Sylvia muttered to herself. A moment later, she heard the voice of Yoon Siwoo, who was sitting in the seat next to her.
"Sylvia, let's talk for a moment."
The man she loved was taking her to a secluded spot. Sylvia’s heart raced, wondering if this was the kind of confession she had heard other girls talk about. Cooling her cheeks, which threatened to flush with anticipation, she waited for what he would say. Then, Yoon Siwoo opened his mouth.
"I don't want you to receive anything from Scarlet anymore."
Sylvia couldn't understand the situation for a moment. Why would he call her out only to talk about her? Realizing this wasn't the situation she had imagined, she calmed her heart and replied.
"Um... could you tell me why I should do that?"
"The reason... I can't tell you, but just do it."
She had only recently begun to think that Scarlet might be treating her as a friend. Why would he want her to stop Scarlet from buying her macarons? She couldn't possibly be convinced by Yoon Siwoo, who wouldn't even give a reason.
"It's a bit much to ask me to stop without a reason. Scarlet is buying them for me out of goodwill between friends."
When Sylvia said that, Yoon Siwoo looked at her with a slightly angry expression.
"Liar."
"Pardon?"
"You're lying. You don't think of her as a friend."
At Yoon Siwoo's words, Sylvia felt her breath hitch. It was true. She still didn't think of Scarlet as a friend. It had only been a day since she changed her mind to wonder if they could be friends. It was the truth, but she felt a surge of anger at Yoon Siwoo’s gaze, which looked at her as if she were a piece of trash who had toyed with Scarlet's heart.
"...I don't know why you would think that. To be so unreasonable—"
"I know everything, so just stop."
Yoon Siwoo cut her off, snapping at her. His attitude, as if he had already concluded that she was a bad person, made her wonder if Scarlet had said something to him. She had even started to think, if only a little, that she wanted to be friends with her. Was she wrong for being suspicious of someone who wanted to be her friend? She had wanted a friend too, but she was just afraid that Scarlet might be someone trying to use her again. Did she deserve such a look from the first person she had ever liked just because of that?
Feeling aggrieved by Yoon Siwoo, who seemed to have no intention of listening to her, Sylvia shouted.
"What is it! What is she to you that you’re always so concerned about her! I’m the one who likes you much more...!"
In the middle of her shouting, she met Yoon Siwoo's eyes. His gaze was cold, as if to say she didn't deserve such feelings. Sylvia's heart turned cold as well. Right, she was that kind of person anyway. She had lived just fine without friends, so she could just keep living that way.
"...I understand. I'll stop receiving macarons from Scarlet. After all, we weren't friends to begin with."
While she was eating, a macaron was suddenly held out in front of her. How did she know she wanted one? But that didn't matter anymore. Ignoring Scarlet, who had arrived at school late that day, Sylvia said:
"I don't need it."
She tilted her head at Sylvia's words, so Sylvia spoke again.
"Didn't you hear me? I said I don't need it. You don't have to go out of your way to buy me macarons anymore. I have no reason to receive them from you."
"B-but, friends..."
Seeing her speak with a trembling voice, Sylvia felt a flicker of guilt. Perhaps she really had wanted to be friends. But even if that were true—
"I'm sorry about that. It's my fault. So, from today on, I'll tell you the truth."
She was a trashy person who was paranoid, toyed with Scarlet's heart, and treated her like a bread delivery girl. She was someone who didn't even deserve to be her friend.
"I never once thought of you as a friend."
So, she shouldn't be friends with her. Watching Scarlet’s face crumble at her words, Sylvia thought just that.