The Brutal Sport of Shopping
Back in my past life, I had a friend who started dating a girl famous for being quite pretty back in our school days, and they ended up tying the knot shortly after graduation. He was always bragging about his wife in our group chat, making him the target of both envy and teasing from the rest of us, who joked that he was completely whipped. One day, another friend asked him, "How is it that your marriage is nothing but sunshine and rainbows? Hearing you brag all the time is just making us single losers miserable. Come on, spill some tea. Isn't there anything hard about married life?"
The bragging friend fell silent for a moment. After some serious contemplation, he finally replied. He said that every time he went shopping with his wife at the department store, he felt like he was losing his mind. He claimed it was more exhausting than pulling consecutive all-nighters at the office. Honestly, when we first heard that, we all scoffed and told him he was just whining about a sweet date with his beautiful wife...
"Scarlet! This dress is so pretty! Let's try this one on next!"
"...Okay."
Having now experienced something similar, I finally understood exactly what he meant. I'm sorry, buddy. Shopping really is a brutal sport...
"I knew it! I knew it would look perfect on you! I'll put this on the list, so let's head to the next store!"
"A-Are there still more places to look? I feel like we've been walking around for two hours..."
"We haven't even covered a third of the mall yet! It's so rare for us to have a free day like this, so we have to make the most of it and stay out late!"
Sylvia's response, brimming with more energy than I had ever seen from her, made my vision go blurry. Not even a third yet?"Gyaaaah! Guwaaaah!" I screamed in agony internally, lamenting the absurd, sprawling size of this shopping mall. I'm going to... I'm seriously going to lose my fucking mind...
After trailing behind Sylvia for hours, I had tried on so many clothes that I had lost count. I felt like one of those paper dress-up dolls girls used to play with. Please, no more frilly, fluttery clothes... The lingering masculinity inside me is having a psychotic break... If I were at least watching Sylvia shop for herself, I could have enjoyed the eye candy and followed her around happily. But since we were only shopping for my clothes, I didn't even have that small pleasure to keep me sane.
"...Um, Sylvia. Since we're here at the mall, aren't you going to pick out any clothes for yourself?"
Unable to take it anymore, I gently nudged her, but she just beamed.
"Hehe, don't worry. I'm planning to get matching couple looks with you later, Scarlet. So today, my sole mission is to find clothes that look perfect on you."
So, in short, you're saying I'm doomed to this purgatory for the rest of the day? It was a bolt from the blue. This was madness. At this rate, I was going to shrivel up and die. My inner self screamed at me to beg her to call it a day and come back next time, but just as I was about to open my mouth, Sylvia spoke, her face absolutely glowing with pure joy.
"I'm having so much fun today. Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to go clothes shopping with a friend like this. Today, my dream finally came true. Thank you so much for coming with me, Scarlet."
Ah... Ah...
The moment I saw Sylvia's radiant smile as she talked about how happy she was, even my inner self—which had been screaming that this was madness—lost its voice and quietly changed its tune. Hey, she's so happy. You can't rain on her parade now. Let's just sacrifice ourselves a little longer... Swallowing my tears, I nodded and forced a smile.
"I'm... I'm having fun hanging out with you too, Sylvia..."
"Really? Oh, thank goodness! Your expression looked a bit strained earlier, so I was worried I was the only one enjoying myself... Well then, let's hurry to the next store! Go on, try this on quickly!"
Sylvia cheered, her voice bubbling with excitement. I was the one who promised to accompany her shopping. This was a karma of my own making. Resigning myself to my fate, I meekly followed her instructions to go change.
Several hours passed after that. The events that transpired during those hours left me thoroughly, utterly exhausted in more ways than one.
I had always believed that clothes just needed to be cheap and durable, so in my past life, I only wore clearance items from the local market. Seeing price tags that easily exceeded my monthly living expenses made my ordinary, working-class heart palpitate. When I asked if it wasn't too expensive, Sylvia casually replied that she could buy the entire store if she wanted to, which only made me feel smaller...
But of course, the absolute worst part of the day was what happened at the women's lingerie shop...
Just stepping foot into the store had me shrinking back in sheer embarrassment. Then, a pretty sales associate approached and asked for my bra size. How on earth was I supposed to know that? I had just been wearing whatever was already in Scarlet's wardrobe. And I bitterly, deeply regretted not knowing my size. If only I had known, I wouldn't have had my chest thoroughly violated by that lady under the guise of "taking measurements"... And by that, I mean she literally slid her hands up under my shirt.
That was... a truly, deeply traumatic shock to my system. I had always assumed that measuring sizes involved a tape measure... Who knew that pretty lady was a breast expert who could effortlessly determine a cup size just by squeezing?
Anyway, after enduring comments about how I was "surprisingly well-endowed" and pushing the absolute limits of my shame, I reached a state of total mental detachment. Uwah, I just want to go home and rest...
Having completely burned through my mental stamina, I dragged my feet behind Sylvia like a hollow shell. Noticing my state, Sylvia asked in a worried voice, "Um, Scarlet? Would you like to rest for a bit? You look really exhausted..."
"...Yes, please... just a little bit..."
"Then go ahead and sit over there. I'll take a quick look around some other shops by myself."
At her suggestion, I trudged over to a nearby bench and collapsed onto it. Just looking at clothes was starting to make me feel motion sick, yet Sylvia seemed completely tireless. As I sat there wallowing, I suddenly felt someone wrap their arms tightly around me from the side.
Lacking the energy to even react, I slowly rolled my eyes to look. A pink twin-tailed girl was grinning back at me, showing off her teeth with a cheerful "Hehe!" It was Flone Dolos, one of the heroine candidates from Class 1-B. What was she doing here?
As I stared blankly at her without a word, someone grabbed Flone by the scruff of her neck and pulled her away from me.
"...Flone, I told you it's rude to just cling to people like that."
The one who pulled Flone away with an incredibly exhausted voice was Marin Eloise, the class president of Class 1-B. She sat down next to me, pulled Flone onto her lap, and offered me a weary greeting.
"...You're Scarlet Evande from Class 1-A, right? It's been a while."
"...It has. What brings you two here?"
At my question, Flone, sitting on Marin's lap, chirped loudly, "Marin's mom asked Flone to help pick out some pretty clothes for Marin!"
"Sigh, Flone. I told you, clothes just need to be neat and tidy..."
"No way! Marin is so pretty, it's a waste not to dress up!"
Just as Flone said, Marin possessed stunning looks befitting one of the original novel's heroine candidates. Despite her plain attire, her deep sea-blue hair and sky-blue eyes were striking enough to make passing men turn their heads. Of course, Marin's insistence that clothes only needed to be neat clearly masked a desperate desire to just go home. Feeling a deep sense of kinship, I quietly muttered to her,
"...Honestly, as long as clothes are cheap and durable, that's all that matters."
"...Are you in the same boat?"
When I nodded in response to her unspoken question of whether I had been dragged out here against my will, I felt her gaze soften with deep sympathy. Ah, a kindred spirit. As we sat there radiating a shared aura of "I hate shopping," Flone, clearly displeased by our defeatist attitude, began squirming on Marin's lap.
"Marin! We have to go look at more clothes! Your mom specifically asked Flone to pick out lots of pretty outfits for your blind date today!"
"We've already walked around forever and tried on so many things. I'm exhausted, I need to rest..."
"Ugh, you're so smart, Marin, but you don't care about this stuff at all! Fine! Flone will go pick out the clothes, so you just rest here!"
With that shout, Flone hopped off Marin's lap and dashed away. In the original novel, it was usually Marin taking care of the troublemaking Flone, so seeing this dynamic was quite refreshing. But wait, a blind date? Intrigued by the highly curious word, I couldn't help but glance at Marin. Meeting my gaze, she let out a heavy sigh.
"Sigh, you're curious, aren't you? Since I mentioned a blind date."
"...Well, a little bit?"
"I wouldn't tell just anyone, but I feel like I should tell you."
With another deep sigh, Marin began to explain. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you who my parents are, right? They're both incredibly famous Heroes."
Her last name was Eloise. Just like Leonor's father, Leon Lionil, her parents, Natalia Eloise and Lucas Eloise, were legendary Heroes counted among the top five in the world. As a side note, they were also famous for having a shotgun wedding back in their academy days. When I nodded, Marin sighed and continued.
"My dad is fine, but my mom is a bit... unique. Maybe because she had a shotgun wedding herself, she constantly tells me that the earlier you get married, the better. She's always nagging me about when I'm going to start dating. Isn't it ridiculous? What business does a Hero have dating? We barely have enough time to train as it is."
I nodded blankly, wondering if it was really okay for me to be hearing such personal family details, but Marin seemed eager to vent and kept going.
"Anyway, this time, my mom claimed she found prime husband material that I absolutely cannot let slip away, and suddenly ordered me to go on a blind date! I never even said I wanted to! It's so absurd, right? But do you know what's even more ridiculous?"
When I shook my head, she burst out,
"The blind date partner is Yoon Siwoo, the guy who just became a Hero! The one from Class 1-A! I'm sure my mom used her status to pressure him into meeting me just once. If I had known beforehand, I would have stopped her... But she already set up the appointment and told me to just go meet him, so I have no choice. It's so embarrassing... There's no way a guy like him would ever be interested in me anyway."
Oh, a blind date with Yoon Siwoo... Since Marin was also a heroine candidate, there was definitely a chance things could go well. I wondered why she lacked so much confidence. Thinking this, I said to her,
"Why are you so insecure? Yoon Siwoo is a guy too. With your looks, Marin, you'd easily sweep him off his feet."
Marin stared at me with a bizarre expression.
"...Are you being serious right now? That guy practically radiates the fact that he's head over heels for someone."
I gasped in shock.
"Yoon Siwoo has someone he likes?!"
Someone he likes? Who? Sylvia? Marin? Flone? Leonor? Or... could it be Professor Eve?! Or maybe someone he met outside the Academy? As I mentally listed the names of all the heroine candidates, wondering who on earth it could be, Marin looked at me and asked,
"...Just to be absolutely sure, do you really not know?"
Damn, I don't have a single clue. When I nodded, she stared at me as if looking at some rare, exotic creature and muttered,
"Wow... People like you actually exist in real life..."
I tilted my head at her incomprehensible words. Marin remained quiet for a moment, then nodded to herself. "Well, I'd rather not meddle in other people's love lives, so I won't say anything more... But yeah, I get it now."
I nodded back. I didn't quite understand, but the bottom line was that Marin was going on a blind date with Yoon Siwoo, right? I pumped my fists in the air to cheer her on.
"Good luck on your blind date!"
"Yeah, yeah, thanks. I'll handle the date myself, so don't worry about it."
While we were talking, I saw Sylvia stepping out of a store in the distance. Spotting me on the bench, she waved her hand and called out,
"Scarlet! If you've rested enough, let's get moving again!"
Ah... Ah... Talking to Marin had made me temporarily forget why I was here in the first place...
Rising from the bench, I trudged toward Sylvia like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse. And then, Sylvia and I shopped like crazy.