Four Days

Who am I? A clueless thick-skulled Eldmia.

And here...ah, fuck.

Even after I'd sat there in the living room for a good while, reeling from the shock of it all, Ragnis didn't call for me. On top of that, a sudden wave of exhaustion hit, so I just dragged myself back to my room and sprawled out on the bed.

I had to admit it. I was fucking clueless. That bastard Zeke and his crew were right.

I wasn't stupid enough to miss what she meant by telling me to look around, especially after Esmue had pulled that stunt right after talking with Ragnis.

At the same time, I couldn't help but throw the question back at myself.

"Did I really not know, or was I just running away, using the excuse that I'm a guy who could die any day now?"

I buried my head in the pillow and fired off the question, but the one who had to answer—Eldmia—couldn't say a damn thing.

If it's the first one, I'm a moron. If it's the second, I'm a cowardly bastard. What was my plan—finish my revenge, come back alive and well, and then somehow make it work? That's top-tier stringing-people-along, right there.

But the fact that it seemed like I wasn't a moron, just a cowardly bastard, made me feel utterly pathetic.

"Fuuuuuck. Skipping out without permission wasn't even the real problem."

In the end, feeling like I wanted to kick the blankets in shame, I grabbed my face and flailed my legs in the air, thrashing around to look away from the wave of humiliation crashing over me.

Yeah. When I was a kid, before the village burned, maybe I did imagine that kind of thing. I was a modern Earthling who only ever saw fantasy worlds in books, and this place was a fantasy world through and through.

If I could reunite with the mage who said she'd come back and learn magic, then since I'd landed in another world anyway, I'd wanted to adventure, meet women, and spend some effort on things I actually wanted—to enjoy life a little, unlike my previous life, where I'd worked for stability and died anyway.

It was also true that after all that got blown to hell in the form of the Demon King's Army attack, I became someone with a slightly twisted disposition. The way I was always saying I could die any day, yet I kept picking jobs that were practically suicide, that kind of thing.

"Hah...the worrying isn't what's important right now."

You can't pick up spilled water, but at the very least, you might be able to right a cup that's still gushing water. I had to at least try, even if I had no idea whether it would work or not.

I dragged myself out of the bed I didn't want to leave and moved my feet to knock on the door to Ragnis's room.

Guts once said there was no paradise waiting for you in the place you ran away to.

"Ragnis. You ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠got a minute?"

"...Come in."

But fuck, I really fucking wanted to run.

Even so, I forced myself to open the door and go in. There was Ragnis, looking like she hadn't moved a single step since talking with Esmue. She was even holding a teacup with a thin ring formed inside, like she hadn't taken a single sip.

"I guess the princess said something to you on her way out?"

"Yeah. She did."

"And the fact you still came here means you've got no intention of pretending you don't know?"

Ragnis's voice and energy had sunk low, but her question cut straight in.

"Well...I...was pretty clueless..."

"You were. Sit down, first."

She placed the teacup on the table, seeming to have no intention of drinking from it, and I awkwardly walked over and sat down across from her. She already seemed to know why I'd come, which made it unnecessarily hard to bring it up.

But since enduring the silence was even more unbearable, I somehow managed to break the ice.

"So...since when...?"

"Do I have to say it with my own mouth?"

"......Sorry."

Shot down the second I opened my mouth. I mean, wasn't that an unblockable opener? What's worse, even after I said sorry, I was terrified she'd follow up with a combo of 'What exactly are you sorry for?'

"From the first time you saved me."

That's a long time...! That's heavy...!

I'd almost prefer the combo. It was so heavy I couldn't even complain about her deliberately putting me on the spot before speaking!

"Why are you so fidgety? Trying to figure out how to reject me?"

"No, it's just. I'm genuinely happy about it, really, but you know as well as I do, I'm not the kind of guy who can stretch out and sleep easy until I've killed the Demonfolk bastards who wiped out my village. I could die any day, you know..."

"If I don't care that you might die, will you accept me?"

Of course that question came back at me. Naturally. She'd endured for years; there was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠no way she'd just turn on a dime at a single 'I could die any day.'

My mouth honestly felt bone-dry. It wasn't like I'd cheated or committed a crime, but I was so fucking sorry I could barely stand it.

"I know this is going to sound like an excuse..."

"That you don't really get it because you've never once had romantic feelings for any of the women around you?"

"I at least want to say the excuse with my own mouth..."

Please...! For my sake, just let me say ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it with my own damn mouth...! Why do you already know everything...!

But Ragnis pressed on mercilessly.

"So, up until now you had no thoughts about it, and what happened today made you suddenly snap awake?"

"...That's right."

"And it's not that you dislike me."

"I wouldn't go out of my way to help or save someone I disliked..."

Ragnis, who'd been sitting quietly, abruptly stood up, walked over to me, and as if it were the most natural thing in the world, sat right down on my lap and looked at me.

It was definitely the sort of physical affection we'd shared often before, but now that I was conscious of it, it was damn embarrassing.

"Pft."

The moment she saw me not knowing what to do, Ragnis burst out laughing and hugged me quietly, saying,

"Up until now, you never reacted at all when I clung to you like this."

"Well, it's just, now that I'm aware of it, it's incredibly embarrassing, or I guess I can't not react..."

When I just saw her as a little kid, maybe not, but now that I was aware a full-grown beautiful girl was making eye contact with me, my heart was honestly pounding. How the hell had I ever been fine with this?

"That's enough."

"Huh?"

"What scared me the most was the idea that even after I went this far, you'd look at me with no reaction at all, or with a bitter look."

Only then did I notice that her body was trembling. But even patting her back felt difficult for the thoroughly deflated, utterly clueless Eldmia I was now.

"The princess said it. That she'd absolutely never let you go."

"Ah...er...mm."

I couldn't very well blurt out something as clueless as, 'So is that why she kissed me before she left?' More importantly, how the hell was I supposed to deal with them now? I was going to lose my mind. Seriously.

"Do you know why I work so hard at learning magic?"

"Uh... because you have a talent for it...? And you've been Sir Radnelbandes's student for a while now, right?"

Even as I thought it was a question out of nowhere, I voiced the first reasons that came to mind.

"I never said it, but I didn't really like magic. I wanted to take up a sword and go fight like my father."

I felt the tension drain from her body, which had been just as on edge as mine. For whatever reason, the person in question seemed to have gained a little composure, but my heart was still in bad shape over the situation, and she showed no sign of getting off me.

"I started working hard after I returned to the capital. Of course, throwing away a talent you possess after going through something like that is stupid, but there was another, bigger reason."

"Something tells me that reason isn't a particularly pleasant one..."

"Your revenge. I'm going to help, too."

The moment I tried to say something, her arms wrapped around my neck tightened with a squeeze, and I had no choice but to shut my mouth.

"Don't say anything else. I've decided. No matter what happens, I absolutely won't let you die. If you're going to die, I'd rather die with you."

"That's way too scary, you know."

"That's just how the saying goes. I don't plan on dying either."

Having put her full strength into finishing the hug, Ragnis pulled her body away and met my eyes.

She was unfamiliar. In that brief moment, the kid I was used to with her red hair and freckles had turned into a woman with a completely different feeling. Overwhelmed by just that, I realized I could no longer argue against the decision she had made.

"You ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠know what the princess said? She left talking like she was already the first wife. She made it sound like she'd win anyway and was asking whether I planned to keep moping around like this."

"...Seriously?"

"...Actually, it felt a little like encouragement. Though I don't know why she'd give such weird encouragement."

Perhaps even Ragnis felt guilty about how she'd put it; she immediately admitted the truth and finally let go of me.

"It's annoying, but she wasn't wrong. So I have to accept it."

"...Can I ask what she said?"

"No. You can't. Now go get some sleep or something. I'm tired today, too, so I want to sleep early."

Ragnis took my hand, pulled me to my feet, and shooed me out of the room. Of course, the touch of her hand was gentle beyond words, so the expression 'shooed' didn't quite fit, but anyway, I was forced to leave the room.

"Don't even think about leaving my side tomorrow. Even if I have to have the princess tagging along with us, I'm not letting you go."

"Uh...yeah."

"Well, goodnight."

With a smile that seemed to emphasize she wasn't the least bit angry, she quietly closed the door. I was so exhausted myself I could barely think anymore, so I just went straight back to my room and tried to sleep.

◈

Morning came, along with a desperate prayer that it would be better if it never came.

That's right. I hadn't slept a proper wink. My mind was defeated, my body was defeated, and my prayer went unanswered.

"Why do your eyes look so hollow?"

"Couldn't sleep..."

Unlike me, Ragnis wasn't just her usual self; she actually looked somewhat relieved. I guess now that she'd made something like a confession, her intentions were clear? Still, it was better than seeing her bite her nails or look like she'd lost her country.

"Doesn't mean I'll go easy on you."

"Right..."

In the end, I barely choked down some breakfast and got on the carriage, intending to sit across from her, but Ragnis, as if it were the most natural thing, patted the seat next to her and said,

"Where are you going? Sit over here."

"Eh..."

I wanted to say something, but pressured by her silent, insistent patting, I moved seats. Then her hand guided my head down onto her lap.

"I like that you're not resisting. Means you don't hate it, right?"

"No, like I said yesterday, if I hated you, would I have saved you..."

"Be quiet and try to sleep a bit. I'll wake you when we're about to arrive."

Saying that, Ragnis told the coachman to go slowly, drew the curtain on the window, and began stroking my head.

If we went slowly, it'd take about twenty minutes. Of course, if I fell asleep, that's enough time for a nap, but was it even possible to comfortably fall asleep in this state after what happened yesterday?

Amazingly, it worked. In less than a minute, I was asleep as if someone had knocked me unconscious.